By July fourth it was all but over. The Americans went to fish the River Neris one last time. They boarded a trolleybus outside the Balatonas Hotel, squeezed shoulder to shoulder with grim Lithuanians—whiskered old ladies, sullen-faced men in thin ties, a miniskirted girl with a cluster of nose rings—and stood in their rubber waders, holding their bamboo poles out the windows to keep them from being snapped. The trolley rolled past the green market stalls and awning-fronted shops on Pilies Street, past the cathedral and belfry below the castle on the promontory. It rattled to a stop at the Zaliasis Bridge and the Americans pushed off and slumped down the slick grassless slope underneath the arches where the river slogged between concrete banks. They spread out along the cobbles, impaled cubes of bread on their hooks, and pitched them into the current.
At noon they laid down their poles and brooded on the sidewalk stones, not talking. Before long the slim-legged school teacher brought her students to the river, as she had done every noon that week, to point at the Americans and call them fools.
But the story gets ahead of itself. First, the beginning.
For that we need to be in America, Manhattan, in the leather armchairs of an uptight anglers’ club with mounted marlin, brass urns and hushed speaking. The Americans, retired industrialists, angling members all, sat in a row at the bar, picking at platters of tempura and sipping vodka martinis. Behind them a gang of British sportfishermen were guzzling margaritas and insulting the Americans’ fishing prowess. Things progressed. Soon the Brits were clog-dancing around the billiards tables and hollering indelicate and anti-American boasts of recent shark-fishing successes. The Americans kept dipping their tempura, but eventually took offense.
There were the standard provocations: tequila, reminders of the Marshall Plan, rudely phrased questions about the queen’s gender and the president’s bedside fancies. It mounted to a challenge, as these things do, and a contest was born. Limeys vs. Yanks. Old World vs. New.
The contest would consist of this: the first side to land the largest freshwater fish on each of the continents won. A month per continent. The losers had to parade naked through Times Square waving We Can’t Fish placards. Europe would be first. The contest would begin immediately.
In the morning the hungover Americans conferred over sausage and Bloody Marys. There was parley about where to fish. Hemingway had fished Spain, someone offered, but another argued Papa had fished Germany, not Spain, and in any case had caught nothing. Someone else declared that Teddy Roosevelt once pulled a fifteen-pound bluegill from a Venetian canal, and after that the group grew silent, picturing stout Teddy muscling a panfish the size of a manhole cover into a wobbling gondola, sun blazing in one spectacle lens. Finally they were brought a telephone and a teenager at L.L. Bean told them to try the Finnish Reindeerlands. Two weeks, he raved, in the Reindeerlands and you’ll get your fish.
So they began it with a pair of nights in Helsinki drinking cognac, placing enormously expensive phone calls to America and flirting with hotel maids. They provided the concierge with a list for provisions: Swedish muesli bars (13 cases) and Norwegian vodka (3 dozen jars).
Then a train north; then an antique motorbus upholstered with violet velvet; then a wet cabin cruiser forty miles up a black river into the silver moorlands of Lapland. The boat motored on into serious wilderness, silent and soggy, the river flanked by impenetrable-looking thickets. A pair of shaggy bears padded over riverside moraine. The Americans stood at the bow rail looking sick.
The captain backed the boat beside a rotten dock. Behind it sagged an abandoned gold panner’s hut with wire windows and a leaning chimney. He tossed the Americans’ duffels and rod cases ashore and roared off. The Americans stood on the swaying dock and slapped at mosquitoes. Above them rain came crawling in from the fjords and descended on the river, dull and somber.
They were wet for two weeks. Each evening, shivering, swabbing their noses with their Gore-Tex sleeves, they splashed to the wind-battered hut, peeled down their waders and pulled fleece jerseys over their wet chests. Fourteen days of this for dinner: fire-blackened chunks of salmon flesh on skewers, muesli bars, and jar after jar of Norwegian vodka, crystal, painful. Outside the river rose cold and tea-colored beneath the ceaseless drizzle.
They reeled in hundreds of foot-long salmon—nothing bigger. Soggy and headachy, grim-faced, the Americans fished on, into the long dusks and drawn-out dawns, wrapped in shrouds of mosquitoes. Their two weeks expired. The largest fish they hooked was a thirteen-inch salmon they photographed and promptly eviscerated.
The captain who boated them out brought along a reindeer farmer in furs and a Tartan-plaid scarf who could speak a tortured English. He said if they wanted big fish they ought to fish Poland, a bison reserve called Bialowieza. Huge trouts, he said, and showed them how huge with his hands.
