“There’s that bloody idiot,” Kelly muttered.
It hadn’t taken long to find him, and now that they had, there was no way he would be avoiding their questions. He lay on the lounge chair by the seaside, his teeth chattering as he slept. Helena put a hand on his clammy forehead and felt his rising temperature. He opened his eyes at her touch. “Hels?” She smiled at the bloody idiot, as Kelly had rightly called him. He smirked through chattering teeth.
“You bloody idiot,” Kelly yelled. “What are you doing out here? Look, you’ve made yourself sick again, what were you thinking?”
Jim sat up slowly. Helena guessed he felt as sore as she did. “Bloody idiot,” she said under her breath.
He could only shrug weakly. “I wanted to watch the sunrise,” he said softly. Helena helped him up and he put an arm around her shoulder for support. “I don’t feel too good.”
“You don’t look too good,” she agreed.
Kelly went quiet as she watched them, her eyes boring into Helena’s. Helena could see the hurt, the accusation, the threat, but didn’t bother responding. If Kelly loved him so much, she could help too.
“We have something to ask you Jim and it can’t wait.”
He nodded, and then, with Helena’s help, began plodding back towards the hotel. “Maybe now isn’t the time,” Helena suggested. All she cared about now was getting Jim to bed and then working out how to get a doctor. Kelly kicked the sand in frustration behind them before turning and stomping away down the beach.
“Thanks,” Jim whispered.
Helena shook her head, “Don’t think you’re getting away with it that easy.”
He winced, looking back at the storm clouds brewing over Kelly’s head. “I feel like I’ve been run over by a freight train. What did you do to me?” he whispered. It was nice to have him so close again so soon. Despite his flu coming back and Kelly’s evil stare, she relished the feel of his body leaning on hers.
“Sorry I kept you up all night,” she apologised. “I didn’t think about the fact you were still getting over the flu.”
He chuckled softly, “I’m not sorry.”
She looked at him then, wanting to read his mind. She swallowed hard, “If you’re not sorry, what does that mean? For us?”
“Us?”
“You and me, Jim.”
He coughed and pulled away from her. His eyes red, his cheeks pale. The cough was chesty and deep. He managed to get it under control and gave an apologetic smile. “If I didn’t know you so well, Hels, if I could lie to myself about what I know about you, I would do it.”
“Do what, Jim? Do what?” she pleaded. Enough of this beating around the bush, either he loved her or he didn’t, either he wanted her or Kelly. It was simple. “What are you trying to say, Jim?”
“I can’t. I can’t even say it. I’ve used every part of me, every scrap of energy to protect you and that’s all that matters to me. I know you don’t understand and that’s because I’ve done my best so you wouldn’t. One day this will make sense. You may thank me for it or hate me. I don’t know.”
His non-explanation drove her crazy. She could see the sweat on his forehead beading, hell, she could see he was fading, but she couldn’t let it go.
“Protect me from what?” she demanded.
He put up a hand to her face, tears welling in his eyes. “From me.” And then he collapsed.
*****
The rest of the trip was a blur for Jim. Eventually, Hels and Kelly learned to leave him alone. Jim didn’t want his illness to ruin the holiday for everyone. The monsoon that hit on the second day continued for the rest of the trip making Jim glad to stay in bed and sleep. The Indian doctor gave him some strong stuff that made the days pass by like clouds in the wind. He did his best not to overthink things as he lay in a semi-stupor. He knew both Kelly and Hels were mad at him, and so be it, there were worse things in the world. He spent the days in bed trying to come up with a new plan. He knew he was weakening, he knew it wouldn’t be long before he gave in and he could not let that happen. He needed to get away, keep her at arm’s length and not let things get any more complicated for her. There was one plan, one he hated vehemently, but no others came up. He wasn’t sure he could do it, but he found the strength from his love for her. He would protect her, he would ensure her future happiness, and he would do it by breaking her heart.