CHAPTER 26 – CATHY

As the chill bit into my bones, I prepared for the hardest day of my life.

“Is someone guarding the south road?” I asked.

“Course they are. Stop fretting, sweetheart.” Anna’s voice failed to reassure. I’d wanted the return to be inconspicuous but Helen’s parents, Will and Virginia, had been unable to resist waiting by the bridge to meet the arrival of the cart. Luke stood behind them, shotgun in hand. Should I have insisted that Anna stayed indoors? I’d packed the boys off to the care of Mary, wanting to spare them the sight of Michael’s body.

“There’s no way the CEs will come out today. It must be about ten below zero,” said Luke.

“You never know with CEs. They can turn up when you least expect it,” I said and the rat that had been gnawing at my insides started chewing ferociously. Last time I was taken unawares by CEs in winter was just before I gave birth for the first time. My little girl would have been seventeen in a month’s time.

“They’re taking an awful long time. Surely it can’t take more than an hour by horse?” Virginia checked her watch for the hundredth time.

“She’ll be taking it easy. There might be injured people. Anna, are you sure you want to stay here? You’ll freeze.”

“And miss the first sight of my returning hero? Not a chance,” Anna said.

“Anna …” I looked at the woman I thought of as a mother. She was looking every one of her fifty-nine years. Time to prepare her.

“Stop right there. Of course it’s occurred to me that he didn’t make it. I’ve thought of nothing else for weeks. But the sooner I know, the sooner I can rest.”

“Listen.” Luke raised his gun.

All eyes turned to look towards the source of the clip-clopping sound – yes, it had to be – a horse and cart. As it came into view, the waiting group spilt into the road. Then they stopped and someone leapt off the horse from behind Daisy, a too-thin girl with only a thin fuzz of dark hair covering her skull but an unmistakeable face.

“It can’t be!” Anna was the first to speak.

I blinked. Was I hallucinating?

“Mum!” the girl yelled.

Then everyone moved at once. Joy leapt into my arms and I crushed her against me, breathing her in, unable to believe she was real. Then a scream drew my attention over her shoulder and my blood chilled. Luke was lifting a body, bound in a white sheet, from the cart. But why was Virginia screaming?

Then I saw him.

Michael.

He looked older, frail, his beard long and one arm in a sling. And I let out the tension of the last month, calling his name over and over. Releasing Joy to Anna, I ran to him and stopped short of rushing into his outstretched good arm, fearful of hurting him. Our kiss was more a collision of lips.

“I thought…” I whispered.

“Don’t get rid of me that easily.” He winked.

I leant into him but the moment was too brief. Anna had reached us, tears streaming down her face. The hugs and kisses seemed to go on forever and I longed for the world to disappear, for there to be nothing but me and the ones I loved.

“Ugh, what a journey,” Daisy was gabbling. “The TravelPod broke down just outside Bakewell; we had to get them up on to the cart; it’s been tough on Ryan.”

I looked up. Ryan was here? Where had he and Joy been, all this time? Oh no, I had a fresh battle to fight, didn’t I? Margaret would be bouncing off the walls with outrage if I let Ryan back in without punishment, that’s assuming he’d been the one to strike the fatal blow. And then I saw him, his arm around Joy. He looked older, gaunt, but rather more handsome than he used to. Cropped hair suited him. So Joy and Ryan really were together. Then Daisy’s voice dropped, and I discovered whose body was wrapped in the shroud.

“Helen, no!” I ran to Virginia, but the woman was hysterical by now, and Will was shouting at Michael.

“My little girl … You were meant to look after her.”

The whole scene was too much to process at once. I leant against Michael’s good side, feeling dizzy. It was some time before I saw a young woman standing alone on the periphery. It couldn’t be. What was Suna doing here? Oh no, had the CEs turned up without us noticing? Then I noticed the scar on her cheek and smiled.

“Hey, Suna.” I said.

“Hey,” she said.

“Let me meet you properly.”

Suna allowed me to embrace her but her body remained rigid. I pulled away, realising how alien the whole experience must seem to her.

“Helen was the most heroic woman I ever met,” Suna said. “She gave too much of her own blood to save Michael.”

“No!” I looked to Michael.

“Too much?” Michael frowned.

Joy glared at Suna.

