I think it’s very important to have a feedback loop, where you’re constantly thinking about what you’ve done and how you could be doing it better. I think that’s the single best piece of advice: Constantly think about how you could be doing things better and questioning yourself.
—ELON MUSK
It was a starry evening on Necker Island, the private island owned by Richard Branson, and the beach party had wound down to that lazy lull where you’re totally relaxed, sitting there gazing at the stars, and soaking in the beauty all around you. It was my second trip to Branson’s beautiful home on Necker Island. I was there with a group of entrepreneurs for a four-day mastermind and adventure trip.
In the quiet, I had a chance to sit with Richard for a while and talk one-on-one about all sorts of things, from life to parenting to personal philosophy. My wife and I were struggling to conceive our second child but had failed for four straight years. Richard was actually giving me advice on what I could do to improve my odds of being a father again. (Getting procreation advice from Branson will always be an interesting memory for me.) It was impressive to see how much he cared and how genuine he was.
That’s when it occurred to me that, given that I was sitting in private conversation with one of the world’s greatest entrepreneurs, maybe I should stop discussing ways to improve sperm count and instead ask Richard for something a bit more related to his genius zone. So I asked him this: “Richard, you’ve started eight different companies in eight different industries and taken all of them to a billion dollars. That’s huge. If you could summarize in one sentence how you did it, what would you say?”
Richard didn’t blink. He answered immediately like a wise, kind sage. Here’s what he said:
It’s all about finding and hiring people smarter than you, getting them to join your business and giving them good work, then getting out of the way and trusting them. You have to get out of the way so you can focus on the bigger vision. That’s important, but here is the main thing: You must make them see their work as a mission.
This, in Richard’s words, is his “system” for starting game-changing companies. His focus is on hiring smart people, giving them freedom and getting out of the way, and continuously thinking of the vision, ensuring that a mission was driving the company.
A system for living is a repeated, optimized pattern for getting things done. How we dress in the morning is a system. How we get through our e-mail is often a system. Our work, our parenting, our exercise routine, how we make love and handle relationships, our methods for creativity—all often fall into specific systems for living.
I compare systems for living to the software that computers use to perform specific operations. They’re the things you do to function in the world, from the moment you wake up to your nighttime rituals like putting on your pajamas and reading a book before going to bed. We have societal systems, too, such as our educational system, business structures, and community systems.
Where do our systems come from? As you know from Chapter 3, they come from our beliefs about what’s true, right, good, healthy, necessary, appropriate, and effective. After our models of reality, they’re the second aspect of consciousness engineering that allows you to advance your human potential and step into the extraordinary.
But here’s the problem. Most of us are using systems that have long become obsolete. As Bill Jensen said in his book Future Strong: “Even as we enter one of the most disruptive eras in human history, one of the biggest challenges we face is that today’s systems and structures still live on, past their expiration dates. We are locked into twentieth-century approaches that are holding back the next big fundamental shifts in human capacity.”
Good software is constantly being updated. It would be ridiculous to still be running Windows 95 when you could be running the latest version. Yet when it comes to our systems for living—our internal software—we run systems that are highly suboptimal.
But what if you start viewing your systems for living in much the same way you view the apps you download on your smartphone? When you swap outdated models of reality for empowering ones and pair them with new systems for applying your new models day to day, your life will improve exponentially—and fast.
In this chapter, you’ll learn how to think about your systems for living in a very structured way so that you get to do more and create more, in less time, while having more fun.
Let me give you an example related to that night on Necker Island with Richard Branson.
I had been thinking about writing a book for a long time but had no idea how to start. I simply was not ready.
I wanted to write in a style that contained practical lessons scattered among fascinating stories that could keep the reader entertained. One of my favorite books of this type was actually Branson’s 1998 autobiography Losing My Virginity. I loved it because of the personal stories peppered with really powerful personal growth lessons. That book became one of the role model books for the kind of book I wanted to write.
However, I was nowhere close to Branson in terms of life accomplishments or life adventures. So I stayed stuck—thinking I’d “someday” write such a book when I could prove myself by getting my business to a gigantic level.
That same night on Necker as we were talking about parenting and I shared with Branson some of my philosophies, he interrupted me and said, “You should write a book.”
