The house was very quiet. Josh and Jess were away, Ellie was next door. Sam could hear her own breathing. She started to think about her options. A glass of wine would go down well right now. Perhaps a little music? No, the silence was a novelty, best to indulge in it. What about a bath? She sighed contentedly. That was it. She leaned her head back against the sofa where she was sitting and put her feet up on the coffee table. She closed her eyes. She could feel the chill of the glass in her hand, the warmth of the water lapping around her body, the peace, the quiet.
Then the phone started to ring.
Bugger! For a moment she thought about letting the machine pick it up. But what if it was one of the kids? She sighed, dragging herself up and walking into the kitchen.
‘Okay, okay,’ she said to no one as she picked up the receiver.
‘Sam! You won’t believe what’s happened!’
Woman’s voice, excited, shrill . . . Fiona? God, she hated it when people didn’t say who they were on the phone. She had to keep them talking until they gave it away somehow.
‘Try me.’
‘You really won’t believe it. I should make you guess.’
Then Sam got her clue. She heard the drawback on a cigarette. ‘Or you could just tell me, Liz.’
‘Rose has left Colin.’
‘She has not.’
‘Oh yes she has.’
Sam didn’t know what to say.
‘Sam?’
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘I know, isn’t it unbelievable? I mean, she just walked out apparently.’
‘Where is she?’
‘She’s staying at the Ritz Carlton at Double Bay.’
‘She is not!’
Liz laughed. ‘She is! The world’s turned on its ear. Anyway, she called and asked me to pass the message along, and we’re all invited for drinks.’
‘For drinks? What, she’s celebrating?’
‘Well, wouldn’t you if you left Colin?’ Liz remarked snidely. ‘Look, I think she might be a little shell-shocked. We’d better get over there. Can you ring Max?’
‘Sure,’ said Sam. ‘I’ll see you there.’
She replaced the receiver, but stood staring at it for a minute. What had Rose said to her the day of the move? That she was an inspiration? God, not to do this, surely.
Sam rang Max, who seemed to be only mildly surprised. She said she’d be waiting outside her block in ten minutes.
‘What are you going to do with Ellie?’ she asked.
‘Sorry?’
‘Ellie. You know, your daughter. Short, dark hair –’
‘Oh God, um, she’s next door. I’ll have to bring her with me, I suppose. Do you think it’ll be alright?’
‘Should be an education for her,’ Max quipped. ‘See you in ten.’
Sam hurried next door and rang the bell. Maria answered it, smiling. She was a small but buxom woman and she always had a smile on her face.
‘Hello Samanta!’ she greeted. She couldn’t quite manage the ‘th’. ‘You come to have dinner wit us? You can’t sit in tere alone, all by yourselves!’
‘Oh, thank you, Maria. But I have to go out. I’ve come to get Ellie.’
Maria’s face dropped. ‘But where are you going? Does Ellie have to go too?’
‘Well . . .’
‘Leave her here. She’s no trouble.’
‘Oh I couldn’t –’
‘Please Samanta! I love having a little girl around. Can you imagine?’
Sam smiled at her. ‘I might be a little late.’
‘Pssht,’ Maria dismissed. She turned towards the sitting room. Ellie and Carlos were engrossed in the PlayStation. ‘Ellie, your mama’s going out. You gonna stay here wit us for dinner, querida?’
Ellie looked over and nodded happily.
‘What do you say to Mrs Suarez, Ellie?’ Sam prompted her.
‘Thank you, Maria!’
‘Don’t I get a kiss goodbye?’
Ellie jumped up and skipped over to her mother. ‘We just unlocked level four on Crash Bandicoot!’
‘Well, I’m so happy for you!’ Sam bent down and gave her a hug. ‘Now, you be polite, and eat all your dinner, and help clean up afterwards.’
‘Eh!’ Maria grunted. ‘She’s a baby! Too many rules!’
‘Thank you, Maria. I’ll owe you for this.’
‘Pssht,’ Maria waved her off.
She turned at the gate. ‘I’ll have to mind the boys one night so you and Louis can have a romantic night out.’
Sam could still hear Maria’s peals of laughter as she got into her car and started the engine.
When Max and Sam arrived at Rosemary’s hotel room, Liz was already there. She opened the door for them. Rose was sitting on the sofa, her feet curled up underneath her. She was wearing a thick white bathrobe, obviously hotel issue. She looked serene.
