Thanks for joining us.
Thank you very much for inviting me in Jana, it’s a very great pleasure to be here.
No, I’m sorry, I’m not Jana.
Oh I’m sorry, I’m in the wrong place. (Gets up to leave.)
No, no, this is ‘A Current Affair’, I’m not Jana.
Oh I see. Well thank you very much for inviting me in, Notjana, it’s a great pleasure.
Fine. You’re having a dispute with Greenpeace over your exploration off the coast.
Well yes, there is some ground between us left to cover. The precise detail you see of what we’re doing seismically is somewhat at odds with the general principles espoused by Greenpeace; general principles, I might say, which we also espouse; general principles the espousal of which would be axiomatic, I would think, to any understanding of environmental issues.
Yes. Could you be more specific?
Yes, we were going to dig a dirty great hole in the seabed because there’s a quid in it, and we got caught and we’re rather embarrassed about it.
What does Greenpeace say is wrong with what you’re doing?
They say the area we want to dig up is a whale-breeding area.
Is it?
No, it’s not.
It isn’t?
No. Well, that is to say, it won’t be.
When won’t it be?
It won’t be when the whales get out of the area, will it?
Where are the whales going to go?
I don’t know. I don’t even know if there are any whales there.
Isn’t it a breeding ground, though?
I’ve never seen any whales breeding out there.
Well have you been out there?
Of course I’ve been out there. I was there the other day.
On a whale-spotting boat?
No, on a dirty great big new drilling rig we’ve got that can displace an area the size of India in an hour and a half. Fantastic thing.
And there were no whales breeding?
I didn’t see any.
Did you hear any?
I beg your pardon?
Where are they going to breed then?
I don’t know, but I can tell you something, they don’t breed in the sea out there.
Where other than the sea out there do you think whales breed?
I don’t know about whale-breeding. I’m not making myself clear: dirty great big holes in the seabed I can do for you; knowledge about whales I don’t have. But I’ll tell you something about your whale: he’s not a moron. The whale is a highly intelligent critter; I’ve seen them go through hoops at Seaworld. Your whale’s got enough brains to get out of the area while we’re drilling, for goodness sake.
Can I put it another way? Is there oil out there under the seabed?
We don’t know but we currently think so.
Have you got shares in BHP? Are you a shareholder?
Yes, of course I am.
Have you got shares in whales?
No, you can’t get shares in whales son. You don’t buy shares in whales. Horses, yes; whales, no. I’ve got a share in a horse.
And how do you get a return from that?
They breed. You breed them. Why would you breed a whale? Your whale’s got no speed and he can’t stay; he’s no good over hurdles your whale, and he’s useless on the flat.
Thanks for joining us.
Have you ever backed a whale? I can’t remember when I’ve ever backed a whale.
We’re out of time, I’m sorry.
You’ll get decent odds son, but keep your money in your pocket.