Chapter Twenty-One

Izzy needed the baby to nap. She stood in Nolan’s office, rocking the stroller back and forth, praying Archie took the hint. She didn’t dare raise the visor and look at him, a surefire way to take him from almost asleep to wide awake in zero-point-two seconds. If Archie slept, she could help set up for the meeting and make sure her computer didn’t freeze again.

Nolan ambled into the office, shoulders tense, mouth in a grim line. His nerves had continued to head in the wrong direction, and if he didn’t relax soon, he’d mess himself up. Talk about being a self-fulfilling prophecy. She wanted to go to him, rub his shoulders, maybe even rub something else if it would help him out. But she needed to stay professional and with the stroller.

Nolan eyed her, as though she was the nervous one and not him. “Need anything?”

You to relax, she thought, but Izzy suspected he needed the distraction of worrying about someone else. She thought of something he could do while she continued rocking the stroller. “My laptop for the meeting, it needs to be connected to the projector.” Or, at least that’s what she tried to sign, but one-handed made her awkward signing more awkward than usual.

Nolan nodded as if she’d been perfectly clear. He left, and she racked her brain for any other missions she could send him on. She didn’t know if busywork truly would help, but until the baby slept, it was all she had. Izzy hummed a light song, not quite loud enough to be picked up by the hearing staff, but hoping to help aid Archie to slumber.

Maybe she should have begged Gaby to come home a few days early and take Archie for the presentation. But she wasn’t ready to leave Nolan’s apartment. And as much as she appreciated her sister’s help, Nolan was more hands-on and a lot more fun.

Soon she’d be gone, and they hadn’t worked out a damn thing on caring for Archie or what they were going to do about this thing between them.

And she really needed to corral her thoughts. She wasn’t used to all this thinking time that having a baby gave her. She was used to action and movement, not being stuck in place because of a little human.

She’d work things out. She always did.

Nolan reentered and he glanced at the front of the stroller. “He’s asleep.”

“Really?” She didn’t stop the moving.

Nolan nodded, a slightly amused curve to his lips. “Really.”

Izzy slowly came to a stop and waited. No crying, no clapping, no noise. She inched around the stroller until she could peek inside. Archie’s head lolled at an angle, pacifier unmoving, eyes closed in blissful sleep.

One of her boys was taken care of. Now she could address the other. “You need to relax.”

Nolan lifted a shoulder, clearly trying to brush her off, but she knew his tells now, knew his shoulders didn’t usually scrunch that high, his mouth didn’t press that thin, and his eyes should have more shine to them—at least around her and Archie.

“Yes. You do. It’s going to be O.K. You have a good presentation.”

He nodded, but those shoulders didn’t lower and those lips didn’t puff up, so she moved to him, placing her hands on his shoulders and pressing into the hard muscles.

“Maybe I’m still a little stressed,” he signed, mouth losing the grim line.

She laughed and kept on her mission, massaging him. His door was mostly closed, so she did the only other thing she knew to relax him. She kissed him. The intent was quick and sweet, but the moment their lips touched she got roped back under his spell. His arms went around her, angling to kiss her fuller. Izzy’s knees weakened, and her massage turned into her holding on for dear life.

Wrong place, wrong time, but she couldn’t stop. She shifted closer to him, wanting to feel the heat of him through their clothes, needing the pressure of his body against hers. Needing so much more than she had any right to.

He pulled back, and for several breaths they stood there, staring at each other. His shoulders didn’t tighten, his mouth remained wet from her kisses. “Thank you, but we should finish that later.”

Her body gave a little trill at the prospect of later. She knew how incredibly good it was with him. She wanted later; she wanted to keep it for a long, long, time.

Sure, her impulsive side had been tamped down by having a baby. But now it thrived again. She wanted to throw all caution to the wind and be with Nolan, raise their little family together. Jump in, both feet, no net. She had a funny feeling he’d catch her if they fell.

He moved to his desk, collecting paperwork. “You ready?”

“Yes.” She was ready, for a lot more than the meeting.

…

Nolan’s foot bounced at such a pace he almost wished Archie was on his lap as an excuse. But Izzy and the stroller stayed back in his office. The agency was closed; this meeting was happening after hours. Izzy claimed she hung around in case her computer didn’t behave, but Nolan suspected his nerves were the real reason.

