THE HON. JOHN HEWSON
LEADER OF THE LIBERAL PARTY

Dr Hewson, thank you for coming in.

Thank you for inviting me.

Support for the Coalition parties is sixteen percentage points above that for the government.

Yes, support for the conservative parties at the moment is very high indeed.

And your popularity is up, as well.

My personal popularity is breathtaking.

You must be very pleased with this.

I’m a very pleased person. I’m delirious with happiness.

And why do you think this is?

Well, because we’ve got a good team, and good solid, strong, derisive leadership.

Decisive.

I beg your pardon?

Decisive.

Who is?

You are.

Who says?

The polls.

Are you serious? What, I’m considered a good leader in Poland?

No, no, here, in the popularity polls.

Oh, in Australia? I’m sorry.

What are you going to do? Are you going to make some announcements, stir things up a bit?

Oh no, I’m not going to say anything. I wouldn’t say anything.

Why on earth not?

My popularity will go down if I say anything. That’s been the pattern. I’ve only got one advantage: I’m not Bob Hawke. That’s why I’m popular. If I say anything, my popularity goes down. I announced that we were sending the troops into the wharves and my popularity went down. I can’t afford to say anything.

If we could talk about that: you were going to send in the army?

Well, aerial bombardment first, obviously, but then send in the army, yes.

You were going to run bombing raids?

High-level bombing raids, yes, just to soften them up before we send the troops in. Before the ground war starts you’ve got to soften the enemy up.

And what about nuclear weapons?

Well, I wouldn’t rule them out. This is a very serious position.

You would seriously think about nuking the waterfronts?

Well, I think we might have to; this is a very serious business. Do you realise that in Singapore they can turn a ship around in five hours? Five hours to turn a ship completely around!

And how long do we take?

In Australia?

Yes.

It’ll be four years on Saturday.

Do you think there’ll be any collateral damage here?

Well, we may lose a Peter Reith or two, but I don’t think anything serious will happen.

Why Peter Reith?

Well, because we say he’s an essential aspect of the future plan of course.

And what do they say?

They think he’s a milk treatment plant.

And what is he in actuality?

In actuality he’s a decoy, we get them made up in Switzerland. They’re very good, they look like Peter Reith, they sound like Peter Reith, they’ve got the same thickness as Peter Reith which is…

…fairly thick.

Fairly extreme. But they’re not a fully operational Peter Reith. Have you ever seen Peter Reith?

Yes, of course.

Fully inflated?

I don’t think I’ve seen him any other way.

Well, we’ve got cupboards full of them.

Is that right?

Yeah. If something goes wrong we get another one of them. You can see the join if you know what you’re looking for.

And what are you looking for?

Somebody to replace Peter Reith.