Somehow Sam made it through the weekend. She had not heard from Vanessa, but she figured it was best to leave it up to her to make contact. She couldn’t imagine what kind of a weekend she must have had.
Max dropped in on Saturday before Sam had the chance to return her call.
‘Hey, what’s the matter?’ she said as Sam opened the door to her. ‘You look strange, something’s happened.’
Was it really true that people could see it in your face when you’d had sex? Sam wasn’t ready to tell Max about Hal, she didn’t need the third degree.
‘You want to know what’s happened?’ she said. ‘Vanessa Blair had a miscarriage, I abused her husband, I’ve probably lost another client as well and my job is on the line. Oh, and Jeff wants a divorce because he and Jodi are having a baby.’
Max just looked at her wide-eyed. ‘Fuck!’
She couldn’t stay long, she was meeting Dan for another non-date. And she had also not been on a date with him the night before when Sam had left the message on her machine. If she kept not dating him like this, things were going to get serious. Or not.
Sam had spent the rest of Saturday cleaning. With a vengeance. She’d always found it enormously therapeutic to throw herself into housework, it helped clear her mind. Not that it worked quite so well this time. Although she fell exhausted into bed that night, she still couldn’t get Hal out of her mind when she closed her eyes. And now she had reality to shape her fantasies. She knew what his body felt like lying against her, the warmth of his arms around her, the way his lips tasted . . . But there had been no messages from Hal, and he hadn’t called all weekend.
The kids made no mention of the baby when they arrived home Sunday afternoon. Sam didn’t want to bring it up if they knew nothing yet. She wasn’t able to check with Jeff, he didn’t come inside when he dropped them home, sending his apologies via Jess – ‘Dad said to say hello, but he was running late for something or other’. He was avoiding her. Sam supposed she could hardly blame him.
Josh and Jessica had left on the bus nearly half an hour ago, and Sam was just about ready to leave to take Ellie to pre-school. She would go and see Sheila after that. She had spent most of Sunday bringing all her records up to date, gearing herself up for the showdown. Sam had mixed feelings about the whole thing. Except for Ted, she could happily give up all her clients, she’d had enough. But what was the alternative at the moment? She was due to meet Andrew Byron at the Darling Harbour Exhibition Centre tomorrow, and she was understandably hopeful about her chances. But that was all she had. And there was a mortgage to pay, mouths to feed, and only half her Christmas shopping done.
She picked up the briefcase she’d packed for her meeting with Sheila, and her handbag, and Ellie’s backpack and sunhat and Zoey the zebra, which she had insisted on bringing today. Sam carried it all to the front door, juggling as she undid the deadlock. The door fell open as Sam turned around to call out for Ellie.
‘Eloise Holmes, where are you? We’re going to be late!’
She appeared at the end of the hall. ‘Sorry Mummy. I had to go.’
‘You just went a minute ago!’
Ellie shrugged. ‘But I had to go some more.’
Sam smiled. ‘Well, I guess when you gotta go . . . Come on, we’ll be late.’ She watched Ellie skip across the living room, suddenly stopping dead in her tracks as she looked past her mother.
‘Hal!’ she squealed delightedly.
Sam swung around as Ellie ran past her out the front door and into Hal’s arms. He scooped her up, looking warily at Sam over her shoulder.
‘Hey,’ he said tentatively.
Sam couldn’t say anything. She seemed to have lost the faculty of speech.
‘Is this a bad time?’
She shook her head vaguely.
‘Where have you been, Hal?’ Ellie blurted. ‘Why don’t you come to visit us any more?’
‘Sorry Ellie, I, uh, haven’t had the chance.’
‘Did you know Santa’s coming soon? And I’m going to be an angel in the play at kindy. And we’re going to have a party . . .’
Sam watched Hal listening patiently as Ellie prattled on. What was he doing here? Didn’t he have a plane to catch? Was that his taxi parked across the street?
‘. . . maybe you can come and see me in my play,’ Ellie was saying.
‘No, Ellie, Hal’s going away,’ Sam said, finding her voice. She looked directly at him. ‘He won’t be able to come and see your play.’
Hal didn’t flinch from her glare. ‘I will miss your play, Ellie. But I’ll see you after Christmas.’
‘Promise?’
‘Promise.’
‘Ellie, hop in the car, sweetheart, and wait for Mummy.’
Hal put her down and she skipped over to the car. He looked at Sam. ‘I won’t hold you up. I just wanted to see you before I left.’ He took a breath. ‘There’s something I have to say to you.’
‘Okay,’ she said quietly. She watched him shift from one foot to the other, glancing around as if he was collecting his thoughts from the atmosphere. Finally, he put his hands on his hips and looked directly into her eyes.
‘Do you have any idea what a frustrating woman you are, Sam?’
She hadn’t seen that coming.