The meeting had begun, and he tried his hardest to pay attention, but he couldn’t stop letting his presentation roll through his mind. The moment of truth nearly upon him. His need for this presentation to go well, for his ideas to be well received surged inside him, and no matter how hard he tried, he always prepared for another rocket incident to occur. He wouldn’t let this moment join the rest. He had his script; it would all work out. Izzy believed in him. He’d do this well and then maybe he’d believe it, too.

Then he could go after his family as someone new. Someone better, someone they deserved. He wouldn’t be dooming them to mistake after mistake. He could be the person they depended on and he wouldn’t fail them. Whatever policy would keep them apart at work, he’d advocate for a change.

And once he conquered this meeting, he’d be ready.

Deanna turned the floor over to him and he stood, his tapping foot finally leveling off. “Good evening and thank you for allowing me the opportunity to explain my role and my vision. As your new social media director, I want to update our programs and really bring us into the twenty-first century.

“Our current technologies are behind, especially in comparison to other community agencies. Our social media presence was greatly lacking. Since I’ve started, I’ve gotten us onto multiple different platforms, managing the accounts with our new office assistant. We’ve answered a lot of questions and are bringing more of our information directly to our community.”

He loaded the slideshow and pointed to the different platforms shown on the screen, reviewing each one, until an object flew by, as though attempting to be a late addition pointer. On the floor lay a pacifier.

Nolan glanced up at the door, where Archie sat, clapping.

Izzy appeared, scooping up Archie. “Sorry, I’m so sorry. I was checking an email and I don’t even know how he crawled so fast.” Her cheeks were flushed.

Embarrassment about the situation tried to seep in, Nolan’s tedious control over this one chance spiraling away. He pushed the concerns aside, determined to make it through.

“Excuse me.” Nolan bent and picked up the pacifier, and after a quick wipe against his pants, he popped it back in Archie’s mouth. The baby protested, but Nolan didn’t have time to address it.

He faced the audience again, sitting around the three tables arranged in a square. “Providing information in English isn’t enough. Many of our consumers, of our community, prefer visual language. And yet our website is all English words. We need more videos, and I hope to do live chats as well in the future. With videos we can bring better quality of information to our community and catch up to how similar agencies conduct their business.”

He rubbed his sweaty hands down his pants and continued, daring a glance at the doorway. Izzy gave him a discreet thumbs-up and Archie clapped, and Nolan nearly wanted to laugh at the two of them and their synchronized family support. Izzy turned to leave and he nearly asked her to stay. He didn’t, because he didn’t need a cheering section. He needed the chance to succeed on his own. “I’ve set up a video to give you one example of what we can show on our website, and I have a listing of other ideas focusing on each of the different programs.”

He stepped through the blinding light of the projector, over the cords and to Izzy’s computer. He found the shortcut on the desktop titled “Nolan” and clicked on it, the media player springing to life.

He expected to see his face on the screen, instead he saw images of Archie. Younger Archie, one after the other, and instead of stopping the video, he stood there like an idiot as his presentation headed south in classic Nolan fashion. Of course it wouldn’t matter how much control, or even how calm he was, something always messed things up. Something always ripped his potential from him. Defeat and anger and some other unnamed emotion soared through him and he coughed to displace it, then moved through the blinding light again to pause the video.

He faced the room and forced a smile on his face. “Sorry about that.”

Deanna looked at him, then the screen, and back again. When he turned he found an image of himself, on the couch, shirtless, asleep with an arm above his head. On his chest Archie slept in a similar position. The position called to attention their similar features, namely they had the same profile. He hadn’t noticed that before. The image damned him, even without the similar features, it proved he and Izzy were more than coworkers.

This was it. His one shot up in smoke. No matter what he did, or where he went, trouble always found him. One issue after another. He hadn’t a clue where he went from here. He’d somehow put both his and Izzy’s jobs at risk, leaking their secret in the worst moment possible.

Nolan dropped his head before meeting Deanna’s stare. “You have been spending a lot of time with Izzy and the baby, then.”

He swallowed, the sensation akin to razor blades, and signed nothing. He hadn’t a clue what he could possibly say to defuse the situation.

“Why don’t you find the right video, and you and I can have a chat later.”

Nolan ground his teeth. That didn’t sound good, not at all. Welcome to adulthood, Holtzman; you’ll never leave your past behind.