Monday, April 15, 1912
Katie waited only long enough to make sure the young man who had saved Bridey and Kevin was safe and sound. Then she located a stewardess standing on deck with a pile of blankets in her arms and asked her, “How is it that I can get to the aft well deck? Tell me, quickly!”
“Oh, miss,” the stewardess answered, “you don’t be wantin’ to go all the way aft. The lifeboats is up here, both port and starboard.” She lowered her voice, adding, “I hear we’re sinkin’ fast. They haven’t told no one ’cause they’re feared of a panic. But it’s true. You’d best be gettin’ in a boat, not runnin’ around the ship. I’m to be puttin’ these blankets in the lifeboats but,” her voice dropping almost to a whisper, “these here blankets won’t help much out there on the sea, and that’s the truth of it.”
Although the horror of what the woman had said chilled Katie to the core, she argued, “I can’t go yet. There’s somethin’ I must do first. I canna leave without my friends.”
The girl shrugged. “Suit yourself. Just go down to A deck by the stairs over there.” She pointed. “Then go aft until you find a door that’ll take you outside so’s you can look down upon the well deck. But”—she shook her head as she turned to leave—“it’s foolish you’re bein’. If I wasn’t a stewardess, I’d be in one of them boats this very minute.”
Katie was startled. “What’s that you’re sayin’? Stewardesses don’t get to go in a lifeboat? But I saw one, in a uniform, in one of the boats already on the sea. Number five, the officer said it was.”
The girl shrugged. “’Twasn’t me, that’s all I know. Passengers get first crack at the boats, especially first- and second-class passengers. That’s the way of it. But it don’t matter. There’s a coupla ships comin’ to get us. Won’t be as grand as the Titanic, of course, but beggars can’t be choosers. Good luck finding your friends.”
Katie nodded and hurried away. The ship really was sinking. Still, the stewardess had said there were rescue ships on the way. And at least she knew the wee ones were already safe in a boat. If Eileen didn’t take care of them, one of the other women would.
The tilt as Katie made her way aft was more noticeable, except that now it was uphill. Like when she was walking to church in Ballyford on a Sunday morning. A strong ache of homesickness seized her. The stewardess had to be right about the rescue ships comin’ along quickly, because she couldn’t bear thinking of the pain her family would suffer if she drowned in the Atlantic Ocean.
In spite of the now obvious tilt to the ship, Katie passed people in the corridors who showed not a trace of alarm. A pair of young men who had clearly had too much to drink and were leaning on each other for support called out as she passed, “Hello, there, pretty thing, what’s your hurry?” A handsomely dressed couple holding hands passed by, glancing in disdain at the young men’s drunken behavior. But the couple, too, gave no sign of alarm, and seemed in no hurry. An elderly man in a tuxedo ambled along the hallway with the help of a cane. He smiled at Katie as if they were both simply out for a leisurely stroll.
They’re only like that, Katie thought as she hurried along looking for an exit, ’cause they don’t know yet. When they do, they’ll be as afeared as everyone else.
The first two doors she found provided no view of the well deck, so she kept going. When she finally found an open door that was far enough aft, she was once again repelled by sudden, icy cold as she stepped outside. Inside the ship, where it was warm, she’d forgotten how low the temperature outside had dropped.
Clutching her coat around her, Katie stepped to the rail with a sense of urgency and looked down. People were milling about below her, their belongings piled at their feet. Some sat on their baggage, as if to protect it, while others stood in small clusters, conversing anxiously. While most of the younger children were playing, shouting and laughing as if they were in a park on a warm summer’s day, there was a perceptible air of bewilderment about the adults. If they knew what was happening, it seemed clear to Katie that they didn’t know what to do about it. And she saw no sign of anyone in authority telling them what course of action to take.
She saw no lifeboats. She saw no crewmen. She saw no sign that anything was being done to direct these people to safety.
Aware of the moments racing by, she leaned over the rail to shout, “Brian?” as loud as she could. “Paddy?” She didn’t see them, but there were so many people crowding the deck. If a Kelleher heard her voice, he’d come to the rail, look up and see her. Then the brothers would join her, and they could hurry to safety. If there was such a thing available to them.
“Paddy? Brian?”
A few people heard her and glanced up, but none of the faces staring up at Katie belonged to Paddy or Brian. She didn’t know what to do. She had come here to find them and she wasn’t leaving until she’d done so. She would have to go down there and look for herself.
She turned and hurried back to the door. She opened it to find Brian standing there. His thick, dark, curly hair, so like his brother’s, was windblown and tousled, and there were streaks of dirt on his cheeks. His eyes looked tired, but he smiled when she threw herself into his arms, shouting his name.
“Come inside,” he ordered, pulling her in and closing the door. “You’ll freeze to death out there.”
“Where’s Paddy?” was the first thing she asked him.
“He’s below. He’s fine, no need to fret about him. We’re tryin’ to talk people into comin’ up to the boats. But the women won’t go. Won’t leave their men. I’m not sure they know what’s really happenin’. One of the stewards, a fellow named Cox, he’s been helpin’, too, leadin’ both men and women up to the boat deck. But some o’ them won’t even put a life vest on.” Brian shrugged. “They say there’s no damage, when any fool can see that’s not so.”
“You’ll come with me, will you not?” Katie asked with hope in her voice. “To the lifeboats? But you’ll go down and get Paddy first?”
