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My toes were blue, and I am not speaking figuratively. My toes were literally blue. I stabbed my nail into the pad of my big toe and grimaced at the lack of feeling. When the little, white crescent indent faded away, I stabbed it again with more force.
I was not in the palace dungeons situated far below the palace. It was where I assumed I would have been dumped. Instead, I had been thrown into a small, empty room which seemed like a recreation of those cells. A special cell for a special prisoner. One that was easier to access. There was a small window high up on the back wall. It was barred and without glass so the breeze seeped through and nipped at my slowly drying shirt. The view looked out at the palace courtyard at street level. I could see nothing but the occasional feet passing by, only to ankle height.
The walls were not the pristine, polished stone I was used to seeing within the palace, but the rough, untouched rocks of the hillside. It was incredibly unforgiving on my bruised back. There was a ring set into the wall and manacles dangled from it ominously. Taunting. It seemed like any moment the guards would come back in after remembering they had not finished their job. For now, I sat unattached. I rubbed my thin wrists at the phantom pain.
The stagnant chill in the air assaulted me as violently as the earlier hecklers. It did not help that my hair was still wet and I was barely dressed. My entire body was stiff. I had been shivering so much my muscles were taut and aching.
The knights had refused to give me any more indication of why I had been so roughly transported from my home to this dank and dismal place. The uncertainty made my mind whir. The jagged disconnect between my wild imagination and my numb body gave me the obscure sensation that I was floating apart from my body. Perhaps I could drift through the bars of my little window and get swept up by the wind. Where would I end up? Did it matter anymore?
Footsteps clanking down the corridor outside had me sitting up straighter. The heavy lock thunked and the door swung open. An armoured guard took one long stride into the tiny room, the toe of his boot almost landing on my foot.
“The king requires your presence,” he commanded, looking straight ahead at the wall.
Finding handholds in the uneven wall at my back, I struggled to my feet. I stepped forwards and wobbled. It felt like I was walking on stumps. I found myself looking down to double check my feet were still attached.
With a huff, the guard grabbed me roughly by the elbow and pulled me along.
When we stopped at the huge, studded doors of the council chambers, my heart stuttered. The guard rapped his knuckles on the door and it swung open, the head of another guard peering at us.
My guard escorted me up the centre of the huge, open room like a father giving away his daughter on her wedding day.
The room was empty besides the three thrones. Two of them were occupied. King Cedric faced me head on, his back straight and hands clutching the lion paw detailing of his throne’s arms. On the left sat Kaspar. His body language was much less rigid. In fact, he looked positively deflated. He was still wearing the clothes I had last seen him in and sat slouched forwards, knees apart, leaning on an elbow with his knuckles to his temple. His eyes were downcast. Like a pale shadow, the King’s Advisor stood between them, his hands clasped in front and hidden beneath the fold of his long sleeves. The emptiness of the third throne- Lady Delphine’s throne- seemed to have a weight to it. Why wasn’t she here? Why was I here?
Cedric nodded to the guard by my side and he let go. I stumbled, surprised at how much I had relied on him for support. The guard slipped to the edge of the large, white room. The domed ceiling loomed high above me. I had a sudden distracted thought that I was within a giant egg.
“Wallace Treager,” Cedric said with a sigh. I gulped hard. It had been so long since he had spoken my name, and to hear it coming from his lips weighted with so much disappointment cut me to my core. “Do you know why you’re here?”
It took ever stitch of my willpower not to look to Kaspar for guidance. Not knowing what to say, I stayed silent.
The king’s jaw clenched. His fists tightened, and then his fingers stretched, curling back around the lion paws.
“You disobeyed my one order.” His dark eyes then cut to his son. Kaspar noticeably flinched. And then everything became clear.
An angered exhale rushed from the king’s nose. “We had an agreement. I would give you a life where you would want for nothing. I gave you everything you would ever need. All I required from you in return was for you to stay away from my son.”
I couldn’t look at him. But it was clear from his tone that he did not see the contradiction in his words. My feet had gone from blue to mottled red and purple. I tried to stretch my toes but they did not respond.
“I have been good to you, Wallace. I was distraught when I had to let you go. You were a magnificent fool, and I liked to say, a friend. So much so that I had given you the opportunity to reclaim your role at the tournament. I was also willing to allow you back into the palace. I was ready to make amends.” He stopped suddenly.