Sam crossed the room towards her as Rosemary got to her feet.
‘Rose, how are you?’ Sam said, putting her arms around her. Rosemary hugged her in return. But then she pulled back to look at Sam.
‘I’m fine. I’m really okay.’ She smiled warmly at her. There was a peace in her eyes that Sam had never seen before. ‘Sit, have a drink,’ she insisted.
Liz handed them glasses, then went to get the bottle out of the fridge.
‘Where’s Fiona?’ Sam asked. ‘Is she coming?’
Sam felt like everyone was looking anywhere but at her.
‘She’s working back,’ Maxine blurted.
‘How do you know that?’ Sam frowned. ‘I was the one who called you about tonight.’
‘Well . . .’ she faltered. ‘She’s always working back lately.’
‘That’s right,’ said Liz, coming over to fill Sam’s glass. ‘Fiona is working back. Now, you’ve got to hear Rosemary’s story, she’s bloody amazing.’
‘When did it happen?’
‘Just today.’
Max and Sam stared at her, waiting. Rosemary seemed so calm, like she was a queen holding court.
‘I got into my car this morning and headed along the freeway to work.’ She paused. ‘Then, at the Lane Cove underpass, I suddenly had an overwhelming feeling. I knew I couldn’t drive home along that same road this afternoon. In fact, I knew I couldn’t do it, not just this afternoon, but ever again.’
‘What?’ Sam was stunned.
‘Have you told Colin?’ asked Max.
‘Mm,’ Rosemary nodded, sipping her wine. ‘I rang him from work and said I wouldn’t be coming home. He was a little annoyed, you know Col. He said, “What time will I expect you then?” I said that I guess once I find a place, I’ll have to come and get some of my things. I’d let him know. It took him a while to catch on. He kept asking what was going to happen about dinner tonight. I think he was in shock.’
Max started to laugh. ‘Rose! I never thought you had it in you,’ she whooped, holding her glass up to her.
‘But wait,’ Sam said. ‘You can’t just leave and not go back ever!’
‘Why can’t she?’ Liz raised an eyebrow.
‘Well, what about your clothes . . . and stuff?’ Sam realised that sounded pretty lame in the scheme of things.
‘I went out at lunchtime and bought a couple of pairs of undies and a toothbrush. And I’ve sent the clothes I was wearing to be laundered.’ Rosemary smiled impishly. ‘That was a bit of an indulgence.’
Sam was shocked. Liz and Max were smiling along with Rosemary. They’d lost all sense of reason. Rose had just left her husband. You didn’t laugh and celebrate. This was serious.
‘What are you going to do, Rosemary?’ said Sam sternly. ‘You can’t afford to stay here and have your clothes laundered every night.’
‘No, I’ll shop for another shirt tomorrow. And I’m only staying here for a couple of nights. It was a midweek special thing. I had a voucher out of the newspaper.’
‘Serendipity,’ Max declared.
Sam stood up and started pacing. ‘So you’re never going back to Colin? You just get in your car one day and decide you’re never going home?’
Rose looked at her squarely. ‘There hasn’t been one day in the past ten years that I’ve wanted to go home. It’s taken me this long to get the courage to do something about it.’
Sam stood staring at her, breathing heavily. Everyone was quiet.
‘I don’t understand, Sam. You’re the reason I was finally able to do it.’
‘Me?’
Rosemary nodded. ‘I’ve watched you in awe. You’ve handled every hurdle that’s been put in front of you. A new job, a new house, and you’ve got three kids! My boys are grown up, working. I don’t have to worry about them. I realised that if you could do it, then surely I could.’
‘But don’t you see?’ said Sam in a small voice. ‘I didn’t do the leaving. I never would have left Jeff.’
They all stared at her. She sat down again and picked up her glass, gulping down half of it.
‘Sam,’ Rosemary said after a while. ‘You know what Colin was like, probably better than anyone here. Do you think I should have stayed with him?’
Sam slowly raised her eyes to look directly at Rosemary. Sweet, long-suffering Rosemary. How often Sam had wished she’d find the courage to stand up to Colin. He had so thoroughly stripped Rose of any sense of worth, it was a wonder she had the gumption to leave him. She had never been anything more to him than a housekeeper, cook and from what she had hinted, a not always willing sexual partner. He was a Neanderthal brute and Rosemary was well rid of him.
Sam cleared her throat. ‘Of course you couldn’t stay with him.’
