The hours that passed in Hels’ hotel room were beyond anything he had ever experienced. It wasn’t just sex. It wasn’t just anything. It was everything. He gave everything to her, every bit of love, every care he had. He’d shared with her and she had given herself to him. They knew each other so well as friends, but now they knew everything about each other physically, and Jim admitted to himself that he had wanted this for a long time. Helena was unbelievably sexy, and he wanted all of her. That was why leaving as she slept was hard, too hard, in fact. It killed him to close that door. Every step he took away from the room was a massive effort. Every cell in his body screamed for him to return to her, to where he belonged, to where he should be, but Jim cared and loved her too much to do that.
He wandered down to the hotel’s private beach. The sun was not yet up, but the light shades of blue running across the sky told him it wouldn’t be long. He laid down on a hotel lounge chair and watched the waves break. Jim shook his head. So much for keeping things uncomplicated.
*****
A powerful knock sounded at the door. Helena woke to a strange new world, one where she knew Jim’s naked body, knew his touch, knew his love. She could still taste his skin on her tongue and smell his musk on the sheets. She could still hear his words of love and yells of pleasure.
The knock came again, louder, and Helena opened her eyes. The room was empty. No Jim, but plenty of mess. She was still naked, but now when she looked at her body, she remembered how Jim had looked at her, like she was both a precious gem, but also his prey. There had been no mistaking his desire, his need for her equalling her own for him.
The knock came again.
Dammit, what’s the time? Didn’t they know this was supposed to be a holiday and people like to sleep on holidays? Helena was surprised to find her muscles were tight and sore. She rolled off the bed. “Fuck me,” she said and smiled at the irony. She picked up her sarong and wrapped herself in it. Each step to the door shot pain up her legs. Jesus, Jim, she wondered, what the hell did you do to me?
Helena opened the door to find Kelly about to knock again. Kelly kept her fist held high as she shrieked, “Where is he?” She shook her fist in Helena’s face. Normally Helena might have been tempted to curl up a fist of her own, but she was tired, sore and to be honest, didn’t care enough about Kelly to return fire.
“Who? Jim?” she asked ignoring the angry gesture.
“Yes, Jim! Of course, Jim! That’s his name, you know.” Something was different about Kelly. Helena had seen Kelly angry before, seen her swear and throw cushions at the TV during football matches, but today she was bitter and haggard. Kelly looked like she had aged 20 years over night. She was not wearing any make-up, Helena realised. It was like seeing the real Kelly for the first time and, surprisingly, she didn’t hate her. She only felt sorry for her.
“Come in,” she offered. Kelly pushed through and gave the room a once over.
“He’s not here?”
Helena shook her head.
“I’m going crazy, Helena. Ever since he gave me this ring, it’s like… Everything is wrong. I look at how he is with you, and I want that, but then it’s like he doesn’t need me because he’s got you.”
Helena sat on the bed thinking. She imagined what all this must be like from Kelly’s point of view. How her boyfriend always talked to someone else, joked with someone else, shared himself with someone else. But as sorry as she felt for Kelly, she didn’t feel guilty for making love to Jim—no, she knew that it was more real than any phoney engagement and what they had somehow transcended normal relationships. “I’m sorry, Kelly.” It was all she could say.
Kelly nodded. Her eyes clouded over and she took a deep breath, “Do you love him?” She watched Helena, desperate for her to lie.
Maybe it was because of the tiredness, maybe because it was just too undeniable, but Helena couldn’t lie. She looked for the words and couldn’t find them, deciding instead to go with a simple nod. “I’m sorry.”
Kelly shrugged, and slumped against the TV unit behind her, tears welling in her eyes. “He loves you too, you know? I just don’t get why he’s marrying me.”
Helena was careful not to respond, she honestly had no idea why Jim had kept up the pretence. She found some tissues and handed them to Kelly. “What about you, do you love him?” Helena asked.
Kelly’s face went pale as though considering the thought for the first time. “It’s strange. I do, but it’s like I’m always wanting more, you know? I always think I’ll love him more when we get married or when he stops being friends with you, or when some other big change happens, you know? It’s like he’s a project to me.”
Helena laughed at the honesty. It was so refreshing after dealing with Jim’s half-truths all the time.
“Is that how you feel about him too?” Kelly wondered aloud.
No, Helena thought, it was nothing like how she felt. Her love for Jim was so strong, so pure he didn’t have to do anything, be anything. She could never see him again and she knew she would still love him until her dying breath and beyond. “It’s different, we’ve been friends for a long time,” she answered diplomatically.
Kelly rolled her eyes. “And how can I compete with that?”
“We’re not in competition.”
“Really, Helena? We both love him, but he can’t decide so he keeps us both around and now you’ve won.”
“He chose you. That’s why you’ve got that ring on your finger.”
“This?” Kelly said, gesturing to it. “It tells me he loves me, but this,” she said and pointed to her heart, “tells me he loves you.”
It didn’t help that Helena’s own heart felt the same, but she shook her head all the same. “Come on Helena, you know it too. It just doesn’t make sense.”
“He used to tell me everything,” Helena admitted, “but lately, he’s been different. I don’t know what he’s thinking anymore. At first I thought it was because he had you, but now I just don’t know.”
Kelly’s eyes widened, determination fixed on her face, “Maybe we should go ask him then?”
Helena nodded. Maybe it was time he told them what the hell he was thinking.