Chapter Twenty-Nine

 

If one were to chronicle the plight of the Silverstones throughout generations, he or she would have seen a common pattern. One particular individual would savor a windfall that filled his coffers only to lose it all within his lifetime. Another would find her one true love only to learn he had never been hers. Whether it be monetary gain or love, all ended in ruin.

Well, that misfortune would end with Anna.

Wearing her mother’s dress, the stylish gloves Miss Caroline had loaned her, and the addition of cosmetics to “add to your beauty” as Miss Caroline had put it, Anna felt like a true woman for the first time in her life. The world belonged to her, or rather to her and Colin.

At the fork in the road where she was to meet the duchess, Anna stopped to pluck a single blade of grass from the roadside.

How often had she performed this ritual of allowing the wind to carry her away to her dreams? She had been no more than six or seven the first time she had done it. And today would be the last.

She released the blade from her fingers. It floated to the ground at her feet. There was no breeze.

The clip-clop of hoofbeats made her turn. The Remington family carriage appeared, and Anna’s heart pounded with excitement. The moment had arrived!

Straightening her posture, Anna adjusted her shawl for the tenth time. A first impression could make or break a deal, or so Thomas had often told her. Not that it had helped him much, but the advice was sound, nonetheless.

The vehicle stopped, and the driver jumped down, placed the steps on the ground, and opened the door.

A lady alighted, her beige dress flowing around her ankles. Well into her middle years, the duchess was still quite beautiful. Jewels sparkled on her fingers, around her neck and wrists, and in her hair. Dark blue eyes inspected Anna.

Please, let me meet her approval!

Then, to Anna’s surprise, another woman stepped from the carriage. Her deep-green gown fit her slender form perfectly.

Her lady’s maid, perhaps? Anna thought.

“Anna, is it?” the duchess asked. Nothing on her features expressed her thoughts.

Anna dropped into a curtsy. “Yes, Your Grace.” She glanced up through her eyelashes. Where was Colin?

“Rise, child.”

Anna did as the duchess bade.

“My son has spoken highly of you. I understand that the two of you were in London together. Is this true?”

“Yes, Your Grace. We were there a week.”

The smile that appeared on the duchess’s lips held no warmth. “Do you see the lady behind me?” Anna nodded. “Her name is Lady Katherine Haskett.”

Anna realized at once who the red-haired beauty was— the very woman Colin was meant to marry. “She is very… pretty, Your Grace.”

The duchess laughed. “Oh, my dear, she’s more than pretty. She’s flawless. Not a single blemish mars her skin. Nor her reputation. Her entire life, she has trained to become the wife of an important gentleman. One such as my son. Do you honestly believe you can replace her?”

Jutting her chin, Anna replied, “I do, Your Grace. I may not have received the training that Lady Katherine has, but I’m willing to learn. I don’t know if he has told you, but Colin and I have come to admire one another greatly. Although he does respect Lady Katherine, his feelings for her don’t go beyond that. He has told me as much.”

“Let’s take a short stroll,” the duchess said. “Lady Katherine, I’d like you to remain here.” Once they had walked a short distance, she continued. “I can see that you’ve given this much thought, Miss Silverstone. You’re articulate and well-mannered and clearly have strong feelings for my son. I must admit, it comes as quite a surprise that you seem as educated as you are. What you’ve shared has made me realize the right course of action.”

All doubt began to fade. She could see just how much Anna cared for her son! Was that not what every mother wanted? “Are you saying, then, that you approve of me, Your Grace?”

The duchess came to an abrupt stop and turned toward Anna. “Can you imagine your wedding day? All the honored guests? An orchestra playing? You wearing a lovely wedding gown of white satin covered in intricate lace?”

Anna could not help but smile. “Oh, yes, Your Grace. I’ve pictured it often.”

“Then, one of the guests will raise a glass and make a toast.” She lifted her hand as if it held a glass. “‘To the daughter of a whore!’”

Anna’s mouth went dry, and any response stuck in her throat. How did she know?

“Do you think me a fool, child? Did you honestly believe that I would allow my own flesh and blood to marry the daughter of a prostitute? You’re no lady, Anna Silverstone, and certainly not worthy to marry my son. Not even my driver would see you as a viable prospect. People such as yourself are a scourge on society. If you don’t feel disgust for your origins, you are far lower than I believed.”

The shame nearly choked the life out of Anna. Her chest constricted, and she had to force the words past her lips. “I’m not a bad person.”

“You may have your hair styled by the finest lady’s maid and the finest rouge from Paris applied to your cheeks. Even the dress you wear gives the illusion that you’re a woman of worth.” The duchess leaned closer and added in a harsh whisper, “Yet none of it will hide who you truly are— the daughter of a woman willing to take a man to her bed for money. You’ll keep your distance from Colin if you know what’s good for you. You’re unworthy to even set eyes upon my son let alone marry him!”

The duchess leered with accusing eyes, leaving Anna to swallow back bile. She was an impostor who had deceived no one but herself. Why had she believed herself worthy to wear such a beautiful dress? To present herself as someone other than who she truly was?

