14
Peking, 1862-1863
Many months after Cixi’s coup, I was called into the main audience hall where the young emperor was holding court. Prince Gong was there and smiled at the confusion on my face as I entered the hall and kneeled before the young emperor. Usually, if the empress wanted something, she asked me directly. I couldn’t imagine any reason why I would be called before the Dragon Throne. The Dowager Empresses were sitting behind a screen behind the emperor.
“Mistress Yang,” Empress Dowager Cixi began, “Prince Gong has requested your presence at this meeting. Proceed, Prince Gong.”
“Majesties, I have a project in mind that I believe requires Mistress Yang’s expertise. As you know, a British warship recently fired on one of our ships in our own waters.”
This caused a few shocked gasps from around the room and angry outbursts. Things had been tense with the foreign powers since the coup, but peaceful. Empress Dowager Cixi had been doing her best to meet the demands of the treaties, so there certainly was no cause for war.
“Thankfully, our ship did not sink and there were few casualties,” Prince Gong continued. “I spoke with the British admiral. He told me that the captain fired on our ship because he thought they might have been Taiping rebels or marauders because the ship was not flying a flag showing its allegiance to China. I do not know if that is the real reason why they fired on our ships or not, but it did raise an interesting issue. I have also heard reports of our ships having trouble docking in certain ports or receiving aid at sea for similar reasons. We are one of the only countries in the world that does not have a national flag.”
“This is an interesting issue, Prince Gong,” Empress Cixi replied. “What do you think, Emperor Tongzhi?”
The Emperor had been reclining in his seat, playing with a toy when he heard his mother say his name. He may have been the emperor, but he was only a child and had no interest in sitting in an uncomfortable chair listening to adults talk.
“I don’t know,” the little emperor mumbled.
“I have an idea for a flag in mind, Your Majesties,” the prince continued. “But I believe someone with artistic skills could create something more majestic and regal. Do I have your permission to work on this project with Mistress Yang?”
“I agree that this situation should be resolved quickly,” Empress Cixi responded. “I expect to see some progress on this flag within a week.”
The prince and I both kowtowed. Then we both rose to our feet but stayed bent at the waist as we backed away. After we exited the audience hall, the prince and I looked at each other, unsure of what to say but both happy to have a chance to talk. Men and women were supposed to remain separate within the Forbidden City. There were some exceptions and no one followed the rules all the time, but more than just gender kept us apart. I was still little more than a gōngnǚ while he was Prince-Regent, second only to the Empress Dowagers. There was no reason why we should be seen together, until now.
“Why did you do that?” I asked. “If the empress wanted a flag she could have just ordered one made in private.”
“I know,” he said. “But I wanted to see you. I want to spend time with you.”
“Why?” I asked.
“Life is good, Yaqian,” he said. He motioned toward the imperial gardens and we took a leisurely walk. “We have peace with the Westerners,” he continued. “No one is happy about opening so many trade ports, but I have increased the customs taxes, so everything they take out or bring into China they have to pay for. Eventually, we will be able to pay back those foreign indemnities with their own money. Empress Dowager Cixi has also agreed to let me use British troops to fight the Taiping. We have peace abroad and soon we will have peace here. By the time Tongzhi is ready to rule alone, his country will be peaceful and prosperous and he will have an easy reign.”
I nodded. “I have noticed that much of the tension that clouded my first few years here seems to have dissipated. I still don’t know what that has to do with me.”
“Oh, it has very little to do with you,” he said. “But this feels like the summer of my life. I am still young and life is good. I intend to make the most of it.”
“By working with a lowly embroidery girl on a flag?” I asked.
“No, by seducing a lowly embroidery girl,” he said. He stopped walking and gently grabbed my elbow.
I couldn’t believe what he had just said. I refused to look at him. How could he speak to me so improperly?
“Will you not look at me, Yaqian?” he asked.
“No,” I said with a pout. “You know nothing can come of it.”
“Why not?” he asked. “Gōngnǚ are often given as wives to court officials after several years of faithful service. And no one has been more faithful than you. I dare say the empress would not deny you anything you asked of her.”
“We cannot marry, you fool,” I said. “I am Chinese; you are Manchu. Marriage between races is forbidden. You know this.”
