CHAPTER 13 – JOY

It had been a mild, dry autumn, the sort that the villagers inexplicably described as an Indian summer. My black despair had passed but, without Harry, time continued its dismal trudge. I performed my tasks dutifully and without enthusiasm, and that evening sat in a secluded place by the river that trapped the evening sun and the silence. Settling myself on a springy bed of clover, I opened one of my medical books. I’d already memorised every detail that would be useful in every warfare scenario Helen had envisioned – she had a pretty vivid imagination – and had progressed to reading other chapters. But filling my head with new knowledge couldn’t fill the aching void that Harry had left. I hadn’t known pain like this before and time refused to heal it.

For a while Mum and Dad had been concerned, almost penitent, but it hadn’t lasted, and yet again I’d been pushed into the background, both of them too busy with their separate preoccupations. Adam didn’t help either. Why, after seven months, did my baby brother’s presence in our family still feel like an intrusion? Things were getting worse between Mum and Dad too, the rows almost daily. I’d refused to take sides on the latest fight – the Peter Question. Trouble was, I could see both sides. I thought Mum had reached a fair compromise. She had to be seen as a leader untarnished by emotion. But my jaw tightened every time I saw that vile man, which luckily wasn’t often.

But that night came the mother of all rows. At the sound of sobbing, I tiptoed to Scott’s room.

“What’s up, Scotty?”

“Mum and Dad. They’re going to split up, aren’t they?”

“Hey, don’t be silly. Dad’s got a lot on his mind at the moment. You know he gets grumpy when he’s busy.”

“But they never stop arguing these days. I’m scared.”

It sounded like the usual subject, Peter. But there was something new, something I couldn’t catch. Elsie’s name was mentioned and then Dad roared, “You got us into this mess, you get us out of it. Prove he bloody well did it. If I see him I’ll kill him, and then everything’s ruined. I’m leaving first thing tomorrow, and I’m not coming back until this is fixed.”

My mind struggled to process this information. Had Peter given Elsie the Mark? Euww, that was disgusting. But who else could it be? Elsie had been hanging about the dairy a lot lately. So was Dad running away from it? Leaving Mum to handle it on her own – that wasn’t like him at all.

The following morning, on my way to collect our loaf of bread, I heard Margaret’s whiney voice inside the bakery. At the sound of Mum’s name I paused to listen – Matt’s mum was always moaning about something. I knew something that could get rid of that sanctimonious sneer. Then I caught the end of what she was saying.

“ – thinks she’s better than the rest of us. Why on earth did Daniel choose her as leader? Well she can wipe that smug smile off her face now. I always said there was something suspect about that man. I’d heard that their marriage was in trouble. Thought it was young Helen he was sniffing after – they go out together every day, you know – but to stoop that low.”

She stopped talking the minute I walked through the door. The others in the shop gave me a look of what could only be described as pity. Even worse, when I left the bakery, Beth crossed the road a few metres ahead and continued in the direction of the farm without acknowledging me. What was she playing at? I knew I hadn’t been out as much as I used to, but she’d seen me; I was sure of it.

“Hey, Beth!” I ran to catch her up.

“Oh, hey, didn’t see you.” Beth looked everywhere but at me.

“Is there some new piece of village gossip I don’t know?”

“You mean your mum and dad haven’t said anything?”

“No. They were rowing last night but that’s nothing new these days.”

“Well, Elsie’s got the Mark, and it was your dad that gave it to her.”

I was going to be sick. To be sick and then die. I leant against the wall and took a deep breath, trying to make sense of it, but the words refused to sink in. I sprinted home, to find Mum in the kitchen.

“M-mum, why didn’t you tell me?” I stammered.

“Tell you what?” Mum was never a good liar.

“About Dad and Elsie. It’s not true, is it?”

“What have you heard?” Mum gripped my wrists with such savagery that I flinched.

“Beth said that Dad gave her the Mark. I think everyone knows.”

“That bloody woman! I told her not to let Elsie out. I have to get that idiot girl to tell the truth.” With that, Mum stormed out of the house.

“I don’t get it, Joy,” Scott said.

“Neither do I, Scotty. The world’s gone mad. You’ve been picking tomatoes up by the dairy, haven’t you? What’s Elsie been up to?”

Scott giggled and made the noise of a grunting pig.

“What’s that?”

“Peter and Elsie.”

“You mean you saw them together and he was making a noise like that?”

“Yeah. He had his trousers down and was doing this.” Scott thrusted his hips forwards and back. “It was really funny.”

“Who else knows about this?