I was silent, stunned. That little push from Branson (and he probably doesn’t even remember it) was just the boost of confidence I needed to start seriously thinking about this book.
Still it took me three years to figure out what I wanted to write about.
Then it took me one whole year to get a framework done.
And then it took me three months to write the first chapter.
It was slow and painful.
But each day, I kept optimizing my systems.
I developed a method for coming up with titles, a method for creating a framework, and a style for writing personal stories. I even tested different types of whiskey to see which helped me create the most interesting writing. (Scotch versus Kentucky versus Japanese. If you must know, Jim Beam Kentucky bourbon won.)
As I fine-tuned these systems, I experienced exponential productivity in my writing abilities. Now, I can write a chapter in a single day. Three months ago, this would have been next to impossible. Here’s my efficiency plotted on the graph below that shows how far I came as I optimized the system. Note how hard it was to start but how much I could speed up as I formalized my system.
When you optimize your systems for living, you can experience exponential growth in areas that truly matter to you.
Extraordinary people don’t just have extraordinary models of reality. They strive to ensure that their systems for living—that is, DOING what they do in the world—are well defined, structured, and continuously optimized.
I try to upgrade at least one of my systems for living every week, not because I feel like things are always broken but because I know how energizing it is to try something new. It’s exciting to think that we can just swap in a new system like downloading a new app.
There’s a three-step method for effectively upgrading your systems for living:
1. THE DISCOVERY PROCESS. Many people discover new systems from books, conferences, or online courses. Maybe you read about the benefits of a particular approach to weight training. You do some research and decide to incorporate it into your workouts. In a month or two, you assess the results. Or you hear about a new management strategy at a conference and decide to try it with your team and track how it’s working. I make it a habit to read nonfiction books on a wide variety of topics that matter to me, such as parenting, work, and exercise, and to continually discover new systems. Think of it like browsing the App Store. It can be fun and enlightening when you find something that seems to work for others and might also work for you.
2. YOUR REFRESH RATE. Your refresh rate is how often you upgrade your systems for living. For example, I try to experiment with a new exercise system every year. In 2013, for example, I spent thirty days straight on Les Mills’s BODYPUMP. The next year I experimented with Minimum Effective Dose exercises such as Christine Bullock’s Total Transformation program. This year I’m trying kettlebells. None of these was randomly chosen. I discovered them after reading books, having conversations with friends who were passionate about fitness, and knowing what my needs were (love handles begone!). I made these changes not necessarily because my previous exercise system was broken but because I simply realized I’m more likely to work out if I switch things up regularly so I don’t get bored. It also ensures that I’m working different muscle groups and keeping my whole body fit and healthy.
3. SET POINTS AND MEASUREMENT. How effective are your systems for living? Is your new system for living really better than a previous one? We’ll look at ways to measure and maintain the effectiveness of your systems for living as you discover and refresh them. This is the important bit that people often forget—are you measuring the effectiveness of your system? A set point is a level of performance that you do not allow yourself to slip below. For example, I have a waist measurement set point that has kept me at the same waist size for ten years. I measure it by seeing which hole is used when buckling my favorite belt. If I ever go even slightly beyond that set point, I make it a discipline to diet or exercise to get back to my set point. I’m not allowed to buy a new belt.
Here’s how all three stages come together to allow you to create effective systems for governing your life.
Patrick Grove is one of the most successful entrepreneurs in Australia and the Asia Pacific region. His entrepreneurial success has made him a member of the Business Review Australia’s Rich 200 list, and he’s known as the Asia Pacific’s IPO whiz kid because he holds the seemingly incredible record of starting four companies and taking each of them public. He’s also a close friend. I once bumped into Patrick in a local Starbucks in the neighborhood where we live, where I found him scribbling furiously on a piece of paper. When I asked what he was up to, he said, “I’m trying to solve this massive problem.”
“What is it?” I asked.
“I’m trying to figure out how I can make $100 million in one year,” he answered.
I smiled. But I knew Patrick was serious. He’s one of the biggest thinkers I know. Making $100 million in one year sounds impossible to most people, but to an extraordinary mind like Patrick’s, it’s a reasonable question. It was not a function of “is it possible?” but rather “when is it possible?”
