My hands were shaking as I opened the door—I both hoped and dreaded it was Veda.
The minute I saw it was her?
All of that fell away and the only thing left was how relieved and safe and at peace I am in her presence. It’s like I can finally breathe again. Like I’ve been drowning in this palace, suffocating from this role I’m playing, and I hadn’t even noticed until Veda forced me to draw breath.
Hand in hand we walk farther into my room. The only light right now is a single lantern and the glistening of the moon off the icy snow outside through the large windows.
We settle side by side on the settee at the foot of the bed.
She’s smiling like she wants to say something but for some reason isn’t. Then, finally, searching the room with her eyes, she blurts out, “This is … big.”
I laugh and she laughs, and then, as if she’s been smothering the urge for ages, she launches herself into my arms.
The first thing I notice is how her hair doesn’t push into my face like it used to. It’s short, cut close to her neck, but it’s because of this that my nose, my lips graze her skin and I’m able to take in the essence of Veda. The sweet of honey with a hint of sea salt mixed in for good measure plus the freshness of sunrise flowers. Always.
And when we pull away her eyes are soft as if she’s as intoxicated from this meeting as I am.
My head swims over how much I want to say and do and that I know we have such little time.
“Nico…” But she stops with a sigh. “Hang on—” Veda tugs the baker’s bonnet off her head and easily slips out of the uniform so she more resembles the Veda I’ve come to know. Not the Veda of my childhood. Not even the Veda of one month ago. “That’s better.” She breathes and then looks down where the buttons of my tunic are open at my chest. Instantly her eyes dart back up to mine and I fight a smile.
She glances away and even under the dim lamplight I watch as blush warms her cheeks. Veda gazes right back at me. “I’ve missed you so much.” Shaking her head in disbelief, she takes my hands in hers. “My Moon, I can’t believe I’m here.”
“I can’t believe it either.” I move closer, squeeze her hands tighter. “Am I dreaming? Because, honestly, at this point, I’m not sure what’s real and what’s illusion anymore.”
Her eyes go soft like she knows exactly to what I’m referring. “This must be so hard—being here,” she takes a long look around the room, “having to pretend … Wait—” She sits up straighter. “The battle…” She examines me as if searching for wounds. “Are you all right?” Once again she leans closer, wraps her arms around me, and this time especially, I never want to leave her embrace.
Too soon she pulls away, and I realize by the way she stares that my eyes must be glistening.
She shakes her head. “Nico…” Veda’s voice is so soft it’s barely a whisper.
At the sound of my name leaving her lips, beyond any control I still possess, the stitches I’d sewn to keep all of my feelings under wraps tear open. I spill everything from James and the Offering to being stuck in the battle yesterday to having to do Raevald’s bidding and, worse, pretending like I revel in it.
I cry.
I don’t want to cry but I need to, and she’s the only one I’ll ever feel safe enough around. I can’t be vulnerable like this. Not around anyone else.
She wraps her arms around me. Holds me close until I take a deep breath, scrub my eyes with my hands.
Her stare intense but concerned, non-scrutinizing, Veda takes my hand in hers. “Nico—you need to know it’s not your doing. This is Raevald. All him. You did not make that call about James, and you did not order that battle.”
I swallow hard. “No … I know…,” I say, not completely convinced, but more open to the possibility than I was before. “Thank you.”
She leans in, rests her head on my chest.
There’s a long silence between us. It’s not uncomfortable. Quite the opposite. We hold each other. Veda runs her finger back and forth over the top of my hand as I breathe her in. Think about how much I’m already dreading this night ending.
Finally, she looks up at me. “Dorian told you everything while you were in the Lower?” Veda raises her eyebrows, blows the hair out of her eyes. I can’t help the smile dancing on my lips, and I can’t help how much I long to be closer to her. So close I can taste the sea salt of her skin.
But I force myself to nod because she’s waiting for a response. “Yes, he told me everything. The Sindaco, the Lunalette legend, that I’m illegally doing your job as heir … He didn’t sugarcoat anything.” We share a mutual smile, and she goes to worrying her bottom lip as she thinks.
