Chapter Twelve
Nolan woke to find Izzy at the kitchen table, a cup of coffee in front of her and a sleeping baby on her shoulder.
Rubbing the sleep from his eyes, he rounded the table. Izzy’s messy bun showed her hand holding her head up, then her face came into view. Izzy’s closed eyes and slow breaths may as well have punched him in the stomach. Archie wasn’t the only one asleep. He blinked in the scene, clearly having missed a lot during the night. Why hadn’t she woken him?
Probably because he admitted to being a screw-up and continued to be clueless on childcare. But he couldn’t let her stay like that. He moved to them, studying them like a complex puzzle. There had to be a way to get Archie off her hands without waking either of them. He studied where Izzy’s arms were, and Archie’s, and figured if he picked the baby up from the armpits, it could work.
Nolan moved forward, in stealth mode, and slipped his hands along the baby’s sides. He lifted in an awkward fumble and turned the kid around until Archie lay on his shoulder instead, somehow managing without breaking the kid.
Archie stayed asleep, light puffs of baby breath grazing Nolan’s cheek.
Izzy stayed asleep as well. Mission accomplished. Only her position couldn’t be comfortable and she no longer had to stay like that.
He tapped her shoulder and she jolted awake, eyes wide in an instant, taking in him and Archie. “What happened?”
Izzy yawned and stretched. His gaze followed the smooth column of her neck, down over the curve of her breasts, and his morning wood lost the morning reason. He cursed himself for how that simple act affected him, when she was dead tired and more than likely in pain from sleeping in that position. “Teething. I think. Long night.”
He frowned. “Why didn’t you wake me?
Izzy stared at him. “I’m tired, this will sound rude, but I’m a single mother. I’m not used to asking for help.”
He swallowed the hurt, knowing he had no right with all she’d done on her own. “I’m here. I’m responsible. I can’t hear Archie cry, but you can wake me.” He needed to get his hands on a baby cry alarm as soon as possible.
Izzy nodded, but he knew he’d need to do more than that to get her to believe him. “You have Archie? I need to shower.”
“You need to sleep.”
She glanced at the stove clock. “No time. We have work.” She hurried on when he tried to sign. “And neither of us has sick days yet.”
She tried to escape, but he caught her arm. She faced him and he let precious seconds tick past, counted by the baby breaths on his neck, needing this moment, this connection. When he knew she wouldn’t flee, he released her and brushed the back of his hand against her cheek. The air molecules changed between them, her breaths kicking up, making it damn near impossible not to drop his gaze to her chest.
Not what she needed. “You need to wake me tonight. Promise me you will.”
Izzy swallowed and he lost his battle of keeping his gaze on her face, transferring to her neck and the pulse point he wanted his tongue on.
“I can’t promise when I’ve been doing this alone for nine months, but I’ll try.” Without giving him a chance to respond, she headed down the hall.
It took a few moments for him to regain movement. He adjusted himself, then focused on the kid, mind racing on how to handle all these new responsibilities and how to care for Izzy. He had to find some way to earn her trust and take control where he could.
Nolan moved to the couch and grabbed his phone before collapsing. Archie continued to puff air against his cheek, and Nolan rubbed Archie’s little back, heart constricting for some reason. He ignored his emails and social media notifications, going straight to the search engine for baby monitors, ones that would wake him.
…
Izzy kept her phone nearby as she worked, since Archie played in Nolan’s office, just in case she was needed. Her phone vibrated and she reached for it, but the message that came through wasn’t from Nolan.
Izzy tapped her fingers on her desk, debating how much to get into. Torn between her sleepless night and making out with Nolan, not to mention how even being bone-tired she still wanted to jump him this morning. She needed to push her desires away, far away. A yawn forced her jaw open and watered her eyes.
Izzy set her phone on the table, then quickly flipped it over in case Lisa glanced over. She knew her sister was right. And yet. She took a breath and replied.
Izzy bit her lip. Thought of Nolan’s kisses, of the way he bounced Archie, of how present he was. Her gut knew the answer.
Truth. Izzy often wondered what she’d gotten into. But the only worries she had about Nolan involved herself and her self-control.