That encounter happened in 2008. In 2013 Patrick pulled it off. He acquired three small used car websites across Southeast Asia, renamed the group iCar Asia, took it public in Australia, and drove this investment to over $100 million in valuation. All in ONE year.
Patrick likes to get out of the office and ask himself big, tough questions, and then he says that the inspiration for his business ideas often comes to him. He makes sure that he gives himself the space and time to do this. Too many of us are so busy doing that we never step back and think about how we’re doing. Or why we’re doing it. I call this the do-do trap. You’re so busy doing what needs to be done, you don’t really know whether your systems for living might be obsolete, or even (pun intended) absolute crap.
This is why people like Patrick get out of the office and find the time and space to question their systems and set new, bolder goals.
Awareness is the essence of discovery. Every now and then, stop doing and gather some research. I know many people who have a disciplined system for going to the gym a few times weekly. But are your gym workouts fully optimized? For example, once a month I might actually skip going to the gym one day and instead read about new workout routines, buy a new fitness app, or study a new fitness method to optimize my gym time. This is what I mean by the discovery process. You step back from what you’re doing and seek to discover new ways to do it better.
At Mindvalley we bypass the do-do trap through a technique called Learn Day. On the first Friday of every month, nobody works (unless it’s something crucial). Instead, everyone focuses on learning about how to work better. Customer support agents may research the art of writing personalized replies or review customer feedback for ideas on improving our products. A programmer may experiment with a new coding language. People are allowed to sit and read all day, provided it’s a book related to their career. Through this process, new ideas form, new systems emerge, and new ways of working are born.
Whether related to work, health, fitness, personal growth, culture, or anything else, discovery is a life-affirming tool. It’s not just about making life a little more interesting. It allows you to be better at what you want to do. Patrick Grove is the chairman of four public companies, and he still has time to step back and rethink his systems. Some might say that this is why he’s chairman of four public companies. Surely all of us can find the time to think in a different way about how to solve our own problems—massive or otherwise.
When was the last time you read a book about a topic you were interested in but knew nothing about? Signed up for a class? Sought honest feedback from a friend? Sat in a Starbucks and scribbled notes about crazy dreams you wanted to pursue? Or otherwise revitalized the systems in your life? Keeping your systems fresh is a system in itself. Your frequency of doing this is your refresh rate.
Let’s go back to the Twelve Areas of Balance we looked at in Chapter 3. Have you updated the systems in any of these parts of your life recently? If not, it’s time to hit the refresh button.
Write down the areas where you know you need to make some changes. It could be how you interact with your partner, the way you raise your kids, how you deal with people and projects at work, how you’re pursuing a job hunt, whether your home and other creature comforts make you feel good, or whether you’re making time for big dreams, amazing new experiences, spiritual insights, or creative growth. Maybe you want tune-ups in all of these areas. You’ll get there.
The important thing is to remember to study and invest in learning about how to improve your systems for living. Below are the twelve categories; for each, I’ve added my personal favorite book as a suggestion for something that might give you a bold new perspective on the subject:
1.YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP. Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus by John Gray. This book is a beautiful and somewhat humorous look at how to live with and love the opposite sex.
2.YOUR FRIENDSHIPS. How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie. I read this book seven times before I turned twenty; an amazing book for anyone.
3.YOUR ADVENTURES. Losing My Virginity by Richard Branson. This book inspires you to live a life of adventure and to have fun while pursuing big goals.
4.YOUR ENVIRONMENT. The Magic of Thinking Big by David J. Schwartz, PhD. This book inspires you to upgrade your quality of life and to dream bigger about your home, your office space, the car you drive, and more.
5.YOUR HEALTH AND FITNESS. Here I have different recommendations for men or women. For men, it’s The Bulletproof Diet by Dave Asprey. Dave is a friend and the most famous biohacker in the world. This is science meets eating. For women, it’s The Virgin Diet by JJ Virgin, which will challenge your rules about calories and exercise and show you that it’s not about how much you eat, but how you combine the right foods in the right order for your body’s “chemistry lab.”
