Dear God, what had she done? The enormity of her mistake occurred to Helena as she returned home. What would Alex think? He would take one look at their prehistoric house, at her messy room and realise she was a slob, a loser. While Jim went through university and she worked various jobs, it had been ideal to have this rickety old house, but now they had real jobs and they could afford their own places, why had they stayed? Stupid, stupid, stupid. She mentally chastised herself and Jim—well it was his fault too.
She spun around the living room trying to decide where to start. What was the most visible thing? Clothes. She had left her work clothes scattered throughout the house, even in Jim’s room. Trekking around, she gathered tops, trackies, bras, and began stuffing the old washing machine to the top. Helena emptied her washing basket onto the laundry floor and, on a whim, decided to do Jim’s clothes too. She grabbed his basket and sprawled the contents next to her own. There was an on odd clatter as a small object rolled away from the clothes. It was a box, green with a gold line running horizontally across the middle. Helena bent over and picked it up.
“Holy shit!” she exclaimed as she opened it. That fucking idiot, what was he thinking? He could not be serious. Helena took an involuntary couple of sharp breaths. The viciously pointy diamond ring gleamed sinisterly up at her, making her want to puke. It didn’t make sense. He didn’t love Kelly; the girl was a boring snob. She wasn’t right for Jim. Only he was too pig-headed to see it. Why hadn’t he told her? She couldn’t let him do it. She cared too much for her dim-witted friend to let him make such a monumental mistake.
She gathered up his washing and put it back in his room. The green box, however, found a new home, in the back of the washing cupboard behind the mineral turpentine and fabric softener. She would keep it there until she had a chance to talk some sense into him. Knowing Jim as she did, she knew that it might take a while.
*****
The cleaning continued into the evening and the next morning, even after Jim returned from work there was still so much to do. His idea of ordering pizzas for dinner was a good one.
“My Hels, you are out to impress,” Jim stated as he took a cold slice of Meat-lovers for breakfast. His work clothes were scruffy from another night on the sofa. Helena had justified that her room was mid clean and was grateful for another comfy night’s sleep in his room.
“That’s not it, I just don’t want him to think I’m a pig.”
Jim cocked one eyebrow as he ate.
“Hey, I’m not a pig.”
Jim’s expression remained the same as he shovelled the rest of the slice of pizza into his mouth.
“And you can talk,” she argued.
“Hey, my room is the only clean area in this entire house.”
“Yeah exactly, what about the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom-”
“It’s okay. Look, I keep things reasonably tidy, you’re the one who lives like Oscar the Grouch. I bet this is the first time you’ve seen your bedroom floor since we moved in. I don’t see why you’re getting shitty with me.”
Helena sighed and dropped her pizza crust back into the box. “I’m just tired of it, we’re not kids anymore, Jim, but here we are, still living in this shithole. Things are changing. You’re changing.”
“What? You go on one date and suddenly you come back and think you know everything.”
“Hey, don’t bite my head off!” She was trying to be tactful, but he made it so hard. “I’m just speaking the truth.”
He stood up, his face reddening just as it had whenever he got mad as a kid. “Oh, you want the truth? The truth is you’re scared because for the first time you are actually trying and this is how it feels when you put yourself out there. I get that, don’t put your crap on me.”
“You’ve changed; you’re becoming such a jerk. You used to tell me everything, now it’s like drawing blood from a stone. I can’t remember the last time you called me. You think you’re too good for me now that you have Kelly.”
“What? I work, I have a girlfriend, I work. There, that’s my life. I would love to call you more but there’s never enough time.”
“Why not?”
“Because that’s what it’s like being an adult. You have to sacrifice things all the time.”
“And you’ll sacrifice me?”
“Don’t be stupid, I just don’t have the time. It’s not like I mean to; the days just go. It’s not like you call me either. You’re too busy with Mr Perfect.”
“At least I still talk to you about things.”
“I’m talking to you right now.”
“No. You think you’re clever, but you’re not. I know something’s going on. So, what’s going on, Jim? Talk to me.”
He shook his head adamantly, “Dammit Hels, you always have to push things. You don’t care about the toll it takes. You are right, we’re not kids anymore. Just leave it alone.” Then he walked out.
She couldn’t resist yelling out at him, “Fine, I will, what do I care?” The only response she heard was the front door slamming shut.
*****
The atmosphere didn’t improve after Jim returned. They both cleaned until the house was as spotless as it would ever be, by which time Helena had no time to cook and instead got their local Chinese restaurant menu out. She showered and let the hot water take away her frustration. Bloody Jim, this was supposed to be her big night with Alex and now she could only worry about her best friend. Why was he so closed off these days? If he loved Kelly and wanted to marry her, that was fine, but his refusal to tell Helena about it, hurt. The only rationalisation she could come up with was that he knew she would try to talk him out of it which meant he knew it was a mistake. God, most boys would never marry if they had a choice. Up on the mine-site she knew hundreds like that, but here was Jim, running around and trying to marry someone who wasn’t right for him just because he wanted to play grownups. Stupid bugger.
She got out of the shower and looked at her clothes, wishing she had more than jeans and a T-shirt to wear. Her eyes flicked through the wardrobe until she spotted a dress she hadn’t worn for years. A sick dread filled her stomach. Surely this night should be exciting and fun, but all she knew was a nauseating detachment. It was all Jim’s fault.
A knock came at the front door before she had a chance to apply her make up. “Jim, are you going to get that?” she called out. She heard his sulky footsteps walk down the hallway in way of answer. It would be okay, it was only a dinner party, what could go wrong?