Chapter Twenty-Four

 

The London Estate belonging to Alan, Lord Dundwhich had a permanent dampness Colin found unsettling. Although every surface shined, and not a speck of dust settled on any piece of furniture, he pondered how often the viscount’s servants opened the windows. Perhaps the man should see if the roof was in need of repair.

The party, which began an hour earlier, consisted of thirty or so guests. A five-piece orchestra played in the corner of the rather small ballroom, and several footmen circulated the area carrying trays of various types of drinks and food.

Colin had engaged in several conversations and came to the surprising realization that he was the youngest attendee by nearly thirty years.

Despite this fact, he smiled politely and nodded at the appropriate times, but he had trouble concentrating. His mind was on Anna and her meeting with Lord Leedon. He was due to meet her in half an hour, but first he had to find Evan. Once he had spoken to his cousin, he would wait at the designated place at the entrance to the park down the street.

He turned to find the old viscount approaching. With wild silver hair that stuck up in every direction and a terrible habit of rubbing his nose, Dundwhich could be defined as nothing other than a character.

“Well, Greystoke, I hope you’ve enjoyed the party thus far.”

For a moment, Colin considered being honest and responding in the negative, but he would never do such a thing. Others seemed to be enjoying themselves well enough.

“I can’t recall a more enjoyable evening,” Colin replied.

“Excellent! I would be quite upset if you were not.” He rubbed the side of his nose before taking a drink of his wine. “A pity the duchess could not attend. I sent her an invitation but received no response.”

“I wouldn’t take her lack of reply personally,” Colin replied. “Mother’s been quite occupied as of late with various projects, but I know she would send her regards.”

Of course, his mother would do no such thing. She was the epitome of a duchess, looking down on everyone save her son. Though Colin sometimes wondered if he was not included in her snobbery.

“Well, it’s still a disappointment,” Lord Dundwhich said. “Sadly, I must make the rounds. If you’ll excuse me.”

“I understand,” Colin replied.

Chatter rose from a group close to the entryway, and Colin turned to see his cousin Evan. With wavy blond hair and a mischievous grin, Evan had the ability to gain anyone’s confidence in a matter of moments. Although it served him well in aspects of business, the ton was alighted with gossip about the various women he was said to have bedded— including a more recent tale of a baroness whose husband had been away to Scotland. Although Colin made a habit of dismissing such rumors, when it came to Evan, he did not doubt them.

Yet there was a kinder side to Evan that Colin had witnessed firsthand. Before his father died, Evan had been a kind man, often helping others in whatever way he could. That was the man Colin remembered. And the one from whom tonight he would gain insight.

“So, the Ninth Duke of Greystoke has graced us with his presence despite the fact that most of London is not here,” Evan said as he approached. He pushed out his hand. “How are you, Cousin? It’s been what? Six months? More?”

“Seven to be precise,” Colin said, gripping the man’s hand and giving it a firm shake. “The engagement party of Rosboat and his bride-to-be. If I recall, you and Balfour got into quite a heated argument. Did the two of you make peace?”

Evan snorted. “I told the old fool to watch his tongue. Ah, but what does it matter now? We’re here, so let’s just keep the past where it belongs and focus on the present. Which leads to us discussing your mother.”

Colin glanced around them and indicated to Evan to follow him to a far corner where they would not be overheard. “Why did she send for you? And what exactly did she say?”

“I must admit that when I first received her letter, I thought you had gotten yourself entangled in some scandal. I cannot tell you what a relief it was to learn that it was not the case. No, she’s concerned about how you’ve delayed the announcement of your engagement. Have you?”

“I have,” Colin replied with a sigh. “But why she would complain to you about it is beyond me.”

“You know how mothers can be, Colin. She fears you’ve come to London to get into some sort of mischief. She believed I would be a good person to counsel you against it. I told her that she should not worry, that you would never do anything to harm your title. Was I correct in saying so?”

Colin drank the last of his wine. It was as he had suspected. Well, now that Evan was here, perhaps his cousin could offer some advice. The question was, could he trust his own blood?