‘You react before you know all the facts, you do it all the time. And Jesus, do you react,’ Hal declared, raising his arms. ‘You can be very pig-headed when you want to be, Sam. Sometimes you should talk less and hear people out before you go making up your mind.’
Sam swallowed. ‘Are you through insulting me yet?’
‘See? You’re doing it again. Jumping to conclusions, not hearing me out.’
She just looked at him.
Hal took a breath. ‘Okay, first off, I think it’s a bit rich for you to be pissed at me because I didn’t tell you I was going away. I haven’t heard from you in weeks, not since the last time you freaked out.’ He paused for effect. ‘I had no idea you were going to show up the other night, I certainly wasn’t expecting what happened.’ He sighed, rubbing his forehead with one hand. ‘But Sam, I don’t know how you can “not allow” it to mean anything. I couldn’t get on that plane today after what happened, not without sorting this out. I couldn’t, even if I wanted to. There’s some kind of hold you’ve got on me . . .’
Hal stared down at the ground. Sam watched him, barely breathing.
He looked up again and met her eyes. ‘I don’t know what it is, Sam. I just have the feeling that if we don’t give this a chance, we’ll both end up regretting it.’
What did he just say?
‘You tell me you don’t feel the same way,’ Hal continued quietly, ‘and that’ll be the end of it.’ He paused, watching her. ‘But think before you speak for once, would you?’
No fear of that. Sam couldn’t speak right now even if she wanted to. Her heart was pounding against her ribcage and she felt as though she could quite possibly throw up.
‘Well?’ Hal said after a while.
Sam swallowed. ‘I can’t say that,’ she croaked.
He looked confused. ‘I’m sorry?’
She took a deep breath. ‘I can’t say that I don’t feel the same way.’
He regarded her curiously. ‘That double negative cancels itself out, doesn’t it?’
She shrugged.
‘So you can say you feel the same way I do?’
She nodded shyly.
His shoulders visibly relaxed and he breathed out heavily. ‘Okay then,’ he said, the relief apparent in his voice. ‘So, I’ll be back sometime around the middle of January,’ he continued calmly. ‘Sometimes people go away, Sam, and they come back.’
She looked up at him and he held her gaze, steady and unblinking.
‘I have something for you.’ He reached into the pocket of his jacket and pulled out a small, flat gift box, about the size of a pack of cards. He went to hand it to her but her arms were full.
‘Here,’ he said. ‘Give me some of that.’
Hal took Zoey and the sunhat and Ellie’s bag. Sam put her briefcase down beside her and opened the lid of the box. She frowned as she drew out a set of keys. They had a large label attached to them. ‘“Fourteen Marine Drive, Palm Beach,”’ she read. ‘I don’t understand?’
‘It’s yours. Well, for January anyway.’
Sam was mystified.
‘Call it a Christmas present. For you and the kids.’ He paused. ‘You said you’d like to lie on a beach for a month sometime.’
She looked up at him, her eyes wide. ‘You did this for me?’
‘Not exactly,’ he shrugged. ‘I booked it, well, some time ago, not realising of course that I would be away. For a while. A short while,’ he emphasised. ‘But it would be a waste to have it sitting there empty till then.’
Sam fingered the keys, still stunned. ‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Say that you’ll think fondly of me while I’m away and be glad to see me when I get back.’ Hal was looking intently at her. ‘And then maybe we can work out what happens after that,’ he added quietly.
Sam felt her face go hot. ‘Okay,’ she swallowed.
She noticed a smile in his eyes as he nodded faintly. ‘Good. That’s settled then.’
‘When are you leaving?’ she asked.
He indicated the taxi. ‘I’m on my way to the airport now.’
‘Let me take you –’
‘No, it’s okay. I didn’t mean to hold you up, you were on your way out.’
‘I only have to take Ellie to pre-school, then I have a meeting later.’
He seemed uncertain.
‘Come on,’ she cajoled. ‘This is one of those things I really should be doing for you.’ She didn’t want to say goodbye like this, in a rush, her stomach all twisted in knots. ‘Please?’
He grinned down at her. ‘Well, you don’t have to beg.’
He paid off the taxi driver and transferred his bags into the boot of Sam’s car. Ellie started up her chatter as soon as he climbed in the front seat. Where was he going? Why? For how long? Children were lucky. It was alright for them to be blunt and, well, just plain nosy. They didn’t have to disguise their curiosity in veiled, roundabout questions.
‘What would you like me to bring you back?’ Hal was asking her.
‘You don’t have to do that, Hal,’ Sam said, but they both ignored her.
‘I’d like, um . . . a present!’ she exclaimed.
‘Okay,’ he laughed. ‘A present it is.’
When they arrived at Ellie’s pre-school, Sam glanced at Hal. ‘This’ll only take a minute. Say goodbye to Hal, Ellie.’
