Chapter Seven
Izzy’s jaw slipped open as she tried to come up with any other possible meaning for Nolan’s signs. He couldn’t possibly have meant what she thought he meant. “What?”
Nolan scratched his neck, shifting the collar with one button undone, and glanced around, but the other desks were empty at this hour of the day. She expected him to back down and change his mind. Yet when his eyes met hers, he held firm. “Stay with me for the week. We’ll care for Archie together. I’ve got the presentation at the board meeting to prepare for and I need your help. And the baby is partly my responsibility.”
Izzy blinked. And blinked again. Nope, not an illusion. This wasn’t a dream or daydream or hallucination of her unyielding hope. Even though she didn’t catch all the signs, not yet, she knew she caught the meaning. Hell of a time for Nolan to step up to the plate. “But you don’t want kids.”
Nolan dropped his head and she half expected him to walk off. But then he faced her, shoulders squared. “I never planned on having kids, no. But we’ve got one. I don’t know what is needed from me, what helps you and Archie the most, but I can help.”
It wasn’t a grand proclamation of long-term involvement in his son’s life. But Izzy had never depended on that. She decided to bring Archie into this world, and keep him, on her own. Which meant she accepted the full and sole responsibility, even if she had to depend on her family to finish college and stay afloat. This offer was more than she had banked on, and she’d do well to accept it.
After all, Izzy had the nine months she’d been pregnant to make up her own mind. She could give Nolan at least that long to figure out his.
“O.K.,” she signed. Then added, “You sure you can handle this?”
Nolan smiled. “No. I’m not. But you didn’t have a choice back then.”
She did have a choice, and she had made all the choices on her own. She’d give him that. If she had chosen differently…
Her hand went to her stomach. No ifs. She loved Archie, and from the moment she saw his little flickering heart on the monitor, she’d known. So maybe Nolan was right—she hadn’t really had a choice. Planned or unplanned didn’t matter, not when it came to the heart.
…
“There’s my little man,” Izzy squealed as she came in the front door and took Archie from Gaby. She snuggled in, breathing that intoxicating baby smell, as Archie gripped her hair. Painful, but she couldn’t let go, not when she missed him so much.
Being a working parent sucked.
“Any leads on someone to watch Archie next week?”
Izzy shook her head, still stuck to Archie like Velcro. “No, and I know he needs day care, but I can’t even afford to pay you rent on my salary.” She pried baby hands off her hair, losing only a few strands. “Nolan offered to help.”
Gaby crossed her arms. “Good. He should pay up.”
Izzy set Archie on the floor and watched him crawl over to his toys. “Actually, he suggested we both watch Archie at work. I talked with the director and maybe it’s because of how small the agency is, or because she’s got kids of her own, but she approved it.”
“That’s great.”
“And Nolan invited us to stay with him.”
Gaby stilled. “What? Are you out of your mind? What do you even know about this guy?”
Izzy narrowed her eyes. “Says the woman who invited a stranger home for Passover.”
Gaby fisted her hips but said nothing. Izzy had her on this point and they both knew it.
“But this is your baby,” Gaby said.
“His baby, too. And a lot better than dealing with kitchen construction.” Baby eclipsed random date for Passover, which had worked immensely in her sister’s favor, a fact Izzy still harbored jealousy over. Who picked a random guy at the gym, brought him home as a fake date, and fell in love? Sure, she’d created a kid with a random guy at a Deaf event, but that hadn’t exactly worked into love, just lust.
And scarily on-point fertility.
They stared at each other as Levi walked into the room. Gaby turned to him. “Sorry we weren’t signing.”
Levi picked up Archie. “No. That’s fine. I don’t need to see you two fight. And neither does he.” He tossed Archie into the air amid squeals of delight, before leaving them alone.
Izzy’s heart ached. That should have been Nolan and Archie. But at least Archie had that connection with his future uncle.
“Are you sure about this?” Gaby asked, her voice softening.
Izzy raised her chin, as she’d done each time she came up with an idea that someone else would call impulsive. The only one she’d ever regretted were the bangs she cut herself, not that she’d done a bad job, she just didn’t have a face for bangs. “Not one hundred percent, no. But I trusted him enough to bring him home and create Archie in the first place. If anyone should help while you two are gone, it’s his father.” She bit her lip. “And maybe it will give him a chance to see how wonderful his son is.”
Gaby pulled Izzy into a hug. “Archie is wonderful. And if Nolan doesn’t realize it, then he doesn’t deserve him.”
Izzy wanted to cry, but she shoved her emotions down. She had never been a crier before, and postpartum hormones were no laughing matter. “So let me do this. Then I’ll know whether to hope he comes around or cut my losses.”
Gaby gave Izzy a final squeeze before releasing her. “Okay. But know you’ve got me and Levi.”
“You two need to start living your own lives.”
