CHAPTER 17 – JOY

“That’s your bed. When you hear the bell, it’s time to get up,” an unsmiling woman said.

I screwed up my eyes and saw row upon row of identical beds, each almost touching the other. The entire room must sleep around fifty people. How was I expected to sleep in such close proximity to others? Even worse; the room wasn’t completely dark, low intensity lighting emanating from the ceiling. My bladder was by now bursting.

“Where’s the toilet?” I asked.

“Turn left outside; first on the right. Hang on; you need authorisation.” She scanned my fingerprint onto something that looked like Dad’s DataBand.

I located the room and pressed my finger to the black pad by the door. So only certain doors would open? Once inside I gasped. A gleaming white tiled bathroom lay in front of me. I’d never seen such a clean, shiny room. Then I glanced at a long passageway, one wall of which was studded with showerheads, nothing dividing them. Ugh. Not only would I have to sleep with strangers but it appeared I’d have to shower in front of them too. At least the toilet cubicles had doors. I entered one that contained a toilet, but it was like no toilet I’d ever seen before. It contained water! It was odourless! Once I got up, I jumped. Water was flushing through the ceramic bowl.

I returned to the room of beds and saw Aki and Ryan already lying down.

“You OK, Ryan?” I whispered.

He turned to face me, and proffered his hand. I took it.

“Bet you liked the toilet.” He grinned.

“Amazing! But you could have warned me about the water flushing through. Scared me half to death.”

He laughed. “We’ll get through this,” he whispered.

The door opened, and the woman returned.

“No talking,” she said. Her hard stare told me that the consequences of disobeying would be dire, so I sat on the empty bed. A white top and pants were folded on the pillow. Scrambling out of my bodysuit, I put them on. Hmm, nice soft fabric. I lay down. There were no covers, not that I needed any; the room was warm. But the mattress was so thin I could feel the metal slats of the bed beneath. Without the comforting weight of blankets and under the distraction of the light and my turbulent thoughts, I found sleep impossible. Was this my future?

A loud bell interrupted my thoughts. I rose and saw that everyone in the room was stirring, their actions mechanical. All had bald heads so prisoners must be shaved regularly. The thought was depressing.

“Hey, newcomers,” said a young woman. “Follow me; I’ll show you the ropes. Bathroom first.”

The woman shed her pyjamas and stood naked in front of me. I winced – the woman’s ribs were visible and her breasts no bigger than bee stings. To my horror, Aki and Ryan had also taken their clothes off. I cast my eyes downwards. Did no one have any shame around here? I’d only ever seen one naked man before – the memory brought a smile – and he’d been the only person to see me.

“Do I have to strip off in front of everyone?” I muttered.

“Of course you do, doofus. What’s wrong with you?” she said.

“Just do it. It’s normal behaviour here,” Ryan whispered.

I shed the garments quickly, folding my arms across my breasts, which a glance around had confirmed were larger than any of the other women’s. I cast my eyes downwards. How much more degradation could I stand?

Despite the lack of privacy, the delicious hot shower lifted my spirits, and when I returned to my bed, I was pleased to see a clean blue bodysuit, but breakfast made them sink once more. At least talking seemed to be permitted.

“What is this?” I asked Ryan, frowning at the food in front of me, which had the texture of plastic and little flavour.

“Protibacon.” Ryan grimaced. “No-one eats meat in the Citidomes.”

“Where exactly are you from?” asked the girl sitting opposite me.

“Outside,” Joy said. “I was born there.”

“Veez, you’re kidding!” she hissed. “How did you end up here?”

Several heads turned towards mine and for the rest of breakfast I was deluged with questions about my life. At least I’d be popular. Ryan put his finger to his lips. Of course, he was right. Trust no-one. I kept details to a minimum. But what happened next? As people finished their breakfast they returned their trays to a hatch then pressed their fingers to an array of pads on a wall.

“That tells you your work for the day,” someone explained. “You’ll then get a number; that’s the number of your transportation. Woow, you’re short, aren’t you? Roll up the legs of your pants; you’ll trip up otherwise. Come on, I’ll show you.”

I pressed my finger to the pad and the words Water Treatment, 12 appeared on the screen.

“Bad luck, that’s a shitty job.” A guy laughed as if he’d told a joke.

“What did you get?” I asked Ryan.

“Laundry, five,” he said, his voice leaden.

