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SEEING HERSELF IN THAT old issue of Hello Magazine gave Janine a jolt. She sat there staring at the picture, at this woman in the blue Armani dress on the red carpet, smiling, all polished and glamorous, on her husband’s arm, and remembered the feeling of being dead inside. Public smiles, private tears, she thought. And nobody knew. She quickly flicked the page to another article, trying to erase the images that were burned forever into her mind.
Brenda prattled on; Rita washed and cut Janine’s hair. She drank coffee, chatted and smiled, while the old traumas bubbled up to the surface. When Rita had finished styling her hair, Janine looked at the stranger in the mirror. It was quite a transformation. The earlier strict, rather drab hair was replaced by a layered bob shining with auburn highlights. It was young, trendy and very flattering.
“There,” Rita said. “How do you like it? I think it’s great.”
Janine touched her hair. “A big change. It’ll take a bit of getting used to. But why not? It’s a very good cut.”
Rita took off the cape and removed the bits of hair off Janine’s neck with a soft brush. “You sound surprised. I suppose you didn’t expect a good cut in a tiny place like this.”
Janine got up. “I didn’t know what to expect. But I saw what you did with Beata’s hair, so I knew it wouldn’t be bad.”
“It’s totally fab,” Brenda said from the reception desk.
“Don’t know why I did it, to be honest,” Rita sighed. She ran her hand through her own wild curls. “Now I have to do something with mine, or you’ll steal Mick O’Shea from right under my nose.”
“Why would I?” Janine enquired. “I thought you told me to stay away from him because he’s not to be trusted.”
Rita winked. “He isn’t. But neither am I.”
-o-
The next day, Janine woke up with a strong urge to get away. Not to escape or leave for good but to get a change of scene. Having seen herself in that photo had shaken her, and she hadn’t been able to sleep. She felt tired and listless. She stared out the window at the grey sky and steady drizzle, not even wanting to paint. She told herself sternly this was no way to spend the day. She made herself get up and put some clothes on, then set off in the car with no particular goal in mind. Driving up the mountain road from the small hillside village of Camp soon made her feel better. The road wound its way up the side of Caherconree, the mountain she could see from the riverbank behind Megan’s house. The wild, lonely landscape had such timeless beauty, such magic light even on this dull day. It took her out of her gloom, helping her forget why she had been so sad.
She stopped briefly at the highest point of the road, where she could see the remains of an Iron Age ring fort perched at the top of the crest above. 1300 BC, it said on a plaque at the layby. The thought of people being there so long ago felt eerie.
The sun broke through the clouds and the sky cleared. Janine turned to the west as she stood there and gazed at the views of the mountains and the shimmering sea. What is it about Ireland? she thought. What is it that is so unique and makes you hear that lilting music in your head when you look at views like this? Is it the clichéd emerald green of the fields? The hedges and specks of brown and white you know are sheep, cattle and horses? The mish-mash of farms and houses and lakes and hills and mountains? Or that feeling there was once an ancient culture here, still present and alive in its people? She turned to the south and saw the little town in the distance and decided that was where she wanted to go.
Half an hour later, Janine knew she had made the right choice. Dingle town was probably the most enchanting little town she had ever visited. With the mountains at the back, facing a sheltered harbour with views of the Atlantic and the Skelig Islands just beyond the bay, it was a true gem. She walked up the steep streets and looked into quaint shops and pubs, some so small it would only hold about five people and some that, apart from beer, also sold anything from bicycles to creosote and fertiliser. She could hear Irish music here and there, which added to the jolly atmosphere of the town. She soon found a shop near the harbour that sold art supplies, and she was able to buy paints and even some new canvases. The shop assistant, a young girl with dark hair in plaits, helped Janine carry everything to her car parked nearby. Janine thanked the girl and asked if she could recommend a nice place to have lunch.
“Why don’t you try The Trawler? Lovely little place with views of the sea. They always have fresh fish and seafood on the menu,” the girl said. “It’s only a few minutes’ walk from here along the harbour.”
“Sounds perfect,” Janine said. “Thank you. And thanks for all your help.”
The girl nodded. “You’re welcome. Have a nice lunch.”
