THE HON. ALEXANDER DOWNER
MINISTER FOR FOREIGN AFFAIRS

Mr Downer, thanks for your time.

Pleasure.

You misled the Parliament this week. You told a porkie.

No, I didn’t tell a porkie. I misled the Parliament by providing it with information which I thought, at the time I gave it, was correct.

Of course. And you apologised?

Yes.

What for?

For telling porkies.

What was it about? What had you done?

I had decided to cut a whole lot of aid projects in Asia and I said the government had received no complaints or expressions of concern about this.

And had anyone expressed concern?

As it happened, when I thought about it, we had had one or two mentions made of it.

What do you mean mentions?

Well, casual references made to it in conversations about something else.

Like what?

Like ‘Dear Mr Downer, congratulations on becoming Australia’s foreign minister, we’re extremely concerned that you might be stopping the aid scheme.’

What was the main point of that letter?

To congratulate me on becoming foreign minister.

You’re good aren’t you?

Well, I’m keen.

So when you said no one had complained, who had actually said anything?

These people. (He holds up a four hundred-page printout.)

Who are they?

The Undersecretary for International Trade in the Philippines.

Where are the Philippines?

I don’t know. Up there somewhere.

(He shows Mr Downer on a map.) Here they are.

Oh, I’ve flown over them a thousand times.

Next?

China.

China?

Someone from China was upset.

Do we trade with China?

We used to.

When?

Till Thursday we did. They were quite a big trading partner of ours.

Where is China?

Near the Soviet Union.

I can’t find the Soviet Union.

Bounded by China and the Ottoman Empire.

Ottoman Empire?

Yes. It’s near Gaul.

Gaul?

Can you find Kent? It’s near Kent. I could drive there from Kent.

Kent.

Hey, there’s a picture of me on that map.

Where?

That looks like me, there, up in the corner.

No, he’s just a little man who blows the wind.

He does look like me though, doesn’t he? I like him.