“Thanks, Andy, for bringing our baby home.” Becky perched in a rocker in the corner of the small living room.
“Becky, let me take him. You have to be tired.” Diana held out her arms and stepped around Andy and Brad. Neil was hovering in her fridge, and Jed was sitting on the loveseat with his father.
“Diana, I am tired, but never too tired to hold my grandson. Sit down and put your feet up, because I’m sure Danny’s going to need you soon. Neil, while you’re hovering in that kitchen, put on some coffee, because we have a lot to talk about.”
“You know this house isn’t big enough for everyone.” Diana went to go sit on the sofa, but Jed patted his knee, and she found herself drawn to him. She slid onto his lap and leaned against his shoulder.
She was so tired, emotional, and weary that she took a moment to shut her eyes. It had been a long day, and she treasured the support she had from Jed’s family.
“You’re not going to fall asleep, are you?” Jed’s large, calloused hand rubbed her shoulder and down her bare arm.
“No, I’m just … well, today was a lot.” Diana went to sit up, to slide off his lap, but Jed held her.
“You’re comfortable here. Don’t get up.”
Brad’s cowboy boots clicked on the floor. He shoved a hand in his pocket. “I think we all need to talk about what the doctor said.”
Andy was leaning against the wall close to the door. “Why do I feel like I’ve been left in the dark? Maybe you could fill me in, someone?” He glanced at Diana briefly, then at Jed, Brad, Rodney, and Neil, who strode in with a chicken leg shoved in his mouth.
“Apparently our son here was hiding something the doctors found.” Rodney glanced briefly at Jed as he spoke.
“Oh, come on, Dad,” Brad said. “Andy, the doctors found a shadow that they say is a tumor. Where it is, it would be tricky to get out, and there is a lot of risk. But if he doesn’t have it out, he’ll be dead in a year.” Brad paced in the small room and then sat on the arm of the sofa. “Isn’t that about right, Jed? And the symptoms Jed’s having now, the dizziness, slight loss of motor function, is only going to get worse. We need to expect seizures, stroke, blindness.… Did I forget anything?” Brad swung around and asked Neil.
Neil ripped off a piece of meat from the chicken leg, chewed, and said, “It’s an aggressive tumor, and Jed is afraid of the consequences. Because it’s a risky surgery, he could stroke out, be brain damaged, not be able to communicate and be a burden to his wife. Isn’t that what you said, Jed?”
Jed just glared, and Diana smoothed over his shoulder and whispered to him, “Jed, don’t be like that.”
But Neil continued on. “And the worst case scenario is he’ll die on the table. But then, not having the surgery puts him in the grave.” Neil tossed the half-eaten chicken leg on a plate on the table and wiped his hands together. “Except there is hope. Doctor Hardy is one of the top neurologists in the country. I made some calls, checked him out. He has a steady hand and calmness about him, too, and he’s got some the best imaging equipment available for a surgery like this. What he didn’t tell you, Jed, is he’s removed over a hundred tumors like this using the guided imagery.” Diana noticed that Neil sounded so serious, and there wasn’t even a hint of humor in the sparkle of his eyes. He actually looked more than a little pissed, and she hadn’t seen that from him before.
“So, with this guided imagery and this amazing doctor, I don’t understand why you’re not going for it, Jed. You should be on the phone, lining it up right now.” Andy was now standing beside Brad, shoulder to shoulder.
“Because there are risks, and it’s not as easy as it sounds. The success rate isn’t high. This guided imagery lets the doctor see exactly where to cut, but this being the brain, which is still very much a mystery, one tiny wrong cut and I’m no longer me,” Jed muttered, and his arm slackened around Diana. “Neil, Brad, I want you two to take a minute and put yourself in my place, but really think of what the consequences would be if you were to have this surgery and wake up but not be able to talk, or maybe you couldn’t move one side of you, maybe your thinking would be muddled and you would feel trapped inside a body that wouldn’t cooperate and do what you wanted. Forget ever walking, riding a horse, and just being with your wife, because now she has to put a diaper on you because you can’t even take a crap in the toilet, and she has to feed you like a baby, and then you’re lying there for years and watching as she gets tired and weary and she has no one to hold her and tell her everything’s going to be okay. And you watch as that bright, deep love that she’s always shown you in her eyes changes and dims to something cold and bitter toward you.”
Brad and Neil both shared a look of discomfort and then gazed at the ground, but it was Neil who pushed past Brad to the door and then paused, clearing his throat roughly. “I need some air.” Then he opened the door and left, shutting it behind him.
Diana didn’t move for a minute and then she slid around, watching the mirage of emotions on everyone: Becky as she rocked Danny, the solemnness of Andy and Brad and her father-in-law, Rodney. This was the first time Jed had shared his deepest fear. Before, she had known he was scared, but what she didn’t know until this moment was how frightened he truly was of being a burden to her.