-o-
It didn’t take Janine long to find the restaurant. It was tiny but cosy with a wood-panelled interior. Old-fashioned glass floats and fishnets hung from the ceiling, adding to the maritime ambiance. Mouth-watering smells of fried fish and lobster bisque wafted from the kitchen. Janine found a table by the window with lovely views of the harbour and the fishing boats. She picked up the menu, realising how hungry she was. Looking through the array of dishes trying to decide what to order, she jumped when she heard someone call her name. She looked up and discovered Mick and Nelia coming through the door.
“Hello!” Nelia beamed. “What are you doing here?”
Janine put down the menu. “I felt like a day trip so I went for a drive and ended up here.”
“We’ve been to the seal sanctuary. It was great. All the seals are so cute.”
“I’m sure they were,” Janine said, trying not to look at Mick, hovering by the door. He also looked away, obviously greatly disturbed by seeing her there.
Nelia pulled out a chair. “Can we sit here? It’s the only free table.” Without waiting for a reply, she sat down and waved to Mick. “Dad, come here. We can sit with Janine.”
Mick hung back. “No, Nelia. I don’t want to intrude. We can go somewhere else.”
“Why?” Nelia asked petulantly. “Janine won’t mind. And you promised we could come here for fish and chips. They do such yummy ones here. You don’t mind, Janine, do you?”
“Of course not,” Janine managed. “Please join me.”
Mick shuffled forward. “Hello, uh, Janine.”
Janine smiled stiffly. “Hello, Mick.”
There was an uncomfortable silence while Mick sat down opposite Janine. “Sorry about this,” he said and picked up a menu. “Didn’t mean to intrude.”
“You’re not. I assure you.”
“You changed your hair,” Nelia said. “It looks really nice.”
“Thank you.” Janine touched her hair. “Rita did a great job.”
“I love the highlights,” Nelia said. “Rita must have been pleased to have you to work on instead of all those old ladies. We had dinner with her and Assumpta last night. Great fun, wasn’t it Dad?”
“Lovely,” Mick muttered behind the menu.
“It went very well,” Nelia whispered in Janine’s ear. “Great start to their romance.”
“What are you whispering about?” Mick asked.
“Nothing.” Nelia smiled innocently. “Just girls’ stuff, you know.”
Janine waved at the waitress. “We might as well order.”
The waitress arrived at their table, pad and pencil ready. “What would you like?”
“Lobster bisque and brown bread for me,” Janine said. The young lady will have fish with a double helping of chips.”
“No, I’ll just have the normal helping,” Nelia whispered.
“But then I can’t steal your chips,” Janine whispered back.
Nelia giggled. “Okay, a double helping, then. Dad, what will you have?”
Mick looked up from the menu. “The grilled prawns. And a glass of Guinness for me.”
“What do the ladies want to drink?” the waitress asked.
“Nelia will have Coca Cola. And a glass of white wine for me,” Janine said. “Muscadet if you have it.”
“Sorry, no,” the waitress said. “Chardonnay from Chile or Pinot Grigrio.”
“I’ll take the Pinot.”
The waitress left. Nelia fiddled with her phone while Mick looked out the window, and Janine pretended to study a watercolour of a seascape on the opposite wall. Around them, there was contented murmur and the occasional laughter from the other guests. Janine squirmed on her chair. Mick cleared his throat. He still hadn’t looked at her directly, and she was afraid to meet his eyes. She desperately wanted to explain what had happened that morning and tell him that Brian was just a friend who had been forced to stay the night. But with Nelia there, it was impossible.
The food arrived, a welcome interruption in the awkward silence. “Nelia, give me back my phone,” Mick ordered. “You’ve been playing with it long enough.”
Nelia switched off the phone and handed it to Mick. “I wasn’t playing, just sending a message to Assumpta. If you bought me my own phone, I wouldn’t have to use yours.”
Mick pocketed the phone. “I’ll have a think about that. We might call into that shop in Tralee on the way home and have a look.”
“Really?” Nelia squealed. “That’s fantastic, Dad.”
“I didn’t say—” Mick sighed. “I suppose I did.”
“Yeah, you did.” Nelia laughed, popping a chip into her mouth. “Didn’t he, Janine?”
