Your special subject is John Howard. Your time starts now. What will John Howard never bring in? Ever.
A GST.
Correct. When did John Howard bring in a GST?
The first of July, 2000.
Correct. What are weapons of mass destruction?
Sorry. Is that George on the phone?
Correct. If you know people want a republic, how do you get them to vote against it?
You ask them to vote for a republic where they don’t get to vote for the President.
Correct. What is the Kyoto Agreement?
Something to do with coal prices?
Correct. What is the environment?
Pass.
Correct. What were being thrown overboard into the sea just before the last election?
Nothing.
I beg your pardon. I misread the question. What did John Howard say were being thrown overboard into the sea just before the last election?
The children of asylum seekers.
Correct. What did he do to prove it?
He released a film of it not happening.
Correct. Who told him the children were being thrown in the sea?
The Minister for Defence said he’d been told by the navy.
Correct. And what did the Minister for Defence do when the navy denied that?
He resigned and got a job selling defence contracts to the Australian Government.
And was there a conflict there?
No. It was Peter Reith.
Correct. What about some of the other people in the Howard ministry. When they’ve retired, where have they retired to?
To jobs with companies who operate in the fields where they used to be the minister.
Correct. And would this have been worked out beforehand?
Shut your face.
Correct. What does the word ‘integrity’ mean?
Can you repeat the question?
Correct. If you make a promise and don’t keep it, what was it?
A non-core promise.
Correct. Who can get married in Australia?
Marriage is between a man and a woman.
What if they don’t like each other?
It doesn’t matter if they hate each other’s guts as long as one of them is a man and one of them is a woman.
Correct. Why don’t we have to listen to senior members of the defence community criticise the government on defence?
They’re too old.
Correct. Why don’t we have to listen to ex-public servants criticising the government’s use of research information?
They’re the scum of the earth, public servants.
Can you be more specific?
Get stuffed.
Correct. And at the end of that round your house is worth three times what you paid for it.
Great.
Congratulations.
Thanks. Three times what I paid for it!
Yes. Low interest rates. You’re worth a fortune.
He’s great, John Howard, isn’t he?
Correct.