“That’s one of the worst ones: steaming and chemicleaning clothes, then packing them for redelivery. The fumes get to you; you’ll have a stinking headache this evening,” the guy said, and on seeing Ryan’s frown, said, “Well how did you think you used to get clean clothes every day? That’s what we do here: all the behind-the-scenes jobs that make the Citidomes run smoothly.”

“How long have you been here?” I asked.

“Let’s see, must be eleven years now.”

“Eleven years?”

“Yeah. It’s a life sentence you know. No-one goes back.”

“How do you stand it?”

“No choice, have we? After a while you get used to it.” He shrugged and I saw an expression that I soon came to recognise in the other inmates – a dullness behind the eyes, a sort of resignation. But surely these had been the rebels and so-called subversives in the Citidomes? How had their spirits been so crushed?

“I’m on unit six, whatever that is,” said Aki, then lowered his voice. “Here’s hoping. Maybe I’ll see you later, Joy.”

My frustration increased. Our only chance of a successful escape was through collaboration, but if I could only conspire with a trusted few and I was separated from these during the day, how would it be possible?

Reaching the door, a young woman said, “You’ll need boots. Smaller sizes are to the left.”

I goggled at the gleaming rows of pristine black boots – footwear back home was either home-made or salvaged from Citidome dumps and tended to be repaired until they fell apart. I tried on a few pairs until for the first time in my life I had perfectly fitting footwear.

“Ooh, these are blissful,” I said.

The others looked at me as if I was mad.

“You haven’t even fastened them properly,” said a stick-thin person – I wasn’t sure whether male or female.

Pressing a button to allow the boots to tighten to a perfect degree, I entered a large courtyard on which stood a fleet of lorries and scanned the numbers until I found number 12. Following the actions of the others, I queued to see a supervisor who scanned my finger. He looked up.

“You’re new, I see. Suzu, show this one what to do.”

Suzu, the young woman who’d shown me the boots, climbed aboard the lorry and positioned herself on the bench seat that lined the compartment. A few people nodded greetings, others chatted among themselves. How, among this group, would I find people I trusted, people whom I could recruit? A tall, pale man who appeared to be in his mid-forties dropped himself next to me with a thump, then smiled and nodded at me. I smiled back then drew in my breath, recognising a face I hadn’t seen in years. Without the dreadlocks that had been his distinguishing feature, it was hard to be certain, but the shape of his face – similar to Harry’s – it had to be.

“Kell?” I whispered.

He drew his brows together. “Who are – no, it can’t be. Little Joy?”

When I nodded, he threw his arms around me. Happiness coursed through me, at a point when I no longer thought myself capable of it. If only I could tell Harry his dad was alive. Seeing the frowns of the others, I pulled out of his embrace.

“How long have you been here?” he said.

“Since last night. I got captured outside the Citidome.”

“Aw, honey. Anyone showing you the ropes?”

“I am,” said Suzu.

“I’m an old friend of Joy’s. How about I take over?” said Kell.

“Suits me.” Suzu shrugged.

Kell winked at me. “You ever see Dee and Harry?”

I nodded. When and where was it safe to talk to him?

“They thought you were dead,” I whispered.

“Huh, no such luck. I was fixing a lock one day, saw a pregnant woman. Next thing I knew, a CE came chasing after her. Tried to help, punched the CE, wound up in here.” He dropped his voice. “We can talk more when we’re working.”

The journey took only ten minutes and as we approached, the unpleasant odour that pervaded the outside air intensified.

“What goes on here?” I asked.

“Water treatment plant. Those fancy flush toilets; it’s all got to go somewhere. They treat the waste and some goes to fuel, the rest to fertiliser. Don’t look so stricken; most of it’s automated. We have to clean up some of the equipment, check water levels, that sort of thing. The smell’s no worse than the outdoor toilets in your village.”

“But I only have to stay there for a few minutes at a time!”

“You get used to it,” said Kell. “Here, you’ll need some brushes.”

To my relief, no-one objected to me shadowing Kell and we were soon out of earshot of the others.

“We have to clean that out?” I wrinkled my nose. “It’s gross!”

“Your sense of smell deadens after a few hours.”

The work was horrific, scrubbing out pipes encrusted with human excrement. I retched and my breakfast made a repeat appearance, but the noise made conversation possible without risk of being overheard.

“When is it safe to talk?” I asked.

