Stephanie sat holding the feather, sobbing. “I want to talk, I just can’t yet,” she said.
“Whenever you’re ready, Steph,” Jennifer reassured her.
The room was silent. River remembered her nokomis talking about how silence has come to make people feel uncomfortable. But in the old ways, silence was not a negative thing.
Finally, Stephanie began through the streams of her tears. “I don’t know why I followed along this whole time. It’s not like I ever imagined myself doing this stuff or being a part of it. When we went to the 49, there was this girl recruiting members for a new girl gang they were trying to start. They told us all we had to do was beat up the farm girl and we would be in. We asked around and we knew she was just here for the summer. So we thought this would all just go away really quick and be over. It seemed too easy.” She turned to her father. “Dad, don’t you see? We need protection now if we want to hang out in the city. With all the damn girls that end up floating in the Red River, how are we supposed to stay safe? You need a city family to keep you safe from perverts and Indian killers.” She paused again.
“I guess I’m sorry. I never thought it would end up like this. After talking to the police, I realized that I don’t want to have anything to do with gang life.” She wiped her nose and passed the feather to her sister.
Brianna was stoic. Cold. “What can I say? We need protection. A gang can keep us safe. It’s not such a big thing — a punch and a couple of kicks. We knew she was leaving at the end of summer anyways, so we wouldn’t have to see her. I don’t have anything against this girl. But I’ll do what I have to to keep my sister and me safe.” She passed the feather to the police sergeant.
River felt like her head might explode. The only way these girls could feel safe was by hurting her. The idea shook her to the core. Before this summer, she had never thought that just being who she was would put her in danger. Or that it would be up to the people around her to try to protect her or get justice if something did happen to her.
For a policeman, Sergeant Johnston spoke very softly. “You know, I have two girls your age . . . and this whole situation really hit home for me. I know exactly what these young women are talking about when they say they are scared to be in the city alone. I’ve been there when a young woman was pulled from the river. I’d never wish that on my worst enemy. And I never want to be the officer that has to tell a mom her daughter was found dead in a garbage bag. Yet that is my job. I sit here with a lump in my throat today, because I know in my heart that nobody wants to be here, and nobody wants to be in this situation.”
He paused. He sat up straight and took a deep breath. “I agreed to this circle because I have known both families for a very long time. I know that Kyle’s girls were good kids when they were small. I know that Eric’s girl is not from here. She’s from a completely different world, and possibly had no idea what she was walking into. You know, this circle, it doesn’t make everything go away. And doesn’t fix anything in the bigger picture. I think that if Stephanie and Brianna continue to make decisions like this after we leave here, they will be certainly seeing the inside of a cell in the future. Girls, this might be your one and only chance. And I hope you realize this chance that you have been given. Because many people are not afforded the chance to make things right in their lives. River and her family have not decided yet if they want to press charges. And after this circle, it might not be up to them. That’s all I have to say. Miigwech.” He passed the feather to River’s nokomis.
“Thank you, Michael. I have known you and your family since you were small. I know you come from a good family. I am thankful you agreed to this circle here today. I, too, don’t want to see anything terrible happen to these girls. Any of them. I do think that if it were young men involved, we would be having a very different conversation. We would probably be saying things like I always knew this would happen. We heard that about Gerald. Gerald’s parents are waiting for him to do something to screw up.”
Gerald was nodding his head in agreement.
“I have also known this family for a very long time. I have watched these young girls grow up in the community. I know that Michelle and Kyle have worked hard to overcome all the challenges life has thrown at them. And when I think of my River, I know she is struggling to find her place, to find herself. I hate to think that this has set her back. For a young woman like my granddaughter to experience this. She should have been welcomed in, welcomed home, by the youth in our community. It really makes me sad. It makes me feel like we as Elders haven’t done our job.”
She took a sip of water.
“This situation reminds me of a growing tree. On one side of the tree there is moss growing. On the other side of the tree, the leaves get more water, so the leaves are greener. It’s the same tree. It lives in the same earth. It has the same roots. But if you stand on one side of the tree, you see something very different than the other side. I think that the thing to remember is that the roots are what’s important. Without healthy roots, the tree does not grow. And that is all I have to say.”
River’s heart sank. The lump in her throat bulged. Another one of her nokomis’s mystifying stories. But this time she let the words sink into what she was feeling. For the first time, she felt she almost got it.
Eric accepted the feather from his mother. “I always find it hard to follow a wise Elder in circle,” he quipped. The adults chuckled.
“I think Mom is right. And Sergeant Johnston is right. This is out of character for all of the girls. I am really happy that we were all able to come here today, to meet in this way. I don’t know you two girls very well at all. But I do know your parents are good people. I also know that my daughter doesn’t deserve any of this. I can’t speak for her, but I do know that much of this is because of her sheltered upbringing. She has no idea what it’s like in this part of the country. She doesn’t even drink. And here I am taking her to a bar for the first time, thinking that this will make me a cool dad. I think I am trying to make up for all the times I haven’t been there for her in her life. I haven’t had to protect her growing up. I haven’t set any limits for her while she’s been here. What I do see is her internal struggle. River, I can’t imagine what this has done to your spirit. You had to experience the dark side of the city way too fast, and too soon. And for that, and for these things I spoke of, I am truly sorry, my girl.” He handed the feather to River.
River’s hand shook. She was stunned by her dad’s confessions. She didn’t know how to address them. So she started with what was around her. “I first have to say, I have never been in a healing and justice circle before. This is completely new to me. Actually, there are a lot of things that are new to me here. When I first got here, I thought I knew exactly what I was going to say. I came here feeling very defensive. I came here ready to accuse. And as I sit here and listen to all of you speak, I realize my mind has changed.”
River took a deep breath. She thought of what her nokomis said about the tree. “I ended up at my dad’s this summer because I was running away from stuff that was going on at home. And since getting here, I found out that when I have a few drinks, I am not in complete control of what I am doing or saying. I shouldn’t have posted those things from the 49. I should have tried harder to understand how things are here. I take responsibility for coming here to Winnipeg and assuming that I understood how things work. How people feel. I don’t want to be someone who just comes here and messes things up. And then goes back to my sheltered little life. This whole thing has made me think about who I am as a person. And who I don’t want to be.”
River looked at Russell. His eyes met hers with kindness. She passed the feather to him.
“I’ll keep this short,” said Russell. “It sounds like you all have done a lot of the hard reflecting before you even got here. Usually I have much more work to do in these circles. But if any of you kids want to talk more, you know how to reach me. Stephanie, Brianna, we can talk about ways to feel safer without gang involvement. Or how to try to get the gangs to leave you and other people alone. Like Elder Grace said, all of you have had a look at a different side of the tree. I am so thankful that all of you have participated with honesty and integrity here today. Your words are truly appreciated. Miigwech.”
Brianna and Stephanie’s mother sniffled a bit more as Russell passed the feather to Jennifer.
“Okay, girls, so if you are ready we can head to the back yard, for the second part of our healing journey, the sweat.”