Back in Helsinki the Americans regrouped over diamond-bone sirloins and Doritos. The waiter brought an envelope: inside was a Polaroid of the Brits beaming over a string of rainbow trout, each more than twenty-four inches, silver bodies shining in the camera flash. In the background the Eiffel Tower shimmered, brilliant and unmistakable in June light.
Fourteen days to go.
Two overbooked Lufthansa flights later the undaunted Americans tramped through customs in Warsaw. A savage-looking cabdriver accosted them outside, herded them into a Japanese taxi-van. Ah, he nodded, the bison reserve. Bialowieza. He leaned over his seat and winked. It is risky, you know, this place. Risky-risky.
He winked more, switched off his meter, then stomped the gas and they went hurtling over a dizzying labyrinth of dirt roads. Wet forests hurtled in and out of view, spindly white birch and giant oaks, and between the forests lay fields or clusters of gray cottages. It was near dark when the minivan skidded to a stop beneath a stand of leafy hornbeams. The driver slid open the door, threw down their gear, announced he’d be back in a week. Once they had their big fish. Wink-wink. Hush-hush. His taxi-van spat gravel on its way out.
The Americans hiked in. Peat moss country: flat, flooded, lush, bogs between copses of spruce, rotted logs and mucky footing. The forest floated before them, a green and black sponge; insects swirled in gray spires between fungus-chewed trunks.
Munching muesli bars, the Americans clambered over a series of fences, the first split-rail and the last chain-link. At dark they reached a river, its black riffles barely visible beneath clouds of gnats, and pitched tents under a stand of rattling limes. Their dreams were decorated with the leaps of trophy trout.
They woke to the black noses of bison snorting rosemary-scented breath through the tents’ mesh windows. A shaggy and horned herd had stalled on the riverbanks, ruminating, drooling green saliva. When the Americans unzipped their way out, they found a bison herder in shorts rooting through their duffels.
The bison herder had an automatic rifle and wanted nothing to do with bribes. She waited on a bench outside a Belorussian border station eating confiscated muesli bars while helmeted police unscrewed the Americans’ rod cases, peered into their fly boxes and upended their duffels. As a kind of interrogation, a tiny police captain in pump-up basketball shoes asked the dumbfounded Americans a series of questions about pro basketball. Did Patrick Ewing have a wife? How carefully did American refs call the three-second rule? How much did Americans pay for basketball shoes with built-in pumps?
When he seemed satisfied he nodded, then deflated and repumped one of his sneakers. All this will have to go, he finally said, sweeping his arm over their fishing gear.
But we only wanted to fish, the Americans insisted. For trout.
Oh yes, he nodded, repumping the other shoe. Oh yes. There are trouts, big trouts in the Biebzra. He said something to his men and they repeated, Big trouts, and showed the Americans how big with their hands.
But you see, the little chief shook his head, Americans must not fish here. It is illegal. The czars shot boars here. And before them, Polish kings. Lithuanian princes. All shooting boars.
We didn’t shoot boars, the Americans said. We didn’t even fish. We were sleeping. We thought we were in Poland.
Nonetheless, said the chief, removing his helmet, you must play us in basketball for your things.
There was a dirt court behind the border station: chain nets, plywood backboards. The Belorussians unclipped their police belts and leapt into a series of pregame drills. When the game started they executed backdoor cuts, shot rainbow jumpers, ran the pick and roll to perfection. They beat the befuddled Americans by forty. Afterward the Belorussians hoisted their small chief onto their shoulders and sang to him. The bison herder on her bench unwrapped another muesli bar and cheered placidly.
The sweaty Americans were ushered onto a motorbus with cracks in the windshield. You will go to Lodz, the chief told them, picking at a thread on his newly won Gore-Tex pullover. Back to Poland. It is lovely there.
Halfway to Lodz the windshield fell onto the driver and the motorbus plunged into a drainage culvert and rolled onto its side. The passengers climbed out hatches in the roof and squatted by the roadside in a field of buckthorn. It began to rain. The Americans sat in a soggy cluster, mud seeping through their socks.
Hours later they were shivering on a speeding flatbed between plastic crates of meat chickens heading south to a Slovakian slaughterhouse. They watched southern Poland scroll past, crumbling apartment blocks, buckled roads, rusted cisterns, weathered steeples, haystacks, the skeleton of a Soviet tank grown over with sawgrass—all the unkempt, haphazard Polish gloom. By the time they got to Kraków they were drenched and ravenous and the swarthy Poles in velour jogging suits who smoked cigarettes on street corners shot them wary scowls.
