Y
ihwan was thrown completely off balance when, instead of Fi, senior road manager Justin Hong arrived at technical rehearsal the next day.
“Hyung. Are they pulling Fi out of the tour?”
“I’m not really sure. Amethyst just sent me here. Emergency deployment.”
Confused, Yihwan frowned. Didn’t Fi just call them a while ago to make sure they were on the way to rehearsal? She said nothing about not showing up or having someone replace her.
She obviously didn’t know about this new development.
But the band leader knew he would achieve nothing by directing his anger at their newly appointed road manager, so he tried to stay calm even though he was itching to make a phone call to Seoul. He’d led Justin backstage and handed over several things—a concert setlist, a schedule of activities, a directory of numbers to call—all of them previously organized by Fi.
Justin had given the documents a look-see and told Yihwan to go ahead and get back to rehearsal. “I’ll handle this. Don’t worry.”
But Yihwan wasn’t worried about Justin, not at all. He had more years of road manager experience than Fi, and the band leader trusted his judgment enough to leave logistical concerns in his hands. What nagged at him was the possibility that Fi was—or will be—completely pulled from the tour. Amethyst better not be thinking it.
Were they?
* * *
Riding a hot, cramped jeepney wasn’t exactly Fi’s idea of fun, but watching Gabriel’s facial expressions whenever he saw or heard anything relatively shocking—a random passenger suddenly passing him coins, or the startling, reverberating laughter that’s actually another jeepney’s horn—turned out to be so amusing. She tried her hardest not to laugh at him at first, afraid he might feel offended, but in the end she couldn’t help but let out a giggle.
He was just too cute.
And maybe Gabriel was trying hard as well, Fi concluded. Only, his intent seemed to be to placate her after an AmEnt higher-up called to temporarily relieve her of road manager duties.
“Won’t you show me around instead? I’ve never been to Manila before,” he said, wearing a smile so earnest she didn’t have the heart to say no.
So they went to Intramuros, where Fi casually filled Gabriel in on the history of the place: how the walled city was Manila and the seat of government during the Spanish era, and how its location was ideal for the Manila-Acapulco galleon trade back then.
They took a walking tour, and she noticed how quickly he was captivated by the architecture. She watched as he lingered at certain spots, admiring what was left of the original structures as well as the newer installations.
“This is beautiful, Fi. There’s so much history in here.”
“Oh, there’s more. We’re only in Fort Santiago,” Fi said, raising her phone up in the air to take a candid shot of Gabriel appreciating the view. She took a perfect silhouetted shot of him the first time—back to her, both hands on his hips, gazing at Plaza Moriones almost contemplatively—but he put a damper on her second attempt when he suddenly turned around and asked what she was doing.
“Documentation, of course.”
Gabriel shook his head. “If you really want to document this day in photographs, you should be in them too.”
“You’re the tourist here.” Snap. Snap. She captured him walking toward her and reaching for the phone in her hand. Before she could protest, Gabriel snatched it away and raised it in front of them for a selfie.
“Okay, here we go.” He bent his knees a little and wrapped an arm over her shoulder, and he was soclose to her that she got a whiff of his scent once more as he counted: “One, two, Fi!”
“Did you just say ‘Fi’?” she asked as he checked the gallery to see if the photo came out all right.
“Yeah.”
She snorted.
“What? Your name makes me smile.”
Her heart skipped a beat, delaying her attempt at a witty comeback for a good three seconds. “Remind me to get some pizza so we’ll have something to put all that cheese on.”
“Awesome. I love pizza!” Gabriel laughed, and it was as infectious as it was deadly, making Fi’s heart do leaps and somersaults and things she really couldn’t allow herself to feel at the moment.
“Come on. The park’s closing in a few hours, and we haven’t even made a dent in the itinerary yet.” She took her phone from his hands and, with quick strides, walked ahead of Gabriel, a feeble attempt to keep herself from staring at him too long.
“There’s always tomorrow. Or the next day.”
