It was too much. Just too much.
There were words for the feelings that ate at Jim from inside out. The pain poured from every part of him and there was no escape. Hels’ words left deep bloody wounds that were rapidly festering. He hated being in a house surrounded by her. She was on every wall, in every room, their endless memories playing out like old family videos in his mind. She was throwing popcorn on the couch next to him, trying to get it in her mouth but missing every time. On the floor she was laughing so hard that she couldn’t breathe. As he looked up she was walking out into the hallway in her stunning black dress, and then he was kissing her over an empty wine bottle on the rug. He remembered how hard it had been to stop. Even tonight as they argued and she had carried on, he had wanted to kiss her again; he wanted to shut that annoying mouth of hers up with his own.
But she was determined to hurt him and hurt him she had. At least he understood now. She must’ve seen the ring and she was hurt that he hadn’t talked to her about it. He got that, but why couldn’t she just talk normally to him, why all the drama? Why did it have to be all about her? God, she was so pig-headed. She drove him crazy, crazy with frustration, crazy with worry, crazy with… care. Yet, she didn’t think he cared for her. He swigged down the rest of his glass of scotch. The bruises on his knuckles were painless now though the sweet memory of punching Alex in the face was still clear as a bell. Who needed frozen peas when copious amounts of alcohol were available anyway? He was a machine, he barely felt anything. He should drink more, he reasoned as he poured himself a double. “This should have an effect,” he concluded then tossed it back.
He was right.
*****
Helena swirled the white blob, the last remnants of a drowning marshmallow, around and around in her hot chocolate. Her father slurped his tea and cleared his throat, “It’s good to see you up and about.” She nodded still staring into her mug. He yawned, “You know Jim, he does well by you.” Then he got up, scratched himself and went to bed leaving Helena alone with her bitter thoughts.
Oh good, another guilt trip laid at my feet. It was bad enough knowing that he had gone up to the mine to look for her, and that he had waited patiently for a whole day just to make sure she was okay, he’d also had her temper to deal with until finally she all but threw him out. Thanks Dad, yes, he does well by me, but not always. Not with that stupid ring of his and his little secrets. Helena huffed as she remade her bed and found herself sparking with frustrated energy. She couldn’t go back to sleep. The bag of frozen peas laid mockingly next to her, suggesting what Jim had likely done up at the mines. Didn’t he know she could fight her own battles? She looked at her workbag and pulled out her phone. She plugged it into a charger and waited for it to wake from its slumber. She busied herself checking the clothes Jim had packed for her. He seemed mostly concerned with her underwear. The only thing she couldn’t find was her work gear and wondered whether he had assumed she wouldn’t go back. Maybe he was right, though it was still too soon to make that decision.
Her phone beeped to life, the familiar ding for messages sounded within moments. She flicked the screen on then began reading several quick-fire messages from, who else, Jim. In reading the messages in reverse order it made for an interesting deceleration. His last one read ‘If you’re okay let me know, coming up to you. Not sure what’s going on.’ Then there were a lot of messages telling her to call, asking if she was annoyed at him, checking to see if she was okay. Eventually she found his first message. It was probably the oddest. ‘Have tried to call but phone seems off. Need to talk to you, it’s important. Call me. Been thinking too much and you know that’s never good.’ That had been four days ago. She wondered what he had wanted to discuss. Maybe he had finally decided to tell her about the ring. Or was it something else? She listened to his voice messages, this time starting in chronological order. “Hey, how are you? Look I need to talk to you. Can you call me back, I need to tell you something. And I need to ask you something. Just call me okay.” The next couple of messages were a bit bossier with him demanding she call him. The last two were a little more interesting. “Listen Hels, I can’t sleep, you’ve got me so worried, and I bet it’s just a broken phone. Sorry about all the messages, just want to know you’re okay. Just have this bad feeling. Call me, hey?” The last one started with a pause then he spoke, “You are stupid and annoying you know that? When I see you next time, we’re going to talk about some things and get everything straightened out. I’m tired of all this craziness. I’m coming to find you or die trying.” She heard him take a deep breath and hung up. Knowing how much he worried for her made Helena wish she could talk to him. Maybe he could tell her what he had wanted to say, and she wouldn’t bite his head off for trying. She looked at the phone, the solution was so blindingly obvious she almost didn’t see it.
