As the second eye prints, I nestle the first eye in a mini-cooler filled with ice packs and then douse it with a bottle of 0.9% NaCl solution. “It’s a living organ, so you have to keep it lubricated and cold. Coat it with saline every thirty minutes or so and switch out the ice packs every few hours.”
His eyebrows shoot upward. “Whoa, this is certainly a high-maintenance gift.”
I pat him on the shoulder. “Only the best for my partner in crime.”
He presses a palm to his chest. “I’ll treasure it with all my heart.”
“Do it in private though. No one can see you carrying this.”
He laughs and traces his fingers over large red letters on the side of the container. “Good thing it doesn’t have the words Human Organ for Transfer printed large enough for a shuttle to see from space.”
I grab a Sharpie marker from my bag and cross out the words with large blocks of black. “There, now it doesn’t.”
“You’re right. This is way more inconspicuous.”
I shake my head at him, lips quirking. “Just put it in a different lunch box when you get home, okay? We might need these eyes again.”
He squints at the bag. “Wait. Severed organs only last for approximately thirty hours before they go bad.”
“Not these. Extending longevity was a major part of Teddy’s project. They can last for a full week as long as they’re stored correctly.”
When my mother’s eye finishes printing, I add it to my cooler, which already contains Brandon’s eye, separated only by a makeshift glass partition. I scrutinize my copies and then Sebastian’s single one. “On second thought, let’s switch.” I hand him the bag with two eyes.
He squints at me. “Why?”
“Because someone ripped out my notebooks and smashed my hard drive but not yours. Leave my mother’s eye at your house just in case.” I make a mental note to create a second hard drive backup tonight and give Sebastian that to hold too.
He nods.
I shut off the lights and press a finger to my lips. “Pretend you’re a mouse stealing cheese at night. Silent.”
“I mean, mice squeak, but sure. I get your meaning.”
We tiptoe through the empty hallways. Inside the elevator, we squeeze in tight, getting off at the second floor instead of the first to take the stairwell down to Monica Varga High School. When we reach the basement, the retina scanner sits there, looking oppressive.
I shrug on plastic gloves, and it takes a deep breath to steady my shaking hands. The eyeball feels squishy beneath my fingers. I lift it toward the scanner, my elbow rattling. “If this doesn’t work, we’re screwed.”
“I assume your use of screwed does not refer to metal bolts but rather being stuck in a hopeless or difficult situation. To that I say we’re already screwed.”
“Good point.” I hold the eyeball up to the retina scanner and brace myself.
A laser zooms over the retina, casting it in glowing red light. There’s a pause that makes me hold my breath before the scanner blinks green and the door unlocks.
Air whooshes from my lungs.
We rush down the steps and bypass the retina scanner outside the IT room the same way. My eyes fly to the monitoring computer, where I deposited my SSD card earlier today. The card’s gone, but so is the computer in question. All that remains is a square of dust.
My skin prickles, but I force myself to shrug it off. There are six other monitoring computers in here I can use. Still, before I get to that, I need to reinstall Sebastian’s account. It’s the one diagnostic measure I haven’t tried yet. If this works on Sebastian, I’ll try it on mine next.
I head to one of the cabinets and pull out a synthetic metal device that looks like a headband but with electrodes attached to it. “Put this on. It’s an electroencephalograph. My dad invented it.”
He stretches the material and it snaps back into shape like a rubber band. “It detects brain waves?”
I grin. I guess knowing every definition in the OED has its advantages, such as not looking at me like I’m insane when I mention a word that’s as hard to spell as it is to pronounce. “Yep. Brain waves are as unique as fingerprints, so HiveMind uses them as an authentication tool to connect directly with your mind. I’m going to take a new capture of yours and re-upload it to the remote server to make sure everything’s still syncing correctly.”
Sebastian slips the device over his head, messing up his neat part. His knee bobs up and down. When he’s all set up, I press a button on the outside of the band. A glow washes his sandy hair in green tones for a few moments. We stare at each other, waiting for the device to dim. Something about his gaze encourages me that we’re on the right track here. That he’s with me every step of the way. When the device beeps, we both let out a breath.
“Now I need to input your brain wave data into the admin console.”