“Yeah, I didn’t want to tell you,” Joy said. “She gave three doses when we’d agreed only one was safe.”

“Stupid … why?” he muttered. He turned to me and lowered his voice. “Self-sacrifice isn’t so noble when others need you. You were right about Helen. You were right about everything, come to that. Helen wasn’t up to it. Lost the plot. Didn’t eat, didn’t drink, didn’t sleep. I should never have chosen her … too late now.” An agonised expression shot across his face. “But our Joy, she was the true hero.”

“Joy? How?” My brain couldn’t process the onslaught of new information.

“Why don’t I take everyone home, and you settle this lot in, then we’ll tell you everything,” Michael said. “They’re all dying to meet the village leader. Where are Scott and Adam?”

I took in the group of crop-headed young men.

“With Mary, just in case …”

“I’ll collect them along the way. Ryan, rest on my good shoulder, and Daisy, you grab his other arm.”

They propelled Ryan forward and I noticed that he was dragging one of his legs. In an attempt to clear my head of the riot of questions, I turned to face the newcomers. I scanned their faces with a smile. Their expressions ran the full gamut of emotions – fear, excitement, relief – with the exception of Suna, whose face remained devoid of animation.

“Welcome to Ashford-in-the Water,” I said. “I’m Cathy, the village leader. I’m going to take you to your accommodation first. We’ve got some soup warming on the hob; I guess you’re all hungry.”

A chorus of appreciative murmurs greeted this comment.

“For the next few days we want you all to rest; you’ve all been through quite an ordeal,” I continued. “You’ll have a warden, Julia, to answer most of your questions, but I’ll pop in to see you every day. And on Monday, you’ll have an induction course on how things work around here. Everything from how to cut an animal up for meat to how the rainwater plumbing systems work. But I won’t leave you in the cold any longer. Follow me.”

Another wave of excited mutters.

“Suna, walk with me.” I noticed Suna hanging back. “I’m guessing you’re not part of the farming academy.”

“No but I wondered if I might live there?”

“Er … yeah, I guess you could.” I rubbed my nose. Where was Suna going to live? What was she going to contribute to the community, if she wasn’t going to train as a farmer? “But would you like to come to meet your half-brothers once I’ve settled everyone in?”

“Yes please.”

We had little more opportunity to get acquainted. One of the newcomers turned out to be a lively young woman called Hazel who bombarded me with questions about the village. I liked her instantly and smiled, remembering an old argument I’d had with Michael. I’d argued that Citidome women were for the most part as strong as men, and there was no reason they couldn’t join the farming academy. He’d disagreed. But much as I enjoyed Hazel’s enthusiasm, I longed to be with Joy and Michael. It was another frustrating hour before I was able to return home with Suna, who had said little so far.

“I guess you’d had enough of being a CE?” I said.

“Yeah. It was a snap decision. I was in the right place at the right time. I didn’t think it through.”

“Well, I’m sure you won’t regret it.” I tried to inject some warmth into my voice but it was hard to feel much for this cold stranger, whose face said she was very much regretting it. I tried to cast my mind back to the wave of maternal affection that had engulfed me when I’d seen her in kindergarten. Now her presence seemed intrusive. The only people whose stories I wanted to hear were those of Joy and Michael.

I heard the riot of voices as soon as I opened the front door. Daisy was telling a story that involved a lot of gesticulation. Ryan appeared to have become part of the family and was seated on the armchair with his legs raised, Joy perched on the chair arm with her hand on his shoulder.

“Scott, this is your half sister, Suna,” I said.

“Another big sister?” Scott wrinkled his nose. “You might have brought me a big brother.”

Everyone laughed.

“You two look alike,” Anna said, which raised a smile from Suna. In fact, she appeared to be interested in her younger brother. “Time for some celebratory wine, I think. Suna’s first taste of alcohol.” Anna poured four glasses of the musty liquid, and raised her glass. “To new beginnings.”

Suna failed to hide her grimace at the first taste of the wine but soon the alcohol flowed as freely as the stories and I heard every detail of Joy and Ryan’s missing weeks. Ryan’s hand remained in hers, as if afraid to let her go. Then Joy silenced the group.

“I’ve got an announcement to make. I’m going to marry Ryan. And we want to get married the day after Christmas.”

“If I have your permission.” Ryan turned to Michael and me.