He nodded. “I know. But maybe you could come to me under another title, be a servant in my house.”
“A servant? In your house? For your wives and concubines to kick like a dog?”
“I am sure we could come to some arrangement,” he said. “I could order them to treat you kindly.”
“That would never work,” I said. “You are rarely at home anyway. I would never see you and you wouldn’t be there to protect me.”
He seemed frustrated as he racked his brain for an answer.
“Besides,” I said, cutting off any further rebuttals. “I am happy here. I love the empress and my work. I would not give it up to live in your home and birth your spoiled children. Did you ever consider what I wanted?” I asked.
“I considered the fact that you loved me too and would want to find a way to be together.”
“I do love you,” I said, almost shocking myself. “But the price of giving into that love is too high.”
“You would rather live in a fantasy?” he asked. “Just loving in your mind but never really fulfilling what it means to love?”
“You should climb inside my head,” I said. “It is a beautiful place.”
The prince wasn’t joking about his intention to seduce me. He came to see me at least once a week under the pretense of working on the design for the flag. He would take any opportunity to touch my hand, kiss my cheek, or say kind things. I didn’t tell him to stop because I enjoyed the attention, but I simply couldn’t imagine a future together.
The flag we created together was magnificent, just as he predicted it would be. He had imagined a red dragon on a yellow background, but I made a few artistic changes. I made the flag a triangle instead of a square. I knew the flags of other empires were square, but Manchu banners were triangular, so I thought a triangular flag would pay homage to the emperor’s Manchu ancestors. I kept the yellow background because yellow was the color of the emperor. I changed the red dragon to a blue one because the azure dragon represented the east and the spring and was considered the king of the dragons. I could not imagine a better dragon to represent this new China under Emperor Tongzhi. I kept one of the blue threads from that first flag I made as a memory of this symbol of China I was creating, but also to remember those days with Prince Gong.
I also added another element, a red flaming pearl. It looked like the azure dragon was reaching for the pearl. The pearl symbolized perfection and enlightenment, the endless cycle of transformation, and was one of the Eight Treasures of Buddhism. Above the dragon throne in the emperor’s formal audience hall there was a huge golden dragon with a pearl in its mouth. Legend said that if anyone who wasn’t the emperor sat on the emperor’s throne, the dragon would drop the pearl and the person would be crushed. Through the pearl, the dragon enacted justice. The pearl also represented wealth and good luck.
After the Dowager Empresses approved the flag, it was sent to Suzhou for mass production. Once the flag became standard, Prince Gong took me to the Dagu Forts where I could see hundreds of ships flying the flag of China. Dancing in the wind, it looked like a sea of dragons flying over the ocean. It was one of the proudest moments of my life.
One day, Empress Cixi called me to her. She sent everyone else away so we could speak privately.
“I have a task for you,” she said. “We – the Emperor, Empress Ci’an, and I – are eternally grateful for what Prince Gong did in the service of us.”
“I believe he is eternally devoted to you and your cause,” I said.
“I agree,” she said. “As thanks, I would like to commission a new robe for him. Something grand, the likes of which has never been seen before. I think the court needs a symbol. My little Emperor is too small to make a grand statement of power or prestige, but Prince Gong is the highest-ranking man in the country. He should look the part.”
“I agree, Majesty. Do you have an idea for a design?”
“Yellow and dragons is all I know,” she said. “But…amazing! Do you know what I mean?”
I smiled. “I have some ideas,” I said. “Do you want to work on the pattern together and then have them sent to Suzhou?”
“No!” she said. “Well, I will help with the pattern, but I want you to do it, all of it. It must be the most beautiful dragon robe ever made! It cannot be entrusted to those idiot country girls. It must be made by your hand.”
“But, Majesty, that could take a long time. Months or more if I am the only person working on it.”
She nodded. “It is agreed then.”
“Your Majesty,” I carefully proceeded, “that will be a mighty gift. Do you not worry that people will talk?”
“No more than they already talk about you,” she said.
I jumped out of my seat and kneeled before her. “Your Majesty, please forgive me and believe me when I say that I have done nothing that would bring you disgrace. I am loyal to you above all others.”
“Are you?” she asked.
“Yes, Your Majesty,” I said. “I want nothing more than to serve you for all of my days.”
