The circle was small, only eleven chairs. River sat in one and looked at the opening in the eastern doorway. By now she knew that the eastern door was always left open to invite the ancestors in.
When she saw who entered after her, her jaw hit the floor. Her heart pounded in her chest. It was Russell. He sat down to her left. He shuffled his bag and then his sparkling eyes met hers.
“Hi, River.” Russell’s voice was soft.
“Um, hey?” she whispered, confused.
“How are you?” he asked.
“I’m okay . . . and you?” Her eyes darted around the room, looking for clues as to why Russell was there.
“Did you miss me?” He winked. He moved closer beside her.
“What are you doing here?” she finally asked. Even though she wasn’t sure she wanted the answer.
“I’m a community youth outreach worker.”
It took a minute for his words to sink in. Was she some kind of social experiment for him? Was that why she hadn’t heard back from him since that night? “And do you reach out and sleep with all the youth you work with?” she hissed. Still stinging from talking to Josh, the anger River felt found a good target in Russell.
“River, it wasn’t like that at all. And we didn’t sleep together,” he responded quietly.
She was trying to keep her tone cool and her volume low. “Okay, do you sleep BESIDE . . .”
She was distracted by the opening of the main door. In walked the two young girls from the store and a young man probably her age. Behind them were a man and a woman who looked to be their parents, and a police officer in uniform. They all sat down in the circle. Right after them, River’s dad and nokomis sat down in the circle as well.
The circle began. River had been told that the young woman who was running the healing circle was named Jennifer. She wore beaded earrings, jeans and a fitted black T-shirt. River thought Jennifer was the perfect amount of chubby in all the right places. Her cheekbones were high and her skin was radiant. But what was most obvious was the kindness and peace that seemed to flow off her. River could not stop staring at her glow.
They all stood, and started the circle with a smudge. The smell of the burning sage grounded River like nothing else. She smudged her eyes, her ears, her heart and her body, to clear her mind and listen with an open heart. She pleaded with her inner self to let go of all thoughts of Russell, all thoughts of Josh. It wasn’t about them. This was about her. She spoke to the Creator and asked that the Great Spirit help her on this journey. She asked the Creator for a sign or something that would show her the path she was supposed to be on. She was tired of feeling lost. She was tired of feeling like she had no real home of her own. She had a hard time feeling like she belonged anywhere. The only place she felt she belonged was in the presence of the smudge. She stood with a lump in her throat, waiting for the others to finish.
Jennifer sat in the first chair to the left of the eastern doorway. She swung her hair behind her back with her left hand and tucked the other side behind her ear.
“Miigwech, Nanaboozhoo,” Jennifer began, “Waussi-noodae Kwe Ninidishniikaaz, Maang dodem, Long Plains ndoongabaa. Thank you, everyone, for joining us. I just thanked the Creator for joining us, and I introduced myself to the Creator in my spirit name. My name is Northern Lights Woman. I’m from the loon clan, and I am from Long Plains First Nation. I want to start by acknowledging the Treaty One territory that we are gathered on here today. It’s important we remember our ancestors, the ones who came before us, as we work here today, for the ones who will come after us.”
She looked around the room and made eye contact with almost everyone as she spoke.
“I also want to thank everyone for having the courage to show up for today’s circle. This is not an easy circle to join, a circle to find the truth, to find justice. The work we do here today will be hard. But the Creator doesn’t put lessons in our way that we can’t handle.”
She shifted her weight in her chair. “We will start by going around the circle and introducing ourselves. Much like a sharing circle, when we pass the feather around, please respect the person who is speaking by listening carefully and not interrupting. You do have the right to pass if you’re not ready to speak. But since this is a restorative circle, you will be asked to participate at some point. If you need the smudge, please help yourself. We have people here to support you if you need a break. There is also water underneath your chair.”
She held the eagle feather with turquoise peyote stitching on the shaft. Then she passed it to the boy who was sitting on her left.
He cleared his throat, then spoke. “My name is Gerald, and I am from the rez here. I’m here to support my two sisters, Stephanie and Brianna. They are the abusers, I guess.” He passed the feather to the woman on his left.
