Chapter Thirty

 

Colin was dying. It was not the physical suffering all men eventually succumbed to at the end of their lives. Rather it was the slow death of his heart. Society had won, and it was at a great cost.

Two weeks had passed since he had returned to his estate of Hemingford Home. With each passing night, his eyes grew puffier from lack of sleep. He spent his days pouring over ledgers in an attempt to rid himself of the constant thoughts of Anna. Yet that proved to be impossible.

Leaving her there weeping on the ground had been one of the most difficult things he had ever done. The destruction he had brought down on her sickened him to no end. He had found the perfect woman, one with whom he could see himself spending the rest of his life. A woman who spoke her mind without reservation. Who brought out the very best in him.

Yet he repaid her with heartbreak. Allowed her to believe that somehow he would put to rights all her troubles. No, he had outright promised her, and now his words were worth less than the ink on a scrap of paper he had tossed into the fire.

To make such a vow and then rescind it spoke of the cowardliness within him. He was no better than one who swindled the unsuspecting on the streets of London!

“Not only can we purchase the land in which to place the hotel,” Lord Leedon was saying, “but we can also build spaces that we can later lease to shop owners.”

The earl had arrived an hour earlier to discuss a venture in a new hotel just outside of London. Although he had no interest in such a proposition, Colin had promised to at least hear out the earl in exchange for the meeting he agreed to with Anna.

Feigning interest in the plans rolled out before him, Colin asked, “Are you certain this is the best location? Will those journeying choose to stop outside of London? Surely there is any number of hotels available to them within the Town, so many that they’ll simply choose to bypass this area.”

The earl straightened from his hunched position, his brows knitted with concern. “Is something bothering you? If you’d rather discuss this at another time, I’ll understand.”

Colin reached for his glass of brandy and took a sip. “Forgive me, Leedon. I’ve been a bit preoccupied, what with my upcoming engagement party and eventual wedding.”

The inevitable had occurred once Colin had returned to Hemingford Home, and Lady Katherine and his mother began immediate plans for the upcoming festivities. The invitations were already written and ready to send out on Monday, announcing the party that was to take place in three weeks. His mother had invited friends and family from all across England, promising them all the grandest ball they had ever seen.

But Colin found he cared nothing for any of it. He did not want to marry Lady Katherine, but now he had little choice.

“And the young woman, Miss Silverstone,” Lord Leedon said, leaning his backside against the table. “Do you still keep company with her?”

Colin shook his head. He would not mention that she did keep company with him in his thoughts. It would only add fuel to any eventual gossip. “I admit that I was taken by her tale about you and her mother. Again, my apologies for putting you in such a position.”

Lord Leedon clapped Colin on the back. “No need to apologize,” he said with a chuckle. “Just promise me that you’ll not frighten me like that again. It’s not every day a bastard child arrives on one’s doorstep. Let’s pray it never happens to you.”

Colin frowned. “What do you mean?”

The earl grinned and leaned in closer. “Her mother, Rebecca Silverstone? I actually knew the woman quite well.”

“Yes, you’ve admitted as much. Through a charity in London if I recall correctly.”

“That was merely a story to get the girl to leave. Rebecca was no prostitute. She was a maid at a friend’s estate. Oh, but she was beautiful. I was shocked when I found her virtue still intact. But how marvelous for me, don’t you think?” He winked. “It’s not often a man gets to bed a virgin. And it was so simple! Unlike the ladies we court, all I had to do was whisper words of love and promises of marriage in her ear, and she opened up to me like a ripe fruit.”

He barked a cruel laugh that sent shivers down Colin’s back like the squeal of rusty hinges. “Can you believe the woman was asinine enough to believe it? That I— an earl— would ever take a woman of her low breeding as my wife? But there she was, waiting for me to marry her— even after having two of my children!”

He shook his head. “Eventually, she learned that Cecilia and I had married and ended it. Such a pity, really. I enjoyed my time with her. She had the nerve to call over to the house— twice, mind you!— to beg for money to feed her bastards. The last time she showed, I offered her a hundred pounds to warm my bed. After all, Cecilia was away. But she refused, the silly chit. I sent her away with only twenty, which was more than she deserved for her foolishness.”

Anger filled Colin. Anna had mentioned accompanying her mother to London twice, and now he knew why. The poor woman had only wished to feed her family. Rather than take responsibility for his part in the existence of those children, Lord Leedon had tried to disgrace her further.

“Don’t look so glum, Greystoke. Trust me. I care nothing for either Silverstone. To me, she’s like an old pair of boots— long discarded in the rubbish, where her kind belong. Of course,” he added, lowering his voice to a whisper, “if you’re interested in pleasing yourself with the daughter, by all means, do. I’ll even give you my permission.”