Janine smirked, daring a glance at Mick. “Yes, I’m afraid he did.”
Mick returned her smile somewhat stiffly, but with that, the ice was momentarily broken. They all started to eat, enjoying the excellent food. After a few sips of wine, Janine felt more at ease and started to chat to Nelia, telling her about her day. “I drove along the mountain road up the side of Caherconree on my way here. I stopped to look at the Iron Age fort. Amazing to see the stones still there. Over three thousand years old. Incredible.”
“I’d love to hike up there,” Nelia said. “Wouldn’t it be cool to sit on those stones? To feel that spooky presence of the Iron Age people.”
“I wouldn’t recommend it,” Mick said. “That path is very dangerous. Full of sinkholes as well. You could sink down to your waist if you weren’t careful. People have got lost and there have been serious accidents. Not a popular walking trail and only for daredevils with no sense. It’s a very forbidding mountain.”
“Yes. I could feel it when I stood there,” Janine agreed. “There was a cold, sinister air to the place. If you wanted to disappear, that’s where you’d go.”
“Disappear?” Nelia said. “I know what you mean. If you’d done something really bad or you felt that everyone hated you, then you might want to disappear.”
“I didn’t mean literally.” Janine said.
“Hey, you haven’t had any chips.” Nelia pushed her plate toward Janine. “They’re great.”
“I completely forgot.” Janine bit into a chip. “Very good, I have to say.” She took another one and another, until she had finished half of what was on the plate. “Thank you. That was delicious.”
“Do you want another glass of wine?” Mick enquired.
“No thanks. I’m driving. I think a cup of coffee would be nice, though.”
“I’d like ice cream,” Nelia announced.
“I don’t think they do ice cream here,” Janine said. “Only apple pie and carrot cake.”
Nelia pulled a face. “I want ice cream. I think I’ll go to that shop down the street and get some. Dad, can you give me some money?”
Mick dug in his pocket and pulled out a five-euro note. “Who knew that daughters were this expensive?” he grunted, handing the note to Nelia.
“But we’re so worth it,” Nelia said and kissed Mick on the cheek. “Thanks, Dad. “I’ll be back in a minute.” She skipped out of the restaurant, banging the door shut behind her.
“She makes me dizzy,” Mick said.
“Yes.” Tongue-tied and awkward, Janine rose, gathering up her bag and jacket. “I’d better get going.” She took the bill. “This is my treat.”
Mick grabbed her hand. “No. I’ll pay. Sit down.”
His grip was so tight it made her wince. She sat down again. They looked at each other in silence. “About—” Janine started.
He didn’t let go of her hand. “Yes. Maybe we should talk about that.”
She tried to pull her hand out of his grip. “Maybe we shouldn’t.”
He let go of her hand. Leaned back and looked at her. His phone made a noise. “Shit.” He picked it up. “Message.” He read it and coloured slightly, putting the phone in his pocket again.
“Something embarrassing?” Janine enquired. “Or a billet doux from someone? Or—” she stopped as he grabbed her hand again.
“No. Nothing important. Just a little weird. I just wanted to say—” He paused, removed his hand and ran it through his hair. “Oh God, Janine, what happened? How do you think I felt when I saw that man there, in your house? In a stupid-looking dressing gown, for God’s sake!”
“How did you feel?”
“Cheated. Shocked. Disgusted.” He shrugged. “I really can’t describe how I felt. After the night we spent together, after all we said. How could you—”
Janine grabbed his arm and leaned closer. “How could I—what? You jumped to your own conclusions. You assumed things were the way they seemed. It didn’t occur to you that there might be a perfectly innocent explanation to that situation. Do you ever give anyone the benefit of the doubt? I was going to explain, to tell you exactly what happened. That Brian is a friend. That he got stuck by the frost and couldn’t get home and had to spend the night on the couch. There is nothing between us other than a very sweet friendship.”
“Is that the way he sees it?”
Janine shrugged. “I hope so. But whatever he feels, that’s the way it is. In any case, you have no right to act the jealous lover with me. No right at all.”