She stopped in her tracks and turned to look at him. “Aren’t you here for work?”
“I am working.”
“No, you’re not. You’re playing hooky.”
Gabriel caught up with her. “I’m keeping you company. And away from the band.”
“I can do that on my own.”
“Really? Can you?”
She frowned at him, not because of the insinuation he made, but because the insinuation was accurate. If Yihwan called her right now, Fi wasn’t sure she could resist. Like a moth to a flame, as Gabriel himself had put it.
Gabriel didn’t get an answer. Instead, Fi spun on her heel and made her way through Plaza Moriones with quicker, heavier steps.
* * *
Jesus, Gabe. How could you be so insensitive?
Cursing under his breath, Gabriel ran after Fi, holding on to her wrist when he finally caught up with her. But she turned around and looked at him with eyes that glistened with tears and all the words he meant to say just flew out the window. For a passing moment, he was transported back to the first time this sight presented itself to him.
It was on the day she told him, over soju and makgeolli, that she had fallen in love with Jo Yihwan. That she hadn’t been aware how the feeling sort of crept up from behind, took her heart hostage, and refused to let go.
“I’m sorry,” he managed to say, the words coming out like a sigh. “I know how much the band means to you. Now is just not the best time.”
Gabriel knew he didn’t need to say anything more. Fi was smart and seasoned enough to understand the repercussions of being seen with the band when hostile fangirls are out for blood.
A tiny ache gnawed at his heart when Fi pried his hand off her wrist. With reluctance, he let her go.
“It’s just a little off-putting, is all,” she finally spoke after a few seconds of awkward silence. “This has been my life for the past four years—being with the band everywhere they went and generally being part of their daily lives. Now it feels like I’ve been shut out, like I’ve been disowned by my own family.”
Gabriel sighed and looked away, directing his gaze toward an old structure somewhere in the distance. It wasn’t the best time to wax poetic about how beautiful Fi’s eyes were, even if only at the back of his mind. It’s those goddamn tears. Why did they have to make her eyes sparkle like that?
“It’s just a strange feeling, to be home and still feel so lost.”
He failed to come up with a response to that.
“I think it’s going to rain,” she mumbled and looked up at the sky, and Gabriel knew she was only trying her best to keep her tears in.
Again, he reached for her, making sure his slender fingers wrapped gently around her wrist. She smiled, and all of a sudden a weight was lifted off his chest. Fi gave him a tug and he yielded, wondering if she had any idea how much power she had over him at that moment.
At any moment.
* * *
“But are you feeling all right?”
“Yes. Yes, I’ve told you a hundred times.”
“I know your knack for understating things, is all. Where are you anyway?”
“Intramuros.”
“Ohhhkay.”
Fi was sitting by the steps of the Manila Cathedral, one of the oldest churches in Manila and the venue for papal masses in the country, waiting for Gabriel to return. It’s already been fifteen minutes since he wandered off to buy bottled water, and he still had not returned. “Carl, I’ll talk to you later. I feel like my towering tourist has gotten lost and might be trying to call me,” she told her friend, who just laughed at the possible predicament and promptly agreed to end the call.
She got up and turned toward the intricately carved cathedral doors—bronze, beautiful, and sadly, closed. It was a weekday, when masses ended as early as one in the afternoon. Looking up at the arches of the sacred structure, Fi momentarily closed her eyes to say a silent prayer of thanks and supplication. Seconds later, she heard a steady clopping sound against concrete, and a voice she could recognize anywhere.
“Fi! Look what I found!”
“You said you’d just be buying bottled water!” she exclaimed, running down the steps just as a red-and-silver calesa stopped right in front of her.
Gabriel was all smiles when he raised two water bottles, one in each hand, for her to see. “Come up,” he said, freeing his hands so he can hold them out to assist her.
She smiled, amused. “Are you serious?”
He jerked an eyebrow upward and tilted his head, and Fi was almost inclined to tell him off for acting like a puppy when he was over six feet tall. Instead, she took his hand and got on the calesa, its shaky build causing her to trip on a step and fall face first against Gabriel’s chest.
