Helena had imagined walking into the room, Alex looking on in amazement, Jim giving her a supportive wink and Kelly shooting a shocked look of open jealousy. But instead Alex was busy reading the Chinese menu barely glancing up, Kelly was yelling at the TV screen and only Jim watched her, his eyes wide, his mouth sufficiently dropped.
“Everything okay?” she asked him. Jim just looked at her as though he had been lobotomised. A shocked expression fixed upon his face.
“Yeah, don’t worry, we come back in the third quarter,” informed Kelly, still glued to the box.
Helena put a hand to Jim’s forehead, “You okay?” He did feel warm at the touch. His eyes refocused and his goofy face widened into a smile. He gently took her hand away and blinked, then nodded.
“Not bad,” he said finally. She felt something then, a strange jolt, it burned her insides and she looked away. No doubt she was just nervous. She turned to Alex, “Hi.”
He put the menu down and looked at her in concern, “Do you like noodles?”
Do you like noodles? Do you like fucking noodles!? Over a day of non-stop cleaning this dump to a liveable standard, ironing a dress, layering make-up on for half an hour, not to mention straightening her hair for God knew how long and all she got was, ‘Do you like noodles?’ She felt her cheeks burn a violent red and her eyes met Jim’s. That didn’t help.
“Whatever you want,” she said finally and tried to smile.
Alex shook his head, “No, that’s what they said too.” He went back to studying the menu. Helena stood in the centre of the room, suddenly aware of how stupid she looked. This so wasn’t her. She must look ridiculous. Alex was more interested in Chow Mein, Kelly looked like a football advertisement. Even Jim, while dressed smart, was just in jeans and a shirt, and here she was, dressed up to the nines for a night of football on the television and Chinese food in her own house. This was bad. So much for a dinner party. Why was she so determined to play grown-ups anyway? Helena stood stranded to the spot, her heels digging into the shaggy carpet. The lack of attention was paralysing, she didn’t move in case anyone noticed she was making such a fool of herself. Seconds passed, her breathing became shallow. She needed to move, needed to do something. Anything was better than standing there.
“Enough showing off, Hels,” Jim said distracting her. “You’re going to look great tomorrow night at the charity ball.”
His smile confused her, “Ball?”
He took her by the elbow and quickly walked her out of the room, already the heels hurt her feet. He added, “Sorry, you look like you were about to cry.”
“What?” She tried to sound outraged, but instead took a large sniff and felt her eyes stinging as tears began to escape. “Oh, shit.”
Jim was quick to hand her a tissue and sat her on his bed.
“Hey, hey,” Jim consoled, a warm arm wrapping around her shoulder.
“Do you like noodles?” she repeated to herself and rested her head on Jim’s surprisingly comfortable shoulder.
*****
Wearing jeans and a T-shirt Helena re-entered the evening’s proceedings feeling a little more relaxed. The dinner order was placed to everyone’s great relief—noodles had been agreed upon. She wondered what Jim made of Alex’s serious demeanour when he had gathered them together, threatening to turn off the TV if Kelly didn’t pay attention, then ran off what he hoped to be an acceptable order of Chinese food. “Spring rolls, sweet and sour pork, satay combination, Singapore noodles, mixed vegetables, lemon chicken and prawn crackers.” There was all round nodding then Jim asked, “How many spring rolls?”
“It says three per serve,” read Alex.
“Well, that doesn’t work being there’s four of us,” Jim pointed out. “Okay, we could get two lots of spring rolls?” suggested Alex.
“But then we get six how do we decide who gets two and who gets one?” Jim’s serious expression matched Alex’s consternation, except that his eyes had a twinkle that Helena knew all too well.
“Shall we just get four serves then? That’s twelve spring rolls and we each get three,” Alex reasoned.
Jim nodded then sent Helena a quick wink before innocently asking, “You don’t think that’s too much?” The ridiculousness of them both made Helena stifle a laugh that ended up sounding like a pig snorting. She buried her head in her hands trying her best not to let the hysterical giggle explode out of her as Alex and Jim pondered the spring roll dilemma further.
Alex was relentless, “But if we get three serves, then some of us will get two and some of us will get three. How about we all use our fingers show me how many spring rolls you would like?” After several more minutes of deliberating it was decided that two serves would in fact be enough.
After the food was delivered and they had all eaten too much, they began drinking. The football replay had finally finished and the evening took a more casual tone. Alex slowly worked his way through his light beers while Jim plundered his carton in the fridge. Helena and Kelly shared an open bottle of SSB and had begun their second when the conversation took a turn towards the more risqué.
It started innocently enough. “So, you two have been friends since being little kids?” Alex asked. He seemed to find the thought of the male and female friendship unnatural. “And you were never boyfriend-girlfriend?”
Jim shook his head and Helena was quick to respond. “Oh, God no! Never.”
“You two never played doctors and nurses?” Kelly asked, her curiosity piqued.
Jim’s response was instant, “If we did, I’m sure she would have been the doctor and I would have been the nurse.”
Alex raised his eyebrows in surprise, unable to pick up on Jim’s self-deprecating humour.
“We never played doctors and nurses,” Helena clarified.
“What about spin the bottle?” Kelly wouldn’t be deterred.
“God, no!” Helena hoped her burning cheeks weren’t as obvious as they felt.
“Actually, we did play truth or dare once or twice,” Jim admitted.