I head to the back and purse my lips at the new retina scanner installed on this computer too. Thankfully it’s no match for my new pet eyeball. While I upload his electroencephalography data to the HiveMind server, he fixes his hair in the camera of his phone, at first messing it up to resemble the spiky version of him from the reverse memory before wrinkling his nose and smoothing it back down into a side part like he had before. Uploading is a one-way street. I can send data to the server, but I can’t retrieve it. “Okay, I’m going to restart your account to sync everything. Kind of like rebooting a computer to make sure new software installs properly.” I navigate to his account on HiveMind. “Ready?
Sebastian braces his hands on his thighs. “What should I expect?”
“If all goes well, a flood of memories.” I click the refresh button on his account.
His shoulders tense.
I raise my brow. “Anything?”
“Nope.” He brings his hands to his face, and I fight the urge to do the same.
“Shit.” Nibbling on my inner cheek, I disconnect the electroencephalograph from the computer. “I have one more thing to try. Sit tight.”
On the monitoring computer, I insert another SSD drive and retrace the same steps I took this morning to find the hidden folder containing what seems to be my encrypted memories. It’s there. It’s all still there. I squeeze my eyes shut, resisting the urge to hug my arms to my chest.
Trying to select or decrypt multiple memories brings up an operation error again, so I choose one at random from the favorites list and decrypt it. I’ll stand here all damn night to retrieve these one by one if I have to. “I’m going to give you something, okay? I have no idea what it is. It might be from my point of view, it might be from yours.” Or it might be nothing at all.
He drops onto one of the tall black stools. “I’m ready.”
I transfer the file into both our minds.
I have just enough time to sink into Brandon’s chair before oppressive blackness floods across my vision, erasing the IT room entirely.
Light blue walls glitch into focus like ink obscuring a sheet of paper, oozing in unexpected patterns until it covers the entire expanse of my vision. Posters emerge onto the surface into the shapes of a periodic table and emo bands. A desk pops into place as dark blue carpet spreads below it. Bash’s room.
But I only get a glimpse of it before the image of Bash fills my vision, showcasing the most brilliant grin I’ve ever seen.
The corner of a soft pillow with a navy pillowcase grazes my cheek. Holy subatomic particles. I’m lying on Bash’s bed. And he’s wrapped around me. My eyes shift focus to his mouth and secretly, I’m thrilled. Past Arden, who once experienced this moment in real time, is in league with Current Me, who wants nothing more than to suck on his lower lip. My body leans into his and he slides forward until our mouths get closer and closer. Electricity crackles when our lips meet, slow and gentle. He tastes like Coca-Cola, and my whole body heats up from the way his mouth moves against mine.
Holy shit.
The kiss intensifies, turning hard and fierce and oh God, amazing. I want this memory to last forever. I want nothing more than to keep kissing him. But the kiss softens again before dissolving into a series of light butterfly pecks. I slide my mouth down, kissing his jaw, chin, neck, while simultaneously trailing my fingers across his bare arms. When I reach his clavicle with my lips, I shift, cuddling into his chest, his arms cradling me. My fingers continue to trace circles on his arms.
[You won’t. Everything you love about me, my entire personality, it’ll all still be me,] Bash says. Like the last retrieved memory, he speaks backward, but I understand it all. I fight to turn toward him, but an invisible force holds me in place. Instead, all I can do is sniffle in a very unattractive way. He squeezes me. Wow, it feels good to be in his arms like this. He’s stronger than his scrawny frame lets on. He nuzzles his chin into my neck, his nutty shampoo surrounding me. The visceral details are once again stronger than the usual HiveMind rewatch, and I long to breathe it in deeply, but instead I let out another sniffle.
[I’ve already lost my dad,] I say, my voice shaky. I swipe at my eyes a few times with my palms, each time leaving my cheeks wetter and stickier. [I can’t lose you too.]
[You don’t have to be.] Goose bumps surface along my arms, popping in response to a hot breath that scorches my skin a moment later. He yanks his arms out from under me and I readjust my body to let him slide off the bed. He hovers over me and I stretch out my arm to him. He tugs my hand up to his lips and plants a delicate kiss. All I can think of is that other moment, a few minutes ago, or a few months, days, weeks later than this memory depending on your perspective. When his hand found mine at the Hypnotist, it was for comfort, but it seemed transient. Now his hand in my own seems like home.
