He watched the diamond’s edges sparkle, the multitude of colours reflecting the late afternoon sunlight. The tiny rock mounted onto a gold band that had cost him more than his car, lay flat in Jim’s hand. It was a persuasive argument, marry me and I’ll give you this eight-thousand-dollar piece of jewellery. If you don’t, you’ll miss out. He stretched his shoulders back and sighed. Kelly would say yes. Hadn’t they talked about marriage since their first date? They both said they wanted children and a small house in the city. It was easy to talk about it. To put into action was another thing entirely. There would be the money side of things, not to mention the organising of a wedding. However, life was short, he reflected and knew it better than most. This was the time. There would be no second chances. If he wanted this, he had to do it now.
He pulled the small green box from his pocket and carefully slipped the ring into its original position. Jim had one last look and closed the box. He took a deep breath and looked at his watch. Five minutes and she would be there. God, he hadn’t expected himself to be this sweaty and nervous. Finding the ring had been fun, asking permission from Kelly’s father had been interesting, the balding man simply saying ‘okay’ before turning back to his football match on the television. The lack of enthusiasm, though not surprising, felt somewhat of an anti-climax, and Jim wondered if Kelly would be the same. No, that was silly, it would be a perfect proposal—in the park at sunset. Kelly had no chance of being distracted by a football match.
Jim grinned at his own cleverness. It would be perfect. He had his performance memorised. As the last few embers of sunset lit up the tops of the park’s trees, he would get down on one knee, take Kelly’s hand, say her name and then after a dramatic pause ask her to be his wife, and then he would open up the box unveiling her prize. He imagined Kelly fight to control her emotions, a hand over her mouth, give a tiny breathless nod and then he would stand up, kiss her and slide the ring on her finger. Easy. Done.
He looked at his phone, she would be here at any moment. For some strange reason he felt compelled to ring Hels. She would help calm him down. “Don’t be such a poof,” she would say. The irony that a hetero guy proposing to a hetero girl was possibly the least homosexual act possible would be lost on her. Still, her counsel would be appreciated. She always knew how to take him out of his crazy headspace and make him feel somewhat normal. Why hadn’t she called lately? It’d been weeks. She must’ve been busy at work. Maybe she had met someone. No, she would have told him. There was nothing more eloquent than hearing about one of Hels’ ‘roots’ as she put them. Her method of picking up some poor sap at a bar, having a good time then discarding him made Jim glad the two had never dated. Not that he had wanted to, but had they, he would likely be just one of her discarded rejects rather than her best friend.
Jim knew he wasn’t as carefree as Hels. He wanted a girlfriend, commitment, love, marriage (all things which, again, ironically, she would say were incredibly ‘gay’). And he loved Kelly. He was sure of it. It was time for them to move to the next level.
They had met his first day of teaching at Saint Edmund’s Primary. She was teaching Year Three, he Year Six. They’d met in the staff room and discovered they supported the same football team. It’d been fate. Jim found reasons to pop into her classroom and ask for help. Kelly would always smile and tell him to wait, even if it seemed like she wasn’t doing anything at all, then she would turn back to him and say, ‘What is it this time, Mr Murphy?’ He loved when he had her full attention, it was quite overwhelming. Dating had been much the same, he’d used Hels’ advice and taken Kelly to the football. It was there that Kelly came alive. After a free kick, she would scream and yell going beetroot red in the face; when the team conceded a goal, she would pout and kick the chair in front of her. But when their team scored, Kelly would jump up and down, she would hug Jim and, sometimes, she would kiss him. He loved her passion, loved the spark in her eyes as she watched the game. It was so real.
Jim had ardently pursued dating her further. He found she was much more likely to say yes to a date if their team won and no if they lost. Overtime, the dates turned into long nights, the long nights into next days and soon they were talking of a future together. It had been so organic; it was as though they were now one rather than two.