Jim picked up on the third ring. “I can’t find it,” he said upon answering.
“Find what?”
“The ring. Do you know how much it cost?”
There was a youthful quality to his voice, she knew it well. “How much have you drunk?”
He paused obviously pondering her question as though it were the meaning of life, “Not much. I don’t think I’m drunk. Hels?”
She couldn’t help but smile, “What Jim?”
“I have to take it back.”
“Take what back?”
“The ring. It was eight grand,” he emphasised the number to make an obvious point.
She scoffed. “I can’t believe you spent eight grand on a piece of jewellery for Kelly.”
“Shhh… Don’t tell anyone, but I think it might be a mistake,” he whispered.
“Oh, I won’t.”
“And I asked her father for permission.”
“That was a bit dumb then.”
“I don’t think he likes me. I don’t think she likes me either. I don’t care for her Hels, you know deep down, it’s not there.”
His honesty cancelled any remarks she may have been tempted to make. “Then why did you want to propose to her in the first place?” It still made so little sense and she was determined to find out all the information while he had a healthy dose of truth serum, a.k.a. alcohol, in his system.
“I panicked.”
“Why?”
“It’s because… Oh! Here is the ring. No, that’s not it. Hey, I found a dollar.”
Helena held a growl of annoyance and instead repeated the question, “Why did you want to propose to her then?”
“I panicked… No, it’s okay, I promised myself I wouldn’t say.”
“Come on Jim. We’re best friends. You can tell me anything.”
“No, not lately. Best friends,” he made a humphing noise. “I don’t know.” She could feel his mood changing, the negativity rising.
She changed the subject, “Why is there a bag of frozen peas in my room, Jim?”
“Because I punched him.”
“Who?” But she already knew the answer.
“He lied about you and I called him a dick.”
She laughed, of all the things he might call Alex, a ‘dick’, while accurate, was hardly tough miner talk. “Did he punch you back?”
“No, no… I punched him pretty hard. And it felt good. Hey, I defended your honour. I should get your handkerchief or something.”
“I don’t have one.”
“Oh well, maybe your Bintang singlet then?”
“Maybe.”
“I’ve got to find this ring.”
She thought for a moment then decided she should tell him before he wrecked the place looking for it. “I know where it is.”
He brightened immediately. “Really? Where?”
“I saw a strange box in the laundry. I didn’t know where to put it so I popped it in the basin cupboard.” She heard him go and rummage through the cupboard then made a loud ‘Aha’ sound.
“Found it. Hels, you’re a lifesaver. You are the best. I mean you, you are so stupid and annoying sometimes, but you are also the best.”
“You too Jim, on both counts.”
“I’m not as annoying as you.”
She was going to say that was true, he was far, far more annoying, but refrained as she wanted to keep him happy. He continued, “It’s pretty. I wanted to paint it in the sunlight. Sparkle, sparkle. Seems a waste to take it back.”
Helena could hold her tongue no longer. “No, Jim. Take it back. You’re right. Don’t marry someone you don’t love.”
“Aha,” he agreed. “But what about someone I do love?”
She froze. Her voice failed her. She wanted to ask more, but couldn’t. Without thinking, she fell backwards onto the bed, the phone pulled out of its charger and went dead.
“Shit!” She exclaimed. Her heart beating wildly, Helena plugged the phone back in, waiting for it to charge. What did he mean? He loved someone else? Who? He couldn’t mean…
A ‘ding’ sounded and a new message appeared. It was from Jim. ‘So sorry I done love you and thing we are wrong for each other. Sorry.’
The shock took several moments to take full effect. Helena sat down on the sofa bed, shaking her head and staring at the message. She knew Jim was drunk, knew he didn’t know how she felt— she barely knew how she felt herself—how could he think they were wrong for each other, they hadn’t even discussed being together. But if that was what he wanted, she should respect it, no matter how much it hurt. It was just that Helena could not work out how he had known she loved him when she had only just realised it herself.