After yet another restless night, Vanessa knew she did not look her best when they arrived at Ralph’s. The kids were glad to see him and didn’t bother to hide the fact. Although she’d tried, she hadn’t been able to dismiss his vow of love. What if she was wrong? But what if love meant a lifetime for him the way it did for her? No, she just couldn’t risk it. And what made matters worse, Ralph had no idea that she secretly longed for the real thing. How had he managed to hit on her weakness?
It made her realize that in this sense, she was no different from the others he’d dated in the past. She cared for him, and because of that discovery, she was vulnerable to him in ways she was only just beginning to comprehend.
Even though she was thoroughly confused by his revelation, when Ralph gave her a hug instead of quickly moving away, she indulged herself. For a long moment, she clung to him with eyes closed, inhaling his clean, male scent, then she pulled back much sooner than she would have liked. Spotting the question in his dark eyes, she gave him a quick, reassuring smile.
She was emotional and knew if he offered even a hint of sympathy, she would break down, and it wouldn’t be pretty. Hooking her arm through his and much to the twins’ delight, she challenged him to a race across the pool. It wasn’t until they were preparing to leave, while the kids had gone off to collect their things, that Vanessa had a moment to speak to him privately. She reached up and brushed her lips over his. “I can’t thank you enough for…” she stopped abruptly, then asked, “Ralph, why are you scowling?”
He gave her a hard, kiss, then complained, “I hate that you feel you have to always thank me for every little thing. Enough already! So, tell me, how are you really doing?”
She sighed, unconsciously stroking his chest. “I’m holding it together, but only by a thread. I’ve been a mess since I told the kids about Cummingham. Somehow the telling only seemed to make it more of a threat. I know it sounds weird. But, it’s how I feel. I can’t bear the thought of losing them. Ralph, they are only babies. They aren’t going to understand, no matter how hard I try to explain it to them.” Eyes filled with tears, she said, “If we lose this case, what am I going to say to them? They are going to feel as if I let them down!”
He ran a soothing hand over her shoulders. “I know you’re scared, beautiful. I’ve been wracking my brain trying to find a solution. Cummingham may be their natural father, but he hasn’t been the one loving and taking care of them for the past six years. It’s not fair!”
She blinked to keep the tears from falling while relishing the comfort of his strong arms. “I can’t even tell you how badly I’m dreading tomorrow. No matter what I do or say, it won’t change the truth. Curtis and Courtney are going to meet their father. Good or bad, Cummingham is going to be a part of their lives. And I have no choice but to accept it?”
He kissed her tenderly. “Is there anything you need me to do to help you through this?”
Tired, she shook her head, running a caressing hand over his hair-roughened jaw. “If only you could make it all go away. I know, I’m being ridiculous. We can’t run from our problems. Maybe it would help if I could understand what changed his mind?”
She heard her family coming and took a quick step back, so glad she hadn’t given in to the urge to let it all out. The last thing the kids needed to see was her weeping all over Ralph.
He gave her a tender kiss. “Try to get some sleep tonight. You’re exhausted.”
Vanessa whispered, “I’ll try.”
“Good. I don’t want you up all night worrying. If you need to talk, call me. It doesn’t matter how late it is. Promise?”
“Promise.”
The twins were up early on Saturday morning. For once they were not arguing over the cartoons they wanted to see. Vanessa was also up. After breakfast, she and Lana helped the twins get ready for their first visit with their father.
While Vanessa was combing Courtney’s hair, she realized she hadn’t done as well as she thought when preparing the twins. Courtney, dressed in a pretty yellow-and-white sundress, asked why she and Lana weren’t also getting ready.
Vanessa explained, “Honey, only you and Curtis are going to visit. Lana and I will be at home, waiting for you and your brother to come back.”
Curtis, who until then had patiently waited for Lana to finish brushing his hair, shook his head. “But we want you and Lana to come, too.” He was dressed in dark blue pants and a pale yellow shirt.
“I know, but you and Courtney are going to have so much fun that you won’t even miss us!” Vanessa encouraged as she finished tying yellow ribbons on Courtney’s ponytails.
Her baby sister pouted, saying, “You have to come, Nessa. What if I can’t find the bathroom? Or Curtis gets in trouble for not listening?”
“You have nothing to worry about. A nice lady will be going with you. You can tell her or your dad what you need.” Vanessa kissed her cheek, trying to ease her fears. “Besides, Curtis isn’t going to get in trouble, are you, sweetie?”
“I’m going to be a big boy!” he huffed indignantly. Then he asked, “Is it going to be like school? Lots of kids?”