“How long have you been here, Yaqian?” she asked.
“Seven years, Your Majesty.”
“How old are you?”
“I am twenty-three.”
“If you are going to marry, it is time,” she said. “I was only sixteen when I became the Emperor’s consort. I dare say most men wouldn’t accept a bride as old as you.”
“I have no wish to be a bride, Your Majesty,” I said. “I am happy here and would serve you all my days if you allowed it.”
“As I said, if you are going to marry, it should be done now, otherwise it will not be done at all.”
“I beg of Your Majesty,” I said, knocking my forehead to the ground and nearly in tears, “do not speak of it again. I will seek no other life but one in your service.”
“Sit up,” she said. She looked at me and sighed. I am sure she believed me, but having a servant with such undying devotion was a rare thing. It was difficult for her to accept. “Very well, we will speak of it no more.”
For the next year, I worked on nothing but Prince Gong’s dragon robe.
The robe was the most exquisite thing I had ever made. I started with the best yellow satin available for the shell and then lined it with perfectly white rabbit fur. With thread of real gold, I embroidered a massive dragon head that I couched onto the center of the robe. The body of the dragon, his legs, and tail were partly couched and partly embroidered directly on the robe and snaked around the rest of it. Each of the dragon’s feet had four claws because only the emperor would be allowed to wear a dragon with five claws. I embellished the robe with pearls from the South China Sea. I didn’t want the pattern to be too busy, I wanted the dragon to be the most important part, but I did include a few smaller dragons, bats, and auspicious symbols for good luck.
After I completed the robe, I didn’t tell the empress immediately. I wanted to gaze at it, remember it for the rest of my days. I kept some of the extra gold thread and put it with the rest of my memories. For days, I kept the robe on its rack in my room and I just looked at it, amazed by this thing of beauty I had created. How I wished Lady Tang was there to see it.
I was not present when the empress presented the yellow dragon robe to Prince Gong. She did so at a formal ceremony I was not allowed to attend, but afterward, he sought me out. I had been walking in one of the palace gardens when he found me. He was the most handsome man in the world. He stood tall, his chest broader than when we first met. His boots were tall and black, embroidered with golden symbols. His queue was long and tight, his forehead recently shaved, and his eyes bright. Neither of us could speak. We simply stared at each other for a long time – me, admiring the most handsome of princes in his dragon robe, and he, truly appreciating my skill for the first time. Finally, I managed a respectful curtsey and he replied with a solemn bow before walking away. My knees gave out and I sat in the shade by the pond for a long time.
Several months later, I was sitting by a little pond in the imperial gardens that was situated around a statue of Guanyin. The sun was already setting, so it was cool and dark in the little grotto. The golden koi swam in circles below me, mistakenly thinking I was going to throw them some food. I could hear some frogs chirping, but could not see where they were hiding. I twisted a lock of my long, black hair in my fingers. I had such soft hair.
I turned when I heard some footsteps behind me. My eyes widened when I saw Prince Gong, wearing the yellow and golden robe I had embroidered for him, standing there. I had not seen him since the day the Empress presented him with his dragon robe. Since the completion of the national flag, we had no pretense to see each other. My heart fluttered seeing him now before me, but I did my best to remain calm.
He smiled at me. “Evening, Yaqian.”
I stood and gave a low curtsey before him. “My Prince,” I said with my eyes to the floor.
“Yaqian!” he said, offering me his hand, “surely friends such as you and I are above such formalities.”
I accepted his hand and stood. We left the little pool and walked down a long hallway decorated with teakwood carvings. “Are we ever above such formalities?” I asked. “Do not your wives and concubines still bow in your presence?”
He shrugged. “Some of the wives do; some do not. The concubines all do, though. My wives would beat them if they refused.”
I rolled my eyes, shook my head, and smiled. “I was raised too poor to understand the intrigue of such large families,” I said.
“My brother the emperor paid for you with a very fine concubine to your father. How do you think your mother is handling her?” he asked.
My head instinctively dropped at the mention of my mother. “I don’t know,” I said. “I have had no contact with my family since I came here. I am sure the poor concubine is miserable. Unless she has had many sons like you promised. Maybe then my mother would be good to her.”