[I’m scared, Bash.]
He drops my hand and treks across the room, spinning away from me. A sob rips from my throat, making my torso convulse. Tears streak across my cheeks, sliding back up into my eyes. The last time I permitted a neuronal connection between my emotions and my tear ducts was when my dad died, and I cannot imagine any other scenario that would make me cry. Of course, I can’t imagine a scenario in which I would have been this close to a boy either, even one as cute as Sebastian.
Blackness leeches my vision for a moment before reality fades back in. The bright lights of the IT room make me squint. My head throbs as if I’m standing next to a speaker at a rock concert. Sebastian gasps for breath beside me.
“Holy crap.” He turns to me, clutching his head like he’s trying to hold on to his brain.
I wrap my fingers around his bicep. “What—what did you see?”
“Us.” He holds my gaze. “In bed.”
I want to dwell on the in bed part of the equation, but his eyes zoom to my fingers. I immediately let go. He pulls his arm into his lap and shifts an inch away from me. I’ve never been slapped or even stolen anyone’s memory of the sensation, but that’s exactly what his reaction reminds me of.
I speak slowly to regain my composure. “But more importantly, what did it feel like to you? Was it visceral?”
He shakes his head. “It was like all the others. Kind of subdued. Overlaid over this room like tracing paper. But … This one was backward like the one of us in the chemistry lab.”
My jaw clenches. That’s strange. This was so vivid for me but came to Sebastian like the usual HiveMind memories, yet I transferred it from the exact same source into both of our minds at the same time.
“When you…” He studies his knuckles.
My earlobes tingle. “When I…?”
His ethereal hazel eyes disarm me. “When you were trailing your fingers over my skin, I wish I could have felt that.”
My face combusts in a blush that radiates across my cheeks. The sensation of his lips brushing softly against mine lingers. I fumble with my laptop in a desperate attempt to occupy my fingers. I didn’t just kiss him; I was in bed with him. How far did we go? Would I forget something as important as losing my virginity?
“So.” I let out a strained laugh. “I guess we’ve hooked up.”
“This is awkward.” He twists his hands together, avoiding my eyes. The computer monitor in front of us paints him in tones of blue. “What does this mean?”
My heart quickens in pace. I decide to be brave, like the version of me that sat on his notebook and forced him to pay attention to me. I dislodge the words Current Me would normally hold back. “We can reenact that memory and find out.”
His expression drops. “Oh. That’s … not what I meant. I meant, could we really get all our memories back this way?”
“It was just a joke,” I say to save face. My voice hitches.
“I don’t even know you.” He hops off the stool in a gesture of finality.
I was wrong before. This is what it feels like to be slapped. Rejection stings even when it comes from a source I didn’t know I wanted until a few minutes ago. A source I was apparently hooking up with, someone who I was comfortable enough to cry—no, to sob—in front of. And also, why was I crying? Why did I think I was going to lose him?
He might be wondering what this means in terms of regaining his memories, but I’m wondering what I was to him. Clearly my friends didn’t know about our clandestine hookup that may have been the first, the last, the only, or one of hundreds. Why were we keeping this a secret?
Maybe it’s not a glitch in HiveMind but a glitch in us.
“That came out wrong. I suck at this. Add being suave to the list of things I need to relearn.” He pries my fingers from where they grapple for my keys. “I hope I was better at wooing you the first time around.” He presses a finger to my chin and tilts my face back to him. “What I’m trying to say is … I want to get to know you.”
The words sound amazing to my ear and make my chest flutter.
“But I also need to get to know me too.” He leans back against the desk.
His words make something loosen in my chest. This I can understand. This I can try to help with.
“Let me see if I can find any of your memories.” I nudge the screen awake and start to navigate back to the hidden folder, but just before I reach it, the IT room door swings open.
Jay, the security guard, beams a flashlight in our faces despite the bright fluorescent lights streaming overhead. “Arden? You’re still here?”
Sebastian freezes. I back away from the computer, hands raised in the air. “Sorry, I—”
“Did you trigger the retina scanner? No one’s supposed to be down here right now. How do you have clearance?”