“No, not like school. You’re going to visit your dad and see where he lives,” Vanessa said as she smoothed her baby sister’s dress that was edged with a white, eyelet ruffle. “You look so pretty, baby girl. And Curtis, you are so handsome.” She didn’t dare kiss him, making an effort to honor his desire not to be treated like a baby.
Courtney’s bottom lip quivered as she asked, her large velvet brown eyes filled with tears, “What if we don’t like our dad? Do we have to stay? I don’t want to sleep at his house?”
Curtis frowned, tears also in his dark eyes. “I don’t want to sleep at his house, either!”
“Now, hush, both of you.” Vanessa held one on either side of her. “There is nothing to worry about. You’re both going to sleep in your own beds and your own rooms. Just like always. You’re only going for a visit. Right, Lana?”
“Right,” Lana echoed, struggling not to give in to her tears.
“Promise, Nessa?” both twins asked, looking at her hopefully.
“Promise. Lana and I will be here waiting for you to get back. Later, we can pop popcorn and read your favorite storybook. Okay?”
Curtis and Courtney nodded. Vanessa’s heart was aching because she knew that in the not-so-distant future, the twins would indeed be spending entire weekends with the Cumminghams.
“Everything is going to be fine,” she soothed softly.
“Courtney, do you have your bag ready? Curtis, do you?” Vanessa had had both of them pack a few toys in a small tote bag.
“Yeah. I have my coloring book, crayons, and four of my favorite cars,” Curtis volunteered.
Courtney smiled. “I have my bear puzzle, my Cabbage Patch doll, her outfit and little brush, and my coloring book.”
“Sounds like you’re ready,” Lana offered with forced cheer. “When you get back, you can tell us about your visit.”
“Maybe he has a swing set?” Curtis said, hopefully.
“Or a pool, like Ralph?” Courtney offered.
“I heard something.” Curtis ran to the front door to peer out. “It’s Ralph!”
“No running,” Vanessa called, as the twins raced out. She turned to her sister and gave her a quick hug. “I’m proud of you.”
“I didn’t realize it would be this hard. I keep telling myself it’s only for a few hours, but it’s not helping much,” Lana said softly, clinging to Vanessa’s hand.
“I know what you mean.” Just then Ralph came in, carrying a giggling twin under each arm.
“Look what I found on the front porch. Should I put them back or keep them?” he teased, playfully jostling each of them.
“Keep us!” the twins called out between giggles.
Vanessa and Lana joined in the laughter, something they all needed, badly. “Let Ralph catch his breath,” Vanessa said.
“Want to see what’s in my bag?” Curtis didn’t wait for a response but took off to get his bag.
“No, he wants to see mine!” Courtney was right behind him, running up the stairs.
Ralph put a reassuring arm around the two sisters. “How are you two holding up?”
“I was just telling Nessa, it’s a lot harder than I expected. Do we have to do this?”
“I’m afraid so.” He kissed Lana’s forehead and gently squeezed Vanessa’s hand, and whispered, “Here they come. Smile.”
The twins took turns showing Ralph what was in their tote bags. Just then, they heard a car stop in front of the house. They all went out to wait on the porch as a young woman made her way up the walk to the porch.
“Hello. Ms. Vanessa Grant?” At Vanessa’s nod, the woman offered her hand.
“Jacqueline Henry, social worker. I’m here to accompany Courtney and Curtis to their visit with the Cumminghams.” She handed Vanessa a letter from the court, then she smiled at Ralph. “Hello, Ralph. How have you been?”
“Hi, Jackee. Haven’t seen you in quite some time.”
Although annoyed by the exchange, Vanessa forced herself to focus on the legal documents. The social worker went on to say, “And this must be the twins.”
Vanessa passed the documents to Ralph, then introduced her family. When Ralph looked up from the documents, he said, close to Vanessa’s ear, so he wouldn’t be overheard, “It looks as if everything is in order.”
Just then a limousine pulled into the driveway and a uniformed chauffeur got out and made his way to where they where standing.
“Mr. Cummingham sent his car.” The pretty social worker seemed to be having a difficult time taking her eyes off Ralph.
Vanessa told herself it was none of her business. Besides, the twins were leaving, accompanied by strangers. Somehow the sisters managed to hold it together, smiling as they waved good-bye and watched the sleek car disappear into traffic.
Ralph did his best to cheer them up. He talked them into going to lunch and a movie at the mall, all the while reassuring them that the Cumminghams were taking good care of the twins. And they had not won the war.