Ellie appeared in the gap between the front seats, clutching her zebra. ‘Can you take Zoey with you?’
‘Ellie, Hal can’t take a stuffed zebra all the way to America with him!’ Sam chided.
‘But Zoey’s never been to ’merica.’
‘Won’t you miss Zoey if I take her, Ellie?’ Hal asked her.
She looked at him seriously. ‘Yes, but I know you’ll look after her. And as soon as you get home, you’ll bring her straight around to our place, won’t you, Hal?’
How did she get so cunning? She was only five, for godsakes.
‘I’ll take her,’ said Hal as Sam went to protest. ‘She’ll be good company.’
Ellie beamed as she reached around to hug him. ‘Be good Zoey!’ she said, thrusting the zebra into his arms. ‘Bye bye, Hal!’
Sam took Ellie inside and returned to the car a few minutes later. ‘What time is your flight?’ she asked Hal.
‘Eleven o’clock.’
She checked her watch. It was going to be tight. She pulled out from the kerb, mentally working out the best route at this time of the day. And what on earth she was going to say to him as they drove along. How were they supposed to make light conversation after what had just passed between them?
Sam wished Ellie was still in the car. She’d been a good buffer. Maybe light conversation was exactly what was needed. It was probably all Sam was capable of at the moment anyway.
‘Will you spend Christmas with your family?’ she asked.
He shrugged. ‘Portia’s not really a Christmas kind of person. She calls it the Festival of the God of Consumerism. She usually boycotts it.’
‘That’s not a bad idea,’ Sam muttered.
‘Besides, she’s on the other side of the country, I don’t know that I’ll get the chance to see her. Maybe I’ll stop over on my way back.’ He glanced at Sam. ‘You’ll have a busy Christmas, I guess, with the kids and all.’
‘Mm.’ Now Sam wanted to talk about something else. Anything else. ‘I have a job interview the day after tomorrow,’ she chirped.
‘No kidding? What kind of job?’
‘Well, the company does event management, conferences, that kind of thing,’ she explained.
Hal smiled broadly. ‘Way to go, Sam. Sounds perfect for you.’
She shrugged. ‘But it’s only an interview. Well, it’s not really a proper interview, I don’t even know if there’s an actual job. And I don’t have any experience. And I’m a bit old, they probably want someone much younger. With training.’
‘Don’t worry, that positive attitude you’ve got going will make up for all that,’ Hal said drily.
She glanced across at him. He was watching her, he seemed thoughtful.
‘Don’t sell yourself short, Samantha Jean,’ he said in a quiet voice. ‘You have absolutely no reason to.’
Hal believed in her. Ted Dempsey obviously believed in her. Maxine and Alex believed in her. Maybe it was about time she started believing in herself.
‘Okay,’ she said softly.
As they approached the airport, Sam offered to park the car and come into the terminal. But Hal insisted she just drop him off outside.
‘I can check myself in,’ he assured her.
She followed the signs to the two-minute dropoff zone. What could she say in only two minutes? Bugger all. Sam’s thoughts raced as she tried to think of a dazzling parting remark, something Hal would remember. Something that would make him think fondly of her as well.
She stopped the car and turned off the engine.
‘No need –’ Hal started to say as Sam jumped out. He climbed out of his seat and looked at her across the roof of the car. ‘– for you to get out,’ he finished.
Sam shrugged and walked back to open the boot. Hal joined her, still holding Zoey.
‘Oh, here, let me take that,’ said Sam. ‘I’ll hide it until you come back.’
‘No,’ he resisted. ‘A promise is a promise.’
Sam frowned at him. ‘You’re actually going to take a stuffed zebra halfway across the world on a business trip?’
Hal was unzipping his suitcase. He flipped it open and began rearranging the contents of his bag to accommodate Zoey.
‘Hal, you can’t –’
‘I told Ellie I would take Zoey with me,’ he said over the top of her protests. He pushed the lid of his suitcase down firmly and zipped it closed again, looking directly at Sam. ‘And I’m a man of my word.’
He picked up the bag and his briefcase and Sam closed the lid of the boot.
‘Hal!’ she blurted. He looked at her expectantly but she still hadn’t thought of anything to say.
‘I’ll be seeing you then,’ he said.
Now or never. Sam took a step closer and reached her arms up to his shoulders, but she didn’t want to have to yank his head down to her. Instead she turned him around and stepped up onto the kerb, bringing her face level with his. She looped both arms around his neck and pulled him close, kissing him purposefully, deliberately, trying to convey . . . well, she hoped he got the drift. He was obviously taken aback at first, but he relaxed into it, moving the arm holding the briefcase around her.
Sam pulled away slowly, a little self-conscious.
‘What was that for?’ Hal said quietly.
‘I don’t know,’ she shrugged.
