Homecoming: This is a big random celebration where all the past and present students go back to cheer on their school. Why you would ever want to go back to your old school is a major world mystery. They have an entire week of parades through the streets and a football game (not our football, American football—you know, huge men in padding and helmets who pick up the ball, run and bash into each other). It’s usually in the fall, which means autumn in England English.

Homecoming Queen: A girl (usually with a Hollywood smile and big hair) gets chosen by the other kids at school to represent them at the homecoming events. Her job is to wave and smile at everyone. She might have other things to do too, like shake hands and kiss babies, I’m not sure. In the movies, she’s usually a mean girl or an airhead, but I don’t know why. Some schools have a Homecoming King (and princes and princesses) as well.

Prom (short for promenade—which might be helpful if I knew what a promenade was): this is a fancy dance in the spring of senior year (the last year of high school). It’s a big deal. Boys wear tuxes and girls wear a (see below)

Prom dress: a fancy-schmancy dress like megastars wear to the Oscars that costs more than a house and is very ooh la la. PS I want one.

Pageant: a pageant is either a procession through the streets with a tooty drummy marching band and people in costumes waving sticks, or it’s a beauty competition to see who has the biggest smile, the tiniest nose and looks the best in a swimming costume.

Thanksgiving: This is a day when you say thank you. We don’t have a day like this in Britain because we have to say thank you every single time someone passes us something or lets us come to their house to play. In the USA, this is a special thank-you for the harvest, which they celebrate by eating a big turkey and most of the harvest they’ve just harvested. It takes place on the fourth Thursday of November and it’s bigger than Christmas.

Vanity Case: This is a toiletries or makeup bag, and the name is a teaspoonful of offensive because it’s trying to tell you that you’re a sad old vain person who needs a whole caseload of products in order to look acceptable. But then, toiletries bag is a worse name because it sounds like you’re carrying toilets around with you. Or toilet trees. Which is just…wrong.

Other very weird words:

Critters: creatures

Scuttlebutt: gossip (what the…?)

And one for Georgia—

Spelunking: exploring caves (as in “Oh, go spelunking, will you, and don’t bother coming back.”)

This is what I’ve learned so far in Khmer:

Hello—sua s’day

How are you?—sok sopbaay tei?

I’m fine—K’nyom sok sopbaay

My name is Dara—K’nyom chuah Dara

Numbers 1-10

1 – muay

2 – pii

3 – bey

4 – buon

5 – pram

6 – pram muay

7 – pram pii

8 – pram bey

9 – pram buon

10 – dop

I saw these in the Khmer phrasebook my mum bought me but I haven’t memorized them yet. I’m not sure how important they are but if they’re in the phrasebook, they must be crucial:

Your cow is parked in my parking space.

Koo r’boh neak cawt nou konlaeng k’nyom.

A coconut hit me on the head.

Doong muay bok kpal k’nyom.

(Actually, how exactly are you supposed to say that if you’ve been knocked out by a coconut? If you’re in a fit state to say anything, you’re going to be saying, “Arrrggghhhh!”)

And these are the things I actually want to learn how to say (we haven’t got that far yet):

HELP! (always useful)

No, I do not want to eat noodles so stop asking me!

I am a global megastar.

And most important of all:

Bradley Porter, will you marry me?