Having compiled so many activities for specific hours of the day, it seems fitting to finish this book with a selection of London events specific to a particular day. This list could run for pages and pages if I were to list every annual festival. With a couple of exceptions, I focus on some of the smaller, lesser-known events, picking one for each month. I will happily buy you a drink if you manage to tick off all 12.
Commemoration of Charles I: The sight of civilians marching through Whitehall armed with guns and pikestaff might be the nightmare of every politician, but such a scene occurs every January in commemoration of Charles I. Hundreds of enthusiasts from the English Civil War Society assemble on the Mall to follow in the footsteps of their luckless hero, who was beheaded on 30 January 1649. Wreaths are laid at the Charles I statue and the site of his decollation at Mansion House. The procession is not well publicised and is usually witnessed only accidentally. It deserves a bigger audience.
Trial of the Pyx: This annual judicial ceremony sounds, and looks, like something from a Harry Potter novel. In early February, members of the judiciary assemble in Goldsmith’s Hall to check the weight and quality of newly minted coins. Today, with machine-made cash, the procedure is effectively ceremonial, but it is still conducted by the Queen’s Remembrancer with solemnity and seriousness. Several thousand coins must be tested, to achieve a representative sample of the number minted, but the assembled dignitaries only handle a fraction of the task. Public tickets to watch the ceremony are available each year, and it’s worth getting hold of them if only to see inside the opulent livery hall in which the trial takes place.
Oranges and Lemons Service: The church of St Clement Danes not only says ‘oranges and lemons’ in its bell toll, it also hands them out. On the third Thursday in March, at 1pm, the church conducts its annual Oranges and Lemons Service, following which a barrowful of citrus fruits is donated to local school children. Thankfully, the nursery rhyme is not played out to its conclusion, and nobody loses their head.
The Widow’s Buns: The biggest attraction of the Widow’s Son pub in Bromley-by-Bow is its out-of-date food. Some of its hot cross buns were baked decades ago, and are black with age (and a fire that consumed some of them in the 1980s). It’s a tradition, stretching back to early Victorian times, to hang a fresh bun from the ceiling every Good Friday. Legend has it that the mother of a sailor would bake an Easter bun for her boy every year in the hope that he would return from sea. He never did, and she carried on accumulating buns until her death. A pub was built on the site and carried on the tradition it maintains to this day (I’ve seen a press report from 1898, when there were already 60 ageing baps on the premises). Pop along on Good Friday and watch a sailor from the Royal Navy add to the mouldy stockpile.
Miglia Quadrato: London’s very own version of the Wacky Races takes place in the City of London in mid-May. This motoring treasure hunt runs between midnight and 5am, which means few people other than the City of London Police have heard about it. Competitors have five hours to solve 60 clues, each of which leads to a specific location within the Square Mile. Teams of up to six people can take part, with only one driver needed per team. While most people tackle the challenge in a modern car, plenty of ancient vehicles, including a just-about-roadworthy vintage fire engine race around the streets putting the willies up security guards. It’s been organised by the United Hospitals and University of London Motoring Club for the past 55 years, and anyone can take part.
Knollys Rose Rent: Every year, the Lord Mayor of London is sent a single rose from a garden on Seething Lane. The custom dates back to the 14th century. Tradition has it that while soldier Sir Robert Knollys was off fighting abroad, his wife built a footbridge over the lane to her rose garden, but failed to seek permission from City authorities. Rather than punish the hero’s wife, the Lord Mayor instead asked only for a flower from the lady by way of a peppercorn rent. Six hundred and fifty years later, the floral tariff is still conveyed to the Lord Mayor’s residence at Mansion House by a party representing the Company of Watermen and Lightermen. You can watch their short parade anywhere between Seething Lane and Bank, on a date in June that varies each year.
Swan Upping: Since the 12th century, the Crown has claimed ownership of all mute swans on open water – mostly because they taste very pleasant and make a conspicuous centrepiece on the banqueting table. In more recent centuries, ownership has been shared with two livery companies: the Vintners and the Dyers. Each year, skiffs representing the three parties travel up river on the lookout for swans. The birds are briefly captured, ringed, and put back into the water – but never eaten. Today, the practice is useful as well as ceremonial, as it provides information on the health of the bird population and the river in general. You can view the ceremony along the Thames at the western extremity of London and beyond in the third week of July.
Notting Hill Carnival: London tends to go quiet in August as many of us flock overseas and hand the city over to visitors. The striking exception is the Notting Hill Carnival, which shouts and sings and struts its way through the Bank Holiday weekend. The mood on the streets of W11 is so infectious that there are a million participants and no spectators. I include it among these lesser-known events because the big one is coming up. In 2016, the festival will celebrate its 50th birthday and is sure to be bigger and brasher than ever.
The Autumnal Equinox: The point where daylight and darkness are evenly balance is marked each year by The Druid Order with a ceremony on Primrose Hill. Companions of the order dress in white robes and process to the hill’s summit, where they form a circle and conduct a public ceremony. The time varies each year, but always takes place on 22, 23 or 24 September. A similar ceremony at Tower Hill marks the Spring Equinox. Simply turn up at the appropriate time to watch for free.
Quit Rents: The Queen’s Remembrancer, whom we last met in February’s Trial of the Pyx, presides over more oddness in October, when he or she officiates at the Quit Rents ceremony at the Royal Courts of Justice. Here, the City pays the crown its annual rent for two properties – one in Shropshire, one in Westminster. Rather than paying cash, as you or I might, the City must cough up two knives (one blunt, one sharp), six horseshoes and 61 nails. As if that wasn’t bizarre enough, the Crown then lends these items back to the City, so it can pay them again next year. Public tickets are usually made available to watch this choice spectacle.
Lord Mayor’s Show: One of the better-known events in this collection takes place on the second Saturday in November. It commemorates the inauguration of the new Lord Mayor, and grew up centuries ago around that dignitary’s mandatory procession to the monarch’s representatives in Westminster. You can watch the pomp and ceremony on TV, but you really should get yourself along to the streets of the City to witness this colourful parade, which includes representatives from livery companies, military regiments and companies, schools and charities associated with the Square Mile. The highlight is the Lord Mayor’s coach, an uncomfortable (I’m told!) gilded vehicle from the mid-18th century. My favoured spot is just outside the Guildhall on Gresham Street, whence you can witness the very start of the parade. Just be sure to get there an hour before the start to bag a place – there’s a handy coffee shop next door.
The Great Christmas Pudding Race: At a mere 35 years old, this is a relative newcomer as traditions go, but among the jolliest. Contestants dressed in gaudy seasonal costumes career around Covent Garden market, bouncing over inflatables while trying not to drop the Christmas puddings from their trays. The event raises thousands for Cancer Research UK, while putting a broad smile on the face of anyone who attends or takes part. A fine note to end upon.