The Americans were badly discouraged. Twelve days to go, stripped of their gear, sniffling, they huddled in a Kraków McDonald’s and invoked middle-school platitudes about Cornwallis’s surrender and Valley Forge, about pitching crates of tea into Boston Harbor and bloody-soled snow marches for the good of the Republic. We must not quit now, they mumbled, and dipped their chicken nuggets into a tasteless sauce.
The morning broke blue and the Americans, having dreamed of Washington and Wayne, Bunyan and Balboa, found themselves hopeful: eleven days seemed like enough time to beat some boorish Brits. They cash-advanced their MasterCards and bought rubber waders, bamboo poles, Japanese hooks, three spools of thick monofilament. A Pole at the sporting goods shop insisted they fish a place called Lake Popradské, only an hour away. It’s the place to fish, he gushed. Insane fishing—muskie imported from Minnesota. He demonstrated the impressive length of the lake muskie with his hands.
By afternoon the Americans were stepping off a bus in the Carpathian Mountains, jaggy summits collared in peacock greens and mustard yellows. Falcons soared above the sprucetops and breezes brought the scent of glacial carnations. The Americans exchanged smiles, felt a renewed cheer as they descended a comfortable, craggy trail that wound deliberately down to a lodge cozied up against a lake.
This—they thumped each other on the backs—was the place to fish all right: a deluxe mountain hotel with a stuffed lynx above the fireplace, gentians in crystal vases, smiling Slovakian hostesses in white aprons who escorted them to carpeted rooms. They shaved, showered, clinked glasses on the canopied deck. Above them, on surround-sound speakers, the delicate staccato of a string quartet. On a massive RCA home theater, a taped replay of the Super Bowl.
In the twilight the Americans brought gin and tonics to the beach and rented pedal-boats shaped like giant swans. They trolled night crawlers from their bamboo poles, sipped their drinks and nodded to the lovers who paddled among them, spellbound, all of them, in the tangerine dusk.
For three days they pedaled their swan-boats and caught sunfish. Huge sunfish, to be sure, but the sunfish at their largest got no bigger than a dinner plate, and the Americans unhooked them and let them slap along the fiberglass breasts of their swans until they reached the water and were free. The Americans knew there were muskie in Lake Popradské because the hostesses had shown them photos, but the muskie were not cooperating.
On June twenty-seventh they got their first muskie in a shallow shoal on a Rapala they had run through that water fifty times or more. It was big, probably thirty-five inches, with faded green gills and mahogany fins. The Americans cheered, brained it with the butt of a wine bottle and resumed their angling with a renewed verve.
With a week left the Americans were gleefully boating a forty-one-inch muskie when a FedEx van came gliding over a pass into the valley. They watched it park at the hotel. A purple jumpsuited driver jogged to the beach and waved them in where he had them sign for a videotape.
When the Americans pushed the tape into the hotel VCR, they watched the oversized screen where the Brits bobbed into view, unshaven and bug-bitten, crowded around what looked like the stern of a rusty pontoon boat. The picture zoomed and focused on a crouching Brit who withdrew from the dark water a colossal salmon. His hand entirely disappeared inside the fish’s gill slot. It was overlarge; it disgusted the Americans, its outsized jaw, black-button eyes, sagging belly and massive tail. It was, one American stammered, the size of a first-grader.
Offscreen the Brits spouted gloats. The image zoomed, fixed on the bloated salmon for an unbearable moment. Finally the camera panned, and with horror the Americans recognized the rotten dock, wire windows and leaning chimney of the gold panner’s hut in the Reindeerlands, unmistakable, rendered before them in crude and superreal clarity. They sat, boggled, while the surround-sound speakers assaulted them with exultant and decidedly anti-American yelps.
This time no Boston Tea Party speeches were offered up. The Americans sat under a pall of defeat and could not shake the searing image of that overgrown salmon, more real than anything around them now, the dusty lynx above the fireplace or the lake beyond the windows. For the first time they began to contemplate the realities of a naked parade through Times Square, the goose bumps on their white thighs, the foul slickness of that pavement under their soles, the giggles of ogling Europeans come to New York to photograph the New World. What horrible ignominy, what raw disgrace. There wasn’t a muskie in all of Poland as big as that salmon. They would have to return to Finland, maybe take a train into Norway, slog into the wilderness. It was almost too much to stomach.