6.YOUR INTELLECTUAL LIFE. What better way to optimize your intellectual life than by upgrading your learning systems, learning to speed-learn and improve your memory? I recommend courses by Jim Kwik.
7.YOUR SKILLS. The 4-Hour Workweek by Timothy Ferriss is a great book on finding fast hacks to developing unique skills.
8.YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE. Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch is the best book I’ve read on spiritual growth. But a close tie is Autobiography of a Yogi by Paramahansa Yogananda, which was Steve Jobs’s favorite book.
9.YOUR CAREER. Originals by Adam Grant is one of the best books I’ve read on how to be more creative at work and how to think outside the box, sell your ideas, and make a difference.
10.YOUR CREATIVE LIFE. The War of Art by Steven Pressfield inspires you to shed your artist inertia and get moving with your creative work. It is also one of the most beautifully written books I’ve come across.
11.YOUR FAMILY LIFE. I believe the root cause of most family issues is the lack of self-love, so I suggest The Mastery of Love by Don Miguel Ruiz.
12.YOUR COMMUNITY LIFE. Delivering Happiness by Zappos CEO Tony Hsieh is an inspirational read on starting epic businesses and giving back to the world in a big way.
Want to jump-start your progress? Aim to read one book a week. If you find this hard, start by first learning to speed-read. (You’re upgrading your reading system.) With a few simple tricks, you can rapidly boost your reading speed.
Reading is an easy and excellent way to boost your refresh rate. But you should also consider online courses, masterminds, networking groups, and seminars. Patrick Grove is a learning junkie. We became friends because of our mutual interest in personal growth and the seminars and courses we attend.
My visit to Necker Island was part of a learning experience, too. I was there to bond, connect, and share ideas with other entrepreneurs looking to build big businesses while having daily sessions with Branson, who served as a mentor to us. The reason I founded MindvalleyAcademy.com, which at the time of this writing has more than a million members, was to provide people with the opportunity to learn new models and systems from the world’s greatest teachers. These teachers teach and run webinars in the academy, many of which are completely free to attend.
The more you seek opportunities to learn and then apply your learnings, the faster your refresh rate.
It’s great to refresh your systems for living. But once you’ve got a good thing going, how do you maintain it?
You know what it feels like to set out to make a big life improvement, only to see your results slip away a little bit at a time. You work hard to take off the pounds; then they start to creep back. You fall back into your procrastination habit. You spend more and save less. Or you stop keeping up with friends, or with your meditation practice, or connecting with your kids, or snuggling so much with your sweetheart.
I struggle with this as much as anyone. But I’ve figured out a way to reset myself when my systems start to slip. I devised a tool called nonnegotiable set points.
Here’s an example of how I apply this in my life.
I love my wine, whiskey, chocolate, and cheese. But I like to stay in shape because I feel and perform at my best when I’m at peak physical energy.
As I get older, I’ve been setting up simple mental and physical hacks to slow down my aging and maintain my sense of well-being. My nonnegotiable set point for my body is that at any time, I should be able to drop and do fifty push-ups. No excuses. I can come off a twenty-hour flight from L.A. to Kuala Lumpur and plop into bed at home. But after a good sleep if I get out of bed and can’t do fifty—something’s off. Fifty push-ups is my health pulse check. I can always tell when my travel schedule or a few good meals with family and friends has nudged me off my peak, because I have a hard time doing my usual fifty push-ups during my workout. If that happens, I know that I need to really pay attention to how I’m treating my body and make some changes.
We can establish these system checks for our finances, the time we spend with our kids, our endurance, the number of books we read per week, and so on.
Things slip when we don’t have a detection method for knowing when it’s happening. Set points are that detection method.
A set point is simply a bare-minimum threshold you establish for yourself that you promise you will not go below. A set point differs from a goal. Goals pull you forward, while set points help you maintain what you have. You need both.
You can establish set points for anything important to you. And here’s a secret: You can use set points not only to prevent or reverse slipping but also to improve over time. Imagine getting fitter as you get older . . . more intimate with your partner . . . more secure financially . . . or closer to your kids. There’s a super-simple set point mind trick you can deploy that ups your game in amazing ways. So, let’s get you started on setting up your own set points.