I lifted my head. He had relaxed against the back of his throne. It was raised on a plinth, similar to when they had been moved to the ballroom. He tilted his chin up so he was looking down his nose at me. Wet strands of my hair tickled my neck.
There I was, stood before the king in my casual street clothes, my ugly feet on full display. I had never despised myself as much as I had in that moment. But it was only going to get worse. This was the beginning of the end.
“And then my guards find Kaspar leaving your home,” Cedric spat with such force, his long dark hair fluttered around his ears.
My eyes flitted to Kaspar before I could catch myself. The fist he was resting his head on clenched and he shuffled uncomfortably in his throne, breathing heavily through flared nostrils. He grabbed the ends of his arm rests, mimicking his father’s pose. But he was still slouched like he was purposely trying to look less grand, wishing the throne were not a throne at all but a simple, ordinary chair. And he was not a prince, just a simple, ordinary man.
When his eyes hit me, I felt my whole body flush. He was watching me through his brows, tongue licking the top row of his teeth with barely contained rage. Rage towards me?
I looked to the guard who had brought me in. I was not sure why.
“I should have you hanged.”
My head whipped back to the king. He watched me digest the threat. Kaspar did not react.
“But, you are not the only problem I am facing right now and Kaspar has brought some interesting information to my attention,” Cedric continued. “It appears that you have some inside knowledge of the protest that happened in Cragdale yesterday.”
My heart thudded. I stole Kaspar a glance. His gaze did not falter when my eyes narrowed slightly.
“And so, we came to an agreement.” Cedric gestured to his son with a wave of his hand, solidifying the notion that they were a united front – united against me. “You see, I have no use for those I have filling up my cells right now. They seem to be nothing without their leader, who appears to have escaped my knights. Their followers are refusing to give me a name. A great show of loyalty, I must say. In different circumstances, I would be proud.” A cool smile lifted on Cedric’s lips. “Wallace, I will spare your life and in exchange, you will give me the name of the leader of the protest.”
My eyes shot to Kaspar. The hopeful glint in his eyes turned my stomach.
“This was your idea?” I roared, momentarily forgetting my company.
Kaspar straightened. “Listen to him, Wally.”
My mouth worked silently, words drying on my tongue.
“No,” I finally managed, shaking my head and looking back to the king. “No, I can’t do that.”
“Wally,” Kaspar hissed.
Cedric bristled, anger alight in his eyes.
“My life for theirs?” I scoffed. “That’s not a fair trade! They’re worth ten of me!”
“Wally, please!”
The pain and desperation in Kaspar’s voice felt like a dagger to my heart.
“How dare you ask that of me?!” Deep rooted anger dislodged from somewhere within me and as I stared up at the king, I let that fury ignite freely. “You hide me away in the woods like I am some sort of monster and you tell me that was a courtesy between friends? That you were ready to make amends? I was there for you when I was your fool! In moments you were ashamed to involve your advisor, you entrusted with me. But I was nothing but a glorified pet that stole your son’s affection.”
Cedric’s eyes bore into me, his cheeks a sickly shade of red. “How dare you speak to me like that!”
Kaspar was striding towards me then, unable to stay away any longer. His low heels clicked far too loudly across the marble floor. He gripped my shoulders, twisting my rigid body to face him like I was a wooden puppet. As soon as our eyes locked, that heat within me abated. This was real. This was happening. I could tell he saw the resignation in my eyes. His lips quivered as his hands cupped my face. The skin to skin contact made something within me yield. I wanted to collapse into him. I wanted him to hold me. I wanted him to make everything stop.
“Wally,” he whispered against my ear. His voice was thick with brewing tears. “I tried. I told him how much you mean to me. That I would never forgive him if he took your life. But he is furious. This is the only way. If you don’t give him the name...” His hot forehead pressed hard against my own and I crumbled. My fingers clung to the stiff material of his lapels. Tears stung my cheeks. “He’ll kill you, Wally.” Kaspar’s body was shaking. A choked sob escaped him. “He’ll kill you.”
I was so numb. The words rattled within me but I refused to let them settle. My fingers splayed across his chest and I pushed him ever-so-slightly away.
“I’m sorry,” I whispered, my eyes drifting to the strikingly white floor.
“Guards!” Cedric’s voice thundered across the room, jarring my frayed nerves. “Get him out of my sight! Perhaps a rough night’s sleep will do you some good. You may wake up tomorrow with a little more sense.”
The same guard hooked his arm around mine and yanked me away. I caught a glimpse of Kaspar over my shoulder, standing alone with his hand covering his face, before the door slammed shut behind me.