He nodded. “Did you notice that I am wearing the robe you made for me, Yaqian?”
I looked at him, from his neck to his boots. The robe was every bit as exquisite as I remembered. My eyes wandered back up the robe and I looked at his face. On any other man, the robe might not have been as stunning, but on Prince Gong, with his broad build, strong jaw, long, black hair, and piercing gray eyes, he looked like an emperor.
He smiled at me as I surveyed him. He seemed to enjoy the fact that I was looking at him so intently. I finally managed to break my gaze away.
“You should stop praising me for that ugly robe,” I said, turning from him and walking away. “It was a gift from the empress, your dear brother’s wife, as thanks for helping her after his death. It pains her for you to give me credit for her gift.”
“She did not make this robe,” he said, catching up to me.
“She brought me from the dirt in faraway Hunan into her service. She provided the materials. She had the idea for the robe. Everything I am is because of her. Alone, I am nothing.”
“Come into my household,” he said, stepping in front of me causing me to stop and look up at him. “Some of my wives are skilled at embroidery but with a fraction of your skill. I would be very pleased to have you under my roof. I would praise you and your skills publicly every day.”
I scoffed. “You think I am just some weaver girl you can buy into your house? I am in service to Empress Cixi, the most powerful woman in the country. Only she deserves the best. You are only a prince,” I said waving my hand at him dismissively. “One of many.” I started to walk away from him, but he grabbed my arm and turned me back to him.
“Do you truly despise me, Yaqian?” he asked.
“You are nothing,” I said. “Just like me.”
He pulled me close to him and kissed me. It was not the first time we had kissed, but this time was different. Before, the kisses had been sweet, flirtatious, and I could easily run away. This time, there was something more firm, more insistent about his kiss. I could not have run away if I wanted to. There was a hunger to his kiss. He needed me.
He held one hand around my shoulders and the other around my waist. I reached up and put one arm around his neck. I wanted to comfort him, let him know that this time I wasn’t going to run away. He tasted like pomegranates and felt so hot against me. I could hear a small growl escape his throat as he moved from my mouth to my neck where he began to bite and suck. I felt a throbbing and wetness between my legs. I had not laid with a man before…not properly. I tried to push the unpleasant memories of the evening I spent with his brother out of my mind as I tasted Prince Gong. I knew what real desire was, and my body wanted him.
He stopped kissing me and looked deep into my eyes. He led me down a dark hallway, away from any prying eyes. He put my hand inside his robe. I gasped in surprised and tried to jerk my arm back, but he held my hand tightly, almost too tightly, as he kept staring into my eyes. He forced my hand to touch him. I did not shirk back this time and I let him show me what to do. He sighed, closed his eyes, and let go of my wrist. I kept moving my hand up and down.
He wrapped his arms around me, burying me in the long sleeves of his robe. He placed his cheek next to mine and sighed as I continued pleasuring him. “Yaqian,” he whispered, “I want to come to your room tonight.”
I let go of him and took a step away. I looked up into his eyes, which were rimmed red. “You think I am your whore to call when you want?” I asked.
“Never,” he said. “I am the most decorated prince in all of China. I have wives and concubines for my pleasure. Any foolish maiden on the street would throw herself at my feet if I so desired.”
I removed his arms from around my neck and stepped away. “I am no foolish maiden,” I said.
He nodded. “Exactly. You are cold and utterly devoted to my dear sister-in-law. For you to choose to lay with me would be a great favor from you.”
“It is more than a favor,” I said. “Should we be caught, I could lose my life. I could be killed simply for daring to touch your great personage,” I said glancing below his waist.
He stepped close again and kissed me gently. He squeezed one of my breasts with one hand and my backside with the other. “I am worth it,” he whispered.
While I trembled and felt moist from his touch, his arrogance was appalling. I rolled my eyes and stepped away. “Not even you are worth a moment of my time, Prince Gong,” I said. “Much less my life.”
I began to walk away, but he followed me. He grasped one of my arms and whispered in my ear, “Tonight, Yaqian. I will come to you tonight. I will pay the guards to let me in and out of the palace after dark. Wait for me.”
I shrugged him off and kept walking. I did not look back at him. My heart was beating like a drum, my knees were weak, my stomach was dancing, but I managed to walk straight ahead until he was no longer behind me. I then ran to my quarters and looked at myself in the mirror. My face was flushed and my hands were shaking.