He leaned forward, his face so close to hers their noses touched. “Whatever my rights, Janine, the bare facts are there,” he said in muted tones. “We had something. I could feel it. I knew it was there. I carried it with me through the following weeks and all my travels. It helped me cope with stress and all kinds of mess-ups at work. Then I came back and wanted to see you again. I wanted to tell you something very important. But then there you were, with that nearly naked man in your kitchen.”
Janine felt her heart beat like a hammer in her chest, making her nearly dizzy. She pulled back, tears stinging her eyes. “Yes. I know how it might have looked. But why did you assume the worst?”
“Janine, that night, it was you who made the first move.”
She sat back. “So? I wanted you and I let you know. Okay, so I didn’t go through all that coy stuff where I was supposed to say ‘no, please, we can’t. Oh, Mick I’m not that kind of girl’, and then you were supposed to seduce me until I relented. I just cut out the unnecessary part so we could do what we both wanted to do. What’s wrong with that?”
He looked nervously around the restaurant but it was nearly deserted. “Nothing, I suppose. But I’m not used to that. And I thought if you were so easy with me—”
“I’d jump into bed with anything in a pair of trousers?” Breathing hard, she threw her napkin on the table and started to get up. She wanted to get away from his angry eyes, his accusations and suspicions.
Mick pulled her down. “Shit, Janine, stop it. Nelia’s back. We’d better pull ourselves together.”
Janine looked up and saw Nelia looking at them suspiciously through the window, a dripping ice cream cone in her hand.
-o-
The following week, Megan called around with some news. “I just had a call from Alex, you know, my photographer friend?”
“The fashion photographer in New York?”
“That’s him. He had some fantastic news. Vogue is doing a fifteen-page spread for their May issue, and it’ll all be shot in Kerry. They want two days here before they go to the Ring of Kerry for the main part of the shoot. But they want to use the ruin and the beach and the great backdrop of the mountains.” Megan drew breath.
Janine waved her inside. “I was just going to make some coffee.”
“Thanks. I could do with a break. I’ve been at the computer all morning.” Megan followed Janine into the kitchen, while she chatted excitedly. “Things have been pretty quiet recently, so I’m really pleased something is happening at last.”
Janine measured coffee into the espresso maker. “So when is this all happening?”
Megan sat down at the table. “Early next week. They have to keep a close eye at the forecast but it looks as if the weather will hold for a while, so it should be okay.”
“So they’ll have to use the house?”
“Just the conservatory, the kitchen and the downstairs study and bathroom.” Megan looked concerned. “Of course, that’ll be a bit of an intrusion for you. Do you want to come and stay at our house while they’re here? You can stay in Mick’s room. He’s going to be away for a couple of weeks.”
Janine handed Megan a steaming cup. “Yes, that might be best. I’d be away from it all. And perhaps a photographer from New York might ask questions.”
“He might even want to shoot you.”
Janine blinked.
Megan laughed. “I meant take a picture of you, of course. You’re so stunning.”
“I can’t think of anything worse.”
“I know. Don’t worry. You’ll be completely invisible at our place. And Nelia will love having you around.”
Janine helped herself to coffee. “I haven’t seen her around for a few days. She usually calls around on her way home from school.”
“She gets home quicker now that she has her new bike. She and Assumpta whizz around everywhere around here. She’ll probably come around to show it to you.”
“I hope so.”
Megan put down her cup. “Anyway, I’d better be off. I’m going to call into Rita. I think she could help with the hair during the shoot. She is actually a brilliant hairdresser. She did a gorgeous job with yours. Made you look twenty-two.”
Janine laughed. “Not exactly that young, but thanks. I was amazed, actually. But I’ve always believed good hairdressers are born with talent. The rest is just technique.”
“I agree. Anyway, must be off. I’m going to ask Rita to dinner tonight. I’m sure we’ll see a lot of her in the future. It looks as if she and Mick are getting involved with each other. I think they’re very compatible. And with Nelia and Assumpta such close friends, it would be ideal, don’t you think?”
Janine dropped her cup on the tiled floor. “Oh God, how stupid of me! It broke. My best Sèvres as well.”
Megan helped her pick up the shards. “I’m sorry. Means a lot to you, I see.”
Janine wiped away the tears. “Silly of me. But yes. Memories, you know?”