Look back at the Twelve Areas of Balance list from Chapter 3. In which categories did you score the lowest? Where are you slipping? Pick two or three to focus on, for which you’d like to set specific, achievable set points. Eventually, you can expand your list, but start with a few that are really important to you.
Next, create set point targets for each area you’ve selected. Now, this is very important: Make sure that your set points are absolutely achievable. You’ll see why in a minute.
For things you can measure (your weight or your bank account, for example), you can establish specific amounts: My weight set point is X. My bank account set point is Y. You can establish set points for your intellectual life (I will read X books per month) or even your work (I will spend two hours a week researching or studying something that will make me better at my job). The more specific you are, the easier it will be to keep track of the set point and actually stick with it.
Here is an example of potential set points you can choose for each of the Twelve Areas of Balance:
1.YOUR LOVE RELATIONSHIP. Set up set points for how much time you spend together, whether it’s the frequency of date nights, working out together, or even regularly scheduled lovemaking.
2.YOUR FRIENDSHIPS. Create set points for keeping in touch; for example, calling a close friend at least once a week, inviting friends for brunch or dinner once a month, writing a short weekly note to someone going through a tough time.
3.YOUR ADVENTURES. Consider setting set points for the frequency of holidays or adventure trips. I go on at least two long trips with my entire family every year. We don’t have to be going somewhere exotic or expensive, but by committing to extended time with my family, I have a chance to show them how much I love them while we create lasting memories together. You could commit to going to one new place every month, even if that place is somewhere in your neighborhood. It doesn’t have to cost any money at all, but your world will feel bigger and brighter when you regularly expose yourself to new corners of it.
4.YOUR ENVIRONMENT. Set a few simple set points for keeping your home tidy; for example, making the bed every morning, making sure the sink is clear of dirty dishes at night, sorting the mail as soon as you get it and recycling what you don’t need to keep, and so on. You can also create set points for the level of quality of your life; for example, a weekly full-body massage or spa treatment.
5.YOUR HEALTH AND FITNESS. Set some specific set points as fitness benchmarks. For me, it’s my push-up routine. It could also be maintaining a specific waist measurement or getting in the routine of going to one yoga or Pilates class per week, or even tracking your eyesight or blood pressure.
6.YOUR INTELLECTUAL LIFE. Start to incorporate some systems for bringing intellectual richness into your life. It might be reading a few pages each night before bed, visiting a gallery or exploring one room of a museum each week, or attending one play per month. A great set point here is to read at least two books per month.
7.YOUR SKILLS. Commit to spending a certain number of hours per week reading or studying material to improve skills in your field. I have a set point of taking off one day per month from work to focus on studying and learning how to work better.
8.YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE. You might make fifteen minutes of meditation per day part of your spiritual practice, read several pages of spiritual literature each day, or pray or send your thoughts to someone dealing with a problem. My set point in this category is fifteen minutes minimum of daily meditation.
9.YOUR CAREER. Join a professional group and make sure you go to a certain number of meetings per year. Read one book per month on career issues. If you’re looking to change careers, commit to reading a certain number of articles online per week about this new field and how to break in.
10.YOUR CREATIVE LIFE. Choose and pursue a creative outlet, and set a reachable set point for making it part of your life. It could be spending twenty minutes journaling each day, joining a weekly improv class, or setting goals to move forward on a creative project that’s been stalled or you’ve been meaning to start. I have set points for the amount of writing I do every week.
11.YOUR FAMILY LIFE. Set a goal of spending a certain amount of time doing family-oriented activities per week, whether with your kids, the entire family, your parents, or other relatives. It could be calling your mom or dad every couple of days just to say hi, going out for Sunday breakfast as a family, having playtime with your children each evening.
12.YOUR COMMUNITY LIFE. Decide on an amount to donate annually to good causes, or identify a place where you’ll volunteer on a regular basis. I have an annual set point for money donated to charity. Each year I ensure I can give away a healthy sum to good causes I believe in.
I test my fifty push-ups set point once a week. If I can’t do fifty—whether because I’ve been slacking off on exercise, my energy levels are low, or I’ve put on weight—I immediately initiate a set-point correction procedure.