“If you mean, when do the CEs listen, only at night when we’re in bed. Anywhere outdoors is OK, though be careful who you trust. They have a system where anyone who reports someone for being out of line gets extra privileges.”

“Privileges? What sort?”

“Nothing worth having, if truth be told. Extra food, a day off work but that’s not much fun. All you have for entertainment is a few games and those deadly media shows from the Citidomes. Anyway, we’re safe now, so tell me all about Dee and Harry. That’s the hardest part of being in here, not seeing my boy grow up to be a man.”

“They’re still working the canals. Dee’s the same as ever and Harry became a fine man. He’s about as tall as you, strong and … oh, he’s gorgeous. He’s incredibly bright – the brightest person I know – and funny and caring and passionate about the things he believes in. And everything he says is original and memorable. You’d be so proud of him.” Tears pricked my eyes.

“Hey, what’s up?”

“Me and Harry.” The story tumbled out, culminating in my flight from the village.

“I’m sorry to hear that. I kinda hoped the two of you would have got it together.”

“My life’s a mess, Kell.” I couldn’t control my tears any more. “I can never go back home. Ryan and I killed a man.”

“Think that’s the least of your worries, honey. No-one gets out of these places. I’ve seen people trying to make a run for it before. They get tortured in public as a warning to the rest of us. The only time you’re not in a secure complex is when you’re getting on and off the bus.”

“But there’s a plan – a mass outbreak. We need about a hundred people but no more. If too many people know, the authorities might find out. But I don’t know if we’d even get that many. Everyone here seems so passive.”

“You think we haven’t tried? I’ve been here five years, remember. There was a riot in one of the sleeping huts a few years back. Everyone involved got forced to work without a break until someone told them who organised it. It was three days before someone cracked and blabbed. The woman who organised it got stapled to the wall of the hut. Took her over a week to die.”

“But this time there’s outsiders helping.” I scrutinised our surroundings before telling him everything I knew about Outbreak. “They want to target a factory that has flammable chemicals.”

“Hmm, sounds more promising than anything I’ve heard of. We use chlorine here, solvents in the laundry, let me think … unit three, that makes agrochemicals, y’know, fertiliser and the like. Yeah, that might be your best bet. Those vats of ammonium nitrate, covered in safety warnings, they are. But the timing … it’s the smallest unit; only around fifty people work there.”

“Yeah, timing’s everything. We need to be able to fight immediately before the factory blows up. That’s 7:15 am on the 25^th of November. And the explosion needs to be so big that it would account for the loss of bodies when people go into hiding in the bunker.”

“Ah, there’s your weak link. What’s the date and time now?”

“It’s –” I did a quick calculation – “October 16^th. Start counting the days.”

“Is it really?” He rubbed his chin. “I can see it’s autumn, but I thought September. You lose track here. And the time?”

“Oh. I don’t know.” Without my trusty watch I had no way of knowing. Then inspiration struck.

“What time’s sunrise in this area at the end of November, Kell?”

“Hmm, now you’re asking. We never had any exact sense of time when we were on the canal.”

“I reckon it’s about a quarter to eight.”

“Yeah, sounds about right. And when does it get light?”

“About half an hour before that?”

“And when do we all rise here?”

“As soon as it’s light – ah!”

“Dad said this section of the plan was a bit of a gamble. I guess 7.15 was an estimate of when prisoners would rise. I’ll check with Aki and get back to you.”

“I dunno, honey. Don’t raise your hopes too high. I’ve seen so many people killed in here I’ve lost count.”

“If I never see Mum and Dad again, I may as well be dead.”

“You’ve got their spark, all right. If there’s a chance of seeing Dee and Harry again, you can count me in. I’d risk anything for them. For now, at least we’ve got each other, eh?”

“But how do we see each other? I guess these work rotas change regularly?”

“Yeah, every week. But we have evenings. For those who don’t want to watch the mindless crap on the media console, there’s another room where people can go to play games or chat.”

“And that’s OK? I read my mum’s journal. Don’t they split people up if they get too close?”

“Sometimes they break it up – they can get nasty if they suspect a romance or a plot – but most guards are pretty stupid. We can talk a little if we’re careful. Introduce me to your friend from the village and the other guy – Aki was it? – tonight. Now, out of the way. I’ve loosened a huge clod of shit and it’ll come flying out once I sluice it.”