Izzy smiled and thought of Archie in a cute little tux. Then of him drooling all over said tux.
Izzy warmed at the words.
Spark? More like an irresistible chemical reaction that threatened to melt her every time he looked at her. And damn her sister for guessing this so easily. She and Gaby had some rough years, getting on each other’s nerves the way siblings do. But Izzy couldn’t have gotten through pregnancy and the past nine months without her.
Izzy put her head on her keyboard and prayed she wasn’t inadvertently tweeting gibberish on the agency account.
Izzy put her phone aside and deleted the half started tweet her head bang had created. She gave herself a foolish moment to envision it, bringing Nolan to Gaby’s wedding. She’d be busy with the bride and he could watch Archie until the aisle walking. They’d dance and laugh and juggle the child-watching together. Then head home and make a little magic of their own.
A sudden happy family. A family they were destined not to become.
Her mind conjured up that day nearly a decade ago, when she’d gotten off the bus to find out her father had been taken to the hospital. Her whole world turned upside down that week. Happiness didn’t last forever. The future wasn’t a given.
If she wanted something, she needed to grab onto it with both hands.
And right now, she wanted Nolan. It had taken her too long to find this job, she knew the pickings were slim and the reality of finding something else in a timely manner not possible. She could look, keep her options open. And those options included Nolan, because if he fit into her little family, that would be for longer than a job.
A chair scraped and Izzy’s daydream burst as Lisa stood abruptly and waltzed out of the area, blonde ponytail swaying like a woman on a mission. Izzy had a moment of panic. Had she said something out loud? No, of course not. Did Lisa see something? No, her phone displayed nothing. And yet the reminder that she might be breaking a workspace rule wormed its way under her skin.
Those images were a fantasy. She couldn’t have Nolan and keep her job. Her life didn’t work that way.
…
Something soft and drool-covered hit Nolan’s arm. He glanced at the spot, flashbacks to school bullies filtering in, then over at the infant on the floor. Clapping.
“Either you’re a bully in the making, or we need to sign you up for sports. Baseball, football? Which do you prefer?”
Archie clapped some more, hands moving in babble signs. Nolan figured he’d babble with his voice, but his mouth didn’t move, only hands damn near close to actual signs.
“I don’t think they’ve created that sport yet.”
Archie babbled some more, wide grin producing a string of drool on the side.
“Really.” He picked up the slimy car that had pummeled him. “Want?”
Archie reached both hands out, using that sign that meant milk and want to him. Nolan moved out from behind his desk, getting close enough to do a soft underhand toss. Archie didn’t catch it, but he made a noble attempt. The car landed in his lap and he picked it up and shoved it in his mouth.
Nolan sat in front of him. “Teeth hurt, huh kid?”
Archie chomped harder on the car, and Nolan wiped the drool off his chin. He should contact his mother, figure out some teething tricks, but the monitor held more importance.
Nolan returned to his computer and the multiple browsers open. He found a baby monitor that worked best for him, combined visual and tech savvy features. With an expected arrival date range that would likely miss Izzy staying with him.
Other options he could get sooner, even overnight, but he’d be settling. Yes, he needed something now, but he had no plans of walking away from Archie. He needed something long-term, not a partial bandage fix that would stop being effective a few weeks in. And no way in hell would anything in local stores work for the deaf.
He needed something foolproof so that Izzy could sleep, especially if he ever watched Archie alone.
That made up his mind and he placed the order for his first option, crossing his fingers that the shipment would arrive earlier than expected.
He closed down the nonwork-related browsers and got back to his presentation for Thursday. He had the captioning set up to match his signs, he just needed Izzy to tweak it and make sure it followed the audio as well. But he had more ideas, and even though one video sufficed for the meeting, he couldn’t let the other ideas rest. Which meant talking to his coworkers about their programs and what information needed the highest priority.
Nolan stood, ready to have that conversation, only to stop at the door and turn to Archie. Right. He had the kid. Either he needed to take Archie with him or wait for the switch with Izzy.
