Jed turned off the hall light and followed Diana into their bedroom. His mom and dad had been the last to head out to one of the cabins. Neil and Brad were bunking in the other. Even when Andy left, he hadn’t said a word, and he’d had the oddest expression on his face.
Jed didn’t like the vulnerability he’d shown everyone. That wasn’t him, and for a while he’d felt almost angry at Neil and Brad for cornering him into this position--but it wasn’t their fault, he conceded, as he watched Diana with her back to him.
She went to lift off her t-shirt and then picked up a hairbrush from the top of the cluttered dresser, which was covered by her jewelry box, a pile of folded t-shirts they couldn’t fit in the one small dresser, and a change jar where he tossed his pennies.
Diana started running the brush through her long red waves, and when it stuck on a knot, she started yanking on the brush to rip it through her hair.
Jed stepped over and grabbed her wrist. “Diana, don’t.”
She started trembling and then struggled to hold back the sob. Jed took the brush from her hand and set it on the dresser. He stepped back and sat on the bed, pulling Diana with him.
A thin stream of tears ran in a single line down her cheek. Her breath caught, but she managed to hold herself together as she sat on his lap.
“Diana…”
She leaned in and pressed her lips to his, placing both hands on his rough cheeks and just holding him, touching her nose to his.
“Jed, I love you so much. I need you to listen to me.”
“Diana, please, honey. I’m tired.” Jed really didn’t want to talk about all of this anymore. He didn’t like the vulnerability he was showing everyone, especially his wife. He was the strong one, the one who held them together.
“No, Jed.” She tried to stand up, but Jed kept his hands firmly on her waist. “Jed, I understand what you’re saying. My God, what you’re talking about happening is an absolute nightmare and a worst-case scenario. But you need to understand something, how much I love you.” She pressed her hand to her heart. “You are the first man who has ever gotten in here.” She tapped her heart again. “You are my first breath in the morning, even when you make me so damn angry. You and me, we created Danny and this one.” She picked up his hand and pressed it to her tummy. “To allow someone to cut into your brain is a terrifying thing. When you spoke from your heart tonight, I put myself in your place, and I can’t say I wouldn’t do the same. I would never want to be a burden to you or to Danny. I want you happy, and maybe I would try to be unselfish and want you to meet someone else after I was gone, to make you happy. But that would be a lie. I’m not there, and I am selfish, because the thought of your hands never touching me again, and never tasting your kiss again—I can’t go there yet, and neither should you. Because there is one thing I know about you, Jed. You’re a fighter. Nothing gets you down. Hell, you come out swinging. This is the first time I’ve seen you allow anything to take you out. I’ve never known you for a quitter or to even give up without trying.”
Jed watched her, wondering what she was up to. Her face was filled with passion but also a stubbornness and determination, like a guard dog at a gate. “Diana, you want me to take a chance at being a vegetable? I couldn’t live like that.”
“No, Jed, that’s not what I’m saying. What I’d like is for you to take a chance to live, to take that chance and believe that you can beat this. My God, we’ve got a lot of things going for us. It’s not game over, Jed. We have one of the best surgeons ready and willing. It’s not like he hasn’t done this before. You are a success at everything, I’m just asking you to try this with me. Don’t go to that dark place and believe the worst. You would never let me do what you’re trying to do to me. You asked your brothers to put themselves in your shoes, and I watched them as they did, and you scared the crap out of them, but I want you to do something for me.”
“What do you want, honey?” He hesitated when he asked, because he could feel from the way she was guiding and asking that he wasn’t going to like it.
“I want you to do the same for me.”
He was confused, and it must have shown on his face, because as she next spoke, raised her eyebrows in a way he’d seen her do with a client.
“I want you to do exactly what you asked of Neil and Brad and put yourself in my place, as if it was me who faced the uncertainty. And I want you to feel and understand and take a couple days to do that.”
Jed stared at his wife, wanting to refuse, but when he gazed into the pure blue of the eyes that had imprinted on his soul, he knew he couldn’t refuse.
“All right.” This time, he let Diana slip off his lap, undress, and slide under the covers, and when she patted the bed beside her, Jed joined her under the covers. As he held her, her breathing evened out. Jed realized it was going to be a long, sleepless night when the first image hit him of what his life would be like without Diana.