I poured water into my washbasin and rinsed my face. I could not believe what had just happened. Of course, I had felt a wanting for Prince Gong many times. He was so kind to me. He was the only person who openly acknowledged my embroidery skills. While my skills were known throughout the kingdom, Empress Cixi would only have the best in her service after all, humility was a cardinal virtue for a woman. I was never publically praised and when the empress thanked me in private, I kept my head low and denied the beauty of my work. But, secretly, I wanted to shout from the top of every temple in the empire that I was the greatest needleworker in China. I wanted to return to my hometown and show Mother the prince’s robe so she could see how my talent had grown. A thousand years from now, I wanted people to sing laments about how no one ever created embroidery as beautiful as mine ever again. Prince Gong’s public thanks for my work gave me a tiny glimpse into the glory I desired in my heart. And it made me desire him.
I knew I would never marry as long as I was in the empress’s service. I would never have children. My life was utterly devoted the empress and I could not have such petty distractions in my life. Even taking a lover would mean less time working, more time worrying about my own wants or the wants of someone else. I could not afford such diversions from my work.
Furthermore, the very idea of laying with Prince Gong was absurd. The imperial family was above the rest of us, appointed and protected by Heaven. Only wives and concubines appointed by the Emperor or Empress had the right to touch a man of the royal family, and a Manchu could only ever marry a Manchu. If I was caught, even my great skill and the love the empress or the prince had for me could not protect me.
I paced as all these thoughts ran through my head. Allowing the prince into my room was an insane, deadly thought. All of my powers of reason told me not to do it. And yet, I wanted him to come to me. As much as I hated it, I loved the prince. It made me feel weak. Loving the prince put me in danger and could only lead to disaster.
Yet, here, in the darkness, I could give into my feelings, just this once. Being with him for just one night did not mean that I was his lover. One night of passion would not interfere with my duties to the empress. But not giving into my feelings would interfere. I could think of nothing else. Even right now, I should be working, but all I could think about was him. If I finally gave myself to him, it would be over and he would no longer occupy my thoughts. I could return to my work clear of mind.
I brushed perfumed oil through my hair, tied it up and decorated it with a string of jade beads. I put on my best purple robe and used a small amount of red color on my lips. Then I waited. Finally, long after darkness had fallen, I heard a tiny knock on my door. I had to calm my stomach before going to open it.
The prince was standing there, smiling brightly, almost as bright as the yellow dragon robe he was still wearing, and his eyes shined. He grabbed my hand as he entered and shut the door behind him. “Yaqian!” he exclaimed. “I cannot believe you are here. As soon as you left my sight earlier, I thought I had made a terrible mistake. I was sure that you would not be here, you would have hidden from me.”
“It is my goal to make sure you never know what I will do,” I said.
“But you are here,” he said stroking my face gently. “That must mean you do love me.”
“I never said that,” I finally said. “I only wanted to know what it was like to sleep like a princess for one night.”
He looked me up and down as he walked over to me slowly. “You will only know that,” he said as he undid the sash of my robe, “if you spend the night with a prince.”
He kissed me and took the pins and beads from my hair so it could fall freely. He kissed my cheek and my neck. He opened my robe and caressed my naked breasts. My nipples grew hard as he squeezed them. He was a head taller than I was, so it was a little awkward as he bent to try and kiss my chest. He made me feel beautiful and confident. I didn’t want to shrink away from him; I wanted him to touch every part of me. He stood back up and reached through my robe to grab my backside with both hands and pulled me to him as he returned to kissing my mouth. I could feel his hardness poke me in the stomach as he did, which had the unfortunate effect of making me giggle like an idiot.
He stopped groping me and looked down at me confused. “My lovemaking humors you, my lady?” he asked.
I felt my face grow hot and I looked down to avoid his gaze. I wasn’t sure what to say, so I undid the sash on his robe and opened it to reveal his naked body. It was fantastic. His imperial raiment concealed the body of a warrior. His chest was hard and every muscle was clearly etched on his skin. He had a scar on the left side of his stomach from a battle he had almost lost. His legs showed immense power from years of riding horses. His member, which had been fully erect and stabbing me only a moment ago, was now drooping a bit, dejected at my cruel giggles. I realized at that moment that he was in my power. His pleasure or his pain was at my bidding.
