Aiden sat on the crowded beach in Kuta and gazed out over the rolling grey waves, his wet shirt sticking to his back beneath the blistering equatorial sun. He’d relieved his frustrations with a run, then taken a swim in the surprisingly cool water, both activities having helped clear his head after a restless night.
He had no idea what he was thinking. He didn’t know what he wanted and felt like such a fool.
Mia seemed like the woman he should want in his life. Yes, she was conflicted with her goals, but she’d said she didn’t want to wait to have a family. She wanted children in her life. But despite that, he knew that no one could do it all. It was a big ask—studying, beginning a career, and starting a family.
He folded his arms over his bent knees, the ache around his heart raising uncertainty inside him. He and Mia were at different stages of their lives. Their goals didn’t align. It was far safer to keep her in the friend zone. There was no reason why they couldn’t have a good relationship as friends. They could catch up on weekends and he could take Ella to visit her. They could play with Mia’s dogs, cats, and when Ella was bigger, Mia might even teach her how to ride.
That’s what he wanted, someone he could enjoy himself with. A woman who may one day be a role model for Ella. They didn’t need to mess that up with anything as frivolous as romance or love.
Friendships were more likely to last than love affairs.
Besides, Mia might acknowledge that she wanted a family, but deep down, she didn’t know what she wanted. It wasn’t her fault and he didn’t hold it against her. But not knowing what you wanted in life could be dangerous. Almost as dangerous as knowing exactly what you wanted. It led to foolish decisions. It was all good and well to say you wanted a family. But when she didn’t know where her career would take her, she was at risk of making further sacrifices.
His friend Mia could make any decision she wanted and it wouldn’t affect him. But a Mia he was in love with…
Nope. It wasn’t worth the risk. For himself or Ella.
Aiden left the beach, returned to the hotel to shower, then headed out again. He needed to keep himself busy to subdue the conflicting thoughts raging inside him, so he headed to the department store up the street. Wandering through the souvenir department on the ground floor, he considered picking up some Christmas gifts. He’d avoided the street stalls as bartering didn’t interest him in the slightest, but he liked this department store. He found a few knickknacks for his parents and something for Sally’s, as he’d managed to maintain a relationship with his in-laws. Her parents were the type of people who loved their children even when they were disappointed with them, and they’d both expressed heartache over Sally’s choice to leave him. When Sally had made it clear she was cutting all ties, her mother had called him in tears, begging him not to cut her and her husband out of Ella’s life. Aiden hadn’t planned to as despite everything, Ella was still Bob and Kay’s granddaughter. They had every right to know her and she, them.
Sighing, Aiden browsed the variety of Balinese teas. Sally continued to baffle him. What was more, she didn’t even want to know how Ella got on. She’d asked him not to send her reports or updates. Not to call. Ella’s second birthday had passed with no news from her mother…
Would her absence cause him pain every birthday? He hoped not. It was unbearable. He couldn’t understand it. Was Sally trying to protect herself? Or was the woman he’d once loved so dearly actually that cold?
He’d prefer to think it was the former. He couldn’t imagine Sally would spend the rest of her life pretending Ella didn’t exist. Except…
Aiden swallowed a wince as he selected a bag of mangosteen tea. Because he knew, deep in his gut, that it was true. Sally was that cold. And while he might hope that she’d one day step through the door he’d left open into Ella’s life, he knew that hope was fruitless.
It was probably why he’d also avoided Bob and Kay this past year, both of whom he’d always liked. He’d sent them photos and helped Ella videocall them on her birthday, but perhaps he could take Ella to visit them up on the Atherton Tablelands sometime soon. They wouldn’t stay with them, but could stop by as he took his little girl on her first big holiday. He loved the Tablelands and should be able to manage leave sometime. If he’d learned anything these past few days, it was he enjoyed being out experiencing the world. He might have been to the Tablelands many times, but Ella had never tried the ice cream at Emerald Creek, delighted in the butterfly sanctuary, or swum beneath Millaa Millaa Falls.