Colin let out a roar, grasped Lord Leedon by the coat, and shoved him against the closest wall. “How dare you!” he growled. “You destroyed Anna by filling her head with terrible stories about her mother being a prostitute. How can you discard your own flesh and blood like that?”

“Flesh and blood?” the earl asked, clear confusion on his features. “She’s nothing to me. Just one of many bastards I sired.” He narrowed his eyes. “And don’t think yourself better than me, Your Grace.” He used the title as a curse. “A blind man can see that you have feelings for the girl. Yet where is she? Certainly not here. And why is that? It’s because you’re no different from me. Any acknowledgment of the chit would ruin your name. That’s why she is not here. And why you, Greystoke, are no better than I.”

Lord Leedon could have thrust a fist into Colin’s stomach and caused less hurt. What he said was true— Colin was no better. But he could begin making changes now.

With his eyes level with Leedon he said, “You and I shall embark on a journey together, beginning this day.”

“Journey?” the earl asked with wide eyes. “What sort of journey?”

“To becoming honorable men. Don’t look at me as if I’ve insulted you. You’ve done that all on your own. Here’s my offer. Publicly recognize Miss Silverstone as your daughter or reap the consequences.”

Lord Leedon’s eyes nearly popped out of his face. “B-but my wife has no idea the girl exists!” he stammered. “I can’t just—”

“You can, and you will,” Colin said as he pressed the fist gripping the earl’s coat harder into the man’s chest. “You cannot truly believe that I don’t have the power to see you brought to your knees if you choose to ignore this request. And trust me, I keep my promises. At least you’ll appear honorable, even if the two of us are well aware of the truth.”

He released his grip and pushed himself away. “And just think. Not only will you gain a daughter, but you’ll also be associated with a duke and to the Remington name. It’s not as if you’ll lose out on this agreement. See what being honorable can do for you?”

The greed in Lord Leedon’s eyes spoke his agreement long before his words. “Very well, then. I suppose this association is well worth the effort.”

“Good,” Colin said. “We’ll talk soon. You’re dismissed.”

Adjusting his coat, the earl gathered his documents and maps and stalked out of the room. He was likely contemplating his confession to his wife. Yet Colin did not care. The man brought it on himself.

Once alone, Colin walked to the desk and placed his hands on the desktop. What Lord Leedon had said was true. How could Colin fault the man for pushing Anna away when Colin had done so for the very same reason?

Bloodlines.

Even if she were not the daughter of a prostitute, he had always known a relationship with her could never be. The blood that flowed through her veins was like the water that ran through the property. It separated them.

Yet, had he not been happy when he was with her? Did he truly care for what others thought of him? No. His concerns were for who he truly was. Colin.

A memory of a conversation with Evelyn came to mind. At the time, her advice had been a mystery, but now he understood clearly her meaning.

“I once had happiness. Though the odd thing is that I didn’t realize I had it until it was gone.”

He had been happy with Anna. He cherished every moment with her and only wished for more. But that had come to an abrupt end.

He glanced at the ring on his finger, and Anna’s final words to him echoed in his mind.

“Above all, you’re Colin. Never forget that!”

He had forgotten. In all he had sought, he had discarded the one thing that could have saved them both— being the man who loved her. That was who Colin was.

He closed his eyes and allowed his head to loll between his arms. “You fool!” he said in a deep growl.

“What’s happened, Colin?” his mother asked as she entered the office. “Why did Lord Leedon leave in such a hurry?”

He removed the ring from his finger, ignoring her question. “When father gave me this, he spoke of the honor one must carry with it. The ring is a symbol of the dukedom, but so is the man who wears it.”

Confusion covered his mother’s features. “And you wear it proudly, my son. Not even your father could have matched the integrity of the duke you’ve become.”

“Who I’ve become?” Colin repeated with a mocking laugh. “The duke I’ve become has no honor, for he denies what his heart desires. But Colin? Now, he is honorable. He’s a man of whom I may be proud.”

His mother frowned. “You’re talking like a madman. You’re a duke and therefore—”

He slammed a fist on the desktop. “No! I’m Colin Remington! That’s who I am.”

“Of course,” his mother said in a tone she often used to placate him. “I’m quite aware of that already.”

“No, you are not!” Colin bellowed. “Don’t you see, Mother? You know me as the Duke of Greystoke, just as I know you as the Duchess of Greystoke. You may also hold the title as my mother but I’ve no idea who you— who Mary Ann— is!”

