I AM YOUR WAITER TONIGHT AND MY NAME IS DMITRI

Is, more or less, the title of a poem by John Ashbery and has

No investment in the fact that you can get an adolescent

Of the human species to do almost anything (and when adolescence

In the human species ends is what The Fat Man in The Maltese Falcon

Calls “a nice question, sir, a very nice question indeed”)

Which is why they are tromping down a road in Fallujah

In combat gear and a hundred and fifteen degrees of heat

This morning and why a young woman is strapping

Twenty pounds of explosives to her mortal body in Jerusalem

Dulce et decorum est pro patria mori. Have I mentioned

That the other law of human nature is that human beings

Will do anything they see someone else do and someone

Will do almost anything? There is probably a waiter

In this country so clueless he wears a T-shirt in the gym

That says Da Meat Tree. Not our protagonist. American amnesia

Is such that he may very well be the great-grandson

Of the elder Karamazov brother who fled to the Middle West

With his girl friend Grushenka—he never killed his father,

It isn’t true that he killed his father—but his religion

Was that woman’s honey-colored head, an ideal tangible

Enough to die for, and he lived for it: in Buffalo,

New York, or Sandusky, Ohio. He never learned much English,

But he slept beside her in the night until she was an old woman

Who still knew her way to the Russian pharmacist

In a Chicago suburb where she could buy sachets of the herbs

Of the Russian summer that her coarse white nightgown

Smelled of as he fell asleep, though he smoked Turkish cigarettes

And could hardly smell. Grushenka got two boys out of her body,

One was born in 1894, the other in 1896,

The elder having died in the mud at the Battle of the Somme

From a piece of shrapnel manufactured by Alfred Nobel.

Metal traveling at that speed works amazing transformations

On the tissues of the human intestine; the other son worked construction

The year his mother died. If they could have, they would have,

If not filled, half-filled her coffin with the petals

Of buckwheat flowers from which Crimean bees made the honey

Bought in the honey market in St. Petersburg (not far

From the place where Raskolnikov, himself an adolescent male,

Couldn’t kill the old moneylender without killing her saintly sister,

But killed her nevertheless in a fit of guilt and reasoning

Which went something like this: since the world

Evidently consists in the ravenous pursuit of wealth

And power and in the exploitation and prostitution

Of women, except the wholly self-sacrificing ones

Who make you crazy with guilt, and since I am going

To be the world, I might as well take an axe to the head

Of this woman who symbolizes both usury and the guilt

The virtue and suffering of women induces in men,

And be done with it). I frankly admit the syntax

Of that sentence, like the intestines slithering from the hands

Of the startled boys clutching their belly wounds

At the Somme, has escaped my grip. I step over it

Gingerly. Where were we? Not far from the honey market,

Which is not far from the hay market. It is important

To remember that the teeming cities of the nineteenth century

Were site central for horsewhipping. Humans had domesticated

The race of horses some ten centuries before, harnessed them,

Trained them, whipped them mercilessly for recalcitrance

In Vienna, Prague, Naples, London, and Chicago, according

To the novels of the period which may have been noticing this

For the first time or registering an actual statistical increase

In either human brutality or the insurrectionary impulse

In horses, which were fed hay, so there was, of course,

In every European city a hay market like the one in which

Raskolnikov kissed the earth from a longing for salvation.

Grushenka, though Dostoyevsky made her, probably did not

Have much use for novels of ideas. Her younger son,

A master carpenter, eventually took a degree in engineering

From Bucknell University. He married an Irish girl

From Vermont who was descended from the gardener

Of Emily Dickinson, but that’s another story. Their son

In Iwo Jima died. Gangrene. But he left behind, curled

In the body of the daughter of a Russian Jewish cigar maker

From Minsk, the fetal curl of a being who became the lead dancer

In the Cleveland Ballet, radiant Tanya, who turned in

A bad knee sometime early 1971, just after her brother ate it

In Cao Dai Dien, for marriage and motherhood, which brings us

To our waiter, Dmitri, who, you will have noticed, is not in Bagdad.

He doesn’t even want to be an actor. He has been offered

Roles in several major motion pictures and refused them

Because he is, in fact, under contract to John Ashbery

Who is a sane and humane man and has no intention

Of releasing him from the poem. You can get killed out there.

He is allowed to go home for his mother’s birthday and she

Has described to him on the phone—a cell phone, he’s

Walking down Christopher Street with such easy bearing

He could be St. Christopher bearing innocence across a river—

Having come across a lock, the delicate curl of a honey-

Colored lock of his great-grandmother’s Crimean-

Honey-bee-pollen, Russian-spring-wildflower-sachet-

Scented hair in the attic, where it released for her

In the July heat and raftery midsummer dark the memory

Of an odor like life itself carried to her on the wind.

Here is your sea bass with a light lemon and caper sauce.

Here is your dish of raspberries and chocolate; notice

Their subtle transfiguration of the colors of excrement and blood;

And here are the flecks of crystallized lavender that stipple it.