“When I returned, I confronted the Sindaco and we struck a deal: I keep up the Lunalette charade for the good of the Night and their morale, and he makes me second-in-command.”
“Really…”
“Yeah, but somehow I still feel he’s only placating me to get what he wants. I’m still not sure I have a whole lot more say.”
“Like father, like son?”
“Exactly. But it’s strange. He’s sort of … absent.”
“Absent?”
“He’s been developing a top-secret weapon to use against the Imperi. But, Nico, I’m worried it’s going to do more harm to the Lower than anything if it goes off by accident.”
“Can you get to it? Dismantle it somehow?”
“I’m going to try. Dorian seems just as concerned, and if we can work together…”
“If?” I ask.
“Oh … right. Before I came here tonight I told him it had to be over between the two of us.” She breathes deep. “I’m not sure he’ll be up for looking at my face anytime soon.”
A warm ball of jealousy forms in my gut. One that questions what she and Dorian have been up to that warranted Veda telling him it’s over. Then, Sun help me, I force it all out of my mind. Now is not the time.
She’s here with you, Nico.
She’s here with you.
Veda’s staring at the busy design of the settee, tracing the lines with her fingers. “Do you ever wonder how in the world we ended up here?” Her eyes find mine.
“Here. As in…?”
“Here—” She motions to the room. “There—” to the Lower. “This—” She waves back and forth through the small space between us.
“Only every day. It’s like reality turned at the flip of a coin.” Which reminds me … “I have to show you something.”
She only stares. “Okay.”
I stand, kneel down next to my bed, and dig the bag of medallions out from under my mattress. Walk back to the settee and kneel before her. “I found this—” I say, dumping several of the medallions onto the seat.
“What the—” She stares back and forth between the coins and me. “Where did you get these? They’re sacred.”
“I found them. Hidden here in the palace down in the cellar inside a large vase. Veda, there’s tons more.”
She’s shaking her head. “And the names?”
I say the words I know she doesn’t want to hear. “The names of the missing Basso. The same from the list I sent you. Even more not on the list.”
Veda’s eyes brim with tears as she stares down at the medallions. She squeezes her fingers around them, then looks back up at me. “What’re we going to do?”
“Well, it’s not like I can simply stand in the market piazza, dump them on the ground, and announce the truth.”
She leans forward so her elbows rest on her knees and her face is mere inches from mine. And, my Sun, I know I should be focusing, figuring out our plan, all I want is to scoot forward, place my lips on hers. The island can burn down around us.
Alas … that’s not an option.
Veda’s brow tugs downward. She works her bottom lip for a beat, then bursts out with, “Why not? I mean, hell, Nico, you’re the heir! That’s gotta mean something.”
I’m already shaking my head no. “Raevald will twist it, come up with a hundred excuses, somehow turn the whole thing on me. No.” I pause for breath. “If I’ve learned anything living here these past days, he’s far more cunning than we’ve ever given him credit for.” I lift an eyebrow. “Which is why I showed them to my mother.”
“Your mother?”
“Veda—I’m beginning to think she’s more cunning than Raevald. I only showed them to her after she asked me to stop the war.”
“Your mother said that?”
“Yes. She has significant pull over Dogio society and has been using it to get her way with the High Regent. If she can share what’s been going on with the people she knows she can trust—maybe even those who stand to gain from Raevald falling from power—we could begin to take him down.”
Her eyes lift to mine, and she says, “Take him out from the inside.”
“But by surprise,” I add.
Then we both say, “Yes.”
There’s a pause, she smiles and I smile. Then I stand, resume my seat next to her.
“Is there anyone else you trust?”
“Well…” So much to discuss. “There’s Salazar.”
“Salazar?”
“Raevald’s personal assistant. I just found out he’s working for the Night too.”
“How am I not aware of this? I thought Bron was the only spy here. Damn it.”
“I’m not sure how public his role is. I mean, he is Raevald’s closest adviser. If the wrong person found out—”
“Wrong person? Nico, I’m second-in-command of the Night … Or am I? I’m beginning to think that was all talk. More lies.” She glances over at me. “You’re sure he’s working with us?”