A holiday might not be the answer to all his problems, but it would give him something to work towards while slaving away at the vet clinic. And perhaps that’s what he needed, tiny goals that he could look forward to every few months. He could take Ella away at Easter, then secure them a new house with a yard in July.
With that confidence, Aiden finished buying more than enough gifts, then set off to find lunch. But as he sat in the small café overlooking the congested road, his thoughts drifted back to Mia and he hoped she was enjoying her spa treatment. He didn’t know what a woman did at a spa, but she’d no doubt return looking, smelling, and feeling incredible.
His insides warmed, causing his mouth to twist. The last thing he needed was Amelia Jones to be any more alluring. Her coconuty scent was intoxicating enough, and she always managed to look stunning. She had such a natural beauty. A sensual beauty. Unlike his ex-wife, Mia seemed low maintenance. She probably didn’t care if she chipped a nail and likely did while grooming her horses or wrangling her geese. Mia was wholesome. Easy-going. The girl next door type.
The type of woman he’d always liked.
He gritted his teeth. He had to stop thinking about Mia. He wanted to enjoy his final days in Bali with her and he wouldn’t be able to do that if he thought of her in any capacity as more than a friend.
He wanted the next few days to be fun, memorable ones.
He needed to find a switch for his growing desire and flick it off.
***
Mia had never been to a spa before. She’d considered taking her mum out for a day of indulgence once, but spas were quite pricey in Australia. She and her mum had settled for a manicure and pedicure instead. But today, Mia had two luxurious hours at the spa—which hadn’t cost her an arm and a leg—and no expense was spared.
A driver in a suit picked her up from Beach Club and escorted her into the back of a shiny white SUV where comfortable leather seats and a bottle of sparkling water awaited her. She enjoyed the drink and relaxed as she watched the scenery whizz past on her way to Seminyak.
The driver opened her door and a beautiful Balinese woman with a frangipani tucked behind her ear greeted her.
‘Hello, Miss Jones.’ She gave a slight bow of her head and smiled. ‘Welcome. My name is Ani. Let me take you through to your treatment today.’
Mia had been impressed by the service at Beach Club, but this place was at a whole new level as she followed Ani through the tranquil resort. Like many places she’d been to in Bali, the lobby was open-aired and breezy with a gorgeous timber patio overlooking the crystal blue pool. Lunch would follow her treatment and she was welcome to stay to use the facilities for as long as she wished, so she’d planned to swim and couldn’t wait to dive into that inviting pool.
Ani showed her to one of the spa suites, a detached building surrounded by a glittering moat filled with flowers. Another woman—all smiles as well—greeted her.
‘Hello, Miss Jones.’ There was another cursory bow of the head. ‘I am Rumi, your therapist. Welcome to Bliss Spa.’
Mia felt very welcome indeed. Rumi showed her where to place her handbag, then gave her a robe and slippers. As the Balinese woman left the room, Mia let out a breath and peeled off her shirt. Time to refresh, rejuvenate, and relax was just what she needed today. She tied the robe around her waist and sat in the plush chair. When Rumi returned, she handed Mia an icy green drink complete with a paper umbrella.
‘Here is a cucumber smoothie for you to enjoy.’
Mia eyed the drink dubiously. She didn’t like cucumbers, but as she took a small sip, her eyebrows shot up. Icy sweetness washed over her tongue in the most delicious smoothie she’d ever tasted as Rumi began with a foot wash. Her hands were gentle and worked magic beneath Mia’s aching soles. Relaxing into the chair, Mia simply enjoyed.
And her mind drifted towards Aiden.
She didn’t blame him for being scared. Opening your heart might feel wonderful, but it also made you vulnerable. She knew that because she was scared too. She’d never even been in a relationship.
Oh, Mum…if only you were here…
Her heart squeezed. Her mum was not here, and Mia needed to figure out these feelings that continued to rage inside her on her own. Unfortunately, she knew what she had to do. She needed to overcome her anxiety about being rejected and find her inner strength if she was ever to meet a man and fall in love. She didn’t know how she’d do that, but she wanted to. And it wouldn’t happen overnight.