“Just Ian.”

I sighed. It made perfect sense. Peter would try and pin it on someone else, and what better way than to settle old scores with Dad? But I didn’t exactly have reliable witnesses. Two children, one my brother, the other Peter’s great-nephew, who would no doubt change his story as soon as he was questioned. Think, Joy, think. How could I confront that ape of a man? Then I smiled. I had something he didn’t: the weapon of intellect. I strode to the dairy, an idea unfolding in my brain. Walking past the field, I waved at Matt, but he didn’t appear to have seen me. A sob caught in my throat. Matt too? Were people so willing to believe this of Dad? I heard footsteps approaching behind me but remained focussed on the path ahead. I wouldn’t speak to anyone. The whole lot of them could rot in hell. But then the pace slowed to match mine and a warm voice said, “Hey, Joy. I never see you these days.”

“Ryan.” I gave him half a smile. “Heard the rumours about my dad?”

“Yeah, I wanted to check you were OK. What surprises me is that anyone believes it. Elsie tries to go with every man she meets and there’s plenty with the Mark.”

My voice lowered. “I know who did this. Peter.”

“Huh, yeah, that figures. I can’t stand him. But you’ll have a hard time proving it. He’s related to half the village, isn’t he?”

“I’ve got a plan; I’m about to confront him.” I told Ryan what I intended to do.

“Clever, that could work. But you shouldn’t be on your own with him. Your dad said you mustn’t go near – ”

“Even Peter wouldn’t be stupid enough to try anything with me.”

“It’s too risky. What if he threatens you physically? He’s a big guy. I’ll come with you.”

I was about to comment that Ryan wouldn’t be much help in a fight with Peter – he must be about half his weight – but it might be tactless to point this out. “Thanks, Ryan, but the only way my plan can work is if he thinks our conversation is confidential. Anyway, what’s he going to do in the dairy, when anyone could walk in or out? Remember, he’s still on trial. One complaint and he’s out of the community.”

“I’m not sure his mind works so logically. I’m about to start fixing the fence by the pigpen. If he frightens you, scream. I’ll hear.” Ryan drew himself up to his full two-metre height, but still looked as though a gust of wind would blow him over.

I strode into the dairy where Craig was stirring a vat of curds.

“Craig, your mum needs you at home now,” I said.

Craig frowned and left.

Peter leered. “Well, if it isn’t the little princess. I’m honoured.”

I took a deep breath. “I’ve been talking to my friend, Elsie.”

“Oh yeah?” He scratched his nose. “I’ve heard she’s a friend of the family.”

“Funny. My sides are splitting. She told me all about you and her. As did my little brother and his friend, who heard you together. Oh, don’t get angry with Elsie. She’s fulfilled her part of the bargain. She told everyone it was my dad. But there’s another problem, one she hasn’t told anyone except me. She’s pregnant.”

Peter’s red cheeks faded to pink. “You can’t believe a word that girl says.”

“Yeah, that’s the fatal flaw in your plan, isn’t it? Her word can’t be trusted. Except there’s one thing that’ll give you away. Wonder what colour the baby’s hair will be?”

His eyebrows shot up. Ah, I’d got him. Ice cool, Joy.

“You and my dad are so different in colouring, I don’t think there’ll be any need for a paternity test, though I have a contact in the Citidome that can do that if necessary.”

“You’re making it up.”

“No, I’m not, but I want to help you. Don’t look so surprised. My motivations are entirely selfish. My dad’s going to kill you when he hears about this, and I don’t want him to be a murderer, so I’ve got a proposition for you. See Elsie and tell her to take back her lies about my dad. Then leave the village, now. Go back to where you’ve been for the last sixteen years, and I’ll arrange for Elsie to have an abortion. I know how; I’ve been studying medicine with Helen. There’ll be no scandal, no disgrace. No-one will ever know the truth.”

For a moment, Peter didn’t speak, his hand cradling his chin as if considering his options. When he did speak, it was with a movement so fast that it took me unawares.

“You little bitch.” He darted forwards and with his foot, took my legs from under me. Before I was able to scream, he was on top of me. He clamped his filthy great paw of a hand over my mouth, the other tore my top in two, revealing my bra. “Let’s see if you’ll give me what your bloody mother wouldn’t.”

He pinned me to the ground, his foul breath warm against me. His weight was suffocating me. His lips came down on mine. I squeezed them shut, terrified to move, breathe, even exist in this moment. My stomach was rising, stuffing itself into my throat. Then I heard a voice.

“Let her go, you bastard.” Ryan appeared, brandishing a hammer.