Downhearted, dispirited, the Americans returned to Kraków and haggled on a pay phone with a Lufthansa man. There was weather in Helsinki, he explained, thunderstorms, planes weren’t flying near it. He said he could get them to Vilnius, Lithuania. Vilnius was as close as they could get.
So they flew to Lithuania. They checked into a hotel at midnight and ordered potato chips from the bar, which were delivered to their rooms on fine china. At daybreak they rephoned the Lufthansa man: no flights to Helsinki today. The desk girl spoke a timid English, produced a Lithuania in Your Pocket and showed them the River Neris on a cartoon map. You want to fish, she said, fish here. Right in Vilnius.
So they took a trolleybus to Vingis Park, past concrete apartment blocks and the drab spaces between them—overgrown weedlot, cracked pavement and bits of shiny trash, Kit Kat wrappers, Pepsi cans. In the park the grass was wet from rain and the air was heavy and the trees were still. A woman with her head wrapped in a gray scarf bent to tear weeds from cracks in the sidewalk.
The river was hopeless: a stagnant silt-bottomed canal swirling through the heart of the city, slow and shallow and sullied, populated by schools of plastic bags. The Americans impaled hunks of bread on their hooks, pitched them into the brown current and dragged in carp minnows, one after another. They were slimy runt-fish, dark green with red-fringed fins. Scowling, the Americans pitched them back.
All morning they worked upstream, into the gut of Vilnius, fishing among buildings, below people crossing a great stone plaza, beside a weathered cathedral, beneath torrents of cars rumbling over a bridge.
Each hour churchbells chimed all through the city, dissonant, a low and sad cacophony. At twelve bells the Americans smoked Marlboros and sat on the smooth stones of the cobbled banks. A class of girls came tramping crisply toward them, little girls in double file. The girls wore saddle shoes and white socks to the knee and T-shirts adorned with the Lion King or Mickey or Bugs. As they walked they slapped the pleats of their skirts with composition books. They followed on the heels of their teacher, a speed-walking slim-legged beauty in sandals, tan slacks, and a blue blazer with brass buttons, a black hair ribbon trailing behind.
They were naming things. The teacher threw an arm toward the bridge, her wrist shooting from her brass-buttoned cuff, and the schoolgirls named it in octaves only schoolgirls can reach, gleefully shouting their English, BRIDGE. She threw her arm at the river, RIVER, and at the traffic, AUTOBUS, CAR, MOTOR-BIKE. The teacher pointed at a Marlboro billboard pasted across the side of a building and the girls shouted, AMERICAN CANCER, NO THANK YOU.
As the class whirled past the Americans with their bamboo poles in their laps, sweating in their waders and smiling at the little procession, the teacher aimed her bony finger at them, and the girls cheerily called out, FOOLS. Giggling, they marched down-river.
In the evening the Americans climbed into their undersized beds and had ghastly nightmares about British whaling vessels. The next day there were no flights into Helsinki (terrible flooding, chirped the Lufthansa man) and the Americans returned to the River Neris, despondent, clumping off the trolleybus at the Zaliasis Bridge.
Again at noon the English class came parading downriver behind their teacher, her pointer finger itemizing surroundings. The girls emitted piercing shrieks: RIVER, TREES, TRAFFIC, SIDEWALK, FOOLS. The Americans, feeling vaguely guilty, waded into the mucky current so the class could pass.
There would be no flights to Helsinki; they gave up trying to get there. They would finish it fishing the River Neris. Each hour the churchbells clanged through the city, mirthless knells. The Americans fished on, not hoping for much anymore, perhaps for a miracle, searching for small things to be happy about, because they were Americans and this was what their upbringings had taught them to do. They found a brief happiness, for example, in the potato chips that came to their rooms on expensive china and in the genuinely hopeful way the hotel girl asked if they’d had any luck. They took pleasure in their morning calls to the Lufthansa man, his wriggly explanations for the canceled flights to Norway. They smiled at the way a church had been built so the setting sun hit it high and perfect and orange, and the way they could follow the river to a park where miniskirted women lay in the grass with headphones clamped over their ears, and even at the way the little student-girls came filing down at noon behind their English-teaching beauty to call them fools.
Finally there was only one day left, July fourth. Morning bells clanged in the haze above the rooftops. The Americans filed off the trolleybus to fish. By noon they had caught nothing; the water was murky and brown, their casting hopeless.