Although Vanessa had plenty of questions about him and the attractive social worker, she didn’t voice any of them. She had enough to deal with by merely remaining calm for Lana’s sake. And not falling apart, the way she longed to do.
It wasn’t until the twins were back at home that the three were able to relax. Apparently, Curtis and Courtney were more impressed with the mountain of toys waiting for them than with their new daddy and stepmother.
Vanessa was proud that she managed not to vent her feelings until the twins were tucked in for the night and Lana was in her room, chatting on the telephone. She embarrassed herself when she joined Ralph on the screened-in porch; tears of frustration and anger she’d held in all day filled her eyes and spilled down her cheeks.
“I can’t believe that man! He’s not fooling anyone. He’s trying to buy the twins’ love. What’s he going to do next? Take them to Disneyland?”
Before he could respond, she rushed ahead with, “He’s just plain wrong! That hateful man has never even wanted to see those babies…now suddenly he’s suing for custody. And all I can do is delay the inevitable for as long as possible. It stinks!”
Ralph tenderly encircled her waist, pulling her down to sit with him. “Calm down, beautiful. It’s not over. He hasn’t won, yet.”
“Maybe.” She impatiently wiped at her tears. “All I know is it’s only a matter of time before he hires a nanny to take care of them until they are old enough for him to send off to boarding school.” She was practically screaming, and as she paused to catch her breath, her hands balled into fists.
Moving a stroking hand up and down her bare arm, he soothed, “Hush, love. If you don’t calm down, you’re going to make yourself sick.”
Vanessa nodded, accepting a fresh tissue, “I…you’re…right…but I’m so mad…”
She let out a gush of hot air. “It’s just so hard to keep it all together, hiding my feelings from the kids.” Leaning against him, she concentrated on simply taking slow, deep breaths. “I’m a mess. I’m sorry. I can’t believe I keep coming apart in front of you.”
He kissed her forehead, holding on to her. “Stop apologizing. You have good reason to be upset. Unfortunately, today is just the beginning of these visits.” He swore his own frustration, then apologized. “I hate this. You can’t help but feel so helpless. You have to keep reminding yourself that you have a good lawyer. Jones knows what he’s doing.” Ralph paused, his heart picking up speed as he wondered what her reaction would be to his announcement. Finally, he revealed, “Like you, I’ve been feeling helpless to protect you and the twins. So, I decided to do what I hope will prove to be helpful.”
“What exactly did you do?” She tilted her head back so she could study his features.
“I hired a private investigator. Mack Webber is a retired cop. He’s a good man, more important, he is thorough. If there is something to find, Webber will find it.”
He caressed her cheek. “I’ve shocked you. Nothing to say? That I don’t believe.”
Vanessa smiled. “I don’t know. But if you think it will help, it’s worth a try. Can I afford it?” He cocked his brow, and she let out a giggle. “I know, at this point it doesn’t matter.”
“That’s right.” He leaned down until he could brush his mouth over hers. “It’s getting late. I should go, but before I do, tell me why you haven’t asked a single question about Jackee.”
“The pretty social worker, petite and tiny. Just like you like them.” Vanessa would have moved away, but Ralph held her in place. She demanded. “Let go.”
“In a minute. Jackee is a friend. We dated a few times, nothing came of it. I hadn’t seen her in a couple of years. Any other questions?” Ralph held his breath.
“No,” Vanessa merely looked at him, no smile, nothing to show if she was secretly relieved. It wasn’t as if she didn’t know about his past. Did she hate being reminded of how long his list was? Or maybe she didn’t care, period? That thought left him ice-cold with a combination of dread and fear.
“What do you mean, no?” he demanded to know.
“Just what I said. Ralph, I trust you.” Her eyes locked with his.
“Since when?” he whispered, as longing entered the mix.
He wanted her so bad he hurt from it, but it wasn’t just desire. If this was what Wesley and Devin experienced, then he finally got it. He understood why they could not walk away. The need to be with and protect her was stronger than anything else in his life. The need was that powerful. And it was not going away. If anything, it grew stronger with each passing day. All he could do was hang on.
Vanessa did laugh then. “I don’t know. You’re different with me. You’ve been my rock. But if you’re sneaking around, you’re hiding it well.” She stroked his cheek, teasing. “Why are you frowning, boo?”
A crease drew his black brows together, “Was that supposed to be a compliment?” He firmly set her away from him and rose to his feet, highly insulted. Did she have any idea what she was doing to him? How she was turning him inside out? His instincts told him to fight this madness in any way he possibly could. His wayward heart was not cooperating. And that back-handed compliment felt like a slap on the face.