“Of course,” Michael said. “You two kept that quiet. But why so soon?”

“We’d be doing it eventually, so why not sooner than later? Besides, we need something cheerful after Helen’s funeral.” Joy bit her lip. “We don’t want a big fuss though. Just us, Daniel, Alex, Matt and Mary’s family. Is that OK?”

“Yeah, why not?” I said. Was that the real reason? Joy’s expression was unreadable.

“So Suna, if you want to move in here, you can have my room,” Joy said.

“Thanks.” Suna’s expression was half-smile, half-frown. I suppressed my own frown. I wasn’t sure I wanted Suna living here.

“Congratulations. You make a fantastic couple.” Daisy was the first to recover herself and give an appropriate response.

“I think another drink’s called for, to toast your engagement,” said Anna.

Glasses were raised and the conversation resumed its previous volume. Then I noticed Joy chatting to Scott. Without warning, she started crying, great heaving sobs.

“What is it, sweetheart?”

“S-Scotty told me about Milo.”

I frowned. Joy had never been as attached to the dog as Scott had been. It seemed an extreme reaction. Something was wrong. I needed to speak to Joy alone.

“She always has been a softy where animals were concerned,” I said to Ryan and then to Joy, “I should heat up some soup. You must be starving. Come and help?”

“Yeah, sure.”

“I’ll help too.” Michael followed us in. As soon as the door closed, Joy sniffed.

“Get the impression I’m about to have an interrogation,” she said.

“Why are you crying? Surely it’s not just about Milo?” I said.

Silence. And then I got it.

“It’s what Milo represents, isn’t it?”

“W-what do you mean?”

“He’s your last link to Harry. I’m not stupid. I’m not convinced by this romance with Ryan. So be honest. What’s the real reason for the rushed wedding? Are you pregnant?”

“Hell, no.” Joy wiped her eyes and laughed, a hollow, empty laugh.

“So what is it?”

Joy bit her lip. “Ryan’s leg’s never going to fully recover; he’ll need someone to help him around the house. So it’s best that I move in with him as soon as possible.”

“I knew it.” Michael shook his head. “Look sweetheart, I’ve grown to like Ryan a lot in the last few weeks. He’s a decent guy and it’s obvious he adores you. But don’t marry him out of pity.”

She shook her head. “I can’t win with you, can I, Dad? I’m staying in the village and marrying a village boy. Isn’t that what you wanted all along?”

Michael’s head dropped. “There’s something else I need to tell you. After I forced you to break off communications with Harry, I sent a message to Dee and said you were with Ryan. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. It was inexcusable. Your mum told me earlier this year that I was turning into Fin, the guy who kept her prisoner because he was obsessed with new blood, and she was right. I’ve messed up, this last year. I was so focussed on trying to fix the wider world that I didn’t see what I was doing to the people who matter most. If Harry’s the one you want to be with, go to him.”

I saw the flash of pain in Joy’s eyes and braced myself for the explosion, but there was none.

“It doesn’t matter any more.” Joy’s eyes were focussed on the floor. “I’ve made my decision.”

“Tell me you love Ryan the way you love Harry and I’ll never mention it again,” Michael persisted.

“Dad, don’t push it. The village needs a health worker and it has to be me. And Harry has someone else, remember? Caroline. She was on the boat with him this morning.”

“He’s still with her?” Michael frowned. “I assumed it was a rebound thing.”

“I’m going back to Ryan now,” Joy said. “He’ll suspect we’re talking about him.”

“Hang on, Joy. One more thing,” I said. “Offering Suna your room? Don’t you think you might have discussed it with us first?”

But Joy turned around and left the room. So much for happy reunions. My eyes met Michael’s.

“Thought I’d never get you to myself,” I said. “But what are we going to do? Is it worth sending a message to Harry, to see if we can stop this?”

“When could we ever stop her if she’s made her mind up?” he said. “And Joy and Ryan … they were close in the bunker. But not like she and Harry used to be. I don’t know, maybe Harry’s settled for this Caroline instead. I’ll send him a message later. Now, come here.”

His good arm pressed me against him. We kissed with renewed intensity, and for those precious moments the anguish of the past and the challenges of the future were forgotten.

“What happened to us?” he whispered. “What made us say such unforgiveable things to each other?”