But the man she would one day fall in love with…it would never be Aiden. Not unless he too overcame his fears.
So she had to focus on enjoying his company for the remainder of their holiday because they both deserved to have fun. She didn’t want to destroy that. She needed to decide what she wanted out of life and Aiden needed to be happy again.
Rumi finished the foot wash and directed Mia to the massage table. She kept everything very dignified, holding up a towel while Mia disrobed. She lay face down on the bed, placed her face in the hole, and Rumi tucked the towel around her body. As Rumi began the massage, Mia melted into the table as every muscle loosened and relaxed.
But her mind didn’t.
What was she going to do about her career? Her discussions with Aiden might have been confronting, but that didn’t make it any less true. She hadn’t realised how sheltered she’d been, but Aiden had more life experience than she did and had helped her realise some very important points.
So, Mia asked herself—why did she want to leave her job at the bank?
Her thoughts drifted to when she’d first started working there. It hadn’t been her first job. She’d worked casually at a local takeaway during her final years of high school, but had left that job when she’d decided to stay in Charters Towers. She’d worked on the checkouts at the supermarket for a while, but she’d hated the rostering hours, late nights, and weekend work. She’d embraced the chance to work at the bank because it had been Monday to Friday, nine to five. It had given her stability and routine, two things Mia thrived on. She’d never considered leaving until now. She enjoyed her work and knew her role well. She was comfortable at the bank. It was a good job.
But it didn’t make her heart sing.
‘How does that feel?’ Rumi asked, her hands working wonders over Mia’s calf.
‘Beautiful.’ Sighing, Mia remembered she was supposed to be relaxing. Enjoying herself. So she shut off her brain and did just that.
Rumi’s hands were magic.
The massage was followed by a body scrub, then a yoghurt moisturiser. Mia finished her treatment by winding down in a warm bath filled with flower petals while enjoying another cucumber smoothie, knowing this was what heaven must feel like. And if it was, then her mum was surely happy. The thought made her heart clench and soar at the same time.
‘I do love these,’ she admitted to Rumi, lifting her smoothie.
The Indonesian woman grinned. ‘We have a lot of cucumber. That is cucumber, ice, sugar, lemon juice, and a little ginger.’
Mia locked that away for future reference.
Rumi left her to relax and Mia sank into the water until only her head was left uncovered. She closed her eyes. Would she smell different later? Would Aiden notice?
Her mouth twisted. She wished life was simpler. Easy. She’d enjoyed the little intimacies they’d shared yesterday as he’d held her hand and wrapped his arms around her to pose with the elephants. They conversed with such fun and ease, yet his touches also made her heart pound.
Why couldn’t things between her and Aiden go back to the way they’d been before...before…?
Before what? She’d been attracted to Aiden from the moment she’d seen him at two am in the hotel lobby. Nothing would change that. But she could suppress it. Supressing her feelings was something she was good at. She’d had years of practice with Noah, and had been left broken hearted because of that stupid, foolish, schoolgirl choice.
Sighing, she reached for her smoothie and shoved Aiden from her mind. She had more important things to worry about, like deciding what to do with the rest of her life.
Sipping her cold drink, she gazed at the flower petals and considered her options. Was there something she could do that wouldn’t require years of study at university? Could she use her customer service skills elsewhere? In a boutique maybe? She did love clothes. And shoes.
Or could she complete a shorter course in something else? Could she become a vet nurse? She loved animals. Surely Aiden could point her in the right direction.
Mia placed her empty glass down and shook her head as she closed her eyes and sank deeper into the scented water.
She didn’t know what she wanted to do…but she was beginning to think that university wasn’t the only answer. There could be another path to take, but she would decide later. For now, all she needed to do was enjoy the rest of her time at the spa. Relax.
She shouldn’t be harbouring the hope that these flowers would make her smell good later when she met up with Aiden. But she couldn’t help herself. She was still a woman and even if she did suppress her feelings, the mere thought of him brought warmth to all her desirable places.
