MR SOLOMON LEW
CHAIRMAN, COLES MYER LTD.

Mr Lew, thanks for coming in.

Pleasure.

I wonder if I can ask you about the events that have led up to the events of this week?

The events of last week led to the events of this week.

No, the whole thing. The whole build-up. There are allegations about the way that this board has operated, aren’t there? There have been for some time.

Yes. Can I make a suggestion?

Yes.

This is an important interview. The network wants it?

Yes.

I haven’t spoken to anyone else.

No.

I mean, the phone has been running red-hot, but this is the only one I’m doing.

We’re very grateful.

Yes, they’ll want this interview.

They do. They’re mad keen.

OK. Now, you and I form a company.

We do what?

Which is owned by other companies we own.

I don’t own any companies.

We’ll get you one. They cost sixpence. Trust me.

But why?

And we sell this interview back to the network.

But I already work for the network.

Yes, but your company doesn’t, and I don’t.

But you don’t need to, you’ve got five hundred million dollars.

How do you think I got it? Trust me. And we deliver the interview to the network.

But the network is already employing me. Why would they pay me to do something I’m already doing?

So it could all be done efficiently. It’ll be efficient. We get rid of these chairs.

What’s the matter with the chairs?

We don’t like them. They’re no good.

They look all right to me.

No, we need new ones.

Where do we get new chairs?

From our chair supply company.

We supply chairs?

We’ve got an interview requisites supply company. We supply everything. Lights, cameras, recorders.

But all this stuff is already here.

Yes, but it’s more efficient this way.

But that’ll cost a fortune.

Well, do they want the interview or don’t they? If they want us, they have to buy the package that contains us.

What if the people paying found out?

Plan B.

What’s plan B?

Get someone who can talk for an hour and a half without saying anything to go out and make an announcement.

What would Mr Greiner say?

He wouldn’t say anything. ‘Time of healing.’ ‘Full investigation.’

‘Vigorous investigation.’

‘Vigorous.’ ‘Characterised by its extreme vigour.’

‘Traumatic time for the company.’

‘Problems of perception’ and so on, yes.

Will it work, do you reckon?

One of us might have to resign.

Which one?

The one who isn’t your partner, ideally.

Business as usual.

Say goodnight.

Why?

We’re supplying ‘goodnight’, as a concept, to the network.

Thanks for coming in.

Yes, we do that one too.

We’ll have to leave it there, thanks.

Yes, we’re killing them.

We’re out of time.

Wow! We’re cooking!