“Oh yeah … I’m sure.” She furrows her brow. “The reason he had to tell me was because I saw him and his partner, Xavier he said his name was, deep in an embrace in the forest.”
“Xavier?” I nod. “I can’t believe it. I was with him yesterday.”
“He’s sure to be sworn to secrecy. I cannot stress enough how important Salazar is to Raevald.”
“All right … You’re right … It’s hard not to get paranoid these days.” She exhales. “What if we attack Raevald from several angles?”
“How so?” I ask.
“You send some of the medallions down with me to share with the Night.”
“Yes, good.”
“Your mother is already sharing them with her close friends who will, hopefully, also begin to spread the word.”
“Yes…” This could actually work. “And Bronwyn … The Basso staff here … She could overhear me discussing what I found … Maybe she even gets her hands on a couple of medallions … If she tells the other workers…?”
“My Moon, Nico—” Veda sits up straight, glances from corner to corner of my room like she’s putting several ideas together. “What if we flip the whole thing on its end?” I can only stare, watch her put some grand scheme together and see how beautiful she is as she concocts Sun knows what. “Yes. Raevald has always claimed the Sun chose him to lead, chose him to carry out the Offerings, yes?”
“Yes.”
“Well … the Sun giveth and the Sun…”
“Taketh away.”
“Precisely. What if this war isn’t the Sun’s way of rewarding Raevald but punishing him? The Imperi certainly isn’t winning. Battles rage on, the island is in ruins…”
“Even the Dogio villages are falling apart.”
“See? All signs lead to the Sun being unhappy. What the High Regent is doing clearly isn’t working. Thus…”
“The Sun isn’t pleased with Raevald. With his war.”
“If the Sun is punishing Raevald and by extension Bellonians for his war, the most logical solution is to remove Raevald from power.”
“End the war.”
She smiles, pleased. It’s infectious. My Sun, I missed her.
“Oh!” Her eyes widen. “We could do the same with the Sindaco.” I watch her, wait for more information. “I’m really worried about this weapon—I don’t think he’ll agree to dismantle it. And what if he’s also reluctant toward our plan…” Now she stands, begins pacing, but still speaks quietly. “I know there’s a growing faction of Night members who don’t approve of his actions … first the Settlings, then that failed battle, and now this weapon of his … As a last resort, I’ll show them his lies … That he’s lost his purpose for this war—how originally he wanted a revolution for Basso and the Night, but that’s now morphed into vengeance for my mother’s death. Revenge over his father. He’s become careless and removed.” She stops in front of me. “If I must, I believe I can get the majority of the Night behind me…”
“And I can get the majority of Dogio and Imperi behind me…”
“My Moon, yes! We can do this, Nico.” And she wraps her arms around me. “For all those Basso who died,” she says into my neck. “For James.”
“For Poppy,” I say.
“Always for Poppy.”
Veda pulls her legs up, tucking them underneath her. Then she laces her fingers in mine, sending my skin tingling. She opens her mouth to say something but stops. Her eyes dart to the door, and I think I hear what she must be hearing.
Footsteps down the hallway.
I motion not to say a word, then take her by the hand. We walk to the bedside table where I blow out the lamp.
Darkness takes over the room.
The steps get closer, and Veda quietly gasps, pushes herself into me, and wraps her arms around my waist.
I fold my arms around her shoulders, and she tucks her head against my chest. “Can we stay here forever?” she whispers.
“I wish we could.” I never want to leave this moment.
Hearts pounding, breath heavy yet quiet and controlled, we don’t move an inch. We’re frozen, a stone sculpture underneath the glow of moonlight cascading in through the window. If someone did walk in, we might just fool them for a moment.
But no one comes in. The footsteps pass by without pause.
Yet neither of us lets go.
Instead, Veda pulls me closer, and I swear her heart raps even faster against my ribs now than when we were in danger of being caught. Moving her head away from my chest, she gazes up at me and I look down at her and, in an instant, my own pulse easily surpasses hers.
I run my thumb over her cheekbone. Down her jaw and to her neck. Something about it causes her to suck in a breath, and the sound, the way her eyes flutter closed, causes me to stop breathing altogether.