Her gaze fell on Lady Katherine. A woman without blemish. From her porcelain skin to the exact cut of her dress, she was indeed perfect. Unlike Anna, she was a true lady.

Just as she considered running away, Colin came riding up to her. Despair turned to elation. He had arrived to tell her all would be well!

He leapt from his horse and approached the duchess, his voice echoing through the valley. “What did you say to her?”

“The truth,” the duchess replied. “That she will make an unsuitable bride for you. That she’s lower—"

“You have overstepped for the last time,” Colin snapped.

Hope rose in Anna once again. What his mother or anyone else thought did not matter. Only what Colin wanted did.

“Take Lady Katherine, collect your things from Redstone Estate, and go home. And pray that you are already gone by the time I return, for what I’m likely to say will pale in comparison to what you said to Anna.”

The duchess marched to the carriage without so much as a word, ushing Lady Katherine before her.

When Colin turned back to Anna, his look of despondency told Anna everything. The last morsel of hope crumbled to join the dust at her feet.

“Anna, you must listen, please,” he said. “Leedon wrote to my mother. Is what he said true? Was your mother a… a—”

“Yes.” A tear escaped her eye and rolled down her cheek. “I wanted to tell you, but I could not. It made me sick, knowing the truth. I feared you would no longer want me. Please tell me that I’m wrong.”

Colin closed his eyes. “I’m sorry, Anna. You must understand, but we cannot continue as we have.”

It was as if the entire world had come to a stop. The ground beneath her feet threatened to give way, and it took everything in her not to collapse where she stood.

“Why must I pay for the sins of my mother?” she asked in a near whisper.

“But it’s much more than that,” he said. “We come from two very different worlds, you and I. Two extremes that can never meet. Our bloodlines separate us, and nothing can change that.”

A sudden breeze arose, and Anna prayed it would carry her away. Away with the dreams in which she once believed. “You swore to me that nothing could keep us apart. Do you mean to go back on that promise?” His gaze dropped, and she knew his answer. “I love you, Colin. And I know you return that love despite the fact you’ve not spoken the words. You cannot tell me there is no way to remedy this problem. Love can fix this, can it not?”

She reached for him, but he took a step back. She could do nothing to stop a sob from escaping her lips. The carriage with the Remington crest trundled past them, leaving dust in its wake. Just like their future.

“I’ve known this day would come for some time now,” he said. “But I refused to admit it. That was why I made that promise to you. As much as it pains me to say so, it’s the truth. I’m a duke, and I cannot sacrifice who I am for any one person— even you. I’m sorry. I truly am. Goodbye, Anna.”

Everything around her began to spin and her limbs became heavy, as if weights had been placed around her wrists and ankles. If she were to walk into the ocean this very moment, she would surely drown. Tears flowed like rivers unchecked as her heart broke into a thousand pieces, and she collapsed to the ground, her skirts billowing up around her.

“Above all, you’re Colin,” she called out after him. “Never forget that!”

He stopped beside his horse, and for a moment she thought he would return to her. Yet he did not. Instead, he mounted the steed and rode away.

The dust covered her dress and stained her wet cheeks. For how long she remained there on the ground, she did not know. Colin could have shot her in the heart with an arrow and the pain would not have been as excruciating as it was now.

Her dreams were now gone, and the reality of who she was had been made clear. The duchess was right. Anna would never be a lady. How could she have ever thought she could? Never had she been more disgusted.

Placing her palms in the dirt, she pushed herself up and wiped away the tears with calloused fingers. She kept her gaze downturned. Humiliation clung to her, adding a new layer of shame with each step she took on her return journey home.

The cottage came into view, and Anna felt the grief of one in mourning. There would always be broken windows and a leaky roof, teacups with chips, and dresses that should be used as rags. Her life was destined to never change, and it was about time she faced that fact.

The front door opened, and Thomas exited. His face gave no indication of what he thought, but he had never been one for consolation.

Bracing herself for the unkind words that she was certain would come, she was shocked when he gathered her into his arms and said, “I’m sorry, Anna. I truly am.”

“I believed that, for once, there was a chance,” she said, sobbing into his shoulder. “That we would escape our lives. How many times did you warn me that this would happen? But I refused to listen. Now I see that you were right.”

She drew in a deep breath and pulled from his embrace. Everything had changed, and now it was time to face the truth. “I’ll return to work next week. I’ll speak to Mr. Harrison and agree to his offer of marriage.”

“No,” Thomas said. “I’ll find another way. We all will. Somehow or another, we’ll work things out.”

Anna shook her head dully. “There is no other way, Thomas. I don’t want another winter of Henry complaining he’s hungry. Or being unable to buy fabric to sew new trousers for Christian. This is the only way. It’s the way of the Silverstones. We always do what we must to save our family.”

She walked past her brother and into the house, where she returned to her room. As the tears fell, she thought of Colin as she removed her mother’s dress. With great care, she returned it to the box, along with the shawl and gloves Miss Caroline gave her, and slid the box beneath the bed.

