You're probably wondering why I didn't tell my uncle I understood, sort of, how to play bridge. I was getting better at predicting what card he would play. Why not let him know? Why not ask him to teach me the finer points of the game? I could be his protégé too, instead of his trained monkey. What better way to "bond" with him than to show an interest in the game he loved?
You're right. That would have been the normal and sensible thing to do.
But in case you haven't noticed, I have a deranged personality. I don't like people telling me how to do things. It makes me feel stupid. I have this need to figure things out for myself.
Ask my mother, she'll tell you. "You can't tell Alton anything!"
Besides, after my uncle's Go Fish remark to Toni, I wanted to prove to him just how wrong he was.
I had this fantasy. He's playing in a real important game, maybe for the national championship, when suddenly Gloria gets sick. Nothing serious, mind you, but she has to leave the table.
"Well, that's it," he says. "We'll have to forfeit."
Then I say, "I suppose I can fill in."
"You? Hah! We're not playing Go Fish!"
"I've been watching you play," I say. "It doesn't look too hard. Besides, what have you got to lose? It's better than forfeiting."
So he reluctantly agrees. Leslie takes my place as his cardturner, and I take Gloria's seat. I then astound him with my brilliant play, and of course, we win, thanks to me. I know, it's sick.