There was a collective sigh in the room.
‘Have you made any plans?’ Max asked Rosemary.
The conversation took off, but Sam tuned out. She thought about Jeff leaving her. Had he struggled with it? Had it taken him a long time to get up the courage? Did he have a drink and celebrate with Jodi when he finally went through with it?
She didn’t want to be this mournful woman but it still hurt. She wondered how long it would keep on hurting like this. How long it would be before she could be as calm as Rosemary. Till she could say she had ‘moved on’.
‘So, I’ve already called a couple of agencies,’ Rosemary was saying. Sam presumed she was talking about finding a place to rent. ‘And I’m going to my first singles party on Saturday!’ she finished excitedly.
‘What?’ Sam frowned. This was too much, surely everyone would agree. But they were all looking at Sam like she was the one from another planet. Or a convent perhaps.
‘It’s just, well, isn’t it a little soon?’
‘What do you expect her to do, Sam?’ said Liz. ‘Dress in black and not go out in public for twelve months?’
‘Like someone I know,’ Max added pointedly. ‘Metaphorically speaking.’
‘Sam, I’ve been in a completely dead relationship for so long,’ Rosemary explained. ‘I’ve had no passion, no fun. I want to start living. I don’t want to put it off a minute longer. This is the beginning of something for me, not the end.’
It was nearly ten by the time Sam dropped off Max and arrived at the Saurezes’ to get Ellie.
‘Did you have a nice time, Samanta?’ Maria asked, smiling.
Sam forced a smile in return. ‘Yes thank you. And thanks so much for having Ellie.’
‘Eh!’ Maria scoffed. ‘She is an angel come down from heaven. Look at her,’ she said, nodding towards the living room where Ellie was curled up asleep on the lounge. ‘Maybe you will leave her here? Tere is no need to disturb her.’
Sam looked at her little daughter, like an angel from heaven indeed. ‘You know, Maria, I think I’d be lonely without her tonight.’
Maria nodded knowingly. ‘Of course.’
Sam carried her sleeping daughter inside the house and down the hall. She paused outside the girls’ room, feeling Ellie’s breath against her neck. Then she turned and walked into her own room instead. She lowered Ellie gently down, pulling the covers out of the way. Then she removed her sandals and drew the sheet and quilt back over her, tucking her in firmly.
Sam walked wearily to the bathroom and stared at herself in the mirror. She should clean off her make-up, but that required more diligence than she could muster at the moment. She undid the clip restraining her hair and tousled it with her fingers. She brushed her teeth, turned out the light and crept back to her room. Climbing into bed, she inched over next to Ellie, putting her arms around her and nestling in close. It was a while since she had slept with one of the kids. It was a while since she had slept with anyone.
Despite having a new house and a new job, a new car even, Sam realised she was not living a new life, not inside her head at least. She was still a wife, a jilted one, but she had not left that role behind. She was like her mother, wearing the label, clinging to what she had once been. But why? What was the advantage in being an ex-wife over a single woman?
Safety. Familiarity. Sam didn’t know how to be a single woman. Like Alex said, she was barely more than a child when she met Jeff. She hadn’t had any practice.
She closed her eyes and saw Hal, smiling at her the way he had in the car the other night. What would it be like to have a man’s arms around her again? She imagined him lying behind her, wrapped around her as she was wrapped around Ellie. She felt his face against hers, his slightly whiskery chin on her neck, his lips on her earlobe. Sam’s heart started to race and she felt hot. She unravelled herself from Ellie and turned over onto her back, breathing heavily. She was nothing but a frustrated, fear-ridden, deserted wife, bringing her daughter into her bed so she didn’t have to feel so lonely. But it only made it all the more obvious how lonely she was.
Sam threw back the covers and walked out to the kitchen. Opening the fridge, she picked up the bottle of wine she had started a couple of nights ago, took a glass from the cupboard and walked back into the living room. She sat down heavily on the sofa and turned on the television with the remote, lowering the sound so as not to disturb Ellie. She flicked stations. News. News. News. Crappy movie. It must be crappy because Steven Seagal was in it. Sam hated Steven Seagal. But she tossed the remote aside, poured herself a glass of wine, and curled her feet up underneath her, staring at the screen.
Sometime around one, the bottle was finished and Sam couldn’t keep her eyes open any more. She turned off the television and walked a little unsteadily to her room, where she climbed into bed, turned away from Ellie and fell asleep.