MR JOHN ELLIOTT
PRESIDENT OF THE LIBERAL PARTY,
ENTREPRENEUR AND
CHAIRMAN OF ELDERS

Mr Elliott, you’re reconstructing your company.

Yes. We’re refinancing and trying to get a more equitable distribution of debt within the group.

What exactly does that mean?

It means we need about one thousand million dollars.

When do you need it?

It’s not urgent.

When?

Some time tomorrow. Probably the afternoon.

What time?

About ten o’clock.

In the morning?

In the very early part of the afternoon, yes.

How are you going to get it?

We’re going to sell off a lot of assets.

Will you be selling off the Liberal Party?

No. It’s an asset sale.

What’s caused this need for restructuring?

The takeover of Elders by a company called Harlin, which is owned by Elders directors.

Will this takeover benefit Elders shareholders or the private company owned by you and the other directors?

Both, we hope.

Both what?

Both myself and the other directors.

Mr Elliott, who do you think will win the election?

Harlin won the election.

No, I mean the general election. Andrew Peacock hasn’t polled all that well.

He polled very well this week.

But he didn’t win.

He didn’t win, no, but for someone so badly beaten he polled very well indeed.

Where did he get?

He got fifth.

Who beat him?

Four other people.

Who?

Bob Hawke, obviously.

And who else?

Some backbencher from the Torres Strait Islands.

And who else?

A dog from ‘Neighbours’…

Yes.

…and a little thing you use for finding a stud in the wall.

Don’t you have anyone in the community with credibility who is well liked by the people?

Well, obviously, there are people with vision and popularity and sound policies.

Who?

Mikhail Gorbachev, for instance.

He’s not in the Liberal Party.

We can get him into the Party. I’m looking for a seconder.

But he’s a communist. Who else are you looking at?

Nelson Mandler.

Nelson Mandela?

Yes, him as well.

He’d be good.

Either of them would be excellent. There’s a bit of an availability problem.

The Everly Brothers?

Touring.

Roy Orbison?

He’s dead isn’t he?

Yes, but does that count him out?

I don’t suppose it should. That’s a very interesting suggestion. Do you have a number for him?

‘Pretty Woman’, ‘Only the Lonely’.

He’d be very good. He’d be very good.

Does this mean curtains for Andrew?

No. If we can’t find a dead person with the right qualifications by about Wednesday, we’ll probably wheel Andrew out again. (conversationally) How’s your job at the Labor Party going? Well, I’m only part-time. Andrew would be the boy to speak to.