Chauffeur Secrets

Here is a taster from my next book, Chauffeur Secrets

‘Okay, you’ve crashed two out of three of my motors. Here’s the keys, go out and trash the Mercedes as well. Then you will really have ruined me.’

I was shouting at the clown. During the day he was a part-time chauffeur for me, outside he was a professional children’s’ entertainer. But his full time job was smashing and destroying my business. Single handed.

Joe had driven my Ford Transit van down to Lisbon in Portugal with a mate of his as co-driver. One of our clients had a business developing new shopping precincts and malls, and as there was an exhibition, he had a large scale mock-up of a proposed development to be delivered by hand. It was cheaper and more secure for him this way, instead of packing and freighting not knowing in what state it would ultimately be delivered.

The job involved driving to Lisbon, parking for five days doing nothing, then driving back. No pressure, take your time, we don’t need the van for a few days, we don’t need you for a few days. On the return journey, close to home, he fell asleep at the wheel, anxious to return home, wrote off the van. There’s more of this story to follow.

He was uninjured, so as I needed a driver for a two day job, he took my Romanian clients to Northamptonshire in our Ford stretched limousine. Now you never fill up with petrol if the client is in the car unless it is impossible to avoid. A full tank to the destination meant no garages. But no, not Joe, he was too bloody lazy, starting off with half a tank.

Poor lad was still tired and upset from destroying my van, didn’t look properly, and drove into the petrol pump. Over the concrete surround. Bang went the tyre and wheel, up in the air went the limo with executive passengers and their luggage. Another hefty insurance claim.

So when he finally returned to base, out of three vehicles, there was only the white Mercedes S Class left. Which is why I threw the keys at him. Which he caught, handing them back.

‘I suppose that means I’m fired.’

‘You might be stupid, but you have the message. At last.’