Pillow Talk

CHRIS O’DOWD

INT. TEENAGE GIRL’S BEDROOM – NIGHT

A girl, 16, lies in bed.

A cheeky boy has just climbed out the window.

Under the covers –

LISA

I’m fine, I’m fine, I don’t want to talk about it.

REGINA

OK. It’s just … you don’t seem fine. You seem a little tender.

LISA

What the hell is so wrong with me?

REGINA

Nothing, you’re beautiful, you are –

LISA

Bullshit! Bullshit, Regina. Night after night I just lie here, freezin’ my tip off like a lonely shadow, while you cavort over there like the feckin’ Queen of Sheeba.

REGINA

You’re being very sensitive …

LISA

Of course I’m sensitive, and he knows exactly why, and it’s the same reason he’s being so top-half friendly this week.

REGINA

Well, fanny’s house guest has been no picnic either.

LISA

Stupid, stupid, stupid boys. They always ignore the introverted one –

REGINA

(under her breath)

– inverted –

LISA

What was that?

REGINA

Eh … nothing … I was just agreeing with you.

LISA

Does he think I’m sick? They’re stretch marks, not leprosy, you knob!

REGINA

What you need to remember is … Jimmy is left handed.

LISA

Well, ambidextrous Andy did the same nonsense. Titism is all it is, plain and simple.

REGINA

You’re not plain and simple, Lisa –

LISA

Easy for you to say, old piercy Pip over there, steering palms like a big silver hand magnet …

REGINA

Hey! You didn’t have to deal with the infection.

LISA

I know, I’m sorry. It’s not your fault. I’m sorry, I’m just …

REGINA

Hey, she should guide them more.

LISA

Like it’s not enough she puts us on show at parties, and then during the day –

Silence.

REGINA

No support at all, I know, I do.

LISA

Another 15 years of this shit and then she’ll just turn us into big food troughs.

REGINA

Hey, at least we’re in it together.

LISA

Yeah. I love you R – wait, what’s this … No, no, don’t turn over, sleep on your back ya bit—

The End.