What would Izzy do? He checked the diaper bag, searching for the fabric wrap Izzy had, and pulled it out. Archie looked up as Nolan held out the material, trying to remember how the hell to set it up. He found the center, crossed the fabric around him and ended up looking like a drawing done by the kid. Archie clapped and reached for him.
“Not yet, kid, I don’t think this will hold you.”
He undid the fabric, getting his arm caught at one point because he really did mess up the steps. The wrap eventually untangled and he shoved the fabric magic trick back into the bag—he’d figure that out another day. On to plan B. He picked up the baby and plopped him on his hip before grabbing a notebook and heading out to make the rounds and build his upcoming video list.
The first office was empty. The second wanted to interact with Archie more than give Nolan what he needed.
“You’re so sweet to watch him,” Arianna signed, then proceeded to baby sign to Archie, who babbled right back. “I got to play with him in Deanna’s office the other day, such a love.”
Nolan forced a grin. It wasn’t sweet, it was his duty, but no one at work knew his paternity and it needed to stay that way. “He’s a good kid.”
Arianna fanned her face. “You keep that up and you’ll have a long line of potential suitors at your door.”
The smile threatened to crack. As though stepping in to care for a child made him worthy of some award. It didn’t.
Especially when everyone found out he was the father.
He managed to get Arianna to give him a few ideas for her program before heading down the hall for the next office. Only Archie lurched and he had to drop his notebook to catch the kid before he fell. The baby fussed, hands outstretched, signing, “Want.”
“What do you want?” he asked.
Archie remained fixated forward and Nolan followed the path, right to Izzy’s desk. “You want Mommy?”
Archie signed again, and this time Nolan realized the correct sign: “Milk.”
Archie squirmed until Nolan had to put him down or drop him. He set the kid on his feet, and Archie stood, one hand clutched in Nolan’s, tears threatening to fall. Nolan moved his other hand to the baby, and he grasped on, then stomped one foot in front of the other, a baby power walk to his mother.
Izzy looked up as they rounded the corner, a huge smile breaking out over her face. “My boy is walking! Look at you!”
Nolan wanted the smile to be for him and also wanted to kick himself in the ass for that thought.
When they got close enough, Archie switched his hold from Nolan to Izzy’s knee, signing, “Milk.”
“You hungry, sweetie?”
Archie bounced, a surefire yes if Nolan ever saw one. And then, without moving to his office or the closet converted for her to pump, Izzy reached under her shirt and positioned Archie on her lap. Nolan got a split-second glimpse of nipple before the baby latched on.
He’d seen Izzy breastfeed at his apartment; it had been a natural and comfortable thing. Here, in the office, he felt awkward and unsure of himself, of his presence during the moment. He backed up.
“I should get the papers I dropped.” He thumbed behind him, then turned, ramming right into a neighboring desk. Dick first.
Nolan swallowed the pain and did his best not to limp once he managed to move. The floor vibrated beneath his feet. He turned, even though he much preferred sulking away.
“You O.K.?” Izzy’s lips had a slight curve to them, though he gave her props, she managed to not full-out laugh at him like others would.
“I’m fine.” He might grab some ice, but he’d live.
“Can you do me a favor? My nursing cover is in your office. It’s the fabric with blue background and green swirls. I prefer to cover in a public space.”
Nolan nodded and headed away, limping only once.
He collected his dropped items, his mind wandering to Izzy. He wanted to join her as she nursed, to chat with her about work or not work or whether she thought the Red Sox would win the next World Series. The Izzy he met a year and a half ago had intrigued him and left him wanting more, but he didn’t know that person. He was starting to get glimpses of who she really was and he liked her, more than he should.
He shook his head. His job and her job, anything more than friends would be wrong. Karma really hated him. It had taken a year and a half to find her and now that he did, he couldn’t have her. Didn’t change the want, the need. And he didn’t know how he’d manage to resist her allure.
They’d crossed the line with having Archie in the first place, so maybe they could keep it quiet, like they kept his paternity quiet. Sneaking around had never been his thing, but he’d do it for Archie, he’d do it for Izzy. If she wanted him to.
Nolan found the nursing cover and returned it to Izzy, no longer trying to ignore the current that bubbled between them.