The time of dreaming had come to an end. The era of being a Silverstone had come to pass. Her life was to consist of hard labor and a marriage she did not want. Yet if that was her fate, she would simply have to accept it.

Fate had been cruel, for yet another Silverstone had everything she ever wanted within her grasp— a man named Colin, whom she had come to love. And like all the Silverstones before her, it had ended in ruin.

 

***

 

A week had passed since Anna had returned to work. Each day, the pain receded, and numbness took its place. It was on days like today, when she did not work, that she found rising from bed difficult. On those days she rose, cooked or cleaned without changing out of her shift, and then returned to her sanctuary beneath the covers. To be alone with the emptiness that filled her.

Although Thomas had advised her to not think of Colin, she found she could not. He had entered her heart and removing him proved impossible. She lay there, staring up at the ceiling and imagining the formal announcement of the engagement between the Duke of Greystoke and Miss Katherine Haskett. They would celebrate with a subsequent party where their peers would congratulate him on his lovely choice of bride.

“How perfect she is for you, Your Grace,” they would say. And how right they would be.

But did that lady feel any joy in the fact she was marrying Colin? Did she appreciate how special he was? Or was she simply pleased that she would become a duchess and ignore the man— not the duke— she was to wed?

Anna doubted that Lady Katherine could never love Colin as she, Anna, did. Yet what did it matter?

Her hand wiped away a water droplet from her eye, not a tear but rather water from a leak in the roof. The rain had stopped before sunset hours earlier, but it had seeped into the thatch to drip into the house. Much like the sadness that had seeped into her soul.

Unable to sleep, she kicked back the covers and rose, slipping on the coat Colin had given her. Her mind returned to that day when she had first encountered him. A handsome stranger sleeping off an overindulgence of honey wine beneath a tree. She recalled tracing his face with a finger. The thrill of being in her shift as he pinned her to the ground.

From then, every moment had been magical. Sharing in a picnic. Meeting at the river at midnight. Colin donning common clothes to dance at a tavern.

Unlike her dreams, however, there was no happy ending waiting for her.

She walked out the front door and was surprised to find Christian leaning against the front of the cottage.

“What are you doing awake at this late hour?” she asked. “Are you not to go into Wilkworth early tomorrow?”

He pointed in the direction of Redstone Estate. “I can’t stop thinking of Miss Caroline. Since that day she called over, I can’t seem to push her from my thoughts.”

“I’m experiencing the same problem,” Anna said. “No matter how hard I try, Colin always remains with me.”

Christian turned toward her. “You loved him, didn’t you?”

Anna nodded. “I did. I still do. But it no longer matters because he doesn’t return my affections.”

Frowning, Christian looked toward the woods again. “I don’t know if what I feel for Miss Caroline is love, but I do find her very beautiful.” He shrugged. “But what does it matter? That deuced river separates us and always will. How does that happen? How can a body of water create such a divide? No, it’s more than that. It’s because we’re poor and our surname is Silverstone. Not Balfour or Parker or even Lambert. I think it’s unfair if you ask me.”

Anna placed a hand on his arm. Although Christian was only fifteen, he was wise beyond his years. “Life is unfair at times, Christian. But we must always make the best of what we have. The only other choice is to give up and die, and I’m not willing to do that. Are you?”

“Then why can’t we rise above this?” Christian demanded as he waved his arm to encompass their surroundings. “Thomas tries time and again, but he keeps failing. Are we destined to live like this forever? Always cold and hungry? Always with clothes that no longer fit? Shoes that are too tight or are so full of holes we may as well go barefoot? I don’t care for myself, but what about Henry? Is he destined to be poor?”

Anna could not bring herself to tell him the truth. “No. One day, when we least expect it, something will happen, something that will allow us to better our lives. Until then, we must keep going no matter how impossible it seems.”

Moonlight washed over the ground, creating a perfect glow. What she would not give to meet Colin at the river one last time!

“Thomas told me you’re going to marry Mr. Harrison,” Christian said. “You can’t do that, Anna. You deserve better than that old codger. Don’t let Thomas dictate your future.”

Anna smiled at her brother. “I swear to you that Thomas was not who made that decision. I did. We need the money.”

“Why? So Thomas can spend it before Christmas? We’ll just be back where we started, and you’ll be gone and married.”

This time, Anna did not argue, for she feared that what he said was true. Thomas had no knack for business, but her marriage to Mr. Harrison meant a new roof for the cottage. And plenty of food for Henry.

She had gone to her employer and accepted his proposal last Monday. He had licked his lips and raked his eyes over her, making bile rise in her throat. She had no idea what terms he and Thomas had come to, but it was not her concern. The truth was, there was no other choice. Either she married him, or Thomas would be forced to sell the cottage. And she could not allow the latter to happen.

Christian returned inside, but Anna remained to stare up at the sky. Pulling the coat tighter, she imagined it was Colin embracing her. They would soon marry others, but she could not help but wonder how close he came to loving her. For, no matter how hard she tried to rid herself of it, the love she had for him would always remain.