***
‘It might be a silly question since you’ve been to California, but have you seen the sunset over the ocean?’
Aiden glanced at Mia as they stepped out of the department store and onto the bustling sidewalk. She paused and brushed loose hair behind her ear, the blonde waves falling long over the thin straps of the pale pink sundress she’d bought the other night. Her arms were bare and the full skirt swished around her knees.
Aiden’s stomach clenched as she glanced up at him and smiled. ‘You know what? I actually haven’t.’
His eyebrows lifted. ‘Really?’
She shook her head, flowered earrings jingling.
Aiden cleared his throat. Would this woman ever stop taking his breath away? ‘Do you want to find a place where we can have dinner and watch it?’
Mia’s smile broadened. ‘That sounds lovely.’
They set off up the busy street, traffic humming around them. Having lived his entire life on the east coast of Australia, he’d only seen the sun set behind the mountainous horizon of the Great Dividing Range. Here on the western beach of Kuta was his first opportunity to see it set over the water. He just hoped that food and drinks in a busy restaurant would make the romantic idea of watching the sunset seem more platonic.
‘How come you never watched the sunset in California?’
Mia shrugged, a shopping bag swinging from her wrist. ‘I never thought about it. Too busy. San Francisco’s bay doesn’t allow for it and we visited Santa Monica in the morning. And remember, neither Mum nor I are particular fans of the ocean…’
‘Fair enough. I guess I’ve always enjoyed watching the sunrise and sunset. That was my main reason for hiking Batur.’
‘Yeah? I was hoping for a day hike, but sunrise seemed like the only option. Now I know why as it sure was beautiful.’
He grinned. That morning would always be memorable. The morning he’d met Mia. ‘It was totally worth the early start.’
They wandered into the open-aired shopping mall and even though she’d already gone shopping when she’d returned from the spa looking—as he’d feared—lovelier than yesterday, Mia loved to shop so they stopped at a few stores. Aiden didn’t mind. They browsed and he was tempted to buy one nice polo shirt, but resisted. Mia didn’t buy anything.
They headed upstairs to a rooftop restaurant where they grabbed a table by the edge of the balcony that afforded the perfect view of the ocean.
‘You know,’ she said, relaxing into her seat, ‘Mount Fuji is a sunrise hike too.’
‘My brother-in-law, who I’m still friends with, has actually done it.’ He grinned as Mia’s eyebrows shot up. ‘He says it’s a tough hike, but that the view’s spectacular.’
‘I don’t doubt it. I think I’m starting to like views. I’ve always liked going to the top of tall buildings and looking out over cities, but this hiking thing could become a new favourite.’
The waiter arrived with their drinks and Aiden took a sip of his beer. ‘What’s the best view you’ve seen?’
Mia leaned forward and crossed her arms over the table. ‘Oh, so many. You can’t go past the Grand Canyon. But the best building I’ve been to is the Empire State Building.’
They both sounded like amazing experiences. ‘When do you think you’ll go to Japan?’
‘I don’t know.’ She dropped her gaze, fingering the beaded bracelet she wore. ‘I guess it’ll depend on whether or not I go to uni. Japan will always be there. And I’m not sure if I really like travelling alone.’
‘It’s a bit confronting. I can see why people don’t do it.’
‘Yeah. I mean, I was keen. I didn’t think I’d mind because I like my own company and it allows yourself plenty of freedom. But I’ll admit, I enjoyed travelling with Mum more.’ She exhaled and reached for her soft drink, grief clouding her eyes.
‘At least the two of you got to travel,’ he said gently. ‘But I have to say, there are perks to travelling solo. I know this trip wasn’t my choice, but I was keen to come. I could sleep in or rise early. Book any tour I wanted. I didn’t need to worry about anyone else. It was quite liberating.’ He paused and sipped his beer. ‘But you know what I think the best thing about travelling solo is?’
Her gaze lifted to his. ‘What?’
‘It opens you up more to meeting others.’