“Let’s just say we had a row that lasted too long. And now we’ve got a lot of making up to do.”

“I don’t think I’ll ever be able to make up for what I’ve put you through. But I’m going to have fun trying.” He gave me that wink that I’d never been able to resist.

 

It proved to be a Christmas that none of the village would ever forget. I sent Joy away to rest, not telling her about the difficult visit to Margaret. When we told Margaret what had happened in the dairy that day, and that Ryan had acted in self-defence, she collapsed in a fit of silent crying that was harder to take than the fury I’d expected. On Christmas Eve we buried Helen in the churchyard next to her brother, and shed tears for the lost young lives and for the parents who had outlived both children. Christmas Day was a family day, although we shared ours with the new residents, cooking six roast chickens for dinner and drinking Anna’s mulled wine. Michael sent Harry a message, but got no reply. There was no way of talking Joy out of marrying Ryan.

And so, on Boxing Day, I prepared for the wedding in the village church.

“Do you need any help getting ready?” I called from outside Joy’s room. Joy emerged in her normal sweater and pants.

“Not yet, thanks. It won’t take long. But first, I need to change Ryan’s dressing. Back in half an hour.”

It didn’t seem worth mentioning that it was considered bad luck for the bride to see the groom on the day of her wedding. Never was a wedding less fitting for a girl named Joy. But she no longer seemed a girl. Even though she could be maddening, I missed the old Joy. There was a knock on the door and Beth and Mary came in, both in their dresses. I wished I’d been able to persuade Suna to wear my only other dress, but she politely refused. Strained politeness was the most I’d got out of her so far.

“Where’s the bride?” Beth said. “We’ve made her a headdress.”

I smiled. The headdress, fashioned from horsehair and fabric flowers, was beautiful. At that point, Joy arrived.

“Matt was with Ryan; he said he’d look after him. Oh … is that for me? It’s gorgeous – I was wondering what to do about my head.” She put her hand to her stubbly scalp.

“Can I help you get ready?” Beth asked.

“Of course; that’s what a bridesmaid does, isn’t it?” In that minute Joy was her old, animated self. But it was the first sign of it since her return.

“Why don’t you join them, Suna?” I suggested.

“OK.”

As Joy and Beth ran upstairs, Suna following more slowly, Mary and I sat down.

“She’s a cold fish,” Mary said. “How are you getting on with her?”

“With difficulty. She doesn’t say a lot but I’m not exactly giving her my undivided attention either. To be honest, she’s the least of my problems.”

“What else?”

“How would you feel if you suspected Beth wasn’t marrying her true love?”

Michael joined us, in his best shirt and pants.

“You two look like you’re about to go to a f – ” He stopped himself just in time.

“It’s hard not to think of Helen, isn’t it?” Mary murmured. “She used to idolise me when we were growing up. But she never approved of my market trading, nor when I married Vincent. He asked her out first, you know, but she turned him down. But Cathy, you were saying about Joy … she doesn’t love Ryan?”

We’d barely finished telling Mary the story when Joy and Beth came down. My stomach lurched. My once-beautiful daughter was pale and thin, the dress that had accentuated her curves last February hanging on her like a sack, her luscious mane of brown curls missing. Thank heavens for the headdress. Suna followed them, looking bemused by the entire scene.

Michael put his good arm around Joy. “I don’t think I’ve ever been more proud of you.” His voice was thick. “Ready to walk an old man down the aisle?”

With a sinking feeling, I walked to the church, and only when I saw the look of adoration in Ryan’s eyes did my mood lighten. And so Michael gave our little girl away to a young man who seemed barely able to look after himself.

 

We both woke with hangovers the next day.

“Ugh, that beer went to my head last night,” Michael said. “I’m not used to drinking any more.”

“It wasn’t a bad day in the end though, was it?” I smiled. “I have to say, they did look happy.”

“That’s what I thought. Maybe she chose the right one after all. And it wasn’t a bad night.” He winked. “Not blushing, are you?” He drew me closer towards him.

It was another half-hour before we got up. We still had a lot of making up to do. As was still Michael’s habit, he reached for his DataBand. He looked at the screen and gave a long, low groan. I read it and did the same.

 

Sorry, haven’t been checking my messages, busy relocating the escapees. I sent a message to Joy. Can you make sure she reads it before she marries Ryan? Harry