How could I stand even five weeks of this work? But I soon mastered the range of routine tasks. The morning, punctuated only by a short break for a hot drink, passed quickly. Kell devoured every detail of the years he’d missed with Dee and Harry, and I was happy to talk about my favourite subject. Lunch was a vile green bar but by then I had no appetite.

“Euww, this is a nutribar isn’t it? Harry gave me a taste of one once. They’re stocking the bunker with them.”

“Yeah, get used to them.”

“Don’t we even get a break?”

“No, we work until it gets dark,” Kell said. “Think yourself lucky the days are getting shorter.”

By evening I was shattered. After dinner, another bland, mushy affair consisting of that weird meat substitute, I found Ryan and Aki who brought a woman with him. Together, they huddled around something called a VirtuGame, a game played on a virtual screen.

“This is Kell,” I said, and to Ryan, “Harry’s dad.”

“You’re on board?” said Aki.

Kell nodded.

“This is Yumi,” Aki said. “She’s one of the Heroes.”

“And you’re the famous Michael Heath’s daughter?” asked Yumi.

I smiled and nodded.

“Your father’s the true hero in all this,” she said. “The only thing that keeps me going sometimes is the dream that I’ll meet him. There’s quite a team of us now. Over the next few weeks I’ll introduce them to you. There’s a chain of communication for spreading messages.”

“We know which factory it is,” I whispered to Aki.

“So does Yumi.”

“Unit three,” we whispered together.

“Yumi’s working there this week. Each day she’s going to drop a stone by the gate. That’s the sign I agreed with your dad. Hopefully we’ll build up a pile big enough for someone to see it.”

“For now, everyone needs to collect potential weapons and hide them,” Yumi said. “Things you can pick up at work, hide in your clothes and then store in the bathrooms; they’re the only places that don’t have cameras. Someone managed to loosen a panel behind the second cubicle from the left in the bathroom nearest the entrance. Rocks and sticks are good.”

At that point, Suzu approached us. “Hey, Joy,” she said. “What are you lot talking about?”

“Joy’s never played a VirtuGame before,” explained Kell. “We’re showing her what to do.”

“Of course; you’ve missed out on so much, Joy,” said Suzu. “Never seen any media shows either? We need to civilise you.”

“I’ve – ” I was about to protest that I’d seen movies but Yumi cut in.

“Why don’t you go with Suzu, see what you’ve been missing out on? Besides, Ryan hasn’t played this for years. He needs a turn.”

Strange, why did they want rid of me? I turned to join Suzu.

“What’s the deal with you and those guys?” Suzu asked.

“Ryan was in my village. We went to look at the Citidomes – I’d never seen one close up – and we got caught. Aki – the older guy – was in the truck with us when we were taken here. And I know Kell from years ago. It was nice to see some friendly faces.” I took a breath before continuing. “But I’d like to meet some others.”

“You and Ryan. Are you?” She gave a suggestive smile.

“No.” What should I say? Who could I trust?

“Hey, kitten, it’s OK by me. How do you think I got this?” She pointed to the Mark.

“Were you …” I searched for the appropriate terminology. “Attached to someone?”

“I thought I was.” Her voice was low. “But after I got Marked, I never saw him again. I used to dream about the outside. Tell me all about it.”

I gave vague details. We watched a media show – Vile Bodies – that disgusted me. It was the one they’d threatened to put Mum on. I cringed at the sight of a savage crowd laughing and jeering at a woman with a larger than average nose. I was relieved to see Ryan, together with Yumi.

“Want to join us?” he said.

I followed them to a sofa.

“You didn’t say anything personal to Suzu, did you?” Yumi said.

“I don’t think so.”

“Good. I wouldn’t trust her. I have no proof, but she gets a lot of privileges.”

“So how do I know who to trust? I thought that she was safe, since you encouraged me to talk to her.”

“Didn’t want to draw attention to us.”

“Oh.” As if to confirm my foolish and very young status, my eyes filled with tears.

“Don’t worry,” Ryan said.

“I’ll leave you two to it.” Yumi winked. “Only thirty minutes before lights out anyway.”

“Really?” I looked at my wrist where my watch should be. It couldn’t be more than around eight-thirty. Then Ryan and I were alone.

“I hate it here,” I said. “The work’s horrific, these people scare me, the food’s shit and that media show was downright sadistic.”