Mia smiled, the grief easing from her eyes. ‘That’s true. We haven’t spent much time alone this trip, have we?’
‘Not really.’
She relaxed into her seat. ‘All right then. If it comes down to it, I’ll go to Japan by myself. I don’t want to miss out on climbing Mount Fuji. And I think it’s something I’d like to do before having kids. Otherwise, I’d have to wait until they were old enough to do it with me.’
He nodded. He’d have offered to hike Mount Fuji with her, except he felt the same way. ‘It is hard to travel without them. This trip was an exception and I didn’t leave Ella by choice, but I’m never going away without her again.’
‘I can’t even imagine it. So, how was Ella when you spoke to her this morning? Did she have fun at the waterpark yesterday?’
His heart lightened as he recalled his videocall with Ella today. One of the few places his mother regularly coerced him out of the house for was Townsville’s iconic waterpark—a playground overlooking the beach with fountains, slides, and a dunk bucket. He enjoyed playing with her there as it was the perfect place for children and adults alike, and Ella was never any less excited to go. ‘Yeah. She told me about the picnic they had and how Grandpa took her under the big bucket. The huge splash of water both delights and terrifies her. She won’t do it by herself. Not yet anyway. But I’m afraid she’ll grow up to be quite the little daredevil.’
‘Like her daddy?’
He laughed. ‘I guess. I’m super keen for Waterbom. I haven’t been on waterslides since my last trip to the Gold Coast theme parks when I was eighteen.’
And he couldn’t wait. Running around the waterpark with Mia acting like a big kid was exactly what Aiden needed to feel young again. To feel alive. Happy. Before Mia flew home and he was left behind in Bali for two more days without her.
He shook that thought away. He’d worry about that later and miss her when she was gone. Until then, he’d simply enjoy her company as they talked and fell back into the easy manner that had encompassed them earlier in the week.
They ordered dinner and watched the sunset. Rays of pink and gold shot from the horizon into the darkening sky, the sun a tiny dot of gold glowing on the water.
Then it disappeared. Night closed in. And still, he and Mia talked.
When they left the restaurant, they stopped by the ice cream parlour on the ground floor. It was one of those cold-stone places that allowed you to mash in mixtures. Mia chose strawberry ice cream with chocolate cookies, while Aiden was more daring with rocky road and mango. Then they meandered down the road towards Beach Club, still talking. He asked her about the show jumping events she planned to compete at next year and she told him all about Georgie-Porgie’s training schedule.
‘I like training my thoroughbreds,’ she said as they strolled through the hotel lobby, ‘but one day, I’d like to buy a warmblood. They are the better jumpers and it’s what I need if I want to move from B-grade into A. It’s just a matter of being able to afford such a good horse.’
He nodded, pausing as they arrived by the pool. ‘A good warmblood doesn’t come cheap. Well…I guess I’ll say goodnight.’
She smiled softly, the ends of her hair lifting in the soft breeze. ‘Yep. I’ll see you in the morning for our dolphin cuddles.’
‘You will. And are you okay about that? Not too scared?’
‘Not really. I mean…’ She let out a deep breath. ‘It’s just a big pool, isn’t it?’
He smiled. ‘It’s just a big pool. You’ll be fine, Mia.’
Then, he took a risk by wrapping his arms around her and drawing her towards him for a friendly hug. He didn’t know why, but after such a wonderful evening, it felt like the natural thing to do.
Mia stiffened, then her body relaxed and her arms wrapped around him too. And it felt…right.
‘Goodnight, Mia.’ He drew away, smiling softly. ‘Sleep tight.’
‘You too.’ She turned and strode down the brick path, shooting a quick smile and wave over her shoulder. The hem of her pink dress swished around her shapely legs and his breath caught in his chest. She sure was beautiful in the soft garden light.
He lifted a heavy hand and waved back, then strode purposefully towards his own room. Shaking his head at himself, he shot his hand through his hair. His throat tightened. He exhaled with force and dug his key from his pocket.
He was such a fool.
A fool at risk of falling in love.
It terrified him.