“Tell me how to please you,” I whispered.
He looked down and kissed me again before taking my hand and leading me over to the kang. He removed his robe and tossed it to one side. He slid his fingers over my shoulders and removed my robe as well. We stood naked before each other as equals. Both vulnerable, both full of desire. Just a man and a woman, not a prince and gōngnǚ. He sat on the edge of the kang and motioned for me to sit in front of him. I got down on my knees, between his, and my face directly across from his cock.
“Touch it,” he said.
I gently ran my fingers down one side, causing him to gasp again. He wrapped my fingers around him and showed me how to move my hand up and down, with my thumb hitting below the tip, just the way he liked it. He moaned quietly at my touch. I could feel myself growing wet from the knowledge that I was pleasing him. Oh, how I wanted him to touch me in such intimate ways.
He reached down and ran his fingers through my hair then he pulled my face closer to his cock.
“Kiss,” he said.
I was a bit surprised at first, and it seemed a little strange. I wanted to laugh to cover the fact that I felt uncomfortable, but I didn’t want to hurt his feelings again, so I leaned in and gave a small kiss near his snake eye. I looked up at him for approval. I wasn’t sure how this little kiss could please him. He was smiling and ran his thumb over my lips.
“Open your mouth,” he said. “And take me inside.”
This seemed even stranger to me. I didn’t know a lot about lovemaking, but I didn’t think his member was supposed to go into my mouth. I was aching between my legs and wanted him to touch me there. He must have noticed the confusion and apprehension in my face. This time he chuckled.
“Don’t be scared,” he said. “Just try it for a minute.”
I opened my mouth and he guided the head of his cock inside. He put his hand behind my head and moved me slightly forward and back so he went in and out of my mouth. He tasted salty, but he was certainly enjoying himself, moaning and panting, so I didn’t stop. He gripped my hair as I tried to move my mouth and tongue all around his cock. He tried to force me to take him deeper, but I made a horrible gagging sound. He let go of my hair and stroked my cheeks.
“I’m sorry, Yaqian,” he said. “We will have to work on that next time.” He looked at me with gentle eyes and I didn’t have the heart to tell him that there wouldn’t be a next time. He pulled me up toward him and laid with me on the kang. He kissed me and stroked my hair and face. He massaged my breasts and once again made them pique with delight. He kissed down my throat and chest and then flicked one of my nipples with his tongue. His breath felt cool on the now wet nipple, which made my body feel prickly all over. He sucked, kissed, and bit all over my breasts as he slowly moved on top of me.
This was how it was supposed to be, I thought. This was nothing like the night I spent with the emperor. Prince Gong didn’t seem to have a thought for my feet. He didn’t touch them or caress them, which was how I preferred it. The way Prince Gong was loving me felt right. I wanted him on me, around me, inside me. I opened my legs when I felt his hand petting my soft hairs. I could feel him smile through his kisses as he touched my wetness.
“I’m glad you want me, Yaqian,” he whispered.
“I would not be here if I didn’t, my prince,” I answered.
At that, he positioned himself between my legs and lay completely on top of me. I could feel his cock touching and prodding me, looking for its way in. His body was much bigger than mine, this battle-built stallion trying to mount a small, domesticated mare. I spread my legs as far as I could and arched my hips to welcome him into me. I could not help but moan as just the head of his cock entered my body. He pulled out and then entered me again. He repeated this motion several times over and I groaned every time he pulled out and gasped in pleasure every time he entered.
He then reached around with one arm behind my backside. He pulled out, and while I expected him to enter again gently, that is not what happened. He held me firmly and shoved the full length of his cock inside me. I gasped in horror as pain shot through my entire body. I am sure I screamed because he then placed a hand over my mouth, but my head was swimming in confusion, pleasure, and terror. I felt as though I had been run through with a sword.
Prince Gong kissed my cheek and shushed me. He rubbed my hips and said words to calm me. “My sweet Yaqian. I’m sorry. I knew you were a virgin and it would hurt. I didn’t want to scare you, so I did it quickly.”