“Yeah, and you ate dog food,” she reminded him. Alex finally found a sense of humour and thought this was hilarious. He barked a deep laugh and Kelly chuckled.
“What did you make her do?” she asked.
Jim shook his head. “Nothing, I think I ‘truthed’ her.”
“Oh, and what did you ask?” Alex was most curious.
“I don’t know. I can’t remember,” Jim admitted.
Helena, however, remembered perfectly. She recalled that day. They were maybe ten or eleven, sitting across from each other on his bedroom on the floor. She spoke before she could stop herself, “He asked me who I liked.”
Kelly punched Jim on the arm. “Even as a kid you had a one-track mind.”
“Hey, we were kids. What else is there to talk about?”
“So,” Alex persisted. “Who did you like?”
Helena saw something flash across Jim’s face then, maybe a memory. His smile receded slightly and he looked at her. “My older brother, Kyle.” Alex and Kelly both laughed. Helena was lost in memories. She had never liked Kyle. Had she said that, all those years ago? Maybe, but why?
“Hey, I’ve got an idea,” Kelly said picking up the empty wine bottle. Alex clapped his hands while Jim went suddenly pale and Helena understood, her own smile failing.
*****
It was ridiculous. Four people in their mid-twenties sitting around in a circle with a spinning wine bottle between them. With every rotation of the glass bottle, Helena felt her stomach tightening, until eventually the top of the bottle came to rest in front of Kelly.
Kelly laughed as if this was funny, as though it was nothing, like it didn’t matter. Maybe it didn’t. But it did to Helena. Kelly was going to kiss either Alex—her potential boyfriend, the boy she had agonised about for the past couple of days—or she might kiss Jim.
Helena couldn’t understand her strong opposition to the idea of Kelly and Jim kissing in front of her; despite their ongoing relationship and despite the fact that she’d seen them kiss before, tonight it just felt wrong, somehow obscene.
Kelly looked at Alex, then Jim. She gave a throaty laugh, then spun the bottle. Helena held her breath. Alex, Jim, Alex, Jim. It revolved around and around. Alex’s eyebrows rose each time the bottle passed him, while Jim watched the bottle as though it were a noose about to be placed around his neck. Maybe he felt the same, Helena thought, maybe he felt this whole thing was stupid too. Jim’s eyes flicked up to Helena as the bottle finished its spin. They both seemed to be holding their breath.
“It’s me!” Alex exclaimed. The light beer had clearly gone straight to his head. Yes, light beer. He drank light beer, not even mid-strength, but light beer!
“How does this work? Do I kiss Kelly or does she kiss me?” Alex asked. Jim’s eyes never left Helena, a tiny smirk curling the side of his mouth.
“I think you kiss each other,” Jim offered. He didn’t seem upset about his girlfriend kissing another guy. So, what was that look from before about? Helena wished she could just press pause on Kelly and Alex and ask him. Kelly took off her Eagles hat and lent across the wine bottle. Alex went red and smiled apologetically at Helena. A laugh nearly escaped Helena’s throat, but she suppressed it with all her willpower. His eager expression was like that of a six-year-old who had just learnt entered a petting zoo. His eyes widened as he looked at Kelly then began to lean towards her. Helena prepared for jealousy, disappointment, even anger, but as Alex slowly pressed his lips somewhat awkwardly to Kelly’s, Helena felt nothing. She watched on in amazement as the two kissed for a couple more seconds and was amazed at her lack of concern. They could’ve kissed all night for all she cared. But why did her stomach feel so tight and her chest burn so uncomfortably? It must’ve been those damned noodles.
Alex finally withdrew and looked down sheepishly. Kelly sat back looking smug. “Now what?” Alex asked.
“You spin it. Just don’t land on me,” Jim told him. Alex nodded, again missing Jim’s humour. Alex looked between Helena and Kelly, his eyes bright with excitement. “Here we go!” The queasy feeling in Helena’s stomach lurched each time the bottle spun in front of her. Don’t land on me, don’t land on me. As though fated, the bottle stopped spinning right at her feet. Alex was already eagerly leaning in. Helena didn’t have time to think, to brace herself before he pushed his lips onto hers. This wasn’t how she’d envisioned their first kiss. In a room with others watching him, he was upon her before she could take a breath. She tried to pull her head back but couldn’t escape. This wasn’t how it was supposed to be. He wasn’t how he was supposed to be. A wave of paralysis overcame Helena. She couldn’t move.
“Easy there, tiger,” Jim said and placed a hand on Alex’s shoulder. Alex pulled back laughing and exclaiming, “Wow!”
Helena took a moment, resisting the urge to wipe her face to get whatever remnants of Alex remained on her lips, and then forced a smile on her face. The sick feeling in her stomach doubled as she grabbed the bottle and spun it hard. She snuck a hand to her mouth and lightly wiped away the feeling of Alex and hoped no one noticed. She didn’t want it to land on Alex again, but the alternative seemed so much worse. She couldn’t kiss Jim, she just couldn’t.
The bottle continued its journey, around and around the room it spun until finally it came to rest, pointing at the impossible possibility. There it lay pointing to the one person she could never kiss, never think of that way, never allow herself to feel anything for. It was pointing to her best friend, the one person she could never treat like a boyfriend because he meant so much more to her and if she kissed him, she knew the world would end and nothing would ever, ever be the same again.
It was pointing at Jim.