KEVIN ANDREWS
MINISTER FOR WORKPLACE RELATIONS

Mr Andrews, thanks for your time.

Good to be with you, Bryan. Good evening.

You’ve dismissed huge demonstrations this week against your IR legislation.

Yes, they were fairly predictable. We thought that’d probably happen.

Will they have any effect?

No, of course they won’t. Ninety-five per cent of people went to work.

So we won’t be doing any AIDS research in this country?

No AIDS research? Why not? I don’t see…

Well ninety-five per cent of Australians don’t have AIDS.

Bryan, my point is that the unions are an archaic, smokestack organisation. It’s not surprising to me that their mode of expression is basically irrelevant.

What should they have done?

A touch of the forelock wouldn’t have hurt, I’d have thought.

Mr Andrews, there’s a fair old alliance against you in this. It’s not just the trade unions, is it?

Bryan, can I have a private word with you? You’ve got a bit of a problem here. I saw you involved in these protests. You marched in the street the other day…

Like a lot of Australians who have concerns about what you’re trying to do here.

Well, you’re biased aren’t you, Bryan? I’d rather talk to someone who’s not biased on this issue.

So would I.

I am not biased. You think I’m biased?

Of course you’re biased.

We’re not biased. We’re the government. We’re the government of the country.

Of course you’re biased. You’re bringing in this legislation.

I wasn’t running about in the bloody street the other day, protesting against what’s going on in this country.

Yes, which also concerns me. You think this is all right.

Bryan, I know it’s all right. We’ve shown it to the Business Council. They reckon it’s an absolute cracker.

Why don’t the churches think it’s a good idea?

Because they’re biased.

Why don’t the social welfare bodies think it’s a great idea?

Because they’re biased. Why do you think employer organisations and the Business Council reckon it’s such a pearler?

They’re biased.

Oh don’t be ridiculous, Bryan, they’re the people who understand the economy best.

Mr Andrews, would you agree that the government’s IR reforms take power away from the employees and give it to management?

That’s a very broad generalisation.

It may well be, but is it true?

As it happens it is true but it’s a very broad generalisation and I want you to understand its broadness.

Will there be a Fair Pay Commission for executives?

No, that’s not what the Fair Pay Commission is, Bryan, it’s not for executives. Why do you ask?

Because if people see executives paying themselves these obscene amounts of money and workers are having their conditions taken away from them…

…They might get biased, yes.

They might get very biased indeed, Mr Andrews.

It’s a fair point, Bryan.

Will you do something about that?

We might have to do something about that.

What will you do?

Keep executive packages out of the paper for a fortnight until we’ve got away with it.

It’s a pity Telstra announced they were firing twelve thousand people this week, wasn’t it?

Yes, the timing wasn’t terribly good, Bryan. Of course there’s nothing the government can do. The government doesn’t own Telstra.

And whose decision was that?

Bryan, I’m happy to talk about IR reform, but I’d rather talk to someone who isn’t biased, do you understand that?

Exactly my position. Couldn’t agree more. Thanks for joining us.

You’re fired.