The knot in Jim’s chest tightened. Was he supposed to be this nervous? The sun’s golden rays bled into the orange of sunset. It would have made a good painting if he wasn’t preoccupied. When was the last time he painted? It had been months, possibly a year. Who had the time? It was silly anyway. It wasn’t like he would have ever made a living from it. He was a teacher now, he had a girlfriend, soon to be fiancée. Life wasn’t about indulging in stupid hobbies. Still, that sunset would’ve made a nice painting.
He looked at his watch, surely she should be there. Jim felt for the small box bulging awkwardly out of his pocket. He hoped she wouldn’t notice it, Kelly had a gift for spotting anything out of the ordinary; it was what made her such a good teacher. While he didn’t necessarily agree with her hundreds of classroom rules and behaviour management techniques including timeouts, detentions and writing lines, her Year Threes kept in line better than most. Their silence was a testament to that. Every time he strolled past her room, all he could hear was her heels on the laminate. Sometimes Jim got his hopes up that she might be on a break and would stick his head in the door to see Kelly watching over her thirty kids like a mother hen. No, maybe more like a hawk, he admitted to himself. She would hover over the children, step, step, then she would spot something like a spelling mistake or missing date, she would stand over the child until they worked out the error of their ways then move on. She was a natural.
Jim, on the other hand, as Kelly liked to tease, was more like a stopgap teacher. He just had to get the older kids through to high school before they could do anything drastically wrong. His classroom was not as quiet, and his rules were not as strict. But they were good kids. He knew they just needed encouragement and something to care about. They were the senior kids in the school and needed to be shown respect and given a level of autonomy to fulfil their potential, not limitations. It was, in fact, the only thing he and Kelly could never agree on. She believed in structure and control and he knew his kids needed more than that, something she just couldn’t understand.
Okay, she was now officially late and it would be dark soon, ruining the whole sunset effect of his proposal. Maybe he could do it under a street light. Not very dramatic. Maybe he should ring Hels. She could give him bad advice and then he could do the opposite.
Jim got out his phone. He desperately wanted to talk to his best friend. There was so much to talk about. So much he wanted to confide in her. He looked at her name on the screen and put it away again. No, she would be busy. Hels had better things to do than listen to his problems. She had made that obvious by how little she had messaged him lately. What was her problem? Was she ignoring him? Had he done something wrong? Surely, she would have said something, it was not like her to hold anything back. Should he have told her he was going to propose to Kelly? There were other things to talk to Hels about. Scary things, but he couldn’t do it. Not yet. The knot in his chest tightened, surely it couldn’t get any tighter.
Jim looked upon the shimmering blue lake in front of him and thought of Hels’ blue eyes. He imagined her looking back at him and saying, ‘Jim, what are you doing?’
“What?” he said aloud.
‘You know what.’
And he did know. He knew all too well.
Jim looked away and watched the last light of the sun disappear below the horizon. He picked the box out of his pocket and looked at the lake in front of him. He gripped the small box and drew back his arm-
“What you got there?”
Jim turned guiltily and saw Kelly puffing and looking at him. He looked at the box then tucked it back in his pocket. “It’s nothing,” he lied.
“It’s getting dark,” she commented, then added, “we better keep this quick, Home and Away is on in twenty minutes.” Jim nodded unable to look her in the eye. She had already built up a sweat and had obviously chosen not to join him until she had finished her jog. He crossed his arms over his aching chest.
“What’s wrong with you?” Kelly asked.
“Nothing.” Jim walked towards his almost fiancée, willing himself away from the lake. “Did you see the sunset?” he asked.
“Come on Jim, a little more walk and a little less talk.”
He nodded. It was great that their relationship had evolved beyond the need for talking. They were just so in tune with each other.
He snuck a look back at the lake as Hels’ words repeated in his mind, ‘You know what.’ Jim did know, but she didn’t and that’s what mattered. It would be better this way. Kelly was the one for him. Yes, it was much better this way.