“It was never going to be the Pleasuredome, was it?” Ryan said. “Hey, we’ll cope. I’ve been talking to the others. Kell’s a nice guy. He’s been here such a long time that he has a network of people he trusts so we don’t have to worry about recruiting people. Sorry about Yumi assuming we were a couple. I didn’t get the chance to correct her.”

“It’s OK.” I looked into his hope-filled eyes. “Uh, Ryan, we should talk about that kiss. I shouldn’t have done it. You see, whatever Harry’s done, I’m still in love with him.”

His eyes dropped. “I’m clueless when it comes to love, but I understand that much. But you like me, don’t you?”

“Course I do.”

“Well that’s enough for me.” Ryan looked so happy that I thought, what the hell? If I could make him smile in this dismal place, how could it be wrong? So when he covertly took my hand, I allowed it to rest in his.

 

New routines entered my life. Each week I was assigned a different work task, some more bearable than others. Picking fruit and vegetables gave me a comforting sense of familiarity, though the scale of the production here was staggering, and the technology involved in climate control mind-blowing. The food production plant, boxing up endless portions of proti mush made me nauseous. But I focussed on the task of accumulating weapons. A not-quite-empty spray can of chemicals, a jagged rock, a kitchen knife, all were added to the cache in the bathroom. I spent evenings as inconspicuously as possible, passing messages among members of the group I learnt to trust, watching media shows occasionally so as not to attract attention. But the only thing that gave me genuine enjoyment was being with Ryan.

“Sounds weird, but sometimes I’m happy here,” he murmured. “The food and the work might not be up to much, but I could spend forever talking to you.” He gave me that look again, that started in the eyes, crept down to his lips then lit up his face. I shifted my weight.

“I’d be happier if I had hair again. I can’t believe they shave our head every week. I wonder why.” I tried to steer the conversation away from the emotional.

“Hygiene. Head lice spread quickly.”

“Had those at home from time to time. They’re not a big deal. Home, do you ever think of it? It was Scott’s eleventh birthday last week.”

“It never felt a home to me like it was for you. To me, home’s more than a place. It’s about who you’re with. Right now, I feel at home.” There was that look again.

And then guards approached us from either side and a stun gun took my senses away.

When I regained consciousness, I was in the dining room, encased by a sort of cage that forced me to stand in the same position, statue-like. Opposite me was Ryan, similarly restrained. But as soon as our eyes met, my brain was once more stunned into submission. It took me a painful half hour to realise that an electric shock had been programmed to trigger every time I looked at Ryan. But I could look around him. Above his head – and presumably mine – was a sign bearing the words: “Attachment is wrong.” The other thing I noticed that day was that Suzu had extra rations at dinner.

It was two days before they released us – two days in which I had to urinate and defecate in the clothes I was wearing and wonder what would kill me first – the hunger or the thirst. The only thing we were given was, judging by the horrific consequences on my bowels, a laxative. By the time they released us, I’d become used to my own stench, the humiliation pushed aside by a grim determination to survive. My mouth was like sandpaper and I could talk only in a rasp.

“Come on, creev. Let’s get you cleaned up,” said a guard. Once more I was subjected to an excoriating shower that left my skin peeling.

I didn’t risk being alone with Ryan after that.

***

“You OK, honey?” Kell said. It was five days later and we were unpacking deliveries to a warehouse. In that time I’d plumbed new depths of misery. I’d had no real conversations with anyone and none of my so-called allies had spoken to me.

“Depends how you define OK. If you mean, am I so sore all over that I can’t sleep at night, that I’ve got something that looks like my baby brother’s nappy rash, that the torture chamber I was incarcerated in has left me with a permanent headache, and that I could cry with loneliness, then yes, I’m OK.”

“Sorry, sweetheart. We’re so close to the big day that we can’t risk talking to you,” he said. “I should have warned you off spending so much time with Ryan. But I thought you two were just friends. Thought you were in love with my son.”

“There’s nothing between us. I just want a bit of affection. Is it so wrong?” I asked. “Harry’s with someone else back there.”

“Take any comfort you need, honey. Seems to me that right and wrong don’t apply in here.”

As I crossed off the dates, I told myself that Outbreak had to work, that my fate couldn’t be to live and die here. I’d kill myself first. And I tried to imagine a future beyond Outbreak day, a future when I returned home and Harry was there waiting for me. But even my imagination didn’t stretch that far.