“Huh, and what are you going to do about it, Citidome boy? Think you can take me on, do you? One move and your girlfriend’s dead.”

He placed his other huge hand around my throat, his fingers rough against my skin. My mind flailed. If I could free one of my arms … it was trapped under Peter’s weight. I wriggled under him, freed the arm and clawed at his face. He yelped, tightened his grip, squeezing, constricting, crushing my windpipe. I couldn’t breathe! My terrified eyes met his pale blue ones. He was bluffing, surely. He wouldn’t risk harming me. Oh, who was I kidding? That had been the weakness in my plan, hadn’t it? Believing that this monster was capable of reason.

“Right, boy. Turn round and get your skinny Citidome ass out of my sight, or you’re next,” said Peter.

For what seemed an infinite time but could only have been thirty seconds, none of us moved, as if a scene in a movie had been paused. I closed my eyes. Think, Joy, think! My thoughts were taken away by a sickening crunch. The pressure released around my throat and Peter’s body relaxed on top of mine. Then the weight was gone and I sat upright, taking great gulps of air, clutching at my throat. Ryan pulled me to my feet and into his arms. I placed my arms around his back, feeling the sharp angles of his shoulder blades through his woollen sweater. When we pulled apart, Peter lay motionless, a pool of dark blood oozing from his head.

“What have we done?” I was the first to speak.

“Come on, we have to get out of here.”

“B-but.” The floor was tilting. I staggered. Ryan lifted me into his arms.

“Let’s find a place to think.”

He carried me outside and I drank in the air, desperate to free my lungs of the stench of curdled milk and Peter’s breath. We continued to the summit of the wild meadows at Longstone Edge, where the wind grumbled across the exposed ridge. Here a patchwork of purple clumps of heather and grasses stretched away on either side.

“Sorry, I’m not perfectly cast in the hero role,” Ryan said. “I can’t carry you any further.”

He set me to my feet. Realising with horror that my top was gaping open, I crossed my arms around my chest. But he appeared not to have noticed. He crouched on his heels and buried his face in his hands.

“What have I done?” he said.

“Saved me.” I knelt beside him and put an arm on his shoulder. “Hey, you’re shaking.” This was an understatement. Ryan’s body was convulsing. “We’re in this together, Ryan.”

His eyes met mine then he crouched lower, allowing his head to lean on my shoulder. I stroked his hair – so fine and straight – until his shaking subsided, and only at that point did I realise that I was trembling too. Then a familiar dog bounded up to me, the remains of a rabbit in his mouth. It was almost as if Harry had seen us together and sent Milo to part us. No, Harry’s with Caroline, I reminded myself.

“Hey, Milo,” I said. “This is Scott’s pet, or semi-pet. He takes off every morning but comes back to his shelter every night.”

“Hey, boy,” Ryan said, and scratched Milo behind the ear.

“He likes you. You’re privileged.”

We smiled at each other, the tension momentarily diffused.

“Let’s keep walking away from the village until we decide what to do.” I stood up.

“You should go back. It’s me who’s the m-murderer.”

“We don’t know he was dead.”

“Whatever, I don’t think I’ll be flavour of the month, do you?”

“I hope he is dead,” I growled. “He’s evil. But they don’t know it was us.”

“How long do you think they’ll take to work it out? Besides, I didn’t pick up the hammer. It’s still lying next to his body.”

“Oh shit.”

“Exactly.”

“I started the whole thing. We stand together on this.”

“No, I can’t go back. And I’ve been thinking for a while; I don’t fit in the village. I know what’s planned for me. Beth’s a nice girl, but marrying her and having a houseful of brats in a few years’ time? That’s not how I envisaged my life.”

“Can’t say I blame you. I love Beth, but a houseful of brats is the limit of her ambition.” I smiled. “But how did you envisage your life? I know you once told me you didn’t fit in the Citidomes but surely it wasn’t that bad?”

“Most people want to escape for one of four reasons: attachment, because they’ve got the Mark, the search for the truth, and the fear of oppression. For me it was the last two. Can you imagine what it’s like to live in constant fear of being arrested for saying the wrong thing? I’d started studying at an academic centre, met some guys who introduced me to Doodlebugs, and that was it. I knew I had to get out.”

“I understand.” I told him about Mum’s journal.

“It’s worse than that now. Your dad wouldn’t have got away with any of the things he said. Citizens get arrested at the slightest suspicion of subversive thinking.” He sighed. “I’ll try and find a different community. One full of girls who find me attractive.” He gave a weak smile.