My set-point correction procedure is a specific method to get me back on track. When it comes to fitness, it’s what I do when I need to get back into shape to do fifty. What works for me is to immediately go on a low-carb diet for a week to get my weight back to normal and commit to working out at the gym three times a week. Typically in one week I’m back to fifty.
I turn forty the year this book is published. I intend to live to one hundred. And even at that age I expect to be able to do fifty. I don’t believe in letting this slip.
The set-point correction procedure is a crucial part of this process. When you slip and can’t maintain a set point, you must be disciplined enough to correct it. This brings us to Step 4.
When you slip off your set point, set a goal to get back to the set point plus a little bit more. Suppose fifty push-ups is your fitness set point. If you slip, aim to get back to fifty and a little more—say, to fifty-one. If you’ve stopped your weekly date nights with your partner, go back to the weekly date night but now add next-day mooky (my term for morning nooky). That’s turning up the heat—but so gradually that you don’t notice it. Once you reach that new level, make that your new set point.
Now you’ve not just prevented stagnation, you’re actually growing. Here’s what the set point system looks like when you map it out:
Most people slip with age. But when you apply non-negotiable set points, you grow with age. I believe we all can be better than ever as we gain mileage in life—just make sure you make your set points non-negotiable. You can learn more about set points on www.mindvalley.com/extraordinary.
There’s a powerful reason why set points work. It’s a natural human tendency to feel that we’ve failed when we slip from our goals. But with set points, a failure is turned into a challenge. If you can’t attain your fifty push-ups, you enact a new goal. Get to fifty-one. You replace the feeling of failure with the positive feeling of striving for a goal.
The key is to make the new goal easily achievable. Notice that my set-point correction procedure for push-ups was to turn up the heat from fifty to fifty-one, not to fifty-five or sixty. Setting the bar too high is just punishing; it’s unrealistic that you’ll make all of that progress in one giant leap. Turning up the heat just a little bit allows you to regain some momentum without setting yourself up to fail.
When you correct your set points by aiming slightly higher than before, you can put yourself on a path to constant improvement in every aspect of life.
Extraordinary minds consistently spend time discovering, upgrading, and measuring new systems for living applied to life, work, heart, and soul. They are in a perpetual state of growth and self-innovation.
I’m going to ask you to do an exercise with me.
If you’re reading this book on a plane or subway or anywhere else with people around you, I want you to try to smell your neighbor. Go ahead. Lean just a little toward them and take a whiff.
If you’re reading this alone, try smelling yourself.
What do you smell? In most cases it’s going to be perfume, aftershave, a certain soap, or deodorant. Or not much of anything.
And that’s exactly the way it should be.
But if you were doing this exercise 150 years ago, everyone around you would have stunk. Back then, we didn’t have the practice of a daily shower. We weren’t trained to brush our teeth. Cologne and perfume were mostly used by the very wealthy. Deodorant didn’t exist. In the 1900s, humanity simply got used to its own stinking smell.
Today we do all kinds of things in the morning to clean and prepare our bodies for the day. We brush, shower, spray on cologne, and dress well, all to keep our physical bodies fresh and clean. Yet billions of us wake up each morning feeling worry, stress, anxiety, and fear and don’t do anything about it. We assume this is normal, but it’s not. Just as we can wash our bodies, so we can have systems to completely “wash” our minds of these debilitating feelings.
As the “smell your neighbor” exercise shows in a fun way, we pay far more attention to systems for taking care of our bodies than to systems that take care of our mind and spirit.
We’ve created a society where it’s considered normal to wake up with feelings of stress, anxiety, fear, and worry. But it isn’t. These feelings aren’t meant to be constant states. They’re alarm systems, evolved to alert us to things we need to deal with, not just live with. You’re not supposed to hate your work or dread your day. “Happy hour” shouldn’t be the drinks you have on Friday to celebrate getting through another week.
Instead of taking pills or engaging in unhealthy habits to suppress our feelings, we can install systems to be free of them. What’s inspiring is how popular these new systems are proving to be—and how fast and powerful the transformations are. I call these systems transcendent practices. They include exercises on gratitude, meditation, compassion, bliss, and other practices that take you beyond or above the range of normal or merely physical human experiences.