“My name is Michelle, and I am Brianna and Stephanie’s mother.” River could see she was upset. Her knee was shaking. She passed the feather to the man on her left.
“My name is Kyle. I am the father of Brianna and Stephanie, and our son Gerald.” He passed the feather to one of his daughters and sat stiffly, with his arms crossed against his chest.
“My name is Brianna,” the girl with the blonde streak in her hair said. She threw the feather into her sister’s hands beside her.
“My name is Stephanie,” the taller girl said. River could tell from their body language that she was the follower and her sister was the ringleader. Stephanie passed the feather to the man in uniform.
“I’m Sergeant Michael Johnston. I am here from the Anishnaabek Police Service.” He passed the feather to his left.
“Boozhoo,” River’s nokomis began. “Gchi Nodin Kwe Nidiishnaakaz, Waawaashkeshi dodem. I am from the community here as well, and I am Grace, the grandmother of River.” She passed the feather to her son.
“Hello, everyone. My name is Eric. I am River’s dad.” He passed the feather to his daughter.
“Uh,” River’s voice cracked. The two girls squirmed in their chairs. “My name is River. And I believe you are all here because of me.” River felt goosebumps on her arms. She passed the feather to her left. Russell looked deep into River’s eyes as he received the feather from her.
“Boozhoo,” Russell began. “Biidaaban Ndishniikaaz, Maayungm dodem, Pukatawagan Dongaabaa. My English name is Russell. My spirit name means the First Light in the Morning. I’m wolf clan from Puk, and I am the youth outreach worker for Winnipeg Anishnaabek Health Services. I’m here today to offer support to young people on both sides of this conflict.”
He leaned across the eastern door and passed the feather back to Jennifer, who began the second round of the healing circle.
She said, “This time as we take turns speaking, I’d like you to focus on why you are here and speak of anything you need resolved. Speak your needs and your reflections. Be mindful that this round can be very difficult. Truths that people are not ready to hear might be told. Remember that you need to be respectful, to not interrupt anyone and wait your turn to speak.” She passed the feather to Gerald.
“I don’t think I should start. All I know is that this girl, River, posted some pictures that probably got her into trouble. My sisters beat her up, and now we’re here.” He slouched in his chair as he passed the feather to his mother.
Michelle was already sobbing. “The police showed up at my door two nights ago, telling me that my two girls had been involved in an assault. Of course, the first thing I thought was that they were the victims. Never in a million years did I ever think I would be sitting here with my two girls facing charges for assault.”
Her knee bounced, and her hands twirled the feather as she spoke. “You know, I’m so disappointed that my girls were involved in something like this.” She started crying again. Jennifer handed her a bunch of tissues. “My two baby girls, who I tried to raise right. Who come from a good family, who have never been in trouble. Who do well in school, who seem to be these kind, normal girls . . .” She shook her head and looked at her daughters. “I can’t believe you two attacked this girl at the store. What were you thinking? Why would you do something like this? Tell us all why you did this.”
As she passed the feather to her husband, her hands were shaking. River thought about her mom. How would her mom feel if River did what this woman’s daughters had done? River didn’t think she would ever attack someone out of hate. But she had done some things she wasn’t proud of since she left home.
Kyle took the feather and a deep breath. He leaned forward with his elbows on his knees and spoke directly to his daughters with the feather in his hands. “You know, I always thought it was going to be Gerald who would bring the police to the house. And here it is my two beautiful daughters. Do you know that when you were born, Brianna, I never took another drink after that? Your mother and I have done everything in our power to raise you right. To give you a good home, a loving home. To make sure you had the things you needed. I would expect this from kids who come from troubled homes. But, holy cow, we have a good life, girls.” His voice cracked a little. “I just want to know why I guess. What on earth possessed you to hurt another young woman. Another young Indigenous woman who is supposed to be your sister. You are supposed to raise each other up, not bring each other down. We still love you. I still love you. But I am heartbroken. I am truly heartbroken.”
He wiped the tears from his eyes with tissues that his wife slipped to him. He passed the feather to his daughter Stephanie.
This is it, thought River. Finally I’ll know why this happened.