The little class came tramping along the riverbank, screeching English and slapping their composition books in rhythm: RIVER, CHURCH, FOOLS, WALL, STONES, yapping and promenading cheerily behind their teacher. She led them up the grassless slope to the avenue and marched them onto the Zaliasis Bridge where they stopped to lean over the railing, still naming in their shrill voices: SIDEWALK, STATUES, FLOWERS, FOOLS, BILLBOARD, AMERICAN CANCER, NO THANK YOU.
The Americans groaned to their feet, waded in and cast their soggy squares of bread into the current. And as the girls shrieked, as the brassy river flowed through the city, as the Americans held their poles in a last, hopeless hope, one of their poles quivered, then bent into a steep parabola. Monofilament dragged from the reel. The pole bent and continued to bend; the tip strained unbearably close to the handle. The Americans thought the line must have snagged on some cinderblock or tire or rusty sink, or worse, had lodged itself into the canal bottom, onto some umbilical iron strut plugged into the underworks of the entire city. You’ve hooked Vilnius, they joked. Try pulling that up.
But the little girls, their pale faces leaning over the bridge railing, began to shout excitedly in Lithuanian, pointing and nodding. The American with the straining pole let out a fierce cheer, and the other Americans splashed around him and watched. The line began to wander between the channel banks, patiently, almost indifferently, cutting broad S shapes. Eventually it crossed to the near bank and hung there, motionless, a dead weight.
The American with the rod strained and grunted and finally grappled it into the shallows between his feet. Then he set down the pole and gaped and the Americans around him shook their heads and gaped too. The girls on the bridge began to shout more loudly, leaping as they shouted, and soon they were racing down from the bridge and sprinting beside the canal. They stopped at a distance of a few yards, panting, staring wide-eyed at the Americans who heaved a great homely fish onto the cobbled banks where it lay gulping.
It was a carp: grayish-ocher, as if it had absorbed the color of the city at its most dismal. Some of its scales had come loose and lay on the stones like translucent half-dollars. Its tattered fins were fringed with red, and its lidless eyes were twice as big as the Americans’ eyes, and the curl of its whiskers made it look like a sullen and venerable Spaniard, lying wounded, gasping.
The Americans stood staring sheepishly down, arms slack. Above them traffic rumbled along the bridge. The fish was huge, surely bigger than the Brits’ salmon, surely one of the biggest carp ever caught. It waved its pectoral fin slowly, raising it, lowering it, an awful gesture.
One of the Americans lifted the fish, cradled its sagging mass in his arms, and proclaimed it fifty or so pounds. Sixty, maybe. He held it, not knowing what to do. Its belly sagged between his hands. A string of excrement trailed from its anus. The sun weighed down heavily through the haze. The teacher arrived frowning and huffing behind her students.
The carp shifted, a small shrug, no more than a slight leaning, but it was enough to slip the grasp of the arms that held it. It thudded jaw-first onto the bank and slid a little on its side, leaving the stones it had slid across wet with slime. It came to a stop and lay there, flexing its tail. The Americans produced a disposable travel camera, but when they went to click the button, the camera stuck. They fumbled with it; it fell into the river, and sank.
The carp sucked and gasped, its round mouth and four barbell whiskers making feeble O’s in the air and a line of blood, barely visible against the scales, went trickling from one gill. The girls began to cry. The teacher sniffled.
The Americans looked over at this gaggle of girls in saddle shoes, standing openmouthed, with fingers laced in front of their composition books, little girls with gold crucifixes around their necks and a few with bruises on their knees, bangs coiled against their foreheads, knee socks sagging in July fourth heat, tears on their chins. Behind them their teacher had her fingers on her temples, elbows against her chest, one trembling lip between her teeth.
Fools, she said. You fools.
What a fish. What schoolgirls, what Americans to let that carp go, its fins dappling the surface of the river, lazy, ugly, wandering into the whorling depths of city current. Churchbells sounded, and at some point the Americans decided they would do better on the next continent. They would research and avoid risks, not fish in illegal places, not drink so much, not heed the advice of every stranger, they would carry two sets of everything, two rods and two fleece jerseys per man, next time they wouldn’t have to wait until the last day, they would map out routes and make contingency plans, and the boundless resources of America, its endless undulant swale, its nodding wheat and white silos gone lavender in the twilight, its vast warehouses and deft craftsmen, would unfurl to help them.
They would not lose, they could not lose; they were Americans, they had already won.