Silence fell between them as Colin turned the ring in his hand. “You asked me if I’m willing to sacrifice everything for Anna, and I thought I could not.” He shook his head. “That was the duke speaking, not your son. Not Colin.”

“I can see that you’re tired, my son. Perhaps you should—”

Colin spoke over her. “Despite Father’s advice, denying my love for Anna would bring me greater shame than anything else I could ever do in my life.” He held the ring up, smiled, and returned it to his finger. “Well, I’m no longer willing to do that. I’m off to find Anna.”

“Colin?” his mother cried as he walked past her. “Colin, don’t be a fool! Think of what you’re doing. You’re a Remington! A Greystoke! This is not how a member of the aristocracy should act.”

Pausing at the door, he turned back to face her. For the first time, he saw what putting the dukedom before his own heart had done to him, what it would do to him if he continued on as he had. He would become just like his mother. A slave to her title.

“I cannot argue that statement, Mother. After what I’ve witnessed from Leedon, a man I once respected, I certainly want to be nothing like my peers. No, I prefer the actions of your son. I do hope that, one day, you can meet him, for I believe you would like him. I know I do.” He kissed her cheek and then added, “By the way, Leedon lied. Anna’s mother was no prostitute. She will become my bride no matter what anyone thinks. Goodbye, Mother.”

As he walked to the foyer, he called out to the butler. “Pendleton, have my horse saddled and brought around front at once.”

“Yes, Your Grace.”

Colin paced in front of the house as he waited for the horse to be delivered. Perhaps he should have saddled the beast himself! No, the stable hands would be far more efficient with such tasks.

It was not long before a stable hand arrived, leading the beast behind him.

“Will you be gone long, Your Grace?” Pendleton asked as he stood on the portico.

“Likely,” Colin said. Then he removed his coat and tossed it to the butler. “I don’t believe I’ll be needing this.”

Pendleton’s eyes widened. “I don’t understand, Your Grace.”

“That’s the funny thing, Pendleton. No one does. Except Anna.” He dug his heels into the horse’s flanks, and it sprang forward.

As the familiar landscape passed by him in a blur, Colin could think of only Anna. How he cared for her and how he was lost without her. He had made a reckless mistake, but he would never do so again.

It took him several hours to arrive at the cottage, and what he found was that only hope held the house together. Cracks glinted in the bubbled glass of the windows, and it could have used a good coat of paint. But he was not here for the cottage.

“Anna!” he shouted. “Anna!”

A young man with hair to his shoulders exited the stable. From Anna’s description, Colin knew precisely who he was. “Christian, is it?” The boy nodded. “Where’s Miss Anna. I must speak to her.”

“She’s at the workhouse.”

“Then I’ll go there. Give me the directions.”

Christian explained the route Colin was to take, but before Colin could leave, the boy reached up and grasped the horse’s harness. “If you mean to break her heart again, don’t go. Because if that happens, I promise I’ll hunt you down if it’s the last thing I do.”

He did not seem to care that he was threatening a duke. Perhaps honesty ran in the family. Colin appreciated that far more than anyone realized. Even himself.

“I swear to you that I will not,” Colin replied.

For a moment, Colin thought the young man did not believe him, but then he gave a firm nod and released the horse. “See that you don’t.”

Turning the horse about, Colin set off toward the workhouse. With each strike of the horse’s hooves, his heart beat louder as it ached more for Anna. What a dolt he had been to leave her! But he would right that mistake.

It was not long before he rode up to a building that could only be described as a monstrosity. Dirty and rundown, it had likely been a barn at one time, but it no longer held horses. Now it contained another type of beast of burden, and Anna was one of them.

He leapt off the horse before it came to a complete stop and ran to the large double doors. Placing his palms against each, he pushed forward. The doors creaked on their hinges and opened to the dim interior.

 

***

 

Anna’s eyes stung from the mixture of the sweat on her brow and the dust that filled the air. With a mumbled curse, she pulled tight the missed thread— the tenth thus far. Most days she had none, but her mind had not been on her work since her return two weeks earlier. Once the thread was where it was supposed to be, she returned to her place at the front of the loom.

“You’re not thinkin’ of that duke again, are ya?” Molly Gibbons asked with a scowl. “Ever since you’ve come back, you keep missin’ your weaves.”

“I’m just tired is all,” Anna replied.

The truth was, she had been thinking of Colin, of the night they swam together beneath the light of the moon.

“Well, you’d best stop your dreamin’. We’ve got work to do, and I don’t want Mr. Harrison yellin’ at me for your mistakes.”

“Leave her be,” Betty said, wiping her hands on her dress. “The girl’s got every right to dream, don’t she?”

Molly snorted. “If she wants to waste her time, then go right ahead. But you’re better off accepting the life given you. Fair or not, it’s what it is.”