“Family is family.”
Exactly why she had to do this.
…
Nolan stood in his living room, scoping out his two-bedroom apartment, wondering what he needed to have a baby stay with him.
Everything.
And he hadn’t the foggiest idea what fell under everything. Images of the kid sitting on his couch, video game controller in hand and nursing a soda while they played rang as 100 percent false. For starters, Archie would be nursing a bottle, or getting his milk directly from his mother. And considering how everything he touched went directly into his mouth, the controller would, too. Though Nolan had to admit, he wondered what type of sick moves that might create.
Foolish fantasy images aside, he should text Izzy and find out what he needed to prepare, but he somehow hadn’t managed to get her phone number yet. Or still. Another failure on his part. They had a kid together—shared phone numbers should be the least of their connection.
His phone vibrated and he wondered if she’d found him, only the text came from his mother.
Yeah, he hadn’t checked in with her in a while, not since Izzy informed him of the son he hadn’t known he had. Because he had no clue how to have this conversation.
Adrift. Not too far away, always adrift.
He pinched the bridge of his nose.
If he didn’t mess it up first.
He wanted to type more, to mention Izzy, but mentioning Izzy meant mentioning Archie, and he wasn’t doing that via text.
He switched to video.
His mother’s face with her short bob of salt-and-pepper hair appeared on screen, too close at first but then she adjusted her phone. “Oh, my son still has a face, look at that. Handsome as ever.”
He grimaced and his mother’s smile faded.
“What’s wrong?” The sign held steel behind it. She hadn’t known ASL when he’d been born, but she learned for him and mastered it for him. Izzy hadn’t known much ASL when they first met, but she’d continued and made sure their son learned as well. He might not have a father figure in his life, but he had his mother, and he could live up to her example.
“I have something to tell you, something I recently found out.” He wished he had a picture, something more than his words to give to his mother. In order to have a picture he needed more than one meeting with his kid.
Prepared or not, he was glad Izzy had agreed to stay. More time with the both of them meant a chance to see if he had any paternal instincts at all.
“I’m waiting.” Her eyebrows raised and he’d bet his entire salary she hadn’t a clue what was coming.
“I met up with someone I had dated. She has a son.” He swallowed. “My son. He’s nine months old.”
“Explain now.” Her stern face demanded he comply.
“History repeats itself. Condom didn’t work.”
Her shrewd gaze bored into him even through the phone. “You know that fails sometimes and it’s important to be there, to be present.”
“We were drunk, what do you expect?”
His mother closed her eyes and signed with them closed. “Words a mother loves to see.”
He waved until she opened them. “Like alcohol didn’t have a part in my conception?”
She bobbed her head side to side, her short hair swishing with the motion. “Fine. And you wait until now to tell me?”
“Izzy was an ASL student. She didn’t catch my name and we didn’t exchange numbers. We met again a week ago.”
His mother blew out a breath, lips pursed. “Always get a number.” She glanced up. “You have a son. When can I meet him?”
“I’ve met him only once. They’re staying here next week while construction is being done where Izzy lives. What do I need for a baby?” He angled his phone, taking in his apartment.
“Oh my dear child, you are not set up for a baby at all.”
“I know that. What do I do?”
“Unless you know the first thing about Babyproofing 101, I’d wait on the mother for this. She’ll know what that child needs.”
Not the help he had hoped for. “No words of advice?”
“You be there for that child, for the mother. Figure something out. I know you are not your father. Prove it.”
“Thanks.” As far as pep talks went, that one fell off the radar. But every word she signed held truth to it.
He disconnected the call, no calmer or more prepared than before. He moved to his office and looked around the small room. The space could barely be called a bedroom; his desk and futon left a sliver of an area for walking and nothing else. Granted, when the futon unfolded that sliver disappeared. Nolan scratched his head. There had to be some way to fit a baby in here. He’d have to move things one way or another, but he had no clue where Archie would sleep.
Or Izzy.
He moved to his bedroom. Not much extra space here, but a queen bed fit. Izzy could stay here and he’d take the couch. He thumbed an imaginary controller, needing the fidget action, wondering whether it was Izzy sleeping here or him taking the couch that settled like curdled milk. The only night he’d spent with her had been in her bed, a college-regulated dorm one at that. He still remembered the sensation of her in his arms, how good it felt, even after sex when things should have grown awkward.
But thoughts of her close and thoughts of that long-ago night made his skin itch. He hadn’t wanted to walk away that morning after, and now seeing her every day, seeing their kid, hadn’t done a damn thing to help.
But no, she wouldn’t be sharing his bed. Not with both of them working at the same agency. Co-parents, that was all they could be at the moment, perhaps all they’d ever be.
He’d wait for Izzy, and if the flicker in his gut felt more like anticipation than nerves, he’d deal with that later as well.