“Sorta. What did you expect?”
“If you don’t know, I’m not going to waste time telling you, Ms. Grant.”
Vanessa raced to the front door and barely managed to get there ahead of him. When he encircled her waist, preparing to lift her out of his way, she threw her arms around his neck and pressed her breasts against his chest and her lips against the base of his throat.
“Don’t be angry. I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. Why are you so sensitive all of a sudden?”
“Sensitive? You better believe I’m angry! Doubting my honesty is an insult! How would you like it if I accused you of cheating with another man?”
“I wouldn’t like it. But, sweet man, I never said you cheated,” she insisted, moving her hands soothingly over his back.
“What do you think not believing I love you meant, Vanessa Grant?” he snapped, struggling to hold on to his anger and not let her softness seduce him.
“It means you’re a well-known womanizer, and I would be not only blind, but stupid and dumb if I ever forgot it. But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about you. Nor does it mean I think you are ‘playing’ around with women behind my back. For one thing, I can’t see how you would have the time, considering your work schedule, family, and volunteer work. But most important,” she said as she moved the hot, soft velvet of her tongue over his throat. “Our lovemaking has been limited because of me, not you. You are a highly sexual, intense lover, Ralph Prescott. I’ve given you a lot less loving than you no doubt are used to or need. And I hate it. I hate that my problems with my family keep getting in the way. It’s not fair to you, sweet man.” She kissed him, taking his bottom lip into her mouth to suck, causing hot prickles of desire to speed through his nervous system.
He closed his eyes as her soft fingers stroked the back of his neck. She released his lips, but before he could collect himself, so he could stop feeling and start thinking, she began to tongue the highly sensitive place behind his ear that caused him to groan deep in his throat.
“Sweet man, it has been too long for you.” As she slowly rubbed her incredibly full breasts against his chest, he wondered why he was fighting with her. She was where he needed her to be, and that was all that mattered. He wrapped his arms around her.
Kissing her soft mouth, he asked, “Is there a point to this?”
Nodding, she said, “I trust you, but I know that at this moment I can’t give you what you need. There is no mistaking that you’re hard and ready, that you want me.” She bit his bottom lip, then soothed the tiny sting with her tongue. “…or that I want you. But considering what the children have been through today, I have no choice but to stay and put their needs ahead of my own. All I can tell you is how very sorry I am, but it doesn’t fix the problem.”
Ralph groaned again, tightening his arms around her until nothing separated them but layers of fabric. “Don’t apologize. I’m not pressuring you, beautiful.”
“I know, but I’m not that naive. How long until you are thoroughly sick and tired of waiting? Phone calls and hungry kisses don’t get it. We both know that.”
His stomach tightened, his heart ached as he watched her lovely eyes fill with tears. “Then marry me, my beautiful lady. If nothing else, you don’t have to worry, and I won’t have to miss out on your loving.”
“Ralph!” She hit him on his forearm. “Will you be serious? You wanted to know why I know you have reason to sneak around, and I’m trying to explain. Why do you make things so complicated?”
“And why do you assume I’m not perfectly serious,” he demanded, outraged. “Yes, I’m tired of sleeping alone. Why do you keep turning me down? What? You think I’m running up and down Woodward Avenue proposing?”
“I know you want me. Perhaps more than you want anyone else. Marriage under these circumstances can’t work.” Vanessa sighed tiredly, leaning her forehead against his chin. “Do we have to get into this tonight? It has been such an exhausting day. Please, babe, can’t…”
Ralph sighed heavily. He wanted it settled, and he wanted it tonight. But he could also see she was both physically and emotionally drained. The need to protect took over.
“Okay, beautiful. We’ll let it go. No pressure.” He dropped his head and brushed his lips against hers. “Try to get some sleep. Just give us some thought. ’Night.”
“Good night.” Vanessa quickly covered a yawn. “I’m sorry,” she said as she slipped her arm through his and walked with him outside. After giving him a soft kiss, she stepped back inside.
Ralph stood on the porch, listening until the lock clicked into place. After making his way to his car and absently starting the engine, he wondered how the situation had gone from bad to worse. He felt as if she had ripped his heart out of his chest and was not even aware of it.
As he drove away, he vowed never again. No more proposals. He wasn’t giving her a chance to hurt him like this again. He planned to be there for her, do everything he could to help her through this Cummingham mess. If she wanted his love, then she would have to do the asking. He was done.