I was manhandled back into my glorified cell. All feeling had drained out of me and I didn’t even flinch when the heavy door clanged shut, locking me inside. Dropping to the floor, I crawled back over to my spot against the wall and rested there.
I knew I should have been feeling something. Fear? Dread? But all I could think about was how Kaspar had sold me out. It didn’t matter that he didn’t know that life he was bargaining was my best friend’s. Even if the leader had been a stranger, he really expected me to give them up and live with that guilt for the rest of my life? The life I should not even have?
As I sat there, a dull acceptance settled within me. I was so cold and so tired it only felt right to lose all feelings- to make my heart as numb as my toes. This was how I was going to die. By the hands of my lover’s father. How tragic. How theatrical. It was a fitting end. Although, I doubted it would be by the king’s actual hands, most likely my flame would be gutted by a dark, hooded figure. Executioners. Now that was an elusive job.
What exactly did executioners do in their free time? I suppose they just had normal lives outside of their killing. What made them happy? Were they friends with the king? Is he as close to his executioners as he is to his fools?
Footsteps sounded down the corridor outside, coming closer. I recognised the soft scuff and sharp click of the powerful strides. The door unlocked and swung open. I watched from my place on the cold floor as Kaspar swept into the room, a thick quilted blanket of lush orange clutched in a fist. He had lost his tailcoat, the sleeves of his shirt wrinkled from rolling them up. Behind him, the guard stood in the doorway, hand ready on his short sword.
Kaspar dropped the blanket and I scooped it up instantly, wrapping it around my whole body before tucking my purple feet inside. I couldn’t feel the material but I guessed it was silky soft. He dropped to his knees before me.
“You’ve changed your mind,” he stated, his big hand tucking my hair behind my ear. It had dried now and it felt frizzy and unkempt. The words left no room for disagreement but still, I shook my head.
His jaw set. “What has happened to you? Why are you so defeatist?” His tone was bladed. “This is not a joke, Wally. This is your life. He will kill you if you don’t give him that name.”
“Delphine wasn’t there.”
The change in subject caught him off-guard. He blinked, confused. A sick laugh escaped me.
“So she doesn’t find out about us, I’m guessing? So Cedric can keep this little affair hidden? You both seriously underestimate her.”
Kaspar’s eyebrows furrowed. I locked eyes with him.
“She knows, Kaspar. She’s known for a while now.”
He sank onto his heels, realisation blanching his face.
“She knows..? Does King Oldin know?”
I shook my head. “She’s a lot smarter than you give her credit for.” The words were barbed, meant to cut deep. I wasn’t sure when exactly I had sided with Delphine. Perhaps clarity came from death looming around the corner. “So if Cedric’s decision to be rid of me is a way to save your sham of a marriage, well, it will make no shred of difference.”
His eyes roved my face but I could see him thinking. He was trying to figure out what this new information meant to him, to us, to the kingdom.
“Why... why hasn’t she said anything? I had no idea.” The strength in his tone had dissipated. There was a fragility about him now that threatened to thaw my stony resolve.
“Because she’s a good person. She likes you. And she’s a good leader. And I’m... what we have... it’s inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.”
“How could you say that?”
“This couldn’t ever go anywhere. We’ve been living a fantasy on borrowed time. Perhaps that time is simply up. We both knew that this was going to end somehow. Why not like this?”
I could almost hear the trickling of the last sands in the hourglass running out.
A storm of anger and horror clouded Kaspar’s eyes. He lunged for me, gripping my shoulders over the blanket.
“You can’t- I can’t. I can’t watch you die!” he roared.
“And I can’t live without you!” The admittance ripped out of me like a wild animal finally breaking free. My throat burned, the claws shredding my insides. I felt raw, spent and utterly and completely terrified. “You think your father will let us go near each other after this?” Spittle flew from my mouth, my words brittle and wet. “Even if I do give you the name, it doesn’t matter. It’s done. It’s over.”
He gathered me up in his arms, the blanket an unwanted barrier between us. I wriggled free from the heavy folds to slip my arms around his waist. His face buried in my neck and the wetness of his cheeks against my jaw released the tears behind my eyes. I shook in his hold and he gripped me tighter to still me. I sensed the desperation within him, could feel the clatter of his pounding heart against my own.
“I’ll think of something,” he murmured, wet lips against the curve of my throat. “I’m not letting you go.”