“If I tell you,” he said in a low voice, “do you swear it will remain between us?”

Evan chuckled. “I’m your cousin, not a butcher.” When Colin did not join in his laughter, Evan sighed. “My apologies, I did not mean to make light of your worries, whatever they may be. Rest assured, we are Remingtons and thus I’d never betray your trust.”

“Good. The problem is that I’ve no interest in marrying Lady Katherine, but I feel as if I have no choice in the matter. Even if I dismiss her as a possible candidate, I’ll still be expected to marry another. There’s just no escaping the inevitable.”

Evan snapped his fingers, and a liveried footman hurried over with a tray. New glasses replaced old, and when the man left, Evan said, “You cannot be more correct. You’re expected to marry, more so than most men. What I don’t understand is why you wish to avoid it. I’ve seen Lady Katherine. She’s very beautiful. How could you not want someone as lovely as she warming your bed?” He frowned. “You’ve not set your sights on another woman, have you?”

Colin sighed. “You hit the nail on the head. The problem is that she comes from a family that is not of equal standing.”

“Well, if she’s of the landed gentry, that can be a sticky situation. Although, wealth can make up for status in some cases, though not for a duke. You’re not speaking of Abigail Mullwood, are you?”

“Heaven forbid,” Colin replied with a laugh. Miss Mullwood had a tendency to talk and never cease. Her mother had hired the best tutors and threatened to stop her allowance if she did not curb her tongue, but it did little to help. “The woman I’ve met comes from common stock. She’s employed at a workhouse, and although she’s poor, her heart is rich.”

A look of surprise crossed Evan’s face. “You know as well as I that the duchess will never condone such a union. The ton would mock you until the end of time if you married so far below your station. I respect you far too much to agree that this is acceptable.”

“That’s the problem,” Colin said. “No one would give their blessing. Even if she proved who her father is, even if she proved her bloodline, it will not be enough.”

Evan’s brow furrowed. “I’m confused. What bloodline must she prove?”

“Perhaps if I tell you how I met this woman and how we got to this stage, you can help me devise a plan that may work.” Colin explained everything, from meeting Anna at the river to agreeing to come to London so she could meet the earl. “So, you see,” he said when he concluded the story, “even I know that if it were true and Leedon acknowledges her as his daughter, it would make no difference whatsoever. A woman born out of wedlock is often ridiculed, snubbed by those of the aristocracy. Yet, I cannot imagine marrying anyone besides Anna.”

Evan had remained quiet throughout the tale, and Colin wondered if there was no solution. He glanced at the clock. The hour he was to meet Anna was drawing near and still he had no idea how to proceed.

“There are few solutions to your dilemma,” Evan said. “You can marry Lady Katherine and then employ this woman as a housemaid to keep her close, so you may have her when the desire arises.”

“No, I couldn’t do that to either Lady Katherine or Anna. I’m also a firm believer in the sanctity of marriage. Furthermore, Anna would never agree, and I would not blame her.”

“Let’s suppose you dismiss the expectations of your mother— and that of the ton— and decided to marry this Anna. What do you believe would happen?”

“I’d become the laughingstock of the ton,” Colin said with a snort. “My name would be ruined. It would draw unnecessary attention to Anna, for she would never be accepted into society no matter the fact she would become a duchess. I fear she would live her life shunned by everyone.”

Evan gulped down the last of his drink and then handed it to a passing footman. “Colin, we’re cousins. May I speak to you honestly, as if we’re friends in a tavern rather than family?”

“Yes, please do.”

“Your name will not be the only thing ruined, you know. So will be the Remington name. Do you realize what this would do to the rest of the family? Think of our many cousins, especially the women, for God’s sake. Every eligible bachelor would run away! Footmen will think they can marry into— and forever taint— our bloodline.” He took a step forward, his nose mere inches from that of Colin. “I mean no disrespect, but if you do choose to throw your life away because of this girl, you’re being nothing short of selfish.”

Anger rose in Colin. Selfish? He went to argue, but Evan spoke again, this time in a whisper. “The ring you wear represents us all, not just you. Please, I beg of you, think of the consequences before you decide to put the entire family at risk of humiliation and scorn.”