Pulling away only enough to take my hands in hers, she turns and leads me the few feet to the bed.
She sits and I remain standing. Because I’m not sure …
But she’s nodding her head, pulling me down next to her, gifting me kisses as I do … Along my jaw … Across to my ear … Down my neck … My shirt comes off, and she blesses me with the lightest grazing of her lips along my collarbone …
My chest …
Her fingers, light as feathers, move up and down my back …
My breath hitches as her hands, more urgent now, pull me closer …
And soon I’m learning what makes her gasp for breath, and it’s just Veda and me, the only souls on this island.
No space between us.
She whispers, “I’ve wanted this for so long…” And I’ve wanted it for so long too that I can’t even find the words to begin to express it and am only capable of taking her in, kissing her, breathing her in.
Of holding her.
Knowing her.
Loving her.
“Ad astra, my love,” I whisper.
CURLED INTO EACH OTHER, wonderfully entangled, the soft down blanket is our own personal cocoon. Veda’s head lays lightly on my chest, and I do everything I can to savor how each breath just barely grazes across my ribs.
We stay like this for some time, simply holding each other. Neither of us sleeps. She runs her thumb back and forth across my arm. I kiss the top of her head.
We push our time together to the very last minute, when we both know she must leave.
Not a word passes between us as she puts on her boots and steps back into the baker’s uniform. I place the bonnet on her head, secure the ties underneath her chin.
“You’ll be careful?” I ask.
“Always.”
“My Sun! I can’t believe I almost forgot!”
“What?” she asks, watching me as, once again, I dive underneath my bed and dig out another secret. “I found something of yours.” And I hand over her atlatl.
Her face lights up. “Where the Moon did you get it?”
“Raevald was keeping it in the same place I found the medallions. It would seem he has a strange penchant for keeping personal trophies.”
“Oh, Nico, thank you so much. I didn’t realize how much I missed it until now.” She strokes the weapon and darts, the leather case it’s in, with care. “The blades I’ve been using are all right but awkward and inferior in comparison.” She throws it over her shoulder. “All better. Like being reunited with an old friend.” Aside from the bonnet and baker’s uniform, Veda is completely aglow. A warrior in her own right. Lunalette.
We stare quietly for a moment, both of us waiting for the other to begin saying goodbye. But the hourglass not too far up the Hill chimes the three in the morning call and does it for us.
“I should be going,” she says, glancing toward the window. “I promised myself I’d leave long before sunrise, and I’d say I’m cutting it close.”
“Right. Of course. And we’ve got everything all sorted? The plan is in place?” I think. I hope.
Veda pats her pocket beneath the baker’s uniform where several medallions jingle. “All sorted.”
Arching up on her toes to reach me more easily, she places her hands at the sides of my face, urges me to stare straight in her eyes. “It’s going to be all right.” She lays a small kiss on my lips. “Ad astra, my love.”
And, my Sun, hearing the words leave her lips sends me into a glorious tailspin. With Veda I’m unstoppable. Invincible. I pull her closer, wrap my arms around her lower back.
She pulls me right back, takes my lips against hers.
I try with all I have to express the inexplicable love and passion and life I experience when with her. Memorize her scent, each tiny ridge of her lips, the divot above her mouth, and the warmth of her skin. The way her hair lays carelessly over her right eye. The beating rhythm of her heart against mine and how her hands find my hair and I can never get enough of this moment.
Veda is the moon, often hidden and ever a mystery. She’s a constant force, yet calming, and always there when I need her. And I’m like the tides. Veda pulls and pushes, but I’m always ready for more. Happily at her command but also working alongside her to balance things. To smooth the storm.
“Ad astra,” I say once more.
Too soon, as quietly as she glided into my bedroom, atlatl slung over her shoulder, she’s gone.
Standing at the window, gazing out onto the palace grounds, the moon shining down, I try to watch her. Somehow protect her.
As if the moon at daybreak, she’s disappeared.
But like the moon, I know she’s still present.
That she’ll shine again, as the turn of the hourglass, in due time.