Now that you understand how to discover, refresh, and create set points around your systems for living, we’re going to focus the rest of this book on systems for consciousness—in short transcendent practices. These systems can have an amazing payoff when applied to life and work, as you’ll see in the next chapter. But first I wanted to share some insights into how one of the world’s most powerful women is applying transcendent practices to run her business and life.
I got the beautiful opportunity to interview Arianna Huffington in 2014, just when her book Thrive was coming out. I adore Arianna; she radiates calmness and kindness while also running a massive media empire centered around the Huffington Post. Arianna shared with me some of the transformations that had been occurring in her life since she started adding transcendent practices to her busy day.
Arianna’s shift happened on April 6, 2007. She was two years into building the Huffington Post, having incredible success but working herself to the bone. And that’s when it hit her that money and power were not the only two metrics for success—there was a third that was not getting nearly enough airtime. She explained to me:
When building a start-up, it’s easy to buy into the delusion that we have to work around the clock trying to make everything happen. And then, of course, we have lives outside of work as well. As we were building the Huffington Post, I was taking my older daughter around to check out colleges to see where she wanted to apply.
I came back from the college tour and collapsed from burnout, exhaustion, and sleep deprivation. I hit my head on my desk, broke my cheekbone, and needed four stitches on my right eye. As I was going from doctor to doctor to see if there was anything medically wrong with me, I was asking myself all of these questions that we often stop asking when we leave college: “What is a good life? What is success?” And I came to the conclusion that the way we define success, centered only on the two metrics of money and power, is just a very inadequate way to define life. It’s like trying to sit on a two-legged stool—sooner or later, we topple over. And that’s when I came up with this idea of the third metric of success, which consists of four pillars: well-being, wisdom, wonder, and giving.
Arianna went on to describe her daily systems for living. She spoke about meditation:
I don’t want just to be effective or productive. I want to be joyful. After eight hours of sleep, I also meditate every morning for at least twenty minutes. On the weekend, I try to do an hour or an hour-and-a-half. I love it.
Then we discussed gratitude:
I used to wake up and the first thing I would do was check my smartphone. Now I don’t do that. And just taking this time—sometimes it can be literally a minute to just look ahead at my day and fill myself with gratitude for the blessings in my life, and set my intention for the day—it immediately takes away this false urgency that we bring into our lives that creates such unnecessary stress.
I love Arianna’s message. Her systems for living involve meditation, movement, gratitude, and setting an intention for the day. And that’s how one of the most powerful women in the world starts her day.
I once polled one of my audiences to learn their biggest challenges with meditation. Turns out one of the biggest challenges people have with meditation is that they simply can’t find the time. I call this the busyness paradox. It’s a paradox because meditation actually adds time to your day by optimizing your thinking and creative process to make you more functional.
Arianna is busy. She’s been named to Time magazine’s list of the world’s one hundred most influential people and the Forbes ranking of the one hundred most powerful women in the world.
Yet she told me:
It doesn’t take a lot of time. But then I can bring that quality into my day. Things happen in the course of my day, your day, I’m sure everybody’s day that are challenging, that require us to deal with problems. So when that happens, as it inevitably does, I am in a place where I can address them without being overreactive, prioritizing what I need to handle right away, and without stressing about bad things happening.
She suggested that you can start with as little as five minutes a day:
Eventually you can build it up to twenty minutes, thirty minutes, or more. But even just a few minutes opens the door to creating a new habit and all the many proven benefits it brings, and I have fifty-five pages of scientific endnotes in the book about it.
I could probably have written an entire book from the wisdom I learned from Arianna. She is truly an amazing woman who shared many more of the systems she formed as daily habits that make her truly extraordinary.
You can watch a video of my full conversation with Arianna at www.mindvalley.com/extraordinary and learn about more systems that she uses in her daily life to set herself up for success and peaceful, happy living.
We can tie Arianna’s wisdom to philosopher Ken Wilber’s eloquent words in Chapter 3 about the need to apply transcendent practices to our models and systems in the modern world.
I believe we’re about to enter a new age of alignment between our physical bodies, our intellect, and our spirit. That is what we’re going to explore in the next part of this book as we go into your inner world.