Evan took a step back and then smoothed out his coat. “Although I have no solution to your problem,” he said, his voice back to a normal volume, “I believe I may have a remedy. It may allow you the opportunity to delay your engagement without drawing suspicion.”

“Out with it, then,” Colin said. “I must admit that I’m quite desperate.”

“When you return to Wilkworth, write to your mother and your business associates, whichever you choose. Tell them that we’ve decided to go into business together and that we’ll be occupied for a while. This will give you the chance to consider the best way to handle this situation.”

“What I’d like to do is have Anna with me for every day of my life,” Colin said. Then he sighed. “Yet, even as a duke, I know it’s impossible.”

The orchestra began playing a new tune, and a sweet melody filled the air. “Have you heard the story of Lewis Remington?” Evan asked.

Colin shook his head.

“As I understand it, this was two generations ago, perhaps three, when he married a common woman.”

“Yes, that sounds familiar, although I didn’t know the name. So, what happened?”

“From what I recall, he married his cook. Immediately, the ton turned against him, and he never received another invitation to any parties or gatherings. Soon enough, his estate fell into bankruptcy because no one would do business with him. The point is, are you willing to give up everything for a woman you barely know? To betray your family for her? And think of Lady Katherine. Her future will also be ruined. Think of me lastly in this, but you must think of the other Remingtons whose name will be put into question by your decisions.”

Although what Evan said was discomforting, Colin knew it was true. In fact, he had known it since he awoke beneath the tree and gazed into Anna’s eyes. Some things in life could never happen, no matter how much he wanted them.

“I had hoped meeting with you tonight would help me solve this problem. That perhaps an answer had eluded me. What I’ve come to realize is that the truth is what I’ve already known.”

“And what truth is that, Cousin?”

Colin sighed. “That Anna and I have no future together.”

Evan clasped Colin on the shoulder. “I must go. I’ll explain to your mother that she has nothing to fear. If you wish to do right, then I suggest you end whatever you have with this woman as soon as possible. Delaying the inevitable will only make matters worse.”

As his cousin walked away, Colin rubbed his temples. Would this truly be the last weekend he would ever spend with Anna? Evan had not lied. If Colin were to marry her, it would not only harm him but also everyone he loved. To what extent was left to be seen, but he could not take that risk.

As he took drink of his wine, he took another look at his ring. He had a responsibility to his ancestors, the previous Dukes of Greystoke. To the Remington name.

Oh, how he wished the strong feelings he had for Anna were enough to secure their future together. Yet as much as he would have given it all up for her, the truth screamed at him like a banshee. He was a duke, and as such, it was his duty to put an end to all this. It would break her heart as much as his, but he had little choice.

There was no use waiting for the inevitable. Tonight, he would do just that.

 

***

 

Anna walked through the London streets for hours in an attempt to lessen the ache inside her. No one gave her a second look as she ambled through various neighborhoods and passed shopkeepers as they closed their shops for the night. More so than ever, she had a sense of insignificance, as if she were invisible. That somehow she belonged nowhere.

Loss pounded in her chest with a beat of its own, and it threatened to choke her. The realization of who she truly was mocked her. The knowledge of who she would never be made her want to scream until she had no voice left.

The daughter of a prostitute. Learning that she was not the daughter of an earl pained her, but the realization that she would never learn the identity of her father devastated her. Like a snuffed candle flame, all her dreams vanished in an instance. Had it been too much to hope to own a lovely dress? To have one night at home with her family having no concern for their situation? She had done something wrong, but she could not determine what that was.

Moving along the footpath, Anna approached the park Colin had described. More than a dozen carriages lined the curb, and the lights blazed inside one of the houses. That must have been where the party was taking place. For a moment, she considered turning back around and returning to the inn. Colin would eventually go there in search of her.

What she did not wish to do was to heighten her sense of shame, for once she revealed the truth to him, that would be her reward. Doing so here would only ruin what should be an entertaining evening for Colin.