“Ye’ve no right to take away a woman’s dreams, Molly Gibbons!”

As much as she wanted to agree with Betty, Anna knew that Molly was in the right. The workhouse was her life. She had enjoyed a brief reprieve from it, but there was no permanent escape. That was the lesson she had learned during her journey to London.

Having heard enough of the two arguing women, Anna stepped between them. “Molly’s right. We’ve work to do. There’s nothing more to discuss.”

Betty shook her head, and the three returned to their looms. As the minutes ticked by, Anna thought about how prophetic Molly’s words had been. Dreams no longer had a place in her life. Not only were her constant thoughts of Colin getting in the way of her work, but they were also affecting her sleep. The lack of either would do her no good in the end.

Pressing the treadle beneath the loom to adjust the warp, Anna resumed her work only to start when a hand touched her back.

Turning, she stifled a groan. Mr. Harrison grinned down at her. “Tonight, Thomas and I are meeting to finalize our agreement.”

“I’m aware of that,” Anna replied in frosty tones. Why did he have to remind her?

“I say we go away tomorrow, a short excursion, you and I, so we can discuss what’ll be expected of you once we’re married.” If his eyes had been teeth, he would have devoured her. “Especially those important wifely duties a husband gets to enjoy most.”

“That sounds lovely,” she managed to utter. “But I must return to my work. It’s unfair to the other women if I’m standing here talking to you rather than completing what’s required of me.”

“We’ll have to discuss that sharp tongue of yours, too,” Mr. Harrison said with a smirk before leaving by way of a door at the back of the large room.

Betty leaned in closer. “I know ye’ve no choice but to marry him, and I don’t wanna try and talk you out of it. Just promise me one thing, will ye?”

“What’s that?”

“Don’t ye ever stop dreamin’. I don’t care what Molly says, ye can’t give up. Yer destined for better things, Anna, I’m sure of it. If anyone can crawl outa this life, it’s ye.”

Anna gave Betty a sad smile. “Thank you for saying so.”

She refrained from adding that her friend was wrong. None of them could leave this harsh life no matter how hard they scraped at the walls of poverty. All they would be left with were no nails and aching fingers.

Returning to her work, she pushed all thoughts of Colin from her mind— not an easy task, that— and focused on the loom before her.

At one point, she stopped to glance down at herself. The skin on her hands was dry and cracking. Callouses covered her fingertips. Her dress was made of burlap, not the satin or muslin of the upper classes. And like many of her companions at the workhouse, she was a bastard.

Yet, what did it matter? Whatever life meant to bring, it did so without fault. Everyone had his or her place in life, and it was up to her to accept her lot. No amount of caterwauling would change the fact that she would always be poor.

Yet if she had grown up a lady in a country manor, would she still be of the same opinion? Not likely.

The doors of the workhouse banged open, and sunlight filled the room, making Anna squint. At once, the looms stopped, and whispers filled the air. The silhouette of a male figure appeared in the doorway, and those closest to the entryway dropped into curtsies.

Anna could not help but gasp as her eyes adjusted to the light. Colin marched toward her, his steps firm and his stride sure.

“What are you—”

She had no chance to finish, for her words were cut short as he lifted her by the waist, pulled her tight against him, and kissed her. Gone were the other women, the looms, the dust. For that one long moment, only Colin existed— he and his lips and his firm body pressed against hers.

“Anna, I love you,” he said as he lowered her to the stone floor. “There’s no life without you in it.”

Her heart trembled. “You mean… are we…?” The words refused to come.

He took her hand in his. “You told me that, one day, the wind would carry you to your dreams. I’m here to tell you it cannot.” Her breath caught in her throat as he scooped her into his arms. “But I will.”

She wrapped her arms around his neck, allowing him to hold her against him as he carried her past the looms, past the other women, past the dust to cheers and applause. But Betty’s voice rose above the rest as she ran alongside them. “Go on, Anna! Get outta here! Go live yer dreams! Ye hear me? Live yer dreams and don’t ye ever come back!”

Once outside, Colin set Anna onto the back of the white stallion before heaving himself behind her. She loved the feel of his arm wrapped around her as he heeled the horse’s flanks.

“What’s happened?” she asked as the horse trotted down the lane.

“I finally remembered who I am, Anna. All thanks to you.”

She turned her head and grinned up at him. “Are you speaking of Colin, the man I spent time with in London?”

He nodded. “I am. He’s also the same man who loves you. The man who’s willing to sacrifice everything for the honor of becoming your husband. That’s of whom I speak.”

Anna sighed and settled back against his chest. “And he’s the man I love.”