“Whoa there, careful,” he said, one hand holding hers, the other grasping her shoulder.
Dear God, he smells so good.
Wait—what? Fi scrambled to get a hold of herself but managed to squeeze her face even more against the PR manager’s chest. Blood rushed to her face even more when she heard him chuckle.
“All right, here we go. Nice and easy.” His strong hands steadied her until she was able to control her body parts again and sit properly beside him, the smallness of the carriage forcing them to squeeze against each other. He handed her a water bottle. “You okay?”
“Yeah.” No, not really. How is it possible for you to smell this...nice? We’ve been walking around for hours in this heat!
“What about the band?” he asked. The cochero-slash-tour guide proceeded to lead them out of Plaza Roma and onto General Luna Street, passing by more long-standing structures that now housed more modern establishments such as offices, restaurants, and even souvenir shops.
“What about them?”
“I thought I saw you talking on the phone as we were rounding the corner,” Gabriel pointed out, taking the water bottle from her again and twisting the cap off for her. “Weren’t you checking in on them?”
“No. I was talking to Carlos.”
“Oh. I thought you were talking to Yihwan.”
Fi shook her head and decided to just roll the cool plastic bottle between her palms, afraid that she might choke if she started drinking right here, right now. “They’re probably still at tech. God, I hope the equipment Jump Productions provided them isn’t shitty,” she said, recalling a recent report that another KPop act complained about having so many technical problems during their showcase in Manila. “Minchan hates it when the acoustics don’t sound right.”
“Only Minchan?”
“Yihwan and Steven too, of course. But Yihwan is very diplomatic with these things, and Steven can be too lazy to actually speak up. But Minchan... oh, if looks could kill.”
“So your friend Carlos...”
“Hm?”
“You look...comfortable.”
Fi’s brows furrowed a bit when she looked at Gabriel, wondering if she heard him right. The only other time she had heard this tone from someone was when petty jealousy prompted Yihwan to ask Haera about her male co-stars.
Don’t be ridiculous, Fi. Why would Gabriel be jealous?
She only shrugged and twisted her bottle cap open. “He’s a childhood friend, a high school and college batch mate.” A sigh. “Also…my biggest What If.”
“‘What if’?”
“You know, the person who makes you wonder ‘What if I’d told him about how I felt?’ or ‘What if we ended up together?’ or ‘What if we kissed?’ That kind of person.”
“I’m guessing you never told him.”
The way she took a swig of water made it seem like she was having something alcoholic, and she laughed, saying, “That’s not the kind of person I am.”
“Then what kind are you?”
Fi turned to him with narrowed eyes. “You of all people should know.”
“Spell it out for me here, Filipina. I don’t want to assume things.”
Laughter spilled out of her. Thank god for Gabriel. She didn’t know what it was, but she had always found it easy to open up to him, somehow. With Gabriel, she felt…safe.
“I’m the kind who’d rather suffer in silence than be loudly rejected by the person I like.”
“Ah.” He nodded and took a drink of water as well. Teasing her a bit, he raised his bottle for a toast and she played along. They ended up laughing, but at the back of her mind, she thought of the night she confessed her feelings to Yihwan and his reaction to the revelation.
It was odd how that moment felt so far away now.
“It’s so weird.”
“What is?”
“I thought I’d moved on,” she mumbled, her tone soft and almost as if she was embarrassed by what she was about to say. “I had Yihwan beside me every day. We talked, had meals, organized things for the band. We sat together almost everywhere. I thought I’d become immune. But that damned thing about him and Haera had to resurface, and it’s difficult to watch him break again.”
When she turned to look at Gabriel once more, Fi was briefly taken aback to see him gazing at her with the most attentive pair of brown eyes. For a second, she lost her train of thought, and she averted his gaze, taking another sip of water instead.
“So you’re saying the feelings are back?”
She shook her head. “You know what? I’m not even sure how I feel anymore.”