I was angry and sad at the same time. Part of me wanted to slap his face and stomp away. Another part of me wanted to curl up into a ball and cry. Was this it? Was this sex? This pain was something people killed, lived, and died for?
“Is…is that…it?” I finally managed to ask while choking back tears.
He kissed my face. “No, no, my dear. That was just the worst part since this is your first time. When you are ready, we can keep going.”
I didn’t know what he meant by “keep going,” but I didn’t want the one night I was going to spend with him to end like this, in pain and tears. I nodded and whispered, “Keep going.”
He nodded and slowly began to pull his full girth in and out of me. I was sore, but as he continued to make love to me, with sweet kisses, soft caresses, and skillfully entering and exiting my body, I calmed down and returned to the state of ecstasy I was in before.
Once he got into a steady rhythm, he gripped my shoulders, placed his cheek against mine, and panted with each thrust. I loved feeling his hot breath on my skin, his body form sweat under my fingers, and the way his cock now so easily slid in and out of me. Our bodies moved as one and I took great pleasure in the fact that he was enjoying my body as much as I was enjoying his.
I don’t know that I ever climaxed, the entire experience felt so good and was so exhilarating that every moment was euphoric, but I do know that he did. With one last hard thrust and groan, he spilled into me, filling me with warmth and satisfaction.
Afterward, I lay in his arms for a long time. I knew the sun would rise and he would have to escape the palace before dawn, but I didn’t want my night with the prince to end too soon. One night of selfish pleasure had been too much to ask for and it couldn’t happen again. So I savored him. I breathed his scent in deeply. I ran my fingers over every muscle and every scar on his body. I licked the salt from his cheek. This moment would have to last me a lifetime.
I awoke to a banging sound. I didn’t remember falling asleep. I could still smell the prince and feel the soft silk of his robe under my fingers. The banging got louder.
“Mistress Yang! Mistress Yang!” a maid called. “Are you all right? The door is locked. You are late!”
I finally forced myself to open my eyes. The prince was gone. As the blur cleared from my eyes, a yellow blanket appeared before me. I sat up. It wasn’t a yellow blanket, but Prince Gong’s dragon robe!
“Mistress Yang! Is everything okay?”
Wide awake, I gripped the robe and jumped out of bed. I would never be able to explain why the robe was in my room. Why had the idiot left it? What was he wearing when he left? I tried to find somewhere to hide it, but my trunk was full. Besides, anywhere I put it, the maid who cleaned my room would find it eventually. Then I heard another voice calling for me.
“Yaqian!” called Wensong. “Are you in there? Are you sick? The empress is calling for you.”
I would have to open the door. I was late. But what would I do with the robe? I panicked. In my fear and stupidity, I shoved the robe in the fireplace, which had a small fire still burning in it. The robe immediately caught on fire. It began to shrink and smelled like burning hair. I didn’t have time to change my mind because in only a moment, the beautiful golden robe turned to black ash. All that was left were the little pearls I had used as embellishments. I reached in and made sure they were all buried in the ash. My fingers were black from the ruin of my most magnificent creation.
“Yaqian!” Wensong yelled. “Open this door or I’ll bring someone to break it down.”
A primal, guttural wail began to fill my ears. It took me a second to realize this intense sound of pain was coming from me. What had I done? The magnum opus of my life was gone in an instant. The cost of one night with the prince had been the most magnificent creation of my career. The empress would find out! The prince was supposed to wear the robe on official occasions. She would notice if he wasn’t wearing it. She would demand to know where it was. I cried louder. I would die two deaths. One for sleeping with the prince, the other for destroying the great gift her majesty had bestowed upon the prince.
The banging on my door resumed, but much louder and more intense. An Dehai suddenly burst through the door, with the maid and Wensong right behind him. They found me kneeling on the ground in front of the fireplace, my hands black with soot and crying as if I had just been stabbed.
Wensong ran to me and took me in her arms. I mumbled something about being stupid and heartbroken because I dropped something into the fire. An Dehai quickly accepted this excuse and left the room, uninterested in caring for the needs of a hysterical female. Wensong helped me wash my hands and face and get dressed so I could attend the empress. I calmed myself as much as I could and went about my day as if the night before had not been the most wonderful and then the most terrible of my life.