Yet she felt a pull, a desire to remain. And so she did.

The windows of the ballroom must have been open, for she could hear the music even from this distance. The laughter of all the guests said they were enjoying their time together. For so long, she thought there was a chance of being a part of that world, to be seen as someone important. That dream had been dashed as easily as wash water.

Colin stood at the entrance to the park just as he promised he would be. Never had he looked more handsome as he stared up at the dark sky.

Tears welled in Anna’s eyes. This weekend together in London would be their last. For a moment, she allowed herself to bring to mind the times they spent together. Their first encounter. Their shared picnic. Their night at the river. How they swam beneath the stars and expressed their anticipation for this journey to London.

“Anna?” Colin called as he hurried to her side. “Anna, what’s wrong? I expected you hours ago. What happened?”

Doing her best to control her emotions, she replied, “Lord Leedon is a very kind man, and his home is quite lovely. Lovelier than I would have imagined.” She could not stop a tear from escaping her eye and rolling down her cheek. “I had imagined my brothers going there to join us for tea. To be able to purchase a blue dress.” She looked up at him, his features shadowed by the brighter lights of the house across the way. “Did you know that my house has windows we cannot afford to replace?”

“I did not.”

“I had thought that after tonight they’d be fixed. That for once my brothers would have hope. Henry has been in need of new shoes for far too long, so I’d hoped to see he had a new pair so his toes would not hurt. But that can no longer happen, for, although Lord Leedon is a kind man and even offered me money, he’s not my father.”

“Oh, Anna, I’m so sorry,” Colin said. “I had hoped for a different result, I truly did. I wish there was something I could have done, to learn the truth beforehand or to—”

“The fault’s not yours,” she said, wiping the tears from her cheeks. “If there is to be blame cast, it is on me. I’m a Silverstone. We’re born into poverty and shall perish in poverty. It’s always been the same for people like me and will remain so until the end of time.”

“I’m sure there can be a way. You mustn’t give up on your dreams.”

“Dreams?” she asked in a choked laugh. “All my life, I’ve dreamed of meeting my father. Now, not only is Lord Leedon not that man, but I’ve learned that he’ll never be found.”

“Is he dead?”

Anna found she could not tell him the truth about her mother. It was one thing to humiliate oneself by having dreams that were far too lofty for one of her station and quite another to reveal how low she truly was.

“He’s as good as dead,” she replied. “I’ll never know who my father is, and I cannot say why, for you’ll be disgusted by me more than you are now.”

Colin took hold of her arms. “You mustn’t say such things. You don’t disgust me in the least, nor could you ever.”

Although she wished with all her heart she could believe his words, she knew she could not. For she was the daughter of a prostitute. Born out of a despicable act. The mere thought made her want to bathe for a week in an attempt to clean away the filth inside her.

“We came to London to seek out our dreams,” she said. “And we accomplished that— in our way. You were able to experience a new life, and I learned the truth, which was really what I had hoped for. And now that we’ve fulfilled those dreams, we must return to the reality that is our lives. You’ll return to your dukedom, and I’ll return to the workhouse. Tonight must be our final night together.”

“Don’t say that,” Colin said.

Anna shook her head. “I once believed that it was the river where we met that divided the Silverstones from the Remingtons. But I was wrong. Naive. It’s our bloodlines that separate us. And you, a duke of all people, cannot argue that point, for you know that it’s true.”

Colin offered no argument, and although none could be had, she had hoped he would have made the attempt. Despite the shadows, the pain on his face was as clear as if the sun shone down on him. How she hated putting him in this predicament!

Unable to hold them back any longer, she allowed the tears to fall freely. Was she not allowed one last time to weep, to grieve for a dream that was now dead?

Although Colin spoke no words, he gathered her into his arms. The rhythm of his heartbeat accompanied the music wafting from the house, and Anna savored his hold.

“Do you remember asking me why I pluck a blade of grass from the ground and allow the wind to carry it away?”

“I do,” he replied.