He shook his head. “Can’t do that, Katie. The women below got to be talked into goin’ up top. Paddy’s doin’ some good work down there.” He laughed. “You know yourself, Paddy’s got the gift of gab. He’s better at persuadin’ folks to leave the well deck than me.” Brian thought for a minute, then continued. “Still and all, Steward Cox asked if anyone knew anything about boats, sayin’ they might need people to man the lifeboats. I spoke up and said Paddy’d tried his hand at fishin’. If they could use him in a boat, he should go. He might if I told him he was needed up here. And,” he added, smiling, “if he knew you was waitin’ on him.”
Katie’s heart leaped with hope. She didn’t want to leave Brian behind, not at all. But if she could at least get Paddy to come with her…
Brian surprised her then by saying earnestly, “You need to be tellin’ him what’s in your heart, Katie.”
When, stunned, she said nothing, he went on, “Now’s the time. He don’t know it’s him. He’s thinkin’ it’s me. That’s why he’s been frettin’ so over Marta. He thinks I’m betrayin’ you.”
“But…but it’s not you I love!” Katie burst out bluntly. “’Tis himself!”
Brian laughed. “I know that. But Paddy don’t. And it ain’t my place to tell him different. That’s for you to do, Katie.” His smile disappeared, his eyes turned bleak. “And you’d best be doin’ it now, tonight.”
Katie looked doubtful. “And what makes you think ’twould mean anything to him? With him havin’ all them other girls, I mean.”
It was Brian’s turn to look surprised. “You don’t know he’s frettin’ over you? Lordy, Katie, are you not as keen as I was thinkin’ you are? The boy is achin’ with worry over you. Only he wasn’t about to reach for somethin’ he thought was his big brother’s. It’s on you to set him straight.”
Any other time, Katie would have protested that she didn’t want to seem too bold, too forward. But on this night, when no one knew what would happen but knew it was most likely going to be fearsome, she couldn’t fret about seeming bold.
She nodded. “I’ll do it, then. If he’ll come up here, I’ll tell him.”
“I’ll tell him you’re needin’ to see him. But I can’t promise that he’ll come. There’s still a lot of people in the public room and in their cabins, and Paddy’s makin’ it his business to pass the word to them to get out.” His expression grew very serious. “Steward Cox says there ain’t a whole lot of time, Katie. You wait here just five minutes. If Paddy ain’t up here by that time, you got to go and find yourself a boat. Promise me? I told your da I’d take care of you, and I mean to keep me word. It’s just about all I got. Don’t take that from me, Katie. Don’t stay out there at the rail waitin’ for Paddy when you should be gettin’ into a lifeboat. You promise?”
“I promise.” She wasn’t sure she meant it, but she wanted that look of anxiety out of Brian’s eyes.
It didn’t disappear, but it eased somewhat when she had given him her word.
He drew her to his chest and hugged her tightly, saying, “It’ll be all right, Katie-girl, it’ll be all right.” Then he stepped back. Repeating, “Five minutes, remember?” he turned and hurried away.
It was the longest five minutes of Katie’s life. She went back outside and stood at the rail, shivering with cold and studying the well deck for some sign of Paddy. She finally decided he must have gone below to get more people out, because while there were other young men on the well deck, he wasn’t among them.
And then, just as she was about to give up and go inside, not because she wanted to but because she had promised Brian, there Paddy was, stepping out of the doorway to say to her, “I was thinkin’ I’d not be seein’ you again. The thought gave me a fierce pain, like someone was steppin’ on me chest.”
Because he had confessed that his heart hurt thinking he wouldn’t be seeing her again, it was easy for Katie to blurt out, “I’d die if I wasn’t to see you again, Patrick Kelleher. And that’s the truth of it. Me own heart was hurtin’, not knowin’ where you’d got to, not knowin’ if you was safe.” There, she’d said it. Let him do with it whatever he wanted.
She watched as the look on his handsome face changed from confusion to disbelief, and back to confusion again. His jaw dropped, and he asked, “What are you sayin’? Say it again, so I don’t get it wrong.”
“I love you, Paddy.”
Then he was at her side and she was in his arms. It was as if the great ship were in no trouble, disaster wasn’t looming, everything was fine and in its proper place, as it should be. And this time when Paddy kissed her, he didn’t draw back, fearful that he’d stepped into his brother’s territory.
When he finally lifted his head, she asked tremulously, “Brian’s not with you, then?”
“Wouldn’t come. They’re only lettin’ the women and children up top just now. They said the men can come along later.” His expression grew somber, just as Brian’s had. “Look here, Katie, I’ve got to be gettin’ back down there. There’s a lot of people won’t come up to the boats. They need to be talked into it, and I got to help do that.”
“I’ll be comin’ with you.” She spoke firmly, though her teeth were chattering from the cold.
He looked at her with alarm. “Oh, no, you don’t! You’re gettin’ into a boat. I promised Bri I’d see to you before I came back down. He wanted me to offer to help in one of the boats, but we got to get the people up on deck first. But you’re not comin’ with me. I’ll take you to the boat, then I’ll go back down, and I’ll meet up with you later on the rescue ship.”
“I’m comin’ with you.”
“Katie!”
“There’s no rush for the lifeboats, Paddy. It’s bound to take the Titanic hours and hours before it sinks.” She believed that only because she had to. There was no choice, not really. “I’ll come with you, help you bring the people up, and then we’ll both find a lifeboat together. And Bri, too. That way, we won’t have to be separated at all.”
Paddy looked doubtful. Katie could see that he was torn. “Bri’ll have me head.”
“I’ll tell him it was my fault. He knows I can be just as pigheaded as the both of you. It’ll come as no shock to him that I wouldn’t do what you said. Come on, then. Sooner started, sooner finished.” Without waiting for any more argument, Katie took Paddy’s hand and pulled him to the door.