“It’s not that easy to move to a different community these days. They’ll want to know where you came from. Then they’ll probably contact Mum to find out why you’ve left.”

“Think your mum’s going to understand what I did, don’t you? It’s the others, Peter’s family, that worry me.” He grabbed my hand. “Come with me, Joy. It’s obvious that you’re not happy there either.”

“I can’t,” I muttered, then my thoughts turned to Beth crossing the road and Matt ignoring me. When was the last time I was happy there? I couldn’t remember. “But I have to get away from there for a few days. I feel like I’ll burst if I don’t.”

I took in our surroundings then changed direction, striding with new purpose.

“Come on; I know where we’ll go,” I said.

“Where?”

“We’ll head west to Macclesfield. There’s a lot of empty houses there, and it’s the most used stretch of canal. Then we can wait for the next boat.”

“To see your forbidden lover?” His lip curled. “Why would I do that?”

“You can visit a few communities with him; see which one takes your fancy. Besides, we’re not together any more, but I need to talk to him. He’s seeing someone else and I need to know why. She’ll be there on the boat.”

“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” His voice softened. “What if they’re besotted with each other? Do you really want to see that?”

“I’ve been thinking for a while of confronting him but I’m scared to. But with you … sorry, Ryan, it’s a terrible idea. I’d be using you.”

“No, let’s do it, if it’s that important to you.” His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down in his skinny neck. “I have to admit, I liked Harry. You and him seemed well-matched.”

“Why are you so good to me?” My top caught in the wind and blew off my shoulders. I tightened my grip around it. “Maybe I should go to the Citidome dump and find something else to wear.”

“Bit of a risk in the daylight. Besides, you always look good to me.” That smile again. It transformed his face.

“Why me? I’m hardly your physical type. I’m the shortest adult in the village and you’re the tallest.”

“It’s the way you talk. It’s hard to believe you’re only sixteen; you don’t talk like any sixteen year-old in the Citidome. I’ve never met anyone like you. Matt and Beth are fun but they never have anything memorable or original to say. You’re unique, Joy. And your face – it’s perfect. It’s the sort of face you want to see every day, to remind yourself that there’s beauty and goodness in the world. As for the other side of it … to be honest, sexual attraction isn’t a driving force in my life.” He grinned. “Matt talks about it all the time, but I guess I was in the Citidome too long. Not that I wouldn’t mind trying it out some time. But if I did, the only person I can imagine being with is you.”

His words gave me a shiver; his blue eyes softened with the love in them. Pull yourself together, Joy. I changed the subject.

“We’re nearly at the main road. If we keep walking that way we’ll reach Macclesfield by sundown. Tell me more about yourself. Why do you never talk about your escape? I heard it was a big success.”

“Yeah, that’s how it was reported, wasn’t it? Only one casualty but no-one remembers what happened to that one, like he’s unimportant. I remember, all right. We hit the guard on the head then ran to where a few people were waiting with TravelPods and horses. Me and my friend Han were the last to get away. A guy was helping us mount the horse when a CE came running out of the Dome. They shot at us and Han yelled. We got away, Han with his hand pressed against his left side. And all the time we were riding, Han was howling like an animal.”

He paused and took a deep breath.

“When we stopped, well, I’ve never seen anything like it. The shot had taken about ten centimetres of his skin and flesh away. His guts were hanging out of his body cavity, spilling into his hands. When he saw it, the guy on the horse, the one who was meant to be rescuing us, shot him. Afterwards he told me it was the kindest thing; he would never have recovered. Great success, huh?”

I shivered.

He stopped and turned to face me.

“Is it worth it, Joy? Is human life so cheap? After that, I wanted to make my life exceptional, to vindicate Han’s death, but what use am I out here? I’m no use on the farm. And now look at me. I’ve taken a life myself.”

“Your life can still be exceptional. It’s more than the work you do; it’s the impact you have on people’s lives. You’ve been a good friend to me, to Beth, to Matt. You’ve been a surrogate son to Daisy. And what you did to Peter – it was the bravest thing I ever saw. You saved me from being –” I stopped, unable to say the word.

“You’re an incredible person, Joy. Harry’s a bloody fool.”

He lowered his face to mine, and I gave way to impulse. At this moment someone loved me, someone wanted me and was in need of comfort. And if his lips felt wrong on mine, if my body didn’t soften in his arms the way it had with Harry, I pushed the thought to the back of my mind.

And that was why neither of us heard the silent approach of the TravelPod.

Then a jolt made my knees go loose and the next thing I saw was the steely eyes of what could only be a CE.