“It’s something I’ve done since I was a little girl,” Anna said. “I imagined that I sat upon that blade and the wind would carry me away from all my problems. That it would lift me up and take me to a place where I would never hurt again. But now I know that those are notions of a child. Tonight, a woman has emerged who knows better, who understands her place in life. That little girl has been put to rest.”

She touched Colin’s cheek. Oh, but how she cared for this wonderful man! “Do you know what I hoped for most meeting my father? That through his bloodline, I’d be accepted by you and your kind. For I deeply care for you. I may even love you. But now it will never happen. Whatever we thought we had is now over.”

As she allowed her hand to drop to her side, sadness fell over her like a heavy blanket. Colin would agree and perhaps make an excuse to leave. This gave him the perfect opportunity to make a clean cut of it, to return to his life without remorse.

Yet to her surprise, he did not. Instead, he took her hands in his and said, “Now that you’ve told me all that, I too have a confession to make. Although I was truthful in saying that I was at Redstone Estate to find myself, I was there for another reason. I wished to escape an engagement I do not want.”

Anna pulled her hand away. “You’ve a fiancée?” she asked, aghast. Had he been lying to her this entire time? Had he hoped to have one last frolic with a willing woman before he married? The thought made her ill.

“No,” he replied. “I’ve been expected to propose and announce my engagement to a lady my mother selected for me. I’ve put off finding a bride despite the fact that many suitable ladies have been presented to me. The problem is that none of them held my interest. All were attracted to the idea of marrying the Duke of Greystoke, but they cared little for me— for Colin Remington. Then I met you, Anna. A woman who speaks her mind. One who has been honest with me from the moment we first met. The lady who helped me discover who I truly am beneath the disguise of a title.”

“I’ve been called many things, Colin,” Anna whispered. “The bastard child of an unknown man. A Silverstone. But a lady I am not. Look at my clothing. It names me for who I am. Do you remember the looks those ladies at the linendrapers gave me? They know me for who I am. We can’t pretend any longer that I’m something I’m not.”

“No!” Colin said in such a sharp tone that her heart jumped. “Your name and clothing tell not the true story. The way I cannot imagine a day without you speaks to who you are. For I care for you, more so than anyone in this world.”

He pulled her to him once more, covering her gasp of surprise with his mouth. The music from inside the house filled the air around them, its melody the accompaniment to their embrace.

“You’re more than beautiful, Anna,” he whispered in her ear. “You are everything. I cannot exist without you in my life.”

Still in his hold, Anna’s heart beat with hope. “Do you believe there’s a way for us to be together?”

Colin intertwined his fingers in hers as he pulled away. “You still have dreams that must be fulfilled. I don’t know how, but I promise I’ll do what I can to find a way.”

Happiness coursed through her upon hearing his words. Somehow, Anna knew he spoke the truth, and she found herself believing him.

He leaned in and placed the smallest of kisses on her lips. “Tonight we dance as a couple, for that is what we are.”

Anna smiled up at the man who had captured her heart. “I would like that.”

As they swayed across the darkened path, the numbness Anna had been feeling receded. In its place settled a sense of euphoria. They were not in a fancy ballroom but a park. Her dress came not from a seamstress but was instead one that she had sewn herself. But none of that mattered. What did was the man with whom she danced beneath the stars.

“They speak of us,” Colin said, and Anna followed his gaze to the heavens. “They come out to watch.”

What he said was true. The curtain of night had been drawn back to reveal a host of stars too numerous to count. Their twinkles were like applause for the couple below them, and that radiated in her heart. In this way, they did speak, telling her all she needed to know.

“I belong in your arms,” she whispered. “I know this now.”

“As do I. That is why we dance until your dreams… No, until our dreams come true.”

As they continued to dance, she thought of all that had been said this night. Despite the heartache she had been feeling upon her arrival, his kiss— and his promise— had pushed it away. Now, more than ever, Anna realized that her feelings for him had changed. Now, she suspected that she might have fallen in love with him.

As they continued to dance, however, a modicum of doubt crept into her mind as he glanced at the ring he wore. Was that concern in his eyes? He had made a promise to her, but she could not help but worry. Would his position as duke allow him to keep it?