She stepped off the kerb and skirted backwards around the car. ‘Have a good trip,’ she called, before disappearing inside the car. As she pulled away she could see Hal in the rear-vision mirror, standing in the same spot. He hadn’t moved. He watched her until the road curved around and she was out of sight.
Sheila tapped the pen on her desk. ‘You’re too emotionally involved, Samantha. You can’t work effectively like this.’
‘I don’t know how you can avoid it when you’re dealing with people on such a personal level,’ said Sam. ‘They all want to be friends, confide in me.’
‘That’s because you’re so good at this, Samantha,’ Sheila said matter-of-factly. ‘You have the rare ability to combine warmth and efficiency. You’re one of the best lifestyle managers I’ve ever employed.’
Sam didn’t know what to say. Sheila didn’t mean it as a compliment. She wasn’t one to flatter. She just called it as she saw it.
‘So, you’ve proven yourself now.’
‘Sorry?’
‘Do you think you’re the first jilted wife who’s ever joined us to make some kind of point to her husband?’
Sam was gobsmacked.
‘In my experience, men don’t leave because of a messy or disorganised house. Sometimes it’s quite the opposite. Funny, we make it so important,’ Sheila said, almost wistful. ‘So,’ she snapped out of it, ‘I knew we wouldn’t have you for much longer. You were bound to burn out soon. It always happens to the best ones.’
Sam looked at her sheepishly. She may as well be honest. ‘I am looking at my options actually.’
‘Well,’ Sheila said, unperturbed. ‘We should discuss how you can begin culling your clients, starting with Mrs Bowen, I presume?’
Sam nodded vaguely. ‘If that’s okay.’
‘Of course it is,’ Sheila dismissed. ‘It’s the only way we’ll keep her as a client at all. She’s very dirty with you. I’ve told her I’ll take care of her personally from now on.’
‘You’re brave,’ Sam muttered. ‘I didn’t realise you still took on clients.’
‘I reserve myself for the particularly challenging ones. They only come along from time to time.’ She looked up at Sam. ‘That’s how I avoid burnout,’ she winked. ‘So, is there anyone else that you’d like to offload, or who you think could be easily passed along to someone else?’
‘Well,’ said Sam, picking up her briefcase, ‘I have all my records with me.’
‘Excellent. Let’s take a look.’
‘You know I can’t afford to do this right away. I still have a mortgage.’
‘Of course. We’ll start the process now, but it will take months, and you can keep on as many clients as you wish. It’s up to you.’
Sam smiled gratefully. ‘You’re being very good about this.’
‘What’s the point of making it unpleasant, who wins out of that? It’s not good for either of us, it’s certainly not good for the clients.’ Sheila paused. ‘You’re going to make a new start for yourself, Samantha, regardless of what obstacles I put in your path. I’d rather you left us with a sense of accomplishment, and perhaps even a nice word to say about us.’
When Jeff called that night to talk to the kids, Sam made sure she answered the phone. She walked into her room and closed the door.
‘Hi,’ he said warily. ‘Are any of the kids around?’
‘Sure, I just want to talk to you about Christmas first.’
She heard him sigh. ‘Look, I understand where you’re coming from, Sam. It’s fair, I suppose.’
‘Well, it’s good of you to be so understanding, but I was coming from somewhere completely selfish. It shouldn’t be about what’s fair for me, or you, for that matter. It should only be about what’s fair for the kids.’
He didn’t say anything.
‘So they should have Christmas with you this year.’ Sam paused, giving him a chance to take it in.
‘Thank you, Sam.’ She could tell he was stunned.
‘But I was going to ask a small favour.’
‘Of course.’
‘Well, I hope it’s a small favour. Maybe you won’t see it that way.’ She took a breath. ‘But would you mind if they have the morning here? I just thought that way it probably doesn’t complicate the whole Santa issue for Ellie, you know. And . . . oh, damn.’
‘What is it?’
‘I’m trying to sound like I have noble intentions. But I just don’t think I could cope without them on Christmas morning,’ Sam swallowed, pressing her eyelids to stem tears that were perilously close.
‘Then they should spend Christmas Eve with you,’ Jeff said plainly. ‘I’ll pick them up later the next morning.’
Sam sighed, relieved. ‘Thank you.’
‘Thank you.’
They were silent for a moment. Sam composed herself. ‘I’ll get one of the kids now.’ She walked towards the door. ‘Oh, by the way, have you said anything to them . . . about . . . your news?’
‘Ah, no, not yet,’ Jeff stammered. ‘We thought it was better, maybe, to wait a little longer.’
Mm. Because you never know when the ex-wife’s gonna blow.
‘Well, whatever . . . they won’t hear anything negative from me,’ Sam finished.
‘Thanks Sam, that means a lot to me.’
‘Okay,’ she said, leaving the room. ‘I’ll get Jess.’