“Oh.” I let out a strained laugh, as if what he just asked is hilarious. My rapid pulse beats in my neck. “I didn’t need the scanner. I have an access card.” I hold up my mom’s duplicate card, but it feels like I’m showing him my entire hand.
“That card shouldn’t have worked.” Jay holds out his palm, his face grave. I wince as I drop it into his grasp. His fingers fold around it tightly. “I need you to leave. Right now.”
His words send a cold, crackling sensation down my spine. The blackmail leaps onto my tongue. All I need to say is one word and he’d have no choice but to disobey his orders and oblige mine instead. But the word catches in my throat. I can’t destroy someone else’s life just to save my own. I can’t fault someone else for stealing when I’m the queen thief in this school. Perhaps he had a good reason for taking that petty cash.
I slide my messenger bag off the table. Sebastian ducks his head as he shuffles past the security guard. I take slow, deliberate steps, my heart beating so fast it’s about to burst out of my chest. I don’t dare look back at the SSD drive still lodged in the computer. Please don’t notice it. Please don’t notice it.
Jay’s vision shifts beyond my shoulder. His eyes narrow, his mouth slanting downward. Sweat gathers in the crooks of my elbows.
He stomps toward the SSD drive and yanks it out of the computer. It feels as if he just punched his hand through my chest and ripped out my heart. It takes all my willpower not to scream out in agony.
He holds it up to me. “This yours?”
I twitch. Sebastian sways. Our silence does nothing to exonerate us.
“Gotcha.” Jay slips the SSD drive into his pocket. “I’m going to have to report this.”
“Do you?” I fumble into my purse and pull out a wad of twenties graciously donated by my cheating classmates. I fan the bills like a poker player checking her hand. He needs extra cash, I’ll give him some.
Jay stalks forward and plucks the bills out of my fingers. “Maybe I don’t. This time.” He pats his pocket. “But I’m still keeping this. If you try to come down here again on my watch, I will turn these in. I’m under strict orders to keep this room on lockdown. My job’s on the line here.”
Air whistles through my teeth. I pivot on my heels and stomp out of here before he changes his mind. Sebastian hustles after me and we don’t dare speak until we’re safely ensconced in my purring vehicle.
I lean my head against the headrest. “Fuck. That was close.”
Sebastian squeezes his eyes shut. “Guessing that means no way to get more memories tonight.”
I shake my head. “Sorry, bud. Home it is.”
His head tilts, obscuring half his face in darkness like a hollowed-out version of the man in the moon. “But I don’t want to go home.”
My eyes land on the clock. One a.m. School starts in less than seven hours. “Where do you want to go?”
“I don’t know.” Sebastian rests two fingertips on the inside of my wrist, over my cardigan, on top of my jagged red scar and the writing temporarily tattooed there. “I’m afraid.”
I shift toward him and wince at the squeaking leather beneath my butt. It seems as if even the slightest wrong move might disturb the balance of the entire universe. Even the talkative commercials on the radio somehow fit as if they contain sweeping violins in an orchestra. “Of … me?” I ask.
“No. God, no.” He rips his hand off my wrist and rakes it through his hair. “Just … We both woke up with pieces of us missing. As far as you remember, things were fine yesterday?”
Yesterday, I felt like I was on the verge of ruling the world, not just the school. I nod.
“We know that someone’s monitoring us and removing memories as we get too close, but I can’t forget that the biggest wipe so far happened last night. While we slept. The only logical conclusion I can draw is that the same thing might happen tonight, once we let down our guard.”
“You’re afraid to go to sleep.” My pulse thrums behind my ears. Already my mind works overtime, making the mental calculations of how much coffee it would take to battle the night, where we could go to rob us of any opportunity to drift off. What other experiments we might try to get our memories back or at least figure out what our thesis was.
“Not to sleep. I’m afraid of waking up again without any idea where I am, who I am.” He allows his eyes to flutter shut, his long lashes casting dark shadows on his cheeks like cat whiskers. “I don’t want to wake up so alone.”
“You don’t have to.” I put the car in motion and head out of Wickham toward the next town, where the students’ biggest worry is which college to choose. We can’t go back to either of our houses, not when we basically defied both our mothers by stomping out on them. His mom seems like the type that would wait up all night until he walked through the door and my mother barely sleeps as it is. “We’ll go to a motel.”
We’ll fight this together.