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The weeks passed one by one with no word from Reginald. Unable to keep quiet, I wrote him a letter, posting it to his office. In bold letters I penned the word “confidential” on the envelope, hoping it would be delivered but remain unopened. The words were short and to the point. “I need to see you on a matter of urgent business.” Whether he refused to answer, or the office staff had confiscated the letter, I had no idea. His silence left me with little choice than to continue Edward’s attempt to court me in the hopes of marriage.
My parents had no qualms about inviting him to dine with us as often as possible. On the other evenings, he took me to dinner to lavish restaurants, the opera, and theater shows. The seasonal horse racing continued through September and October, and I accompanied him as his female companion. During the outings, I met more of his social circle but found no new friendships among the women or men.
When Reginald failed to answer, I found the grief of our failing relationship difficult to handle. In spite of his silence, my love for him remained steady. Irrationally I continued to hope something would change.
As far as Edward was concerned, my tolerance for him grew at the same time. At least he kept me occupied and busy. Otherwise, I would have continued to pine away over Reginald. The only thing that kept me following the snake down the path had been the knowledge regarding my daughter’s whereabouts.
My mother and father often asked if he had proposed yet, but Edward had not. I had no doubt, nevertheless, that he believed I belonged to him already. His confessions of love were heartfelt and his behavior gentlemanly. Though his kisses passionately enticed my female hormones, he kept his distance and did not pressure me for sexual favors.
Something in me felt as if I were traveling on a merry-go-round about to make another foolish mistake in my life. I had finally resigned myself that no other options existed. My happiness in the arms of Reginald would not occur, and as a result, I finally surrendered, if you will, to the inevitable. If Edward proposed, I would accept. At least I would be well cared for and loved. To add to the enticement, I would finally be able to leave home.
Did I love him? He would never capture my soul like Reginald. Perhaps one day I would affectionately tolerate him because he held the key to the whereabouts and welfare of my daughter. If I ever had the opportunity to see her, I would seize it at a moment’s notice.
As he returned me one evening to my home, he must have sensed my change in heart. He had become overly attentive and sweet our entire time together. When he walked me to the door, I was about to invite him in for an evening drink, but he halted and made a comment.
“You’re different this evening.”
He warmly smiled at me and slipped his arm around my waist. When he drew me close to his body, I tilted my head back and looked into his eyes.
“You once told me to surrender,” I replied.
“I did.” His fingers brushed a drooping curl near my eye. “And have you?”
“Perhaps.”
“Well now.” He breathed. “If that’s the case, then it might be an opportune time to propose.”
“Then propose,” I flatly replied with no emotion. Perhaps I expected him to go down on one knee, but he didn’t. He merely pulled me toward his body and hotly whispered in my ear.
“Marry me, Isabella.”
I could have instantly replied yes, but I did not. He wanted me, and I wanted something from him. We were about to strike a bargain—not a marriage.
“If you assure me that you will keep your promise and tell me about my daughter’s whereabouts.” I wrapped my arms around his neck and stared into his eyes. “Then yes, I will marry you.”
“You are so determined,” he slyly drawled, narrowing his eyes. “Yes, I will keep my promise.”
Frankly, I don’t know why I initiated the next move. Maybe my actions came from gratefulness, but I knew they didn’t come from love. My lips met his, and I kissed him, yielding my life and future for the sake of a secret. Edward, enjoying my forward and uninhibited response, pushed me up against the stone pillar by the doorway. His hardened manhood pressed against my pelvis, and I knew that he wanted me. I wasn’t about to give him my body yet.
When I pulled away from him, he stepped back and flashed a wicked grin. “I’ve been carrying this in my pocket for a few weeks, waiting for the right time.” He slipped his hand into his trousers and pulled out a diamond ring.
“Just waiting for the right time?” I snickered.
“Surrender is better than battle,” he quipped. “Your affection is important to me.”
“Well, here is my hand.” I held it out and waited. Edward slipped a gaudy diamond up my finger, which frankly I thought hideous in style.
“Thank you.” I turned my hand right and left trying to find something endearing about the jewel of our engagement. “I suppose you should ask my father.”
“Already done,” he said, posturing himself before me. “I did so weeks ago, and he readily accepted me as his future son-in-law.”
“Did he now,” I replied. “And did my mother also give you the seal of approval?”
“A kiss of support on my cheek,” he boasted.
“Aren’t you lucky,” my voice drawled sarcastically. I knew they both would be ecstatic to get me out of the residence and married off. Well, their plotting and manipulation had paid off.
As far as Edward’s parents were concerned, they were dead, so he had no immediate family to make my acquaintance. My mind drifted toward Catherine and Mr. Spencer, thinking about how I would have loved to have them as my in-laws. It would have been a perfect union with Reginald. As a stepmother to his child, I could have found purpose, bore him additional children, and actually spend the remainder of my days with the man I adored. Edward had merely been my consolation for love lost and purgatory for my foolish mistake of years ago.
Yes, I had climbed upon the merry-go-round for another spin, making an equally impetuous decision. Perhaps that was my destiny in life—to repeat my mistakes.
****
THE NEXT MORNING, I arrived at the breakfast table to announce our engagement. Father sat doing his usual morning routine of reading the mail, which only reminded me of my unanswered letter to Reginald. Mother sipped her tea, staring at the wall as if she had no purpose in life. Sadly, I knew that to be true.
After sitting down with my plate, I broke the silence. A lump had formed in my throat because I hated to admit, even to them, that I had surrendered to their will. After clearing my airway with a few short coughs, I opened my mouth and held up my hand.
“Edward proposed last evening, and I accepted.”
Mother’s head turned in my direction and broke out in a smile. “You did?”
“It’s what you wanted, isn’t it?”
“Well, congratulations are definitely in order,” Father added.
“Edward mentioned that he already spoke with you about the matter.” Naturally, I wanted to confirm that to be true though I had no reason to doubt.
“Absolutely. The young man did approach me for your hand in marriage, and I heartily approved.”
As if a demon had caught the tip of my tongue, I couldn’t help but snidely remark my real feelings. “Yes, I’m sure you did approve. Thankfully, it wasn’t Reginald Spencer on his knee, or you would have had him thrown out of the house.” My fork stabbed my scrambled eggs, and I jammed them into my mouth to silence myself further. God forbid, I should speak with my mouth full.
“I don’t know what you’re complaining about,” Mother interjected. “Edward Ridley is a far better match on all accounts.”
I swallowed hard, pushing the eggs down my throat. “Father, I’ll need your generous wallet for a wedding dress. I want all the frills and thrills of a beautiful wedding since this is your matchmaking dream.”
“Don’t you love the man?” He looked at me cockeyed.
“I tolerate him because he has something that I want.” Naturally, I wasn’t about to tell them what that something happened to be.
“There is no question in my mind that he loves you, Isabella.” My mother attempted to reason with me that his romantic feelings should satisfy me, regardless.
“I have no doubt of it.”
“Then you may have as your heart desires. I will let you and your mother plan the affair. Have you set a date?”
“Yes, we spoke of mid-November.”
“Oh my, that’s barely enough time,” Mother groaned. “So soon?”
“I think it is best that our nuptials occur sooner than later because I doubt you would like me to have the time to reconsider my decision.”
“November it is then,” Father heartily agreed.
“Good.” Another forkful of eggs filled my mouth. What should have been a happy announcement had turned me into a sour mood. Keep thinking of Mary Jane, and you will be fine. It would be my new mantra for the weeks ahead to keep me focused until my vows.
Keep thinking of Mary Jane.
