In spite of the snow and ice threatening to derail our hastily assembled human train, Drew, Zee, and I made it safely across the parking lot to Zee’s car. Somehow, Drew and I managed to wrestle her into the front passenger seat. It wasn’t that she was heavy; she was just limp and way too tired to do anything for herself. Of course, Drew’s loss of balance and his cane didn’t help matters, and there were a few times I was intensely worried that we’d fall in a helpless heap to the concrete. But finally, she was ensconced in her seat and buckled in. Drew got in the back as I hurried over to the driver’s side.
By the time the car was in reverse, Zee had her head resting against the window, her breathing ragged.
I looked from her to Drew in the rearview mirror. “Should I drive to the hospital instead?”
Zee turned to me with some effort and shook her head. “Don’t. You. Dare. My mom...kill...” She didn’t finish her sentence, but I got the gist of it.
“Unfortunately, this has happened before,” Drew said from the back as I hit the gas and shot down the road. “Zee is famous for pushing herself to the edge.”
“It’s...the only way...to live,” Zee wheezed.
I arched an eyebrow. “Yeah. Clearly.”
“You say that now, but wait till your MS begins to catch up to you,” Drew said. “You’ll find yourself making not-great choices too. Comes with the territory. Make a left here and then a right two miles down onto Ashley Street.”
I turned left. “Have you made some questionable decisions too, then?” I asked him, looking into the rearview mirror again.
Zee wheezed and coughed, apparently laughing at my question.
Drew crinkled up his nose, which made him look adorable in a mischievous sort of way. “Uh...You could say that. My doctors suspected I had FA because I kept falling over. I swore the rugs in my house were moving, you know, defying gravity and rising up to tangle with my feet. Anyway, so after the tests and everything, when my doctor told me I’d likely lose my ability to walk sometime in my twenties, I got this crazed, competitive, ‘I’m going to defeat this thing, you just watch you stupid doctor, you’ mentality going on. So I blew my paycheck on hiking boots and a hiking backpack.”
“No.” I glanced up from the road into the rearview mirror yet again. “You didn’t.”
“He sure did,” Zee said, her breathing much calmer now. Her laugh actually sounded like a laugh.
“Yep, I went hiking that weekend. Alone, up in the New Hampshire mountains.”
“And?” I turned on Ashley Street.
“Go about a mile and a half and then make a left onto Cimmeron Street.” He cleared his throat. “And I was lucky my cell phone got a signal out there or I might’ve died in the wilderness like an asshole. My friend Zach came and got me, took me home. I was fine once I got some rest and took off those damn boots.”
“Wow.” I shook my head slowly, trying to imagine someone with Drew’s limping, slow gait hiking a mountain. “Wow.”
“Yep. We all do it. Stupid decisions based on panic and defiance.”
“Mm hmm,” Zee said. “Like me. I just found out I’ve got mets in my lungs. Can’t stop me from dancing or doing other stuff, though. I guess I’ll learn at some point.” She looked at me, grinning. “Maybe.”
It made me vaguely uncomfortable, talking to them like I was a part of their club. I had no right to do it, to claim their friendship through this channel, by pretending to be just as sick, just as unfortunate.
But a part of me loved the power. I loved being the girl I’d wanted to be since the day I swallowed that needle at seven years old, I loved wearing the badge of disease proudly instead of clutching it in my sweaty hand while my therapist posited why, exactly, I was so screwed up.
I turned on Cimmeron Street and Zee pointed to a squat brick house to our right. “That’s me. You can keep my car. Just come pick me up tomorrow and we’ll hang out again.”
“Only if you promise you won’t dance,” I teased.
Zee laughed a little shakily. “I promise.”
“Want me to help you to your door?”
“Nope, I’m feeling better.” She opened the car door and heaved herself out into the crystal cold night. “See ya, losers.”
“Bye.”
Drew got out and made his way around to where Zee’d been sitting. He gave her a brief hug, one I examined very closely. Could they really be such great friends, going through such similar, life-changing experiences and be strictly platonic? The big cynical bitch inside me smirked at the very idea. But I saw no evidence of anything but friendship in the hug, at least from Drew’s side. Zee might’ve held on just a second too long. Then again, she was tired. Maybe it was just that.
As we pulled out of her driveway in her car, I watched her hobble up the drive and let herself in to her house. When the door closed behind her, the night was silent and still once again, as if she’d never existed. The world went on.