Aqua, teal, crimson, coral and peach. Jim checked the bag and then drove on, yes, all the tubes of paint were there and accounted for. A light sweat beaded on his brow. He squinted at the late afternoon sun beaming between the flowering jacarandas. He ignored the light-headedness as he drove. There was not far to go, then he could begin his next painting, his next attempt at the impossible.
From a distance, he saw that there were two cars in the driveway; Kelly’s and Hels’. He thought about not stopping, avoiding them for a little longer, but felt too weak to spend the evening driving around waiting for the cars to go. Well, at least for Kelly’s to go. He had been unable to spend much time with Kelly since the day of his alleged proposal. Which, by the way, still didn’t make any sense. Why would he call her a shepherd and annoying and ask her to marry him? Yes, maybe she was a little annoying, but she was nothing compared to Hels, and a shepherd? It must have been some pretty strong scotch. Kelly had been leaving messages and calling to talk about the wedding, and Jim had done his best to keep her at arm’s distance, but knew she would turn up sooner or later—but why did it have to be right now? He coughed into his hand as he parked roughly on their overgrown lawn. Jim braced himself, grabbed his bag of oils and walked stiffly into the house. This was not how he wanted to spend his evening.
Two pairs of angry eyes greeted Jim as he walked in the door. They had been talking, or at least Kelly had, but upon his arrival, silence hung thick in the air. He noticed two things in the muted moments that followed: One, Hels was upset. He thought maybe she had been crying and it didn’t seem she had made any effort to hide it. This was bad, very bad. Her refusal to hold his stare left him cold and he knew it wasn’t just his fever. Two, Jim noticed there were the black stains running up her arms, just like when she was a teenager. He surmised she had been helping her father in his garage. Jim felt himself transforming back into the teenage boy who had looked at Hels with a mix of awe and adoration. She had been invincible then, so strong, so proud, and now, she was so much more. He remembered how he used to watch her out of the corner of his eyes, how he’d tried to act indifferent in their friendship group. Then there was the dark times, when he had gotten sick. He had been bald, gained loads of weight (thanks to the steroid medication) and would have become a complete recluse during those dark times if it weren’t for Hels. Not once had she pitied him or allowed him to be anything but Jim.
“So… My fiancé, where have you been?” Kelly asked. Hels looked up at Jim, the question etched in her own puffy eyes.
“I’ve got the flu, sorry, it’s just caught me off guard. I was going to call you… Both of you.”
Kelly folded her arms, “You’ve had the flu for two weeks?”
“I’ve had lots on.” Jim propped himself up on the back of an armchair.
“Are you okay?” Hels asked.
He smiled, shrugged, and returned the question, “Yeah, what about you?”
“Just hay fever,” she lied.
He raised an eyebrow curiously, Hels had never had hay fever before. He decided to let it slide. Jim knew he should have returned her calls. Things were getting so complicated, and now something had upset her. He hoped it wasn’t him.
Kelly stood up, “So when are we going to plan this wedding?”
“After Bali.”
“You’re not still going?” Kelly’s face was like stone.
He tried to remain calm. “Why not?”
“We’re engaged, and I mean, you’re really not that well.”
“Hels and I planned this trip before you and I were even together. I’ll be fine.”
Kelly looked to Helena for support. Helena shrugged, “I could use the break, it’s only a few days. I can keep an eye on Jim.”
Kelly saved her angry face for Jim and grabbed her keys, “Well, I hope you get better for your trip. Since it is so important to you.”
Then she was gone. The door slam was pretty mild, no doubt reigned in because of Helena’s presence. Then they were alone.
Hels was first to speak, “So, we are still going?”
Jim flopped into the armchair putting down his bag next to him and finally let the fatigue takeover. “I’m still game.”
She nodded. “Let’s hope you’re better… I don’t want to sit on a plane with you like this for six hours,” she said.
“I’ll be better in no time. Are you alright?”
She looked down in obvious embarrassment. “I’m okay. I just wish you’d let me know what was going on. I messaged and called.” Hels didn’t seem angry and he wasn’t sure how to respond. Jim tried to keep his tone light.
“We’ve already had this conversation, only I was the one saying that.”
She was unimpressed by the irony, “Are you making a point? Is that why?”
He held up a hand in surrender. “No, course not, I’ve been sick, sorry, I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“Why not?” she asked defiantly.
“What do you mean?”
“What’s the big deal, why wouldn’t you just ignore me for a few days? I’m only a friend.”
He reserved his energy and resorted to sarcasm, “Yes Hels, you’re only a friend, that’s all you are, just a name in my phone, just some random on Facebook.”
“Then what am I, Jim? What am I to you?” He could see fresh tears reforming in her eyes and surprisingly felt a similar welling in his own. Damn his oversensitivity.
“You’re Hels. You’re the only thing good in my world, I don’t know. What do you want to be?”
She let out a deep breath and shook her head rapidly as though ready to burst. Hels looked him hard in the eyes, “What’s in the bag, Jim?”
“Oh, nothing really.” He tried to stay calm.
“What’s in the fucking bag, Jim?” she exploded out of her chair and grabbed the bag. Instinctively, he grabbed for it too. The plastic bag tore in half, the tubes of paint flopped onto the floor.
“Oh paint,” she said bitterly. “What are you painting, Jim?”
He stared at the different colours on the floor, reading their names to himself. She grabbed his shoulder, snapping him back to the moment and forcing him to look into her stormy blue eyes. “What are you painting?” she whispered.
The light-headedness returned, but he refused to show it. Helena’s eyes searched his. Whatever strength he had left, he put into his next few words. Carefully, Jim replied, “The only good thing in my world.”
She pulled him closer to her, their faces centimetres apart. She saw his perspiration, his fatigue and released her grip.
Jim collapsed back into the armchair’s side. He hoped she hadn’t noticed his grimace. Hels stood over Jim watching him carefully. “And you think I’m annoying?” He smiled up at her, his teeth beginning to chatter with fever. Jim put his hand over his mouth embarrassed. Instinctively, Helena felt his forehead and tut-tutted him. “Bloody hell Jim, you really are sick.”
“I told you.”
“Smart arse,” she said, then she bent down and took off his shoes.
“What are you doing?”
She squeezed his feet and smiled, “Taking care of you, do you have a problem with that?” He couldn’t help but smile as his teeth continued chattering uncontrollably.