“You’re coming in a bit fast. Okay, engage the brakes. Red. I said engage the fucking brakes! Red!”
“Oh shit!”
Helena’s train of thought diverted just in time. She cranked the brake-line, the haul truck squealed then slowly pulled to a stop.
“Are you kidding me?” Sam belted across the radio. He added several choice words before calming slightly, “Red, are you alright, what happened?”
What happened? What happened?! Jim, the idiot, that’s what happened. When he kissed her five nights before, that’s what happened. She didn’t think Sam would want to hear that though. “Nothing, I think I’m coming down with a migraine.”
Her hands were sweaty and her heart raced as she tried to ignore the kiss playing on loop in her mind twenty-four hours a day. What had Jim been trying to prove? That he was a good kisser? He could have just said it before he held her hand and put his lips on hers and kissed her so gently, yet so strong like he knew what he was doing and he wanted to do more. And the way he looked at her was so intense, yet so at peace, as though he knew her. Of course he knew her; it was Jim.
Jim, just Jim, Jim with his dark brown eyes, Jim with his muscular physique, with his quick wit and stupid temper, his care, his stubbornness, his mischievous wink, his strong arms and shoulders and his cute behind that she had glimpsed that morning of the last break.
Jim. Jim. Jim! Stupid Jim. It was all his fault.
*****
The fluorescent light flickered sporadically over her head. “You were in the red zone.”
“I was barely an inch over. Come on Sam, I just had a pain in my neck.” More like a pain in the arse, she mused. “And I just lost concentration for a split second, it has never happened before. Come on Sam, it’s no big deal. It’s just a stupid migraine.”
“I have to record it. You know that.”
She folded her arms defiantly, “It was a couple of inches.”
Sam matched her tone. “A couple more and you and that three million dollar truck would be down in the pit right now.”
“Fine, do what you have to do.” Helena got up and attempted to leave.
“Oi, Red! That’s not all.”
She waited at the doorway.
“Come back in and close the door behind you.”
She raised her eyebrows. Surely this wasn’t that bad. Christ, most of the drivers had been in the red zone once or twice a year. Her nickname, Red, wasn’t just due to her hair colour. It was because, up to this day, she had never been in the red zone. Her perfect record was over, but surely it was no sackable offense? She was still the best driver in this dump.
She closed the door and sat at the table, her eyebrows raised. Sam was about to say something, then thought better of it, and tried again, “Red, I don’t want you getting mad.” Her eyebrows rose even higher. “I know you better than anyone else in this place and I don’t want you doing anything stupid.”
“Look, Sam, this was a one off…”
“I’m not talking about your stuff-up today, you were more than due.”
“Well, then, what the hell are you talking about?” Her emotions were on edge already and she didn’t like where this was going. Why was Sam acting so — what was the word?—apprehensive. Yes, he looked nervy. He had withdrawn into himself. He ran a hand through his greying hair, watching her like a zookeeper might look at a lion while holding a gazelle carcass in his hand. “So, what is it then?”
“I’ve been hearing things. Things you won’t like. Now I know they’re not true, but you know how boring things are up here, small things become big, once people start talking.”
“Christ, Sam, spit it out!”
She didn’t mean to snap at her manager, but his warnings were getting on her nerves and she knew whatever people were saying wasn’t good. It had been tough earlier on, being surrounded by blokes all the time. Helena was used to her brothers at home, but here it was men, men who didn’t give a shit and respected no one. She learnt quickly to hold her own ground, just like at home. She let nothing slide. Every snide comment directed at her was met with a nastier one in response. She identified the loudest idiots and cut them down with the insults of her own, ones that would leave a boy like Jim white in the face. But these guys just laughed and swore and would say things like, “I feel sorry for the poor bastard who marries her”, which Helena took for a compliment. If people were talking about her, she could handle it. She always had before. “Just tell me before I hear it from some other boofhead.”
Sam sighed, “That’s why I thought I should tell you, I can’t have you punching some moron with a big mouth. Two strikes on one day wouldn’t be good.” He held her gaze.
“Fine, I promise I won’t hit anyone… today.”
He smiled briefly, then it fell away. “There’s been talk that you had some wild sex party on the weekend.”
“What?!”
“It gets worse…”
Finally, she understood. She raised straight to her feet, her fists clenched into tight balls. “Alex! That little piece of…”
“Red, sit down, you’re not going anywhere until you calm down.”
She refused to sit, ready to explode. “What else did he say?”
“We don’t know what was actually said, rumours are like Chinese whispers up here, someone says one thing then everyone’s adding things for fun.”
She shook her head. No, it was Alex. All Alex. How had she ever fancied that creep? Sam continued talking, assuming her pause was a sign that she was in control of her temper. “There is talk of you with two guys and that you were paid for it.” If two guys weren’t bad enough, the thought that she could be paid for sex would be catastrophic. As angry as she was, fear seeped through her skin and turned to lead inside her. Her whole-body felt incredibly heavy, the slightest movement causing great discomfort. Sam was saying something else, but it was all just white noise.
She watched the light flicker above her head again and again. The mine might be a workplace, but in reality, it was a prison. There was nothing but desert for hundreds of kilometres in any direction. She had navigated her time here carefully, she had been in control and the men had learned to respect her. That could no longer be the case. They would see her differently now, like a piece of meat, how long until one tried his luck?
Helena shook her head, trying to clear the thoughts threatening to overwhelm her. Sam had stopped talking. He was on his phone and looking at her wearily. She knew she should say something, but still couldn’t move. Moments later, a health nurse walked into the room. She helped Helena to sit down. She gave her something to drink, though Helena found it hard to swallow. There was no fear now, no anger, just a strange sense of detachment as Sam escorted her to her room. Even as they walked she heard them start, like a pack of wild animals, one by one the chorus of high pitch whistles following her and then the crude laughter. She couldn’t see their faces, but she could hear them. Helena locked herself in her room after Sam left. She’d always considered herself tough, like Teflon, everything just slid off, but Helena had to admit this was bad. Things would never be the same and all because of that stupid, stupid kiss.