CONCLUSION

A Final Word

Dale Carnegie believes that modifying one’s approach toward other people can turn the tide of many relationships, both business and personal—even those beset by many problems. His core belief is that people are inherently self-centered, so those who wish to befriend and influence others must put others’ needs first to win them over. Once a person thinks warm and friendly thoughts of another, he or she is much better disposed toward adopting a different way of thinking. Making friends and influencing people go hand-in-hand in Carnegie’s approach.

The soft approach to winning friends has three basic tenets. One must first avoid aggressive techniques, such as arguing, debating, and issuing direct orders, which may force people to give in on one point, but will not win their hearts and minds, and may lead to resentment.

One must also make great efforts to see things from another’s point of view. Only sincere attempts to see what motivates another person are effective. Merely making a surface analysis of a person has the reverse effect; it makes a person feel manipulated and uncomfortable. Carnegie’s watchwords for seeing the world through another’s eyes are “sincere” and “genuine.” Faking it with a few pat phrases and a forced smile is counterproductive.

The third tenet involves making the other person feel important. Allowing others to do most of the talking, taking an active interest in their interests, and letting them take credit for ideas you suggested are all sure ways of winning people over.

You have learned the key concepts in How to Win Friends and Influence People, but you have not yet experienced Dale Carnegie’s folksy and compelling writing style or the dozens of memorable anecdotes he uses to make his ideas stick. Now that this review has distilled the basics out of Carnegie’